I wonder if using deodorant/antiperspirant now will affect me later. Like, ... will my body grow used to it and adapt? I want to use it very infrequently, but see a need to use something for most of this summer. I guess I wonder if it's like shampooing. I only wash my hair once a week or so. I know if I added an extra wash each week, my hair would adjust and grow oilier until it depended on those two weekly washes. I don't know if this makes sense.

I'm hoping to reign in the hormones before it gets to this point! They offered me botox for migraines, but as a frequent viewer of Real Housewives (every series, please don't judge!) I just cannot bring myself there LOL.

That's interesting about Certain Dri. I'm glad you included the bit about animal testing. I prefer that in a company.

I used to wear a lot of sleeveless tops, but the past year I've been developing another lovely physical issue - skin tags! in my pits!! I heard it was from rubbing so I've been wearing sleeved shirts that help reduce that friction. I'm a giant wimp. I'm afraid that by shaving I'll nick one and bleed out in my shower. Or just pass out, knock my head, and be found dead next time a kid came in to poop. When my doctor said how she could burn or freeze them off I shuddered so hard I slipped off the table. W-I-M-P. And my kids are jerks enough that they'd put that on my tombstone: Here lies Ma, She was the best, With skin tags she was Amply blessed. Every shower she'd attack; to no avail, the tags fought back. We miss you, Ma, this is the pits. But we do not miss your sweaty bits.

My daughter came after four boys. They convinced her to be the family dog and for a year she always wanted to wear her (dog) leash when we went out. We clipped it to her belt. But I don't think that's what you're talking about! I never used a child leash. I wrapped and strapped those pesky runners right to my body. :lol:

:lol: Sponges gross out my mom, too. She always microwaves my sponge if she's going to use it. I have issues that I'm certain will send my kids running towards paper towels when they're living on their own. We have one sponge and it's for the counter. Please don't use it on dishes, that's what the dish rag is for. But don't use that dish rag to wipe the table, that has it's own rag. And heaven forbid, don't use either rag to clean up any spills on the floor! Use a new rag from the drawer and then throw it right into the hamper. These kids could tell you the name of every Thomas train that ever graced Earth ... every line from every single movie, new and old, from the Star Wars series ... lifelong stats for every single player on our local MLB, NFL, and NBA teams ... and every single wrong a sibling has ever committed against them, and half of what each sibling has committed against another ... yet they can't recall a few kitchen rules to keep their old mama sane. Like I said, I have issues LOL.

I understand your reiteration because I agree that the two are inherently different. But for my family, although the concepts (babysitting and daycare) are inherently different, how the family views them is not. That is, despite social definitions making a clear distinction between the two ... the 'family' definitions lump them together. It seems from some other posts, that this is true for other families as well. And so it might not be common, but it's also not unheard of. I used to travel 2-4 days each week. My husband was usually deployed and unavailable. Like a good Asian daughter I went into a career my parents wanted/expected/pushed me into. They were happy to keep the kids for 2-4 days and nights each week because to them it was a natural extension of their ideal for our family. Plus we already lived with them so they were used to these things anyhow LOL. I'm retired from that job and they still keep the kids a few nights each week because they like to. This includes all meals, field trips, homework, and my dad does all scout stuff with the boys. On the days they're with her she takes them to their sports practices, shopping for new clothes, and to get haircuts or whatever they ask for or need. They consider this part of being grandparents, which is why they still do all of these things even though I'm home F/T now. And they do it on their own dime. If I tried to restrict this time or their money out, my parents would be insulted. 16 of my mom's grandkids are local to her. All will tell you they think they're her favorite because of the time and effort she puts into them. She just stopped by to drop off our clean laundry (which she washes for us - for free, by her own choice) and I asked how much she would charge for daycare to watch the kids 40 hours a week for me. She literally doesn't understand the question. The concept of me paying her to watch my kids every day is so foreign that she thinks it's a trick question.

I live in the South, too. The name "clinical strength" scares me a bit, but that kind of long-lasting coverage is ideal when we're off at the kids' tournaments. As it is I have to bring a few changes of shirts, which is very inconvenient. And walking around the fields with the sweat marks is not desirable! This sounds like an easy fix for that. Thank you.

I'm Asian, so that's not happening. I'd rather sweat than starve! :coolgleamA: But it's not an odor I'm struggling with, it is the visible sweating. And even that is culturally acceptable where I'm from, which is definitely not the case here in the U.S. signed, Just Tryin' to Fit In

No, it's not what I want to hear :lol: but my hormones have declared war and I do wonder if it's time to bring in the big, bad boys to take those sweat glands down. Can't hurt to try funk butter. I've seen it before but worried about the baking soda being too harsh on such a delicate area. But desperate times call for desperate measures! Thank you.

I've only worn deodorant when pregnancy hormones kicked in OR for something like a wedding or job interview. Very few and far between. So much so that when I need it I have to make a trip to buy it. Or call someone to borrow it. Yes, I'm that friend LOL. I've typically gone with that weird crystal rock thing or whatever natural brand was cheapest. I don't like a lot of chemicals on my body and haven't ever used antiperspirant. My hormones are acting wonky again. I can be sitting in a freezing movie theater and still be sweating like a sinner in church. Our summer social calendar is booked. I don't want to be a walking ad for people who are glad they use Dial, and wished I did. I'm looking for recommendations for a deodorant I can use daily until my hormones settle. The more natural, the better. The crystal rock thing seemed hit or miss. I'd like reliable LOL. I'm also interested in an antiperspirant recommendation for the few outdoor events we have. The more home-remedy, the better, but it's enough of an issue that I'll go with the heavy-hitting chemical-infused wonder-worker for the few events we have coming up. What works for you? What didn't?

In my culture, grandparents typically live with one of their children. They care for the grandchildren while both parents work, or even while one parent works and the other tends to household and social duties. It's a bit different in that they're already THERE with the family and the finances are already mingling in part, if not whole. I lived with my parents for many, many years, especially when my husband was deployed. Initially my mom worked outside of the home. She didn't retire to watch my kids, but she cut back her hours and we scheduled our work days around each other. Eventually she did retire, an event completely unrelated to her role as a caregiving grandmother. She never needed to work for money, it was something she enjoyed doing. I did not pay her directly for child care, but we shared living expenses anyway so it was a wash. When my brother and his wife deployed I quit my job so I could care for their 3 children (and mine, I was pregnant with my fourth) in their absence. Payment was never discussed, we're all on the same page that this is what family does. I was not paid directly but they bought me a new van to accommodate all of our kids and covered our utility bills. A good portion of their BAH was sent to our sister, who had just started her masters degree. Another brother covered the cost of things my income would have - sports for the kids, vacations, etc. - because I took/picked up his kids from school and watched them on sick days and over school breaks. We still lived with my parents so they covered food, etc. Mostly we absorbed my lost income as an extended family. It worked out for all of us individually and collectively. I went back to work which involved a lot of traveling, and my mom assumed my role as the family's caregiver. Again, she wasn't directly paid. She covered food, entry fees, and anything they did on 'her' time. We (the kids) bought memberships all over town and covered each other so mom could still enjoy book/gardening clubs, volunteering, etc. We want her to have a life outside of us. We bought her a car, we send her on vacations with her siblings, we bought our parents a vacation home and cover all related expenses, and we try to give them things they can afford but would never buy for themselves. They come out way ahead financially LOL. We're pretty typical of my culture, aside from a multi-generation home (which we did have for years). But we've heard many times over the years from friends and co-workers that this arrangement would never work for them. They prefer, and maybe need, the clear cut boundaries that a paid relationship implies. Some have even said that they'd rather pay a stranger than their family to watch their kids because of strained family relationships. Others have said that payment for grandparent caregivers is what keeps their relationship from getting too strained. It's foreign to me, but I trust my family and we're all on the same page WRT childcare practices. Knowing that my kids are growing up in a more Western culture, this is something I wonder about. If my daughters-in-law have different ideas about child-rearing I'm open to going back to work and just giving them some money so a parent can stay home those early years. But I'll otherwise be available - free! - for regular childcare so my grandkids' parents can work, volunteer, have hobbies or just down time. I'd love it, actually. But I also won't need the income since my pension and military retirement will have kicked in. If I did need the income I'd just as soon work as my kids' caregiver, even at a slight loss, than to see that outsourced beyond family.

My ex-husband used to brush his teeth at the kitchen sink after meals, despite several available bathrooms from which he could also accomplish the task. I guess his kids feel the same draw to the kitchen sink because despite a mudroom sink and multiple open bathrooms, they'll also use the kitchen sink for muddy hands, paint clean-up, and just about anything else they can think of (though at least not teeth-brushing!) It gives me a brief heart skip, but I figure it's the price I pay for living with people I mostly like. Sigh. In the OP's situation I'd probably put out some cloth dish towels to conserve the paper towels. I'd toss the dirty paper towels and in passing on the next occasion remind the guest where the trash compactor is. I'd do nothing about the laundry, and pray they'd wash their sheets at the end with as much soap they'd wish to use LOL. But I never consider 'family' as house guests, and we're a pretty tight, share what you really think kind of people. So when faced with a cloth towel, my guest would probably ask where the paper towels went and I'd respond that I heard the forest cry the last time Guest used seven times the needed amount. Upon seeing a wad of dirty paper towels on my counter I'd probably throw it at the person and tell them WE BOTH missed the trash can. And at seeing excess detergent, I'd ask aloud if they planned to wash any laundry with that soap or just clean the inside of my washer. All said, and received, in good nature. Our relationships can handle the gentle sarcasm, and really - we'd all rather just know than to be resented. * Note, I don't buy paper towels because I can't stand the feel of them. My mom is at my house nearly every day and she prefers paper towels, so she keeps a supply in my laundry room to use while she's here. She buys it, stocks it, and tries leaving it on my counter every single time she comes over LOL. I don't like seeing it on my counter, so I gave her a dedicated spot in a kitchen cabinet to keep the open roll. Every day I put her open roll into its spot in the cabinet so I don't have it on my counter. Would it be nice if she did that herself? Uh, yes! But she's more important to me than the 2 seconds it takes to do it myself so I let it go without a thought. It's a small price to pay for our relationship. Now if it were anyone else, I'd probably hide the unopened rolls and keep the open roll in its designated spot. And then when/if they asked where the paper towels were I'd send them on a scavenger hunt - clues and all - all around the house, ending in the designated spot where they'd find a large note taped to the cabinet that read: PAPER TOWELS. And I'd even put that note on the outside of the cabinet for all posterity so there'd never be any guessing where to find and PUT BACK those paper towels. Because apparently I get my passive-aggressive from my mother! :D

I agree completely, especially to your point of willful blindness. Maybe we can also agree to the unfortunate reality that 'coping' isn't always neat and tidy a process. And that unrecognized fear is a very real validator in the things we believe, convince ourselves of, and say. If not, might we at least agree that given a tragic situation, the tragedy itself should take center stage? And that however sanctimonious or delusional a person is, when faced with a tragic situation it's cruel to cut her off from potential avenues of support ... however seemingly deserving? Or that it's paradoxical to harshly judge him - through our words or (in)action - for his harshly judging another? These are rhetorical questions. I don't know the specifics of this event, the book writing mom, or the mom trying to cope with her own kid's mental illness. I do know what it's like to have imperfect and evolving coping skills, to have lost a loved one in a tragedy, to have judged harshly and to have been judged harshly. I'm sure some or all of these things are true to most of us. I have to believe in the general good of people because I'm two hairs shy of running off to be a hermit. This is why I don't follow the news or politics LOL. It won't take much convincing for me to run towards the nearest cave!

I homeschool two of my kids, but the others go (and have always gone to) public school. I started because it was the right choice for my third kid. He taught himself to read early and has always been a voracious reader. He's not a genius or even gifted, but he's sharp. He will pour himself into something until he knows it inside and out, and then he's good to never spend time on it again. This worked fine in his Montessori preschool but was going to be a problem in standard kindergarten. So we kept him home and spent those early years doing unit studies and mastery type learning. It was perfect for him. It's great that we can tailor his academic career to his needs and strengths because it allows us to work on (rather than push aside) his desires and weaknesses. Middle school summer, my son and I agreed he'd try the local private school. By October we also agreed to bring him back home at the semester. He realized he wasn't missing anything and I hated that he was suddenly a slave to grades (which I had never awarded at home, he did everything to mastery). To finish the year, since I hadn't planned anything, he enrolled in our ISD's virtual public school program. That was a good choice for our situation at the time - no regrets - but the next year we got right back into homeschooling at his insistence and my preference. Why do I do it? I ask myself that every day of the week. :hat: I do because it's best for him and I can. This is the kid who will do me right in my old age LOL. We have great days, horrible-no-good days, and many, many just okay days. Is virtual school an acceptable option? The one I used is a nationally-rated ISD with classes from late elementary through high school. They were very supportive of homeschooling and non-traditional students. And it was free! I homeschool my other one because she's a homebody and generally compliant. I don't homeschool my others because they're doing fine where they are and are now old enough to get themselves and each other out the door with lunches, homework, and everything they need. LOL

I think when something this big touches close to home, some people need to judge a bit harshly ... because it's so terrifying to think of it happening to you (instead). I guess I see it as a type of coping mechanism and there's unfortunately some comfort in separating ourselves in this way. :grouphug: I don't remember much about this incident, and didn't follow it in the news at the time. It sounds tragic all around.

I hope you get it figured out. Mostly I'm sorry to hear about your loss. :grouphug:

I believe without a doubt that status exists in every social group - acknowledged or not, aware or not. What I wonder is whether the online likes thing has made it possible for a greater number of people to improve their statuses by virtue of broadening one's audience. Does it allow or encourage those who might traditionally be forced to accept their status to reach beyond historic boundaries - thereby increasing their odds of successfully raising status? Are hoards of people who may have traditionally accepted their social status more confidently challenging them now that they have a digital audience at their fingertips? Might a well-marketed online presence be an equivalent to Taylor Swift's moving towns to change her status? I'm not necessarily looking to you to answer this, I was just wondering aloud LOL.

What I wonder is this - has the online likes thing opened up a door to a world of people who (before) may have just thought (consciously or unconsciously) that this desired type of 'status' was beyond their reach or desired effort? That is, has the online likes thing made status more accessible and attainable for a greater segment of the population? And is this the chicken or the egg? Did this cause (?) ... did it rise out of (?) ... the Hilton-Kardashian effect wherein celebrity status was granted for simply BEING and no longer as much for DOING or EARNING? It fascinates me. I do think there is potential damage, especially in the tender years, when one cannot or does not seek respite from the pressure. It's even worse when it's brought on by the person herself. I think the damage might be both emotional and physical, because there has to be a level of physical stress associated with constant pressure - fight or flight, maybe? Something else?

I was a tester when the Ergo was coming out, and it never felt comfortable for me. The kids fit fine, but I'm short(er than you!) and short-waisted so it was never a great fit for ME. It was a great carrier and it's amazing to see how successful she's become. I've bought it for friends and family, but never for anyone petite! It sounds like you'd do well with a mei tai. It's easier to get that secure, snug fit and it will naturally support her neck and head. It's easy to keep in the car and use on the go. It's more flexible in terms of fit (for the mom) so your height and type shouldn't be an issue. If you don't feel like you're getting a soft wrap secure enough to support her neck and head, you may want to hold off on ring slings or woven wraps - the issue being how you're tying those, and not the actual product or carrier type itself. My mother and grandmother used what are now called wraps, so that's what I used with my kids. There is a learning curve, and they are hands down my favorite type (having experimented with lots of other types and brands), but in those early months go with what's easy and feels safest to you. There is plenty of time to branch out or try new carrier types once you're back into a normal swing of things. No need to complicate those transitional weeks! Congratulations on the newest member of your family! :001_wub:

Very neat! My grandmother earned a bachelor's degree in her 70s. A decent bottle of scotch? (That's what I think of when I think of gifts for guys that age. That and slippers LOL, which .... not for this occasion LOL) Maybe a Mont Blanc pen? (Or a less spendy version - Waterman? Tiffany?) Leather portfolio? (They come in all sizes, which means you can find them in most price points.) Nice tie in the colors of his alma mater?

Turned out perfect!

My brother sells life insurance. Offhand I don't know the specifics of my policy because I trust and leave that to him, but I know the kids and I are all covered. My ex-husband has life insurance, too. Our decree specifies the amount and that I'm to remain the sole beneficiary. His girlfriend isn't thrilled, but I watch enough Lifetime for Women movies to believe he ought to thank me ... on the off-chance she has nefarious intentions LOL. I try to be considerate that way!

We don't use butter unless we're baking, in which case we have to go buy it (and any left over is left in the refrigerator until we bake again or we toss it). But my MIL has always left her butter out. They use it daily, throughout each day. She currently lives in a desert climate but she's in a season of life where the a/c is always super cold :lol: so I guess it's a non-issue with the ambient temperature!

:smilielol5: I guess one's best hope is that it's like forgetting to 'groom' for an OB/GYN appointment where you hope it's true that the doctor really HAS seen everything and won't notice! I get so gassy whenever I'm pregnant - like bending down to tie a toddler shoe, or even just scootching out of restaurant bench seat. And my horn toots loudly and proudly. My kids are good about letting me blame them for that when we're in public LOL. If we're at home they groan and throw stuff at me. I still blame them. My body was a vessel of perfection before I started sharing it with them!