I had actually edited my post but you got to it too quickly. Here is what I added: I thought you were saying you can't build habits because of your various changes in environments. But if you have no control over your time/schedule in many of those environments, then I am not sure what the problem is anymore. If the real problem is the habit of coming here, you have been given some ideas on how to break that, all of which you have refuted as impossible for you to do.

Then I guess you don't need to build habits when you are in those areas? Sorry, I am losing the plot here. I thought you were saying you can't build habits because of your various changes in environments. But if you have no control over your time/schedule in many of those environments, then I am not sure what the problem is anymore. If the real problem is the habit of coming here, you have been given some ideas on how to break that, all of which you have refuted as impossible for you to do.

Yeah, people do this all the time. My husband works from home 3 days a week, goes into the office 2. He has different morning routines for those days, and then of course for weekends. When I was working 4x/week, from 3-midnight, I had certain routines, which were different from the days I did not work. This is not unusual or remarkable, millions of people do a version of this. Your situation is a bit different in that you have big chunks of times that are different from others, not just days of the week. Still, the principle applies. "When I am in Kenya, I'll try to structure my days like this... when in the RV, like this... when home alone..." Sometimes I wonder if you actually enjoy the feeling that you are weak in this way. I have thought the same thing about myself at times in my life so I understand it. I think for me it was a way to excuse my failures. "Oh well, I can't help it because...." Note I am not saying you are a failure. Just riffing off what you have been saying (here and in other past threads). Also, listen to @Rosie_0801

I don't think it's a matter of self-discipline for me. It's the realization that, as much as I appreciate this board, the mods, the other posters, etc., I haven't always utilized it in the best way for me/my life. I've used it as an escape from boredom, from responsibilities, from feeling like no one is listening to me. Those 40 days away reminded me that I have other ways to keep boredom at bay, I need to fulfill my responsibilities, and the people in my actual life are more apt to listen to me than people online. I do agree that, based on posts here over the years, @Ginevrais probably one of the most self-disciplined people I "know."

Similar to Ginevra's experiences... A few years ago I was feeling rather addicted to this board, and found myself getting really worked up over some threads/topics. Then I'd find myself sucked into a back-and-forth with someone, arguing my point, which may or may not have been well-developed. Or I'd just waste time scrolling, reading threads in which I had nothing to say, and no actual interest. So I took a Lenten "fast" from this board. I removed it from my bookmarks and just resisted the urge to come here at all for those 6 weeks. It was hard at first - I missed the conversation - but it was also good because there were conversations I didn't miss. When I came back, it was much easier to ignore threads altogether based on the subject, or walk away from threads that weren't useful to me. Or - and I think this is the key for me - threads in which I could not be useful to someone else. Which, honestly, most threads are. I'd find if I was agreeing with several people as I read the thread, I didn't need to post at all, because my opinion had basically been expressed by someone else. I don't always follow that, but most of the time I do. I also stopped posting in threads on controversial topics, even if I am well-informed on it, because it just becomes a quagmire so easily. I may continue to read, but I no longer care about having my voice heard. In other words, I guess, I still like it here a lot, enjoy conversing with people, and find it useful in many ways (food! books!) but I also lost a lot of my apparent need for it. I hope you find what works for you.

I don't understand the love for a straw cup; it seems so inconvenient to me. But I'm a dropper and a spiller. And I want something I can toss into a bag or backpack.

I feel about like Pawz does. Check washing, using someone's account/routing number to process electronic withdrawals, etc seem new or newish. I am pretty protective of my bank information now. I do remember writing checks in stores, or mailing them off with catalog order forms with no worries. Now checks are rarely called for. If I am going to set up some sort of payment I'll use credit card first; if that's not available, debit card; and will only use bank information if that's the only choice, such as for my utility bills. For direct deposit, the account/routing number would be required, and I'd have no hesitation - nor have my kids - to give the bank information for that. IIRC, companies that print checks have a way of verifying the account and routing number and ownership - maybe using address information? I don't know - but I don't really know how that works. When I worked in a bank fairly recently, we provided the checks free so I never had to know anything about that.

I hope you get your problem resolved quickly! I just had to laugh at this. You are right and I completely agree with you. But, having been in customer service... you would be amazed at the number of people who don't - and won't - check the website, ever. They start with a call and basically have the CS rep read the website to them. It's not even all old people either, as one might expect. At my last job, which was for an online bank, I had several "regulars" who were in their 30s - 40s calling with questions they could have gotten answered much more quickly if they'd just check the website, log into their account, etc. But nope!

I think there is a big difference between a working (one or both) couple who spend a lot of time doing separate things, and a retired couple in which one does not have any individual activities and thus expects the other person to lead the way on activities. I am retired; my husband is not, and I can see having the same dynamic as @kathyl. Though my husband does have lots of interests and there is no shortage of work to be done on this house, he doesn't like to do things alone. (For example, I'll go walking/hiking alone, but if he's free and I'm not, he won't do that.) As for our joint retirement years, I don't think we'll have the funds for the extensive travel we dreamed about when we were younger. I can see a lot of gardening, walking/hiking in local parks, maybe short trips now and then. We both have stacks and stacks of books we'd like to read. I'd like to set up a sewing room/area and get back into that, but there is some big decluttering to do (along with getting one launched child to remove a lot off stuff from their room!). Ideally he'd turn the garage into a workshop (he has a table saw he hasn't room to set up) but cleaning out the garage is a daunting task. 😱

Forget this part of your sentence. It doesn't matter what she tells other people about you. If they have any sense, they will just roll their eyes at her.

So my mom was no help but it wasn't a negative thing. She was nearly 80 when my first child was born, and lived about 1000 miles away. She was also very reluctant to give advice because she knew things had changed since she had babies. She was my best cheerleader though! I actually don't remember how old my first was when she first met him. My MIL came from Florida to California to help us - she was excited because he was the first grandchild - but she was actually not helpful. I remember she gave the baby his first bath at home, because I was terrified to do it. Otherwise, she was not helpful, gave bad advice, made unhelpful commentary, etc. I don't remember her cooking though she probably did dishes. The best time was after she left. My husband had generous paternity leave and we learned everything together. Despite my being 41 years old, I had almost no experience and little confidence in my abilities; my husband was the same. He and I were truly partners in our efforts. I was so thankful that we never had that thing going where the mom is the expert and the dad is just her helper.

Another vote to toss.

At my Giant, store brand 1# bag chickpeas = 2.29 Cans are .75. So a savings of 71 cents over 1 bag/4 cans. So really not much cheaper when you factor in time and fuel. I'm sure prices vary widely depending on location! Speaking of Rancho Gordo... their chickpeas are $6.25/pound. I have no doubt they are wonderful! But not realistic for many budgets. ETA: low or no sodium are probably more expensive so there's where a real savings may come in. ETA2: I'm wrong! Store brand low-sodium are same price.

I agree with you! But I have a quibble regarding beans... dried beans require planning ahead, energy (fuel), and time which many people don't have. I have found that grocery-store bags of dried beans are really not much cheaper per serving than canned beans. One of the arguments against canned beans is salt, but they are available with low or no sodium. Of course the lower-sodium varieties are more expensive. For me, buying canned beans is the better way for me to make vegetarian soup, chili, etc. Without them, I might resort to even more processed food! And I am a person with leisure time to cook from scratch, and have time-and-effort-saving appliances, such as a pressure cooker. A person without those things is better off buying canned beans, low-salt if possible, than buying no beans at all. 💗

My daughter traveled in a few countries in Europe as an authorized signer on my Bank of America card. It was fine. She also took an ATM card attached to a savings account in which she kept a low balance, and used it for cash only - not purchases. I don't remember if she paid any foreign transaction fees so I am not recommending any particular card, except to repeat what someone said upthread about using a card from a well-established FI. I'm mainly posting to say - advise your daughter to have two sources for funds/purchasing, and that the card she uses can be replaced quickly while traveling if necessary. I worked for a bank that would not overnight a debit card and was a big hassle for anyone needing to replace a card while away from home. I felt bad for people who lost their card and needed a replacement right away, and we couldn't provide it. (I was also dubious that anyone really traveled with only one card, but maybe people do. Anyway, it's not a good idea.) Also, if she doesn't do this already, she should set up transaction alerts so she knows if her card is being used improperly. This has nothing to do with traveling, but I'm always surprised by people who don't get alerts and are surprised by transactions when they get their monthly statement.

Have you tried blacking out the bar code at the bottom of the envelope? We stopped getting mail back when we did that. The bar code reader will cause it to be sent back, but without the bar code I think a person has to deal with it.

If she's not on the accounts, she won't get any information from the bank. I don't know about brokerage firms, but I assume they have the same responsibility for confidentiality as bank.

I get that it's not what you want. My point was simply that remaining friends is not a preposterous idea, necessarily. You actually asked how one goes about that, which prompted my comment. But of course it has to work for both people and if it doesn't work for you, it's best to just end it.

I don't know. Your recent experience sounds pretty typical to me. People date for a period of time, communicate regularly, and then something happens which makes one of the couple realize it's not right and not going to last. With Christmas in there, it's not crazy that gifts were bought. It's too bad he wasn't more forthright about ending things though. As for being friends - I have been friends for years - decades! - with a guy I dated for a while. We had a ton of fun together and several common interests. But after a time, the superficial commonalities were eclipsed by deeper differences. We were not compatible for the long term, and though I was sad - I thought I was in love with him - I had to admit that the relationship wouldn't work well long term. We have maintained a friendship and though we haven't actually seen each other in years (living thousands of miles apart), we talk and text periodically. He came to my wedding! If he had ever gotten married, I'd have gone to his!

This is also a situation where the people giving the gifts need to keep the recipients in mind, not their own desires. Obviously OP and her daughter don't have any control over that, but it doesn't do anyone any good to pretend that this is not an unusual circumstance requiring a little out-of-the-box thinking re: gifts. It just makes no sense to register for things that may not work out and then return the toaster ovens and crockpots that can't be used.

This title sounded nice so I looked it up, then downloaded the ebook from my library system! I've read two chapters and am enjoying it. "When I want to describe how I feel right now, the word I reach for the most is discombobulated. It captures perfectly my state of mind: confused, disoriented, out of sorts." Sing it, Sister! That is me right now! Today's mail will bring me two new books: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, and Atomic Habits by James Clear. For those who have read both: which should come first?

I don't know anything about the military but just about gifts in general. Wedding invitations don't include gift/registry information so she should not delay getting her invitations out because of that. As someone said upthread, that can be included in a wedding website later. A wedding registry isn't required at all anyway. From what I'm told by young people in my life... none of your daughter's peers are going to be offended if the registry is for money contributions, or if there is no registry at all. Older people (like myself!) like registries and some are offended by requests for cash or contributions to a fund. I like a registry because I have little imagination when it comes to gifts, and I like to know what people want. So if cash is what they want, yay! Easy for me, easy for them. If some people are upset, another relative can clue them in/calm them down. I guess that will be you, but maybe there are aunts, cousins, etc who can have a word with people who might not understand.

Happy New Year to all! I started the year reading the last 75ish pages of A Gentleman in Moscow (Amor Towles). This was a reread for me. I had hoped to close out 2023 by finishing it, but was too tired last night. This is one of my favorite books. So beautifully written. Yesterday I was feeling nostalgic for Goodreads, which I stopped using in 2022. I still have my account and still look at my TBR list occasionally, but I haven't updated in a long time. Then I remembered that I had set up an account with The Storygraph, which I must have learned about via this board. It's a place to keep track of books, write and read reviews, etc. Does anyone use it? https://app.thestorygraph.com/

When my mother died, I paid the funeral expenses and then, as executor once I had access to the funds, I reimbursed myself. But I needed death cert to access the funds.

I was the executor of my mom's will. The lawyer I worked with strongly emphasized my fiduciary responsibility to the other beneficiaries of her estate. As DawnM said, it's up to you if you are OK with your brother taking it all, but you are well within your rights to ask questions. I am not sure of this, but your brother may have accessed the bank accounts illegally. Just because he had the password doesn't mean he is entitled to access the funds. ETA if he was co-owner of the accounts it might be different. But my memory of working in banking, and my own experience as executor tells me the accounts should be frozen upon death of an owner. May vary by state law of course!