Awwwwww congratulations to you and @TravelingChris both. So looking forward to that stage of life myself.

Yeah, we once had the experience where both my FIL (in NYC) and my father (in western MA) were in rehab facilities for an extended interval of time, at the same exact time. Where my father was, there were sunporches and interior courtyards that patients could wheel themselves into/or be wheeled at the end of every hallway; and if we signed him out we could wheel him on a (very short and very flat and very boring) outdoor circuit. Where my father-in-law was, he had no access to fresh air or sunlight at all for the entire duration he was there. And there were so many differences that fell out of that. With my father, the whole put-on-extra-fleece, get-feet-in-slippers, find-sunglasses, wheel to the signout desk, go out onto the track routine -- which took a good 20 minutes all in- was a set of rituals he so looked forward to. If he had several visitors, we could all sit on normal chairs (instead of the one stool and one chair, and others sort of standing around, in his room). I could bring my dog, who brought him immense joy, to the outdoors places. Whereas my poor father-in-law just visibly declined, until we got him out. The good news is, once out (and moving, and getting out again) he has *really* rebounded and is doing terrifically these days. God willing your parents may as well.

** loved an update ** I'm so glad you went, and took the time you and they and your other relatives needed to get them resettled. And SO glad to "see" you back and get the all-things-considered moving-in-the-right-direction update. ** loved an elevator installation ** and loving the image of your parents sunning on the roof.

Good to hear on all fronts. Hope tomorrow is even better and DIL's dad gets home.

THIS IS GENIUS. Thank you!

Hoping your symptoms will be mild and your recovery rapid and full. And that DIL's dad soon comes out to the better side of purgatory.

re targeted taxation to cool down the very-high-end, internationally-inflated end of the housing market Agreed. The foreign-money-fueled, and glittery-multimillion-pricetag distortion of markets that I've seen that seems to be most desperately squeezing out normal-sized and normally-equipped housing is concentrated in and around a small handful of urban areas (NYC, Miami, LA, San Francisco etc), with the properties either standing mostly-vacant (there are entire very-luxe buildings in Miami that are eerily empty, serving essentially as gold bullion under a tax-advantaged mattress for Russian & Latin American gazillionaires), or under medium-term rental contracts to untraceable LLC owners. There are ways to target the latter without unduly affecting the former, if the will were there. I believe (?) Canada's double-tax foreign purchasers is limited to particular cities (Toronto, Vancouver) that have experienced overheating / crowding out normal residential housing, rather than across the board. Dunno re differences for 1st vs 2nd/3rd homes or square footage or other public policy parameters.

Either of these provisions would go a yuge way, over the long term, toward shifting the market -- actually, multiple markets, construction of new housing and rental markets as well as resale of existing stock - towards more normal-sized housing, toward families who own just-one house, and towards American residents rather than international buyers looking to park assets in multimillion gold-plated apartments and McMansions. But there'd be as many losers as winners; and among the biggest losers in the short term would be the biggest real estate interests; and so it's extremely unlikely to happen. Citizens United, folks.

I'm so sorry, Scarlett.

Every location I've ever sold a house in has a regular season -- in good-school suburbs, there's a lot of turnover during the summer as families time the moves so as to coincide with the end- and start- of the school year; in places near coasts or lakes or other summer activities, there's a lot of turnover in spring (folks wanting the beach house for the season) and a smaller blip at end-season (bc owners who can afford to hang on for one last wistful season do); and very little movement over Nov-Jan (because who wants to keep their house clean, over the holidays, to show it). So in my current area, which is very much a come-for-the-schools area, this is an ordinarily slow season. And we're past the initial surge of New Yorkers flocking out because the city was eerily COVID weird. But it's still pretty strong -- a fever of 103 vs 102 is a good way to put it -- because a lot of New York employers have learned that a lot of their workforce can actually accomplish a lot of their work remotely, either full time or 2-4 days a week; so the tradeoffs of living out here (even if still going in a couple days a week) is very different.

No. I mean, give it a go, and get as much out as you can, and etc. But dragging couch outside on a very hot day and leaving it in full sun for many many hours was what got the job done around here. ETA ps you can rent good steam cleaners from Taylor Rental type places, and they're not hard to use.

You've gotten really, really good feedback already. Joy, connection, fun things to do > "purpose." She has value, and her life has value, because she is human, not because of her purpose or productivity. I would only concur with several pp that is **perilously close** to suicidal ideation. It's mighty hard to hear that from your kid, and easy to discount it or attribute it to mood or age or angst or hormones. And god willing that's what it is. But please don't assume that's all it is. Speaking from the heart here. (( SKL )) and (( SKL's daughter )) . Holding you both in the light.

I feel like an outlier on this thread. We just had our 30th anniversary, and we knew each other (with fits & starts in the relationship, LOL) for 10 years before we got married. We were late 20s by the time we did get married, which was right in the mix of when our same-age friends from college / grad school (me) / law school (him) got married. And of that clump, virtually ALL of those marriages have also sustained for the same ~30 years. So we know a LOT of folks married just about the same length of time as we have been. Of our college/grad & law school friends, there have been a total of 2 divorces, which is beating the national odds. Of our friends in town and from other walks of life, there are more who are divorced /single or on second marriages; and also who married earlier than we did. Our eldest is 26 and in a relationship looks purposefully headed toward closing the matrimonial deal in the same general late 20s timeframe (and his parents) did. I can't really see the younger ones pairing off much before that either, though who knows. (I've advised them all to defer having children until after they've finished whatever education they want to pursue, but -- shocker -- they do not always heed all of my advice!)

re vulnerability in even trying to engage in a substantive way Oh gracious, I do too. More so in IRL discussions than in online ones -- it's vastly more mortifying to realize I've stuck my foot in my mouth or inadvertently hurt an actual breathing person before my eyes. And this by-now-classic insight also helps... But there are also so many ways in which going to the "hard" places is easier within IRL contexts. At the barest minimum in the most random encounters (forex, a person I've just met for the first time at a one-off library discussion) there are facial cues, body postures, nodding, affirming sounds to help us over the rough spots. Within more organized contexts (forex, interfaith group, civic organization, other common purpose) there is usually a stability of who's in the group and some sore of common purpose that holds us together across divergent viewpoints of what that looks like. The circle of participants are naturally "bounded" by virtue of being physically together, without the constant parade of new people popping in 3 pages into a "discussion" that inevitably happens online. Also, most people use substantially better manners IRL than over the interwebs. But the interwebs have obvious advantages too, and here we are. And there certainly is a vulnerability in putting oneself out there too. It's a dangerous business, OS, going out the door. re in part because there be trolls, out there Well, right. I wasn't entirely sure that was the case at the outset, and I do think it's important to TRY. But I think we got there. So, OK. Live and learn. Keep that insight in mind for the next round. There always is a next round.

Not the full Commission, only the subset of 4 members aligned with the party drivng the CRT brouhaha, right? And the opening line of their letter is right?

re : until we have a "common understanding" about what CRT is and is not... this conversation will continue to drift Agreed. The difficulty is, that seems to be precisely the point. The effect of "drift" is to gut history and in so doing take any possibility of that healthy debate off the table. The effect of the "drift" is impasse, polarization, confusion, exhaustion. In the immediate aftermath of simultaneously sweeping-and-vague statewide legislative bans that actually *do* excise content that might cause student "distress" and of specific content lists that excise Ruby Bridges, Tulsa Massacre and Letter from Birmingham Jail from the classroom. That sprung up whole, and remarkably similar in 15+ states, within a single legislative cycle, of Rufo's clarion call and its rapid amplification by the then-sitting POTUS. Down with 1619, hoist the 1776 flag. And it's not confusion about the language, so much as derailment with a purpose. Much as opponents of feminism re-framed that term to mean man-hating bra-burning zealots who demanded *all* women insert IUDs/ have hundreds of sexual partners/ sacrifice children to career. Much as opponents of universal healthcare re-framed that term to mean communist advocating death panels who wanted Granny dead. Much as opponents of BLM re-framed that term to mean Only black lives matter. The folks best able to articulate what a framework is or isn't, are not those vested in shutting it down. It's people who *adhere* to that framework: This is a ten minute video, and CRT is more than a clip that length can contain. But it contains a very specific historical FACT (starts 3:50 to about 5:00) that exemplifies structures -- how black Americans utilizing GI Bill funds were limited by a specific clause from purchasing same-size same-price homes in certain geographic areas. And she traces the direct legacy effect that has had on accrued wealth in the intervening decades, as property values in the then-white neighborhoods have increased ~8x more than they have in then-black neighborhoods. One small contained example that shows race-based difference resulting from long-rescinded legislative language that had, and continues to have, ongoing legacy effects. An example sufficiently concrete and bounded that 11th graders in an APUSH could grasp it. The one example isn't, alone, "CRT," which is -- as she, an adherent of CRT, describes -- a lens of analysis, not merely a dump of historical facts. But the language in the legislative bans would ban the facts themselves, if covering the facts themselves might evoke "distress." What makes it hard Maybe. But to my mind, even before we can get to the vulnerability of holding the thought that maybe what I see, is limited by where I stand... discussion of these things requires us simultaneously to thicken the skin, soften the language, and ignore the noise. To not-take-reflexive-and-furious defense. To dial back the snark impulse. To not-taking every bit of bait. To refrain from snipe-and-run responses. To not-get-derailed into side issues and return again to the core thread of the main discussion. It's hard and I definitely do not always manage it IRL; it's harder yet on the interwebs where our language is read without the beneficial context of facial & body language cues / murmuring sounds. And also the interwebs are filled with folks who delight in stirring the pot / derailing discussions. That makes it harder too.

Sexual assault, by anyone of anyone, is BAD. What does this (troubling) story have to do with ANYONE's definition of "Critical Race Theory"? Even its most triggered/ defensive/ panicked opponents of any texts associated with any discussion of Race in classrooms? Genuinely asking, because it certainly APPEARS that linking this (troubling) incident about sexual assault to CRT is Rufo in Action. Also super-curious about what this bit from the linked article quote is about: What... does that purport to mean? (I hear and understand the associative smear. And God knows I understand how that particular associative smear functions. But what literally is the allegation? That prosecutor offices around the country have specially funded positions paid for not through tax funds but rather through outside programs by shady cabals operating in the darkness? And that Soros is hand-selecting particular attorneys to conduct work on behalf of the cabal?

I haven't seen it, but @Sneezyone was speaking well of it a few days ago. I'm not actually familiar with the original, so I have work ahead, LOL.

(Sadly) I don't there really are any *no brainer* fixes to really *any* of our big problems -- they are messy and complicated and full of competing interests and in many cases state level legislation. In CT, for example, public schools are funded almost entirely with town-level property taxes, and there is a state-level "home rule" legislation that provides for this. And believe you me, richer towns (including my own) want Very Much to keep it that way. And would throw every kind of resource to fight federal legislation that attempted to dislodge the current system. So while I agree with you that in principle, if we were starting from a clean sheet of paper, there's a "simple" fix... we are not starting from a clean sheet of paper. We never are.

Absolutely. Funding matters a LOT, though. (we don't do the state-allocation thing here, we have "home rule" which means rich towns fund their own schools and cities... fend for themselves) and this understates the difference by an order of magnitude, as the rich towns have 501c3 parent organizations that fund entire (union) teacher salaries, entire computer labs, entire arts programs off-budget

I have a Singaporean sister-in-law, and she and my brother moved here a few years ago with 3 school-aged kids. She was *shocked* to learn that they really had to choose where they lived based on the schools. In Singapore, the funding is centralized and each school gets the same amount per student (aside from special funds for special needs and so on). The *curriculum* is also (more or less, there are schools with different language of instruction and some other tweaks) the same across schools (Singapore Math for All!), which would be a pretty hard sell here in the US.

re TERF nonsense Yeah, I've had limited visibility into that conflict, but from that limited vantage (much of it coming from you, on these boards) it appears (?) also to include some of that dynamic where *opponents* of a movement declare what the movement is/ should be "about." Anyway. You definitely should not listen to a podcast you're not in the mood for! -- Separately: Totally agree re schools ideally being a 3-way partnership, student, family, school. And the farther from those vested-parties you go -- state level, federal level -- the less responsive to on-the-ground needs of kids, and strengths of teachers, the policies can be. There is a place for state and federal policy in the sector -- I don't know if this played out in Australia, but in the US, kids with disabilities were simply turned away at the door of many public schools until the federal IDEA was passed; and -- appropos of this thread-- until Brown v BoE many states, as a matter of law, segregated by race into Separate and decidedly Unequal schools. And etc. But when state or federal government get into granular curricular decisions -- either through legislation, or via purchasing power for/against particular texts -- effects, unintended or no -- ensue.

Just spent an hour folding laundry and listening to this well-done podcast interviewing Jelani Cobb, who recently did a long dive in the New Yorker about the academic & analytical roots of actual * CRT. It ends -- you can FF to the last 2-3 minutes to hear just this part -- with a solicitation of feedback from listeners, to choose one person and pose a question: and then ask one more follow-up question, based on whether the person responds Yes or No. * Here and elsewhere, I use the language "actual" ______ to refer to people who themselves embrace / identify with a particular label, as opposed to how *opponents* of something, or others who do not themselves identify with it, define what a theory or movement or identity group is "about." So by that understanding... The best people to articulate what homeschooling is "about" are homeschoolers, not public school teachers (...and similarly, the best people to articulate "what happens" in public schools are the teachers and students within it, rather than those on the sidelines) The best people to articulate what feminists "want" are people who identify as feminists, not critics of the movement The best people to articulate what Judaism "is" are Jews, not Christians (...and vice versa) The best people to articulate what BLM "stands for" are people who identify with the movement, not people who oppose it and etc.

re anything that triggers me, is CRT Well, we're back where we were over the summer, and how this brouhaha began. There's a long form, which we thrashed out ad nauseum in the summer threads. But the short form is an object lesson in clarity:

Wow. That's a frame, isn't it. True Story: In the early stages of this horror show, whose darkness happened to first descend upon us just as Passover began back in March 2020, I received it through the frame of a plague, that God sent upon us, to teach us. (This is metaphor, I am not a literalist, but I take my metaphors quite seriously.) And I spent a fair amount of time -- suddenly, I *had* a lot of unexpected time -- trying to work out what lessons we were meant to learn I expected the vaccine development to take 2-3 YEARS. (Based on my husband's biotech experience) I expected any vaccine to be only ~50+% effective, as the regular flu vaccines often are and as the FDA's initially announced benchmarks were; which would, still, dampen spread but would, still, enable the plague to persist for years. When the mRNA vaccines came through at Warp Speed, less than a year from the plague's descent, hitting 90+% benchmarks, I received that as miraculous. (Within my tradition, miracles are, often, a partnership between God and humans.) Deliverance. Except, as it turned out: Not. Because we are a stiff-necked people. Because we quarrel on how to read the signs. Because we spurn the manna meant to sustain us. Because when times are fraught with hardship and uncertainty we turn on each other. Every time, now as then. So 18 months into this the United States, with all its wealth and technology and logistics capacity, is in per capita terms among the worst-affected nations on earth. More than 1/500 of us are now dead of the disease; more than 13% of us have been confirmed to have had it (and many more left untested & confirmed); with an unknown but evidently significant percentage of those suffering long term effects. And the bills are not yet paid: thousands of families and hundreds of hospitals will be left struggling under financial duress for years; the cost to state and federal governments will suppress fiscal room to maneuver for decades to come. Yet *we* are the lucky ones, with more vaccines available than arms willing to receive them. No nation on earth has more COVID blessings than we do, yet we're spurning the gift. We are -- in the actual, arithmetic (and also: biblical) meaning of the term, decimated. What's the lesson at *this* point, then? By slow degrees - this is not the worldview I used to hold, at all -- my frame has shifted, from God trying to teach us how to act collectively, to care for and protect each other; and also to use our unique capacity for science and data and medicine that we alone among the species have, to manage exogenous shocks like this; and also maybe to slow down, to pry our eyes off of flickering screens and cherish IRL physical contact with our IRL families and loved ones... ... to something more like slow-mo Rapture. Where those who trust in horses are naturally selected from those who trust in chariots; where those are sure they are ready to meet their Maker have an easy route to do so; where those who are sure that God only cares about the individual rather than the collective whole of creation, have the chance to test that hypothesis. (Again this is metaphor, I am not a literalist, but I take metaphor even more seriously today, than I did 18 months ago.) Something about the Rapture metaphor that has always struck me has been: it is not actually clear who's the Select. One perspective -- that of its adherents -- is that God *takes* the Select, and there's a Mad Max horror show left behind. But another possible way to look at the same imagined scenario is that once all those who want to be taken, are taken, and leave the earth.... the ones left would be the ones who believe in collective action like universal health care, who cherish creation and so hug the trees and protect the air, who work however haltingly toward Social Justice. So *maybe* the remnant Left Behind would look like Mad Max; but alternatively, perhaps it would look more like Canada. And who knows, perhaps God *wants* us to look more like Canada. That is the Noah story. (Again, metaphor.) What I've always liked about the Canada take on Rapture is, everybody's happy. Those taken believe they're the Select... and so too, do those left behind. Great Divorce, except without the (human) certainty about (divine) Truth. And as I stare at the bolded I'm struck: perhaps that's a far more succinct, and less metaphoric, way to state the same thing.