the rest of the article: The Ostrich The Ostrich can't accept that any person (including himself or his own child) has ADD - even in the face of evidence to the contrary. "There's nothing wrong with me," he says. "I just take things as they come and try not to tie myself down with plans." Or, in response to news that his child has been diagnosed with ADD, he might inform the doctor, "There's nothing wrong with my kid that an old-fashioned spanking won't cure." No matter how fervently the pediatrician, psychologist, teacher, or family member waves the red flag, The Ostrich cannot (or won't) accept the ADD diagnosis. "Acceptance can be hard, since ADD is considered a mental disorder," Southern says. Some people resist testing altogether because they can't acknowledge even the possibility that such a disorder runs in the family. If you're married to an Ostrich, say, "This is not about you or how you feel about ADD. It's about our child and what we need to do for her." It might take awhile, but most Ostriches eventually pull their heads out of the sand. Don't give up The Voice of Doom The Voice of Doom sees a bleak future for ADD kids, warning that "People who have ADD never amount to anything. They all lead lives of failure and disappointment." The Voice of Doom ignores the evidence suggesting that people with ADD are often energetic, intelligent, and creative. Maybe your child won't grow up to be Steven Spielberg or Michael Jordan. Or maybe he will. After all, both Spielberg and Jordan have ADD. Apparently, so did Thomas Edison, Agatha Christie, Ludwig van Beethoven, Henry Ford, and Vincent van Gogh. The honor roll goes on and on, reminding us that ADDers can live rich, productive lives. "We may be inconsistent, and less productive, in the short run," says Scott Nipper, a teacher with ADD from Houston. "But we're more likely to accomplish big things through our passionate, hyperfocused pursuit of projects. What seem like off-task distractions can sometimes lead to great innovations." What's the best defense against a Voice of Doom? A strong offense. Marcia Conner, of Staunton, Virginia, is a former corporate executive who now runs a small company. She tells each Voice of Doom she encounters, "I have fresh ideas, endless energy, and an Olympic-level multitasking ability. I can't imagine how people without ADD excel in business. It's my competitive advantage!" Next time you're face-to-face with Eeyore, turn the tables. Say, "If Richard Branson can found Virgin Records and Virgin Atlantic Airways, despite having ADD, I'm not worried about my son," or "If my daughter turns out as well as Suzanne Somers or Whoopi Goldberg, who both have ADD, that's fine with me!" No doubt about it, ADD makes it hard to navigate the "normal world." But with appropriate support, Luanne Southern says, "ADD individuals can lead happy, healthy lives." And maybe, just maybe, extraordinary lives. Our thanks to ADDitude Magazine for permission to reprint this article. This article originally appeared in the August/September 2006 issue of ADDitude.

Silencing Skeptics: The Truth About ADHD by Deborah Carpenter The debate about attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) is over. O-V-E-R. Just about every mainstream medical, psychological, and educational organization in the U.S. long ago concluded that ADD is real, and that children and adults with attention deficit disorder benefit from appropriate treatment. Yet, somehow, the world still seems to be filled with self-appointed ADD "experts" - some well-meaning, some sanctimonious - who insist on burdening us with their ill-informed opinions and asking repeatedly, "What is ADD?" We've all heard the comments: "ADD is bunk!" "Can't people take responsibility for their own actions anymore?" "All that so-called ADD kids really need is discipline!" "Drug companies invented ADD so they could sell stimulants." Blah, blah, blah. We expect to hear such nonsense from misinformed movie stars ranting on talk shows. But what about the know-it-all who happens to be a friend? Your child's teacher? A co-worker - or your boss? What about a member of your own family? Let's be honest: Words hurt. Holier-than-thou barbs, fault-finding, and finger-pointing can make you resentful and just plain furious. "Discussing ADD can be as touchy as talking about politics or religion," says Susan Ashley, Ph.D., author of The ADD and ADHD Answer Book. "Feelings get hurt, defenses go up, and relationships suffer when there are disagreements about it." In extreme situations, families disintegrate, and kids and grownups who need help don't get it. Should you bite your tongue and walk away? Make a sharp retort? Make an effort to educate the ignoramus? A jab to the nose might make you feel better, but it probably isn't the best solution. Here are the five varieties of ADD naysayers out there, and the right ways to respond to each. The Skeptic The Skeptic denies the very existence of ADD, calling it a phantom that was cooked up as an excuse for bad parenting. He maintains that ADD would go away if parents simply reined in their brats and stopped letting them run amok. What about the adults who say they have ADD? "Why," says The Skeptic, "they just need to grow up and take responsibility for their shortcomings, rather than blaming an illness." No one questions the existence of diabetes, heart disease, or migraine headaches, says Philip Levin, Ph.D., director of The Help Group/UCLA Neuropsychology Program. Yet, he says, people who don't know better question the existence of ADD - despite a body of research indicating that it is a neurobiological disorder that affects 5 to 10 percent of children and 3 to 6 percent of all adults. Given a wealth of evidence, the National Institute of Mental Health has concluded that ADD is a real medical condition. So has the American Psychological Association, which includes ADD in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the bible of mental-health professionals. And the U.S. Department of Education requires educational institutions to provide special accommodations to kids with ADD - it's the law. When Suzanne Herman, of Tyler, Texas, encounters Skeptics, she tells them the reason they don't "believe in" ADD is that they've probably been lucky enough never to have experienced it, either in themselves or in a loved one. "If my ADD son could exert the control necessary to conform, he would," Herman says. "No child would choose to be isolated and punished constantly." Indeed. "Unless ADD hits close to home, one may never totally understand it," says Luanne Southern, the senior director of prevention and children's mental health at the National Mental Health Association in Alexandria, Virginia. Shantella Benson, whose 10-year-old daughter has ADD, takes another approach with The Skeptic: She simply steers the conversation to a more benign topic. "Changing the subject saves me from having to get into a heated conversation in front of my daughter," the Torrance, California, resident says. "I've been trying to help her learn to control her emotions. It wouldn't help to see me blow my stack." Hard facts are often the best ammunition to use against The Skeptic. "Direct the skeptic to CHADD, order him a subscription to ADDitude or give him copies of relevant articles, and take him to a support group meeting," Southern says. If that doesn't convince him that ADD is real, it's likely that nothing will. When Elisabeth Carnell of Kalamazoo, Michigan, comes across people who pooh-pooh her nine-year-old daughter's ADD, she gives them information about the condition and shares her experiences with it. If these strategies fail, she calls the errant comments what they are: "bull#!^@." If you prefer sarcasm to scatology, try, "Gosh, it must be nice to be smarter than thousands of doctors, scientists, and psychologists." The Crusader The Crusader takes a holier-than-thou approach, second-guessing adults who take ADD medications and parents who give them to their kids. "I would never take a stimulant medication or give one to my child," he proclaims. "Ritalin is 'kiddie cocaine.'" Actually, study after study has shown ADD medications to be highly effective at curbing impulsivity and distractibility. Like all drugs, ADD meds have side effects - but dependency is not a major one. In most cases, the benefits of taking ADD medication far outweigh the risks. "Ritalin has been used to treat ADHD for over 30 years," Dr. Levin says. "We have countless scientific studies on the safety of Ritalin. In fact, some of the drugs that children routinely take for asthma and cancer haven't been studied nearly as much as Ritalin." Caryn Stevens, of Midlothian, Texas, wishes people weren't quick to assume that her decision to medicate her 11-year-old twins was a hasty one. In fact, quite a while passed before she agreed to medicate her boys, even after doctors urged her to do so. The same was true for Jennifer Andrews of Virginia Beach, Virginia. "My husband and I were against drugs for children - until we had an ADHD child," Andrews says. "Our daughter literally cannot sit still to eat her breakfast without medication. I learned the hard way that you must get the facts and have some experience before spouting off about something." Make it clear to The Crusader that you feel drug therapy for ADD is not a cause for shame. Medicating your child doesn't make you a lazy or incompetent parent. It shows that you are an effective parent. "You don't need to explain to anyone why you are medicating your child," Dr. Ashley says. "Forget what others think. Instead, ask yourself how you feel about your choice to medicate. If you're at peace with it, the opinions of others should not matter to you." Next time someone says, "I would never... ," look him in the eye and ask, "If you had diabetes, would you not take insulin? Would you deny insulin to a child who had diabetes? Then why should I withhold appropriate medication from my child?" "Ultimately," Caryn Stevens says, "I think it would be a crime not to give my boys every resource available to enable their success." The Joker The Joker takes potshots at ADD, using sarcasm and pretending that his barbs are innocuous, says Lillian Glass, Ph.D., the Beverly Hills, California-based author of Toxic People. A Joker might say, "I wish I had ADD! At least then I'd have an excuse for my bad behavior." Or, "Pass the Ritalin - I could use a (wink, wink) 'boost.'" Other Jokers make "clever" twists on the ADD acronym, claiming that it really stands for "Adequate Discipline Deficiency." The intent of such comments, of course, is to have fun at your expense. But if you show anger or indignation, The Joker protests, "I was just kidding." Marilyn Cullinane, a 63-year-old ADDer from Lowell, Massachusetts, once had a boss who joked endlessly about her ADD. Whenever she made a mistake, he would say - loud enough for all to hear - "ADD got the best of you again, huh, Marilyn?" Mick Quinn, the author of Power and Grace: The Four Steps to Authentic Joy, suggests that "selective silence" can be a good way to counter The Joker. "As soon as you realize that someone is being nasty, choose not to respond," he says. "This was how Gandhi did it - and note the results." Cullinane put up with her boss's teasing until she found a new job. Then she wrote a letter to her former corporate headquarters, detailing her abuse at the hands of her boss - and he was fired. Of course, Cullinane had another option, as does any ADDer who is harassed on the job: legal action. But before resorting to this, Philadelphia-based employment lawyer Robin Bond suggests being direct: "When you say X, I feel Y," or "Mocking my medical condition is hurtful, and I'd like you to stop." If the direct approach fails, Bond says, consider moving up the chain of command or consulting a lawyer.

Well, I have one who is ADHD and my others might very well have it, too, but I'm not ready to "go there" right now. That said, not being willing to "go there" with my oldest when he was younger has caused our family (and HIM) to have a lot of unnecessary grief. He spent two miserable years in PS (K and 1st) and then we homeschooled for the next 5 yrs. Those HS years we had many a day of "why won't he listen, do his work, act right, etc." and my dh blamed most of it on me or on HSing in general. Ds went back to PS for 7th and did terrible. 8th was even worse. I had devoured every "ADHD is a myth" book and article I could find since he was a little kid. I read homeschooling message boards and listenened to homeschool group moms whisper about the "bad" kids that had the audacity to try and join the homeschooling group. Those families usually gave up on the groups and even on homeschooling in no time. They had absolutely no support. I myself felt like I was drowing. My kid with poor social skills was ostracized and sometimes I was too. But he was one of the "better" weird homeschooled kids, so we kept on keeping on. Middle school is a terrible time to begin PS again. He was ostracized there, too. He thought he was stupid. Finally, things came to a head and his NICEST teacher said to me very lovingly, "He is smart and he is good....he just has what seems to be a big problem with attention" (they aren't allowed to call it ADHD, just to suggest you might need to check things out) He is in high school now and is doing very poorly both academically and socially. He eats healthy food and gets exercise. He always has! We aren't on some strict diet. He does like his Cheeots and cola! But he also has plenty of water, veggies, etc. He takes a multivitamin and fish oil. He still is VERY ADHD. Those books, articles and ADHD naysayers didn't help us. They hurt us. THey caused me to avoid getting help for him when he was young. Now I have a semirebellious depressed young man who is in denial that there is anything wrong. I have tried to explain it as a "difference" rather than a disorder. problem is, no one else sees it that way. Dad sees it as "bad kid"; teachers see it as "lazy" or an "excuse"....only a FEW realize it is a brain wiring issue. He is doing best in the class where the teacher realizes this. Maybe ADHD is overdiagnosed. I don't know.But I know that my ds has it and I wish I had woken up and realized it years ago.

Yea! http://www.charlotte.com/112/story/561334.html

I was a quiet honor roll kid with math anxiety and a love for all things literary and historical. I was respected by some and shunned by some. I did not play sports. I was not a cheerleader (I would have liked to be), and I was not in band (I would have liked to be). I never had a boyfriend. I did not go to the prom because the only guy that asked me was two years younger and I thought everyone would make fun of me. I sort of would like tmy kids in high school having fun and making good grades, but my one ds who IS in high school is not experiencing either.

Praying here, Stacey! We have similar family issues, but have not gone to counseling together. I would think it would be beneficial!

Yes, we used to roll change and so did my dh when he was young. I resent paying the COinstar machine whatever they charge to do it for me! Do they still charge you that fee if you take the gift card? Do all Coinstars even offer gift cards? What really burns me is all the places (like the grocery store) that absolutely WILL NOT accept rolled coins and will point you to the CS machine. I had no other money than rolled change one night, and they refused me. I was pregnant and emotional. It was the night before a predicted bout of freezing rain and "wintry mix." I desperately needed bread and milk...but they couldn't take $5 worth of rolled quarters. They snottily informed me taht some people put other objects in the rolls. So I politely offered to open the rolls and count my quarters out to her! It was the principle of the matter, kwim???

I have no idea where I would find out about this. Do older dc/teens ever find out at an older age? I read the checklists and get goosebumps, but my ds is almost 15! He has ADHD, is not seeing anyone for help, and is unmedicated. There seems to be a lot of other stuff going on with him, but maybe I read too much??? :confused:

I remember once when my ds was 11, he had a coach who emphasized behavior both at home and on the field. He told the kids and the parents taht, if the kid gave his parents any grief at home, they should tel lhim and *he'd* make them run a lap or two at practice. That included if they were late to practice, for whatever reason. Doesn't James Dobson address boys balking at their moms' authroity in his book Bringing up Boys?

I also meant to add taht when I see *other* kids selling stuff I no longer walk past with a huffy look like I used to (blush). If I don't want or can't afford the product, I'll give them a dollar or some change. The kindness of strangers inspired me! People used to say, "Oh, I don't really want/need that, but here you go!" and they'd give my dd or ds a dollar; some even gave a $5 and once we got a $10! One of my kids' biggest *fun* sales was slushies. They made about $14 in two hrs in our front yard! :D

I also dread selling but have helped my dc do their share for various activities. We simply do not have the $$ to "buy out" of sales like that. The most pressureful one was when my ds did Pop Warner football and the coaches emphasized that if "you don't do your share, you won't be going to the playoffs". :glare: I could not do that to my ds in his one and only season of football! So we stodd outside of stores, gas stations, etc. We would ask permission, of course. Most gas stations were fine with it; several stores were not. One of our most successful sales was peanuts. We sold them at a local park and people would come up to us and ask to buy them, rather than us having to approach them! :) Houston's was the brand name and I believe they were $2 or 3 a bag. I find it daunting to make $$ on an individual basis, because people seem more willing to support the local PS or the local winning team than they do an aspiring dancer or homeschooler wanting to go to camp. :confused: I have had it suggested that we might do better with a catalog party if we know someone who sells jewelry, Mary Kay, etc. Or you could have a yard sale spcifically for fundraising. Include drinks and cookies for sale! I went to a homeschooler's yard sale once that was very cute, with tons of curriculum and snacks and drinks, with friendly kids helping out. They even advertised that they had homeschool stuff for sale. Or aybe you and your kids could make something that would sell in a local gift shop or consignment store. I'm thinking out loud here, b/c we have some things we want to do this summer and next fall and we need $$ that isn't going to just fall in our laps!

I agree with the others that is is so common yet PS teachers don't seem to understand this these days! I ahve two dses and neither one has good handwriting. They both are intelligent. The oldest one struggled terribly in PS kindergarten and also had a young teacher. He had whole pages of handwriting to do each night, along with math and phonics. Nearly had a da*n nervous breakdown--I kid you not!

neither--neither is available where I live. We see a pediatrician only. I think it might be more helpful to see someone who specializes in ADHD, but it isn't an option.

I would consider it because, if I remember right, it is similar to the TCS (Test of Cognitive Skills) that goes along with the CAT testing offered by Bayside and Seton. I found out quite quickly when my ds went into PS 7th grade that the TCS plus grades were how the kids qualified for AG ("gifted"). I wish I had known and had those scores on file, because what if he had scored well and been able to be in AG? The PS never offered that option--they just assume homeschoolers will NOT be in AG classes because they haven't been in PS.

what would you do, right now? One is my 9yods. We tried putting him in PS for the first two days of second grade (last school year). It was awful. Their only "remedy" for him was to put him back a grade, with possible enrichment in math (he is very good at math), but even then they emphasized that math is all about word problems, so he probably wouldn't do well in math there, either. I have plugged along hsing him and he has made progress, but still wouldn't be considered a strong reader, writer, or speller. We use Sequential Spelling, which has helped a lot. Then there is older dd. She is considering a magnet school for high school. Just in the past year or so have I realized she is very likely dyslexic. She is extremely right brained, creative, sensitive, great personality....but reading is a huge chore for her with all these dyslexic symptoms. Spelling and writing are atrocious. Sned her off to PS high school, even a "good" smaller one? I just don't know. THe one thing I can say is she'd probably work hard and accept any help offered. I have no idea how anyone in our area gets tested or dxed with dyslexia. When ds went to PS for those 2 days, the principal and reading specialist talked down to me and basically told me there is no such thing as dyslexia. They also reasoned that it would be great for most kids to be held back a year (sports and maturation came up), and told me that the only way he could get reading help would be in first grade, because that's where Title One helped (the school's website says there is a reading specialist for every grade, so I'm not sure what that was all about). I also just read this front page article about how that particular PS is going to be one of many getting even less funding, which means less help in reading, etc. So, even if the younger dc went to PS, I wouldn't choose that one--I have a charter school in mind. What complicates the whole matter is that dh is not very supportive, and often blames every problem our dc have on me and/or hsing. He has a high school diploma; did quite poorly in school, hates to read (very likely dysleic himself and also ADHD), but constantly berates me for doing a bad job despite being college educated, willing to read and study about education and anything else that needs to be learned, and so on. I only add this information to explain why I am at the point of feeling desperate. I don't want to hs my dc anymore if it means I am always going to take the heat (not to mention the stress of doing everything, and I also have an older teen who has ADHD and does poorly in PS high school). HOwever....being the thinking person that I am (it's a curse sometimes!), I know too much about how the schools work (or don't work), and I don't really want to deal with them, either. IF my dc could all do well without the struggles, the blaming, etc...that would be one thing...but we just aren't perfect in this family. Nearly everyone I know is! I feel sick about the whole decision making process. I avoided a lot of problems when my older ds was younger by not having him in PS. But now I have a teen who feels like he missed out on life, and others say it was probably the homeschooling that made him have academic problems and few friends, even though the more I read about ADHD, it really seems to be that rather than "mom scr*wed up." I could use wisdom and prayers today!

I still give OTC meds as I deem necessary. Those dire warnings came about due to parents incorrectly using meds and overdosing their kids. I remember the ped telling me that a little decongestant was *important* to dry their heads up before it lead to an ear infection from the drainage going into their ears.

Mine was exactly the same age when we finally got h im diagnosed. I tried all the vitamin stuff and we've always eaten healthier than the average bear, but nothing worked as well as meds. Now I really know that is true, because he is not taking meds right now and is having a really hard time with school and life in general. He and I both wish we hadn't waited till he was this old. Puberty seems to exacerbate ADD.

This is the site of a friend of mine: http://www.daddys-little-princess.com

Just another perspective: Yes, you can tattle to the kid's parents, but that won't necessarily change anything. The "mosquito" kid could be like mine--annoying sometimes, but not a bully. Just not very good socially. Nonhomeschoolers can blame it on homeschooling; homeschoolers can blame it on bad parenting. My child has ADHD. I am starting to become very attuned to those children who do. I used to think that wasn't a "real" disorder, that it was a parenting problem, a PS problem, a daycare problem. I think maybe all of those factors can exacerbate ADHD, but I no longer say it isn't "real." It's real, all right, and it is painful for both child and parent. I should add it is hard on siblings, too. I know that doesn't change anything as far as figuring out how to protect *your* kids from kids like mine. I'm not saying mine isn't annoying. You'd think he learn from all the rejection, but he doesn't. That's the nature of ADHD. I've read more books about it than you can imagine. I have a lot more compassion than I used to, and I try t reach out to those kids. So does dh, and he has been pretty harsh on ds (with poor results--we haven't parentedpunished/shamed it out of him yet and he is 15). :(

Sounds a bit like the group I left that decided to stop letting the skating rink choose the Skate Day music, because they were playing (GASP) Christian hip hop and rock. :rolleyes:

Well, sure.... but I don't meet very many of those families... I really don't meet many homeschoolers at all!

My 13yodd and I liked this one, and I've been considering reading it with my 9yods... http://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Ten-Puffin-Story-Books/dp/0140310762/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204827607&sr=1-1

All I can say is, my ds has ADHD and he does pretty awful in PS. He did better in homeschool, but felt like he was missing out on something, both social and educational. he even said maybe he would be better at math if I didn't teach him (I am not the world's greatest at math, either). I think dh put a lot of ideas into his head (actually, I know he did) PS has been a disaster. Ds is now in the second lowest math class in ninth grade. He has friends in Honors Geometry while he is in Intermediate Alg. He said to me the other day, "Mom, I have been doing the same math over and over again for 4 years!" That is pretty much the truth, sad to say! Sometimes he seems to understand, other times he is too distractible to focus on it and "get it". Sending him to PS in 7th we got a mean math teacher and a class full of bad kids (all the "good" kids are in gifted class in our district). He had a miserable time and the teacher said Saxon was good, but two years behind whatever they do in our PSes. (GLencoe, I think, which even I hated trying to help him with) I no longer empathize very well with the homeschool mentality of "I will do everything I can to NOT medicate my dc". I thought that way for years and even my ds says now that he wishes we had known about the ADHD younger and that I had gotten him help before he got old enough to already have all these bad experiences, no friends, and low self esteeem. He thinks he is dumg and he doesn't want meds, even though he has tried them and done better on them. If we had figured this out when he was in elem. school, IMHO, it would have made things a lot smoother. Our relationship suffered also, and still does. Who wants to deal with a distractible angry teen over Alg. taht he has been learning for 4 years and still only does mediocre on but could grasp fine if he'd just pay attention more??? I would recommend some good books about ADHD, LDs, etc. rather than advise nonmedicating and homeschool. *Maybe* homeschool would work out better....but maybe not. ANd even if she did homeschool....maybe getting him on an appropriate dose of the right med would improve that outcome as well. If my ds were back home and I could do it over again, I'd go for the meds! Delivered From Distraction is the best book I've read on this. ADHD Doesn't Mean Disaster is a Focus on the Family resource I like also. Here is a very helpful website: http://www.additudemag.com Sorry to disagree--please realize I don't mean any of this in a judgmental way. I just feel so strongly about it! One more thing. I used to think for sure my ds had to be gifted. He does get very bored with rote learning, classroom settings, peers, etc. He plays piano and a mean game of chess. He can solve logic puzzles on http://www.cut-the-knot.com but he misses simple problems on math tests and forgets to show work or finish work. People used to think he was gifted, too. Now they say things like, "Well, he *seems* bright enough, BUT..." and then they go into how he is never paying attention, doesn't turn in work, doesn't use time wisely...and his grades keep him in the classes with the other kids who make bad grades...not around any smart kids that I can tell...and the typical PS response to that type is to not expect much of them and treat them like problem kids with dumb parents. Ask me how I know. :(

maybe Dover?