I'm familiar with learning it as a second language :D Immersion is the key. The aforementioned: tv with or without captioning and as much conversation as possible. I found it helpful to sit in busy places such as the school cafeteria or today I guess it'd be a coffee shop. It was a great place to eavesdrop and hear natural conversations that I could mimic and practice. That's probably how I'd have made the switch from "more good" to "better" - just by hearing it over and over in normal conversation. Music is another thing that helped me. Not so much with perfect grammar, but vocabulary and pronunciation and slang. It's easy to learn to music, even without realizing you are! I was very stubborn about wanting to learn to speak like a native, and I've mostly gotten there. There are some words I don't know, phrases I don't get, or saying I still confuse, but for the most part I can pass for a native speaker in writing and sometimes in speech (if our conversation is short and I make great effort - usually I just speak in my normal accented English). I married into an immigrant family and they've lived in the US longer than I have. They still speak broken English, decades later. But they can communicate and are happy with that level of the language. We all have different goals. Good luck and thank you for helping your guest reach hers!

Me, too. I googled my city + city data and we score 98.4 of 100. We moved from a city in a different state that scores 197. So naturally this place feels low COL to us! My state scores 90 of 100 for cost of living. I know more transplants than I do native locals, but the few born-heres I know really resent the influx of transplants, typically coming from CA, IL & NY. They say (we) are driving up the COL. We're one of the fastest growing states, in terms of population. I sympathize, but it's working out well for us LOL.

I don't follow the news, so I have no clue to what you're referring. But I think any human, even those trained to eliminate bias, can be susceptible to their own biases. This might include race, gender, socio-economics, or ....? They're human, after all. But I think sometimes the opposite is in effect also, wherein they recognize they're under a brighter spotlight because people will speculate bias exists based on a shared race, gender, socio-economics, etc. And so they may be susceptible to reverse bias. But mostly I like to think that most people in those type of positions are in those positions because they have a higher ability than the average bear in recognizing and working around personal bias. I choose to believe most have right and good intentions, and that only very few are corrupt or unethical.

I used to travel for work, and spent most of the month in hotels. I used to get ice and apply it to my face before putting on make-up. It would significantly shrink pores. Now that I'm retired, I'm too lazy to make that trek from kitchen to my bathroom. So now I just get the water super cold and splash it on my face. It always takes my breath away, literally. It tightens those pores and wakes me right up! My sister uses apple cider vinegar as an astringent and has the same effect - her pores tighten up. I can't stand the smell so I stick to my water routine. She has gorgeous skin. Everyone in my family has oily skin and larger pores. I think it's genetic to our ethnicity. I also think it's what keeps us looking younger as we age, however unattractive large pores are!

What I know of Dallas is that there are a lot of transplants. I have a brother living in Dallas proper, and when people move in from CA, IL, and other high COL-areas they have more disposable income to put towards more upscale products (cars, clothes) even if it's considered a mid- or low- COL area. He's a perfect example. He moved from San Francisco where he owned a modest home in the East Bay (sold for ~ $800K) and two older cars (a '60s Mustang and a late-90s 300ZX). He transferred to Dallas and bought a nicer, bigger home for $400K (which is on the high end for a single guy but he wanted a prime location) and still had plenty left over to upgrade his car. He gave the 300ZX to our nephew and bought a new 8-series. He still 'makes' more per month living in Dallas than he did in SF even though his pay technically took a hit. This is common for his circle of friends and professional peers, especially those in their 20s and early 30s who are still unmarried or are married without children. I don't know if it's them becoming more materialistic, per se, or if it's that now their budget affords luxury items that they are now available to afford. I equate materialism with being driven to buy things with the sole intent of keeping up with (or impressing) the Joneses - I guess I subscribe an intent to it that is different from an intent to just enjoy higher quality things when one's budget allows. I don't know what yellow cab syndrome is either. I googled and learned it can also be applied towards Asian women's sexual availability towards foreigners, but I don't know what it means in the context of this conversation. I'm assuming that's not it! LOL

I do this whenever they whine about the lack of groceries in the house. But my boys would go willingly and happily in the rain - they love being out in the rain. And they'd probably get to the store, buy some junk for themselves, forget the milk, and come back home in sopping wet clothes leaving muddy bikes in my garage that would make me re-think "It may have been easier had I just gone to get the d@!& milk myself!" (and I could have stopped by Starbucks on the way home for myself as a treat). :D

I'm impressed by you people who know your percentages and budgets so well! I use a charge card for almost everything, and it breaks down my percentage for me. This is the only record I have of what I spend. I just checked and this school year (AUG 2015 - today) 30% of charges to my card were spent on "school." This includes curriculum, supplies, outside extras and classes that accept CC, and books. It includes my kids who home school AND my kids who do not. I'm not sure how accurate it is because I have it set up so that every Amazon purchase is categorized under Education - most, but not all, are. I'd guess that half of that percentage is actually book purchases. We read a lot LOL. Like a lot a lot, even by WTM standards! My charge card says 30% of my charges were also spent towards Groceries and Restaurants/Dining. I guess we eat a lot a lot, too! But I have no idea how much of my actual, full budget I spend on food or school. These are just percentages of what I've charged.

I retired a few years ago and I am also divorced, so I live on a fixed income. But I don't feel the pinch as much because my family (parents, siblings) pretty much pools our resources. I've never had to pay for childcare and we're always showing up at each other's homes to eat so even our grocery budget is loose. Some months my groceries are cheap. Other months, like soccer and baseball season when my nephews are over here daily, my grocery budget could feed my entire childhood village for the year. LOL I live in a higher COL pocket area within a lower COL state. It's weird.

She has so many kids, she probably wouldn't even notice one more :lol: you're in! I will say that I did have to move to the Laundry Fairy. I hate where we live, but I suck it up so the kids can grow up near her. And, well, laundry ...!

I grew up in a culture (and maybe a time?) where parents pretty much all parented the same way. So even if there was resentment, it wasn't necessarily a PERSONAL thing towards one's parents because .... well, everyone you knew was subject to the same parenting style and experiences you were 'suffering' through! It was the way THINGS were, not the way one's PARENTS were. We all had to make awesome grades, we all had to play instruments, we all had to earn our parents some level of bragging rights, we all had to major in pre-med or pre-law LOL. When I moved to the US and started college, I saw how differently those (of my cultural/ethnic background) who had been raised in the US (outside of ethnic enclaves) felt. They shared the view of their peers that it was a PARENT fault rather than a SOCIAL fault or "just the way things are" kind of thing. They were collectively raised in heterogeneous communities where there existed an actual base of comparison. I just find it all very interesting.

I come from a large family and we have several graduates every year. We are also not a big gift card family, but we always make an exception for graduations. There's so many little things to purchase that you don't always think about until you're at the dorm, or in a new home (college graduates), and those gift cards come in so handy! And like plansrme, I'm always happy to 'buy' Target or BBB gift cards off my kids, nieces or nephews because there's always something I need there. For the kids in our family I usually give a gift card bouquet - practical (gas or grocery card), fun (movie or local entertainment), necessary (Target or BBB) and splurge (iTunes, Amazon, B&N, clothing store, airline, Visa) with some mini-candies thrown into the bouquet to fill it out. For kids of friends, or my kids' friends I usually give a card with just one gift card or cash. Sometimes I'll add a small personal item, such as a necklace, nice pen, personalized stationary and stamps, etc. Nothing exciting LOL. I really like Caroline's idea of the college tee-shirt throw pillow!

My approach mirrors the many responses you've already been given. Some of my kids' best lessons have been to buy a crappy product, and I'm glad they learn it young. I don't actively discourage, but I do try to walk them through the steps to judicious spending. My primary goal is to avoid impulse spending and to develop smart shopping habits. But my kids take after their mother, and usually insist on learning things the hard way. So if they wanted some toy that I thought was poorly constructed and/or just plain stupid ... we'd see it in the store. We'd go home and comparison shop the prices, maybe read a few reviews, ask opinions of kids and parents we know have the toy. We'd sit on it a day or two, then buy it (or not). This is how they see me shop, too. I'd only draw the line at a living, breathing purchase - like a pet.

My cell phone is often low on battery and usually left in the console of my car because I don't always remember to (or want to) bring it inside. I prefer to use it on my terms; I hate people texting me! They seem to expect me to drop everything and respond or carry on a conversation. (Or maybe that's just my perception - either way it's an interruption I've grown to really despise!) This is my primary desire to keep a landline. And I do have some concern about an emergency call to 911. We have extended family come and stay intermittently for various lengths of times (sometimes months) and I feel more comfortable that 911 can find us from the landline than from a bunch of people speaking broken pidgen English trying to explain where the house is and what their emergency is! I do pay about $60/month for the landline but I don't see it as optional for us. I count it same as water, gas and a/c. :D

I like shoes :coolgleamA: mine have their own closet. (Well, they share with purses and hats!) And that's all I have to say about that LOL.

The Spitting Llamas was a (youth) team we inherited, so we had to keep the name for a season. The parents hated it. The boys loved it. They resembled the mascot before too long LOL.

I was about that age, I know I was in college, when I had a similar conversation with my parents (who make Tiger Mom look like a tiger cub). It was about piano, which I chose when presented the options of: piano or violin, pick your 'passion' because you'll spend the next 12 years doing it. And I was good. I've always had a good ear and beat. Unfortunately I have smaller hands that were better suited to a violin (!) but I played well and was encouraged (some siblings would say pushed) to compete and to win. I have a brother very close in age to me and we've been competitive with each other since the day he exited the womb and fought me for mom's boob. He, too, chose piano. We'd out practice each other, out perform each other, out class each other in lessons ... our primary motivation for success at that point was to beat out the other one. Whatever, my parents were just glad that the two of us didn't need to be prompted to play and were doing our part to give them something to brag about. So I'm home from college and my brother asks me to critique his newest piece. And he beautifully plays a piece I've been struggling with for months, not just because I was in school and working but because my hands are smaller and it's just more challenging for me to play this particular piece. He's mastered it. I declared on the spot that I was done playing piano. And I've not played it since because I'm a stubborn butt. As soon as my parents finished gushing all over the rat fink, I told them I was done with piano. I said I had never liked it any way, that I only did it because they made me, and that I think I wasted a lot of hours over something I was never going to do again. My parents reminded me that it was required by them that I play for every year I attended school, but that the extra hours I poured into it were driven by my ego. I wasn't ready to hear that yet. But it did plant a seed, and once I got over the anger of my brother being better than me (LOL), I could see they were right. But I also maintain that there was an unspoken, informal pressure to please them. I knew our successes were important to them and though they gave us the option to not compete (we were required only to play) - the reality is they'd have been disappointed. So I did feel a pressure that they don't know was there, would be horrified to know I felt, and would deny existed because to them - it didn't. Because they "gave us the choice." Which is technically true, but kids want to please their parents. So a 'choice' isn't always perceived to be one. And this doesn't make me resent my parents, it's just a true assessment of my feelings. It may be the same for your girls? I think your girls are processing their childhood. It's a normal part of that transition from childhood to adulthood. It's a process that takes time, and sometimes the wisdom brought on by outside adult experiences. They're just in the initial stages of that transition. Most people make the full transition in their late teens and twenties, but some don't. Few don't make it through the transition at all; it's as though instead of emerging adolescence a butterfly, they stagnate in the cocoon. But we're human, and we can only do the best we know at the time. And in time, our kids realize that even if we made 'mistakes' they were made from a place of genuine love and good intent. Most kids realize it. I'm sure yours will. It's a healthy thing to be able to find the lessons in our experiences, and picking apart those experiences is the first step. It's how you arrived at the decision to support your children differently than you were supported as a child. Any one your daughters has a relationship with in the future, especially if they have children, will benefit from their ability to healthfully process their childhood experiences. Not that it removes the sting :grouphug: But I'd say you did a damn fine job if this is what they most resent.

Thank you! June is when I start stocking up for Christmas presents to give the nieces and nephews :)

I voted for some extra cushion. If I felt the need to disguise it, clothing is easier to work with. Trying to cover up acne is an art I've not learned. I don't use most over-the-counter products. I don't wear any deodorant and I brush my teeth with baking soda. I used to wash my face with only water, and very occasionally with a scrub of honey or sugar to exfoliate and condition. I wore no facial lotion, using only fresh aloe to moisturize. I do wear make-up, but I use coconut oil to remove it. Just to give you an idea of where I am on the weirdo spectrum. But after my third pregnancy, my face went to poop. I broke out for the first time in my life - not just little pimples but horrible, red, painful cystic things that hurt if I accidentally brushed them ... and for which there was nothing that worked permanently. I tried every natural thing on the market, none worked beyond a month. Then I switched to some commercial things like Clearasil, which made things worse. And I thought, okay, maybe worse before better?, but no - never got better. And then I spent the week at a resort with a friend. I used sunblock for the first time in my life and hated how it felt on my face. So I used my travel mate's face wash to really get the sunblock off every day. Just water, even with sugar, wasn't enough. And at the end of that week my face was clearing up. I bought the same face wash to use at home and it's been clear skies (or face) ever since. I still don't like to use these products, so I limit use to twice a week which has been fine for maintenance. Want to know what it is? Noxema LOL. Blue container, I tried the pump and maybe it's all in my head but it doesn't work as well. I hate the tingly sensation and can't stand the smell, but my face looks as good as it did before that third kid's pregnancy screwed it up. LOL It's not as harsh as some other products but I guess harsher enough than the natural ones. I don't know, I'm just glad I found something to work with my particular skin. And I hope you do, too!

Better I'm prepared than to be surprised later, so I'm glad to know it's a possibility. But, ugh!! I tell you, this getting older stuff is for the birds! LOL

I misunderstood, sorry! I have a clearer picture now of what you meant. Maybe it's an emotional spurt, all of my boys went a bit emotional at 6-7. It shows up in different ways in different kids. If he's sensitive in general, maybe a small something happened (even an innocent comment) and he's still processing it. FWIW I agree with you about the long school days for his age, so that biases me towards pulling him. Has he had a check-up lately? Is he having a growth spurt?

I have no solutions to offer you, only commiseration. I only get RLS (rather, "arm" syndrome) when I'm pregnant. I can't fathom having it on a chronic basis. It's such an awful feeling. I load up on Natural Calm magnesium until I can't handle any more. I use heating pads. I do best with my rice one because it adds a slight level of pressure that seems to help alongside the heat. I made two to size, the length of my arms. Other than that I stand in the middle of the room watching tv and doing weird tai chi and dance moves because as long as I'm moving the pain is tolerable. :grouphug: sorry you're dealing with this. ETA: It's definitely a deficiency-related thing. For me it's anemia. But careful with the iron, it'll do a number on your gut also.

Yes, four of my boys were born within 6 years of each other. There was a time when Legos were like landmines, and scattered here, there and heretofore around my house. It definitely brought out my ugly side. I'd find them and just completely lose it. One here, one there - no biggie. Tons left all over because you can't or won't clean up attentively? We have a problem, boys. So the solution was to transform the home into areas: LEGO-FRIENDLY and IF-I-FIND-A-LEGO-IN-THIS-SPACE-I-HAVE-ENOUGH-SONS-THAT-ONE-WILL-PAY-WITH-HIS-LIFE. The good news is that all of my sons are still living. The bad news is that there's an entire section of the house I rarely see, and that I had to keep the youngest kids out of. It was as much an issue of the little ones' safety as it was me hating to sit or step on Legos. Can the Legos stay in their rooms? Or is there a small closet you can transform - a desk and some lighting - with some storage tubs underneath? I also started to pick up the Legos as I found them. I kept them (and the nerf gun bullets). Once a year or so I'd announce Amnesty Day and say they could have everything back after they did [some gross chore I didn't want to do, like cleaning the fridge ... or some gross job that they didn't want to do, like massage my feet). If they wanted a confiscated item before that, they could pay me or trade it for an extra chore of my choosing. They had so many Legos that it wasn't as effective and I still got stuck picking up the stray parts, but it put all of us in a better frame of mind about it.

What are the rates at local daycares? This might be a good place to start since rates vary so wildly. It'll give you an idea of what people are willing to pay in your area. I've never hired a sitter but my neighbor pays my kids $12 per hour for the first kid and $3 for each kid after. She hires them when she hosts dinner parties, so not on a regular basis. There are a few families they babysit for a handful of times each year - again, not on a weekly basis - who offer $8-10/hour. The only newborns my kids have watched are their siblings, so no help there, but it's a lot of work so maybe an extra $1-2 per hour is appropriate. Most of my kids are under 18 but all have the Red Cross babysitter certification and the older one have additional Red Cross training that they've earned for work or scouts. Nobody usually asks about those, but once they find out my kids have been told that it's a reason they've been hired back for more jobs. If she's had that training, she can probably expect more also. And if she hasn't, she may want to attend training for her own peace of mind whether she's paid extra or not. It's a big responsibility to watch an infant for that long of a day!

I'd have no problem pulling him WITH THE CAVEAT that I could do so without him thinking his whining had anything to do with it. It may mean some creative wording when explaining it to my son, because I think the concern about setting a bad precedent is a very valid one. For this reason I would also not give my son the choice, I'd do just as you plan to do - decide with DH and present it to your son. I'm probably mean this way, but it'd be all or nothing - no going back for end of the year parties or field trips. We're either in, or out. I think everything OneStepAtATime typed out is also very valid. I think the PRO/CON list is the way to go here, knowing what only you can know about your son and this move. Either way, I hope this is the worst of your move and that it's otherwise uneventful and easy!

:smilielol5: I got a good belly laugh out of this! I was expected to make the bed when I was younger. I shared a bed with 1-2 sisters and we didn't wake up as a group. So we all got in trouble if the last one up didn't make it. I didn't see the point of it then, and still don't see the point of it now. I was usually that last one up, which made me a super popular sister! I've never required my kids to make their beds. Some of them make their beds anyway. We tease each other about it. I'd have never asked my parents why I had to make my bed. It didn't matter why, I knew that from an early age. It was just something I had to do by virtue of them telling me to. But I love that you did, and that this was his answer! I'm loading it into my long-term memory bank to use at a future date ... for something other than bed making, of course. LOL