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My mom passed away in hospital shortly after we all went home and I felt very guilty that we weren't there by her side when she went. The ICU nurse told me that she saw it very often that the patient died just after the family left and she believed that the patient did have a small measure of control about when they were going to let go - and often chose to do it when they were completely alone.

What of what she says resonates and what holds you back from living it?

People's personalities and relationship needs differ. Maybe he's an introvert and you're an extrovert? Or he just wants one friend. That's OK. But you don't have to expect from yourself to have the same need. Ester Perel is a Belgium couples counselor working in New York. She often says that modern marriage has evolved such we now expect everything from one person what a village used to offer. Your husband can't be the whole village for you and I don't think there's any need to feel guilty about that.

So very true. Well said Rosie! She absolutely does!

With our family's sense of humour, I'd leave a note in the beginning of each album with a "2001 trip to xxx - To be tossed out without a moment's hesitation or any guilt when I'm gone!"

Does it make sense to reduce the number of binders? Or would that be more trouble than its worth?

(((Hugs))) to you.

That is my understanding as well. A funeral is in a church and a celebration of life is non-religious. I was recently at a funeral where the minister did not actually know the deceased as the one who did know here had passed. He took the opportunity to preach fire and brimstone and said nothing about her life as a wonderful teacher. None of her colleagues, friends or students were called to say anything either. It was a truly horrible experience.

I'm so sorry for your loss Ottakee. May your happy memories of your adventures with her comfort you.

My paternal grandmother was meticulous in dating and labelling her photographs and in some cases even a small description of the event. I'm a keen genealogist and it has been amazing to have all of this history available. My cousin spent a lot of time scanning everything and has shared it with the rest of the family. I have a similar box to yours of my maternal grandmother's pictures and that is proving to be a lot more challenging because I also don't know who everyone is, or even where it was taken. I've scanned those that I can figure out and was able to ask my uncle about (Mom passed away years ago). I have kept a shoe box of 'bad' scenery pictures for potential craft projects, although I really don't know yet what kind of project I could use them in or whether that will ever materialize. For your own scenery I would absolutely keep only the very best and have it on one page of an album - with dates and locations so your kids and grandkids know what they're looking at! Throw the rest away.

Sincere condolences Lynn. I'm glad you could all be with her and be there for your Dad.

We have had very similar discussions. Because medical school is so prestigious and its where the "best" kids go, it means that there are kids going the medicine route only because they have stellar marks and it shows how accomplished they are, not because they really want to be doctors. Some of the universities now do required a certain amount of job-shadowing to counter this.

Our goal too was to prepare the girls so that they could enter public university if they wanted. Here too good academic results in the national school leaving (or equivalent) exams are the primary requirement, including for the 11 medical schools in the country. Medical school starts straight after high-school and is a six year degree which includes practical training from the 2nd year onwards. It is the most competitive degree with more than 36 000 application for 1 800 1st year positions annually. My kids have competed at national level in their sport, but it does not make any difference in university selection in their chosen fields. There are 26 public universities of which 11 are 'traditionally academic' meaning they only offer degree courses, no vocational diplomas. Population 60 million. I have no idea how this would compare to a state flagship, but in most of the worldwide university ranking reports the top 5 are in the top 500 wordwide and the remainder in the top 1000.

People here would probably not believe you either! Everyone uses WhatsApp, even for business appointment and such. Facebook messenger is much less common. I have family and friends overseas and we use it between us as well.

Congratulations!!

I'm surprised that there is only one WhatsApp user. Is it not a commonly used app in the US? It would be the nr 1 for most people in South Africa. So mine are Whatsapp Life360 Spotify Audible MapMyWalk

I was raised in the Dutch Reformed Church. I don't know what the US equivalent would be. Traditionally Calvinistic, rather conservative. Although I went to a government (public) school it was very much influenced by the church and apartheid politics of the era. I gave up on God and the church after my mother died when I was 18. I was very much questioning at the time and in retrospect I think that the catalyst to walk away was this huge disappointment that God had let my sisters and me down so badly. I couldn't trust him anymore. What was the point of worshipping this deity that was letting the bad stuff happen anyway. I might as well just try my best to be a decent person and not expect there to be any big plan or anything in return. If I have to label myself now it would be secular humanist.

Thank you Amanda! I just mentioned this to Dd and it is the perfect opening activity. She was thinking of a similar one called 'A big wind blows' which is a version of musical chairs, but this is a lot more intentional.

It needn't have a unifying theme, but that does make it more cohesive. Thank you very much Jean, it has got her thinking!

Please help my daughter brainstorm a one-day developmental program for a dozen 10yo's. It needs to include at least 2x psychosocial development activities (she was thinking to include one as an introductory ice-breaker during circle time), 2x cognitive activities, 2x physical activities. The assumption is that the children do not know each other. Social distancing needs to be maintained. It is assumed that a hall will be available, but no other resources other than what the activity leader provides herself, so needs to be budget friendly. She has found many suggestions for camp activities and classroom activities, but is struggling to decide what would be appropriate. This is a small portion of a larger assignment, but she seems to be overwhelmed by the choice.

I'd get out as soon as possible. The company is not looking after you and they don't deserve your loyalty. Their promises are empty. ETA: Whatever they offer you now is too little too late. The trust is broken.

Another very strong vote to stay in your ideal location. Kids getting to their friends, activities and church on their own is huge! We live 20min out of town. A drop-off to an activity is at least a 40min round-trip. Friends can be further. You're just home and then need to do it again. My youngest has just got her driver's license (18 here) and the extra time I've gained is amazing!)

That's absolutely brilliant!

I agree with previous posters who have said forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness for me is personal, letting go of resentment and anger at someone. You cannot demand a reconciliation. The only thing that wrongdoer can do is to offer an honest and genuine apology. The wrongdoer needs to take full responsibility for their actions and, with empathy, acknowledge how they hurt the other person without trying to explain or defend themselves. True remorse and regret need to be demonstrated through actions and the wrongdoer also needs to respect that the relationship may be forever changed. We also deal with mental illness in our family. My stance is always that the illness may explain hurtful behaviour, but it is never an excuse. The wrongdoer has moral agency. I can forgive them for hurting me, but unless they ‘own’ their actions and demonstrate that they want to change and will work at healing themselves and the relationship, we will not move forward. So yes, I think there can be forgiveness without trust and also without full reconciliation.