:thumbup1: Now that is using your head! BTW, do you mind telling the name of the stop motion maker? I haven't heard of one specifically for Legos, although we have tried a couple of stop motion movie makers.

I'm out of perfumes, I need to buy a few... I like the "Grace" line from Philosophy, especially the one with the purple label. I also fell in love with Lady Million when I got a sample from Sephora. A little goes a long way and it was a decent sized sample. It lasted me for months. I love that stuff, maybe for my birthday :) I have also tried Heidi Klum's Shine. It smelled really good, it's also inexpensive. I might buy a bottle of that next.

:iagree:My mother and I went round and round about this. I took ODS's XBOX away and she insisted it was unfair because I hadn't "replaced" it with something for him to do. I pointed out that we had tons of books available, there was a yard and small woods to play in, he had toys.....she kept insisting that I was expecting to much of him. Well, after months (yes, mmmmoooonnthhhs) of him moping around, he will read a book or play outside. She has finally admitted that perhaps I was right. Let them be bored. If you have things that they *could* be doing, you've done your part, it isn't your fault if they *won't* do them.

Oh dear. Huge :grouphug: for you. I can relate to some of what you wrote. My youngest has issues that will seem better for a week or two when we try something, and will then return with a vengence. It's so hard. When we modified his diet and started supplements, he had a very good spell but then behaviors started creeping back in... We are also in a rural area, I hate it here. We have very few choices, if someone isn't good then "Oh, well." Now, we *can* drive an hour or two for other options...but how fair is that to my other two children, to uproot them a day or two a week to do these round trips for the youngest. If it was for a finite amount of time, and I knew it would make major improvements I would do it in a heartbeat. What I'm afraid of is what you describe, putting everyone else's needs aside/turning their lives inside out and then being left with little to no improvement. Of course, I'm still on the waiting to find out end. Which is hard on it's own. I've taken DS to pediatric gastro doctors, a pediatric endo doctor, a developmental ped....and it's like "Yeah, something seems wrong. All my tests came back normal, though." I feel like if this is going to be resolved it's going to be on me. I just don't know exactly what to do.

DS8 has been wearing glasses for almost a month, the lenses have prisms to help correct his lazy eye and try to get it to send the information it takes in to his brain. The dr told us it would take at least a month for his eyes to adjust to the glasses and for that eye to get "up and running". Three weeks in, his behavior tanked. We had kind of a grueling schedule that week and I hoped that once we were back in our regular schedule he would settle down. We've been back on a more normal schedule for a week, it's not better. None. In fact, it keeps getting worse :( Or maybe not worse, just different...and stranger. He is now making noises constantly. It sounds JUST LIKE an ambulance siren. It is loud, high pitched, constant. I am about to lose my mind. I can't stand noise, especially pointless noise. Be-doop BE-DOOP be-doop.....all day long. He never tires of it. It is some better at home, for me, because I can say "Take that noise outside". When we have to go somewhere in the car I feel like clawing my skin off, it is THAT bad. He has also started grinding his teeth. Not at night, during the day while awake. He sits/stands there and you here this awful crunching noise. He isn't aware of it. Again, it is like nails on a chalkboard for me. I know, *for me*. He is clearly the one that has something going off the rails, I just wish I could handle that sort of thing better so I could help him. That's what really worries me. I can doggedly hunt down a specialist. I can find someone to diagnose him, treat him, etc... I'm worried about becoming a raving lunatic in the process. Noise/Crowds are the two things that push me into a freak out. He is now squarely on the noise nerve and tap dancing. I feel like it has to be some kind of stress related thing. For months now he has done this "snapping" thing with his fingers. He snaps them repeatedly. At first it was all the time. Then it slowed. That is how it is with him. He develops some odd behavior and does it every waking minute, then he discards it for the most part, only doing it occasionally. The snapping has seen an increase as well. He had a total melt down during Reading Eggs last night and suddenly started furiously snapping his fingers. The snapping is one of the things that doesn't seem to crawl under my skin, the only thing is that when he starts it he stares at his fingers or holds them to his ears while staring into space and is absorbed by it. You can't gently push him along, once the snapping starts it's over. Shelve the activity. I'm just wondering if the glasses could have anything to do with it. He's never had this many issues, or this severe, until he wore the glasses for a while. It is hard to believe it's coincidental. Could having this eye start sending information cause sensory overload? I'm going to bring it up to the VT when we see her Tuesday, I gues I'm just unloading here. I do wonder, though, if anyone else has seen anything resembling this before? Off to start calling around trying to find a developmental pediatrician........living in the boonies is definitely a drawback when your kid needs special help. :glare: No one here knows *anything*... I feel like a witch saying these things about him. It's not like I don't love him, it's just been EIGHT years of knowing something is *not* right and having people ignore me when I bring it up. I always get "Well, he's only a first grader." Or "Oh but he's little." Yes, but he's EIGHT. Six/Seven years old is when my other two became more like a "big kid"...I can't even see that on the horizon for him. We had to make the decision NOT to put him in group settings, even though he is such a social little fellow, for the time being because he's having such a hard time controlling his behavior.

I'm curious how long that took. Not because I think it's a set number for every child, I know it varies, I'm just always curious :tongue_smilie: See, I thought we could deschool for, like, a month and then jump right into HS ... that has proven NOT to be the case. I'm finding that my kids, eldest esp, does better with "less". He is starting to find interests again, he is starting to be curious and creative again, the minute I start trying to add more academics I find that he shuts down again. It isn't in a "if you tell me to do that I'll just sit here and let mold grow on me" kind of way, it's just this "wall" that goes up. I can see him starting to shut himself off again. Right now he's loving school because I'm letting him do a unit study on Michael J Fox. He's reading (some of) his autobiography, learning a bit about Canada, and we are talking about neurological disorders such as Parkinson's. It helps that I'm letting him watch his movies, occasionally, to see him as he progressed through the disease and see if he can spot the coping mechanisms that he employed. He is one of DS's favorite actors. I'm hoping to wrap it up next week and have him write a fan letter to him to try to tie in a bit of grammar ;) To the OP - the book that finally "hooked" ds into becoming even a mildly interested reader was The Boxcar Children. I assigned it and he grudgingly admitted that he liked it. We then borrowed the next 5 books, over a series of weeks, from the library. The last one we borrowed, he finished in an hour. He was so proud of himself (it is well below his reading level but he has never had the stamina to stay with a book for long.) He is now reading the first book in the 39 Clues series, and has Artemis Fowl on tap. I suggested AF to him numerous times and he told me that it sounded dumb, then one day he picked it up and said "Hey, what about this? It looks good." :banghead: I'm thrilled that he wants to read it, but really? Seriously?! It was like he had never seen it before LOL So maybe some of it is just waiting until he is open to reading.

Well, first :grouphug: because I know how hard it is to try, try, try to instill manners in your children and then they don't use them and people think you're a slacker... Second, my guess would be that either she thought this was a bad time and hung up OR she thought you had thought you hung up and hadn't gotten the phone on the hook so she hung up. I will say here that I have hung up on people who rudely (I think) carry on conversations with others while on the phone with me. I'm not talking about the friend who tells their DC "Stop that. I am on the phone. Yes, you may have a drink but please stop jumping on me." I'm talking about the friend who leaves me hanging for MINUTES while she talks to someone else, I'm talking about my own DH would will carry on a full conversation with someone else while I'm trying to talk to him, I'm talking about my mother who can't get across to her 60+ year old husband that she CAN'T talk for the next five minutes and she'll be with him shortly ;) I would say the best way to handle it is to explain it immediately by saying "I'm sorry, my children are behaving badly and I need to deal with it before it gets out of hand. Could I call you back in a few minutes?" I know, easier said than done when you feel like you have a vein in your head about to burst. Third, would it work to physically remove the children when they start interrupting you? Could you tell the caller you need 30 seconds or whatever and then take the child to their room with a brief "I am on the phone and you are being rude by making noise. I will come for you when I'm no longer on the phone, do not come out unless I come for you. SCREAMING for me and asking to come out will only make you stay in here longer." or something of that nature? I'm going to try it with my own. After offering that advice, I realized that I spend most of my time on the phone making the "zip it" motion to my children. :001_huh:

I've been watching this thread. I notice those reactions in my 12 year old DS. When the going gets tough, he melts down. Twice in the last few days we've had a complete wig out over something seemingly (to me) minor. The last one was over a word game we were playing with DD9. It was kind of like Scrabble and DS would say at every turn "I can't make any words, I got ALL THE SUCKY LETTERS." Then I would point out "You could make tree, free, wee, see, bee..." things like that and it only made him madder. Finally he left the table screaming "I hate that game! I HATE IT!" I was :001_huh: but my mother pointed out that he probably couldn't come up with the words quickly on his own and didn't like that DD, who is younger than he is, didn't need me to suggest things to her. I guess I didn't see it like that, I was just helping a kid. Times like that just emotionally drain me. He also can't handle unanticipated changes, he wanted crab legs when we went out to eat Sunday and they told us that they don't serve them on Sundays. They had plenty of other things he would normally eat (steak, shrimp, chicken...) but he sat there with a scowl on his face and maintained that he didn't WANT those foods, that he hadn't WANTED to come to THAT restaurant (he did, he was the one who wanted crab legs and that is the only place that serves them.) I felt really bad for the waitress who kept suggesting things. Finally I told her to bring him a steak and he did eat it, all of it. He just can't handle an abrupt change or a challenge. I don't think his mind works fast enough to process it. I'm trying to coach him to say "I need a minute" instead of "THIS STINKS!! I HATE THIS!!" but we have a ways to go. I can see several Asperburger's traits in him - for those that have children diagnosed as an Aspie, then what? Is there therapy or something that helps them learn to deal? I mean, I feel like saying "This sucks" about forty times a day, but usually I only do it in my mind while I re-group and try to find something else that I find acceptable :tongue_smilie:I think his has become much worse in the last few months due to hormones, he is growing and changing so fast....oh, I dread this! :glare:

Do you know a neighbor well enough to explain the situation and ask to borrow their mower this once? If the back is fenced and/or she would be more rule compliant in the back I'd do that. As the mom of one who doesn't often do toys and relies on electronics in doors, I'd be inclined to try to keep her out if at all possible.

But......you have to understand that the OP has clarified that her SIL is NOT helpful. In fact, she is a rotten houseguest, as well as host. She also stated that the children aren't well controlled, that it isn't a valid option for her to put her children with those children due to her own children not handling sleepover situations well. It sounds like you and your family are good house guests AND that this is a norm for you..it doesn't appear to be for the OP, as it isn't for me and many others here. I think she just feels that some of the respsonses came across as "Why would you NOT, you aren't being good family" vs "Yes, we would but only because it works in our situation". ETA - and I realize that you addressed the disparity in your situation and the OP's. OP, you really need to call/email/text your brother and see how much he knows about all this if you haven't yet. *I* personally, think he should have been the one to broach it with you from the start "Hey sis, DW's sister is graduating soon. You know, they don't have room for us all and we can't afford a hotel. Since we live so far from everyone, we'd love to try to spend some time with you guys, too. Could we maybe spend X days at your house?" This would have come across far better *to me* than an inlaw saying "if you don't do this, it's your fault our kids will do 4 days in a car."

I think the higher replacement cost can be more attributed to the way the book is bound than royalties. I don't know, I don't think it takes away from an author. We own tons of books (literally, tons) but we still check out many, many books from the library....I wouldn't have anywhere to put them all if I didn't. Plus, I would like to think that the author would WANT their book to end up in the library to be read by many. Anyway, if I started thinking along those lines I'd soon be asking myself if you should pay each time you re-read books you own :tongue_smilie: Where does it stop? (I know, you weren't taking it that far...I was being more humorous than anything else.)

Okay, if it is your SIL's family ... can't someone in HER family put them up? Is there only the one sister there? Also, if the graduating sister herself nixed the idea of her staying there (and regardless of who actually veto'd it ... the sister has apparently said no) then I wouldn't feel responsible for picking up any slack. This woman sounds like a houseguest from h@!! Is your family attending this graduation? Are you close to her family? I'm not sure I understand why you've been put in this spot. Unless you are close to them and/or will be going to the graduation (for the sister, not just in general or for another graduate) then I don't see why they'd expect you to accomodate them. Does your brother even know she's made these demands?

Shouldn't SHE have realized that was dumb, as her son plays with your son all the time? LOL Perhaps you could have spun it back on her - "Little Johnny was cursing a blue streak while he was here (shake head sadly), it's just so sad that ALL PUBLIC SCHOOL KIDS CURSE!!"

She always talked about how much of a drain he was, but that is how their family does things...You CANNOT turn out a family member no matter how rude, crude, or intrusive they are. I grew up in a family that believed in manners, etiquette, and the value of personal space so I find that mindset quite confounding. It is a battle DH and I have had time and again over "the inlaws".

:iagree: What nerve. Sounds like my BIL, the man who camped on his sisters couch for nearly THIRTEEN years. DON'T LET THEM IN!! :lol:

Well, I hate to say it but I guess I'm kind of a closet slob. I hate to waste "good clothes" on days at home :D Typically I'm in some form of lounge wear if I'm not planning on leaving the house. That said, I've found some cute things that I like to wear in the summer, they'd work for staying home just as well as going out. I just bought two of this dress - I got a black one and a brown one. I wear them with contrasting leggings and tank underneath. They are cute and comfy. I also have some Old Navy sundresses that I got last year, I wore them a ton during the summer and will again. Other than that I have shorts and fitted tees or tanks. My summer footwear is 90% flip flops. I also got a pair of Bobs last year that I "lurve"! I got the light tan ones. I thought, at the time that it was a huge mistake, given that they would likely end up filthy, however they wash up REALLY well. I hand scrub them with some dish soap and air dry them - I've done it twice and they looked new each time. Love 'em!

Our VT said that we "might" use patching on DS8's amblyopic eye. She said that was one of the things she had used in the past, as in "one of, but not the only". Unless the child is really, really young I don't understand waiting on the astigmatism. I've had two with astigmatism, and both were treated for it in elementary school (ODS at 6 and YDS, now, at 8.)

Oh dear, so that doesn't really get much better? *sigh* That is a big issue for me, I was hoping there was some "magic" book or support group that would have a list (just kidding!):001_huh: The thing is, my husband feels he has no say in how we handle the kids...aaaand, he's kind of right. For one thing, he isn't here very often and there are things I have to handle in the here and now. Also, he is the type to put things off or sweep them under the rug until it is a full blown disaster and that just isn't acceptable for me. When I see a problem, I want to start addressing it and clearing it up. I hadn't thought about the new glasses causing a problem, but that does seem plausible. She told me it would take at least a month before his eyes were at a place that she could begin testing for things like tracking and convergence. We are on week 3, so perhaps he is experiencing some major changes that are manifesting in bad behavior. I did sit down with DH and discuss DS. Of course, he is sure that I'm just not trying hard enough or am not being stern enough :glare: He thinks I wait for him to come in and make him be the heavy, honestly I feel like the Grinch all the time...I am ALWAYS correcting and disciplining. We did end up leaving him in the play - he basically walked across the stage a couple of times, so it isn't like he spent much time backstage. Because the issue started the minute he left the holding area and continued until he went on stage, we decided to work on limiting that time. Luckily, I had some friends who were working backstage and one of them is an assistant in SpEd in the school he used to attend. She knew him, through me, and has experience with special needs kids so I had a talk with her and she was really wonderful about not calling for him until he was needed and making sure he was sent directly back to the waiting area when he left the staqe. My older son was a stage hand and he said that it really cut back on the melt downs. He told me there was only twice that DS8 "came unglued" and he (the older son) was able to say "Hey, that needs to stop - go back to the waiting room and sit down" and DS listened. I think my NOT being back there may have helped. Not so much in that it curbed his behavior, but sometimes I wonder if I exacerbate it. I'm so on edge, just waiting for him to embarass me...I know that sometimes I have been so tightly wound waiting on the incident that I probably over react. It stinks being basically the only person taking care of him - it's a lot of pressure. I just wonder if other people, who didn't take his outbursts/behavior so personally, were better able to stay calm and handle things in a more detached manner. It wasn't just that DH was driving in, although that factored in, but also that he would be there and ALL the kids were involved in the play. DD had a major part and I'm so tired of her and our older son being shortchanged because of issues with YDS. She worked really hard and she deserved one show with her whole family out front watching her. Also, in comparison to some things we have been hashing out regarding members of his family, this was a battle I was willing to concede. There are other hills I need to die on. I still haven't heard back from our family dr about the OT. I did find a center for autism a couple of hours away and I had read somewhere that places like that sometimes have lists of providers and recommendations. I'm going to go there tomorrow (I'll be in the area anyway) and see what they can tell me about developmental peds in the area. We used someone years ago, but he was a bit of a flake and I felt like he brushed me off, I'd like to try someone new. :grouphug:Thank you for the feedback, I was so stressed and exhausted this weekend (exactly the state of mind you want to be in when your child decides to come unhinged ;)) that I didn't even think to come back.

I know exactly how you feel. I could have written your original post, as well. It's so hard when you have tried EVERYTHING and it's like they have the memory of a goldfish. Yeah, they may have toned it down for five minutes if you REALLY ride the hard about something. But tomorrow? Or even later today? They'll do it again, and act like they are hearing the correction for the first time. My son hasn't ever purposefully hurt anyone, but he can get over zealous and do things that can cause others to have accidents or accidently hurt them (jumping on them, etc..) so I know how you feel. :grouphug: If you google SPD checklist, there is a list that has EVERYthing on it. Not that you couldn't have symptoms and not be SPD, or not have symptoms to that severe a degree and BE SPD... Anyway, I printed it off and went through it. I checked off TONS of stuff in the "hypo" sections for hearing, physical things, emotions. The only area he didn't fit any symptoms was smell. He was also "hyper" sensitive in the visual section. What's interesting (to me) is that *I* fit all the "hyper" sensitive symptoms for hearing/physical/smell... I don't know that I have strong reactions to visual things like bright light. I think I am probably SPD, myself, but the polar opposite on that spectrum - which is likely why I really can't wrap my head around his behavior. Where he zigs, I zag :tongue_smilie: If you can't find the link, but want to look at it, let me know and I'll dig it up.

I've posted before about DS8, asking if his behavior could be signs of ADHD. I was told that it sounded a bit like SPD...after reading up on SPD, it sounds VERY like DS. We are just now getting into the vision therapy thing, basically he is wearing special glasses and will go back in a couple of weeks to actually do the testing (couldn't the first time as his eyes were so bad they needed to adjust to glasses first.) I had kind of shelved looking for an OT until after we saw where we were heading with VT, I was afraid I would be trying to change too much, too fast if I started looking into OT at the same time. Well, we have had a complete change of circumstances (in terms of his behavior.) Up to this point, it has always been worse at home. He's the kid that is a holy terror at home and an angel when he's at (previously) school or church. Not that he's not hyper, just that he tends to be more prone to at least ACT like he's listening to someone else...and it's not that I don't try to reign him in. I'm not one of those parents who throws up their hands and says, "Oh, my, he just won't listen." I have talked, disciplined, reasoned, etc.. until I am blue in the face. He was never "ugly" when I was correcting him, he just wasn't particularly remorseful and, even if he *did* behave well in the short term he always reverted to whatever had gotten him in trouble at some point. Most of the time, when I was giving him down the road about something he'd done, he'd have his eyes cast down and too the side with a smirk on his face and he would say things like "Ok, ok" and "I know!" in this sort of giggly voice. Basically, it was like "Aren't I cute? Aren't I funny?" and it drove me nuts. OTOH, he wasn't kicking or spitting at me like I've seen some out of control kids do to their parents and he never did that to anyone else. However, he has a very small part as an extra in a children's theater production. Up to this point, he has done REALLY well. We practiced multiple nights a week for the past few months and he has always behaved reasonably well and done what he is supposed to (a few glitches here and there, but usually I would remind him what was expected of him before the practice and he did well complying.) We had the first showing of it Thursday morning and all h@!! broke loose. It was like he was possessed. He ran in the hallway behind the stage, laughing at me as I tried to grab him and take him back to the room he was to wait in. He was literally dodging people while looking over his shoulder at me as he ran. Backstage he was climbing on props, talking loudly, and jumping around. Some of the older kids were trying to quietly reign him in (before I got over there) and he was laughing at them and saying "OK, ok, ok" really loudly or, at other times, backing away from them (and bumping into things) while shaking his head no and laughing. He even ran out onto the stage during a set change! He is only ever to go out onto the stage with the same group of people, he knew they weren't going out because they were trying to keep him backstage. If he'd looked panicked when he got out there, I would have said he was confused and hadn't meant to do it...instead he made a running circuit of the stage and then ran, beaming, backstage. When I grabbed him as he came in he was jerking away from me and trying to run past me. There are children younger than him in this play, none acted anything like this. I wanted to sink through the floor. After it was over, I brought him home and really chewed him about the behavior. I went over what he was SUPPOSED to do, I made him stay in time out for quite a while (less over the behavior at the play, more over the fact that he was still being defiant and had even slapped at me when I was trying to talk to him. I wanted him to calm down and act human before allowing him to come out of the room - that did happen, 4 hours later :glare:) So, yesterday we had an evening performance. I thought that perhaps it was a combination of things that led to the atrocious things he did on Thursday. I reasoned that it had been an early morning showing (meaning he didn't get the usual long walk and skateboarding that we usually do to wear him down before lessons) so perhaps he had pent up energy, I told myself that he knew there would be kids from his old school there on a field trip (he was talking about them a lot - asking which classes would be there over and over), I even told myself that it was the first show and maybe he had jitters. The kids all played outside from 9:30 - 3:30 yesterday, they were grimey and calm when I brought them in to start cleaning up for the play. I made sure they ate good food regularly throughout the day so his blood sugar wouldn't be out of whack. I prayed that Thursday would prove to be a fluke. It didn't. He wasn't *quite* as bad last night, but he was still out of control. Still shouting back stage, got in trouble for climbing (actually hurling himself bodily) at props behind the stage, tried to go out onto the stage when he wasn't supposed to (thankfully, one of the teen girls was wise to this by that point and grabbed him before he could get out), was holding his arms up to the bigger kids and saying "Uppy, uppy" like a baby... The thing is, my mom went to see the play last night and she said he behaved perfectly on the stage. So it's like a switch - once he gets out there in his group, he straightens right up. The minute he comes back through the curtain he turns into a wild animal. My husband has driven 9 hours to be here to see them in the play tonight. I know he will be angry (and accuse me of being a helicopter mom) if I don't sit in the audience with him. My problem is: How do I leave this kid backstage? How do I foist him off on other people with him acting so awful? That isn't fair to them. There were a few kids that would look visibly relieved when I would come to drag him off to a corner and keep him off them. I don't want my kid to be the one people are talking about later, saying "Oh, I hope he doesn't do this again. He's awful." He doesn't have to do children's theater, he DOES have to learn to be in social settings without turning into a one man circus act. I had thought about telling the director what was going on, she isn't backstage during the shows, and telling her that I'd just like to pull him out so I'm not in the way back there as his "handler" and so he won't continue to disrupt people. His part is so minor, I don't think it would be noticeable. I know DH would be mad. He would tell me I baby him, that if I disciplined him more/better he wouldn't be acting that way, that I need to *make* him do this and act right (how?!) I'm going to hope against hope that, with me out of the equation, he won't feel as comfortable/protected and will be on better behavior. I think that has a snowball's chance of happening, though. I've also talked over with my mother the possibility of HER sitting back there. Not necessarily in the backstage area, but in a room off the hallway where she could hear him if he was being disruptive and could go get him and take him out. That doesn't help if he gets away from them and darts onto the stage again, though. FWIW, after the Thursday debacle, I decided that there was NO way we could wait on finding out what is going on. If he is going to start acting this way outside the home, it is escalating. Also, we *had* been having mild success with him at home prior to this. Since Thursday, he is on full tilt at home. He has become defiant and ugly when I try to deal with him. Yesterday, he had been harrassing DD. I had pulled him to the side, and was trying to talk to him about how he needed to act. He was looking away from me and I put my hand under his chin to bring his face around. He slapped my hand away and looked at me with this utterly defiant look on his face. That has NEVER happened before. Up to now, it's just been like he thinks what he's doing is hilarious, now it's like he becomes angry and tries to provoke when I am correcting him. I thought the play would be good for him, turns out it is going to kill me :tongue_smilie:I just don't understand how he made it throughs months of long rehersals so well, and has now wigged out completely. The only thing I can think of is that he is overwhelmed by the people in the crowd, the stage lights, the dark/quiet of backstage...still, this isn't a normal response to that. If he were crying and begging not to go I would say stagefright, this is the opposite, it's like he's thriving on keeping people on edge!

I have never used fidget toys, but I am looking into them now for my youngest child (and now I'll be hitting Target's dollar spot!) Can you tell me a bit about using them as a teacher? I find it hard to wrap my mind around letting him do something else while trying to, say, read to him. How do they pay attention if they are focused on something else? I know that is probably because I DON'T have that same neurological set up, mine is the tune out everything but the thing I'm doing right now type :tongue_smilie: I grew up with teachers who wanted to look up and see you looking back at them if they were reading to you, they'd have lopped off our heads if we'd been fidgeting with anything... I did let him go color during read aloud today, and was sure he wasn't listening, but then he got up to go to the restroom and said, "Wait. Don't read until I get back." Go figure.

It sounds more like the OP is wanting things to have around, rather than a planned itinerary? I would suggest some decent snack foods (whatever you are ok with in your house - and tweens are notoriously messy, whether they are boys or girls.) I would have a stack of movies that you are fine with them watching, or have some que'd up on Netflix. I know you said they aren't into TV, but it would be good if they wanted background noise or simply needed something to fill some downtime if they don't have a lot to talk about. Nail polish? I'm limiting it after my DD's last sleepover :glare:, but your group may do fine with it. Beads and string for jewelry making seem to be a big deal still here. Do you have an area where they can get out and play basketball or soccer or even dodgeball? A video camera and stereo so they can do karaoke? My DD is just now going on 10, but a friend has girls who are 12 and these still seem to be big with that age group.

I'm going to have to look into that. Now, how does one look into that? LOL What does one google, I wonder? I looove taking my kids to do things like that, we always end up paying to do them at places like science centers and such on vacation.... To the OP, my 12 year old is coming off too much screen time, as well. He has just now started enjoying reading, but it appears your son is already a reader. DS enjoys skateboarding, going into our woods and messing around, collecting firewood for camp fires (too much rain lately to do that), and doing "handy" type things with my stepdad. This week they installed a porch swing for my mother, a couple of weeks ago they cleaned up one of mom's old cars and took it to get a new battery. I'm really trying to guide him in the direction of doing that sort of thing. I think next weekend we are going to buy some birdhouse kits. He enjoys working with his hands, and my mom wants birdhouses for her yard. I've found that even a little screen time, if it's twaddle like Pokemon, can really squelch his ability to be creative with his time. It's like one episode can reduce his brain to mush. :tongue_smilie:Now, we can watch some our family stuff (Merlin, Dr Who) together, in limited quantities, and it gives him things TO USE creatively. Weird, I know. We are on month 3 of slashing free screen time, I'm just NOW beginning to see a payoff. A small payoff at that. I'm holding on, hoping that we will see more as time goes by. I think a big mistake people make is assuming that the kid will immediately forget tv and start being someone different. Some do, I'm sure, but the kids who were truly addicted don't (I don't think.) I know that part of DS's is laziness. He doesn't want to "think" of things to do and physically do them, he wants the plug in and be entertained ease of tv. That's ok if it's an occasional escape, but for DS it was what he substituted for reality. He is basically learning (again, he did know this before he went to school) how to come up with things to do and how to use his brain. Good luck, ours is/has been ugly but the payoff is worth it!

:iagree: That was going to be my suggestion - let her participate, but recognize that she will need modifications. Is her mom *able* to redirect her? If so, could she sit beside or behind her to help with that? Or could she walk in with the acolytes and then sit elsewhere if that would work better? I don't think it's wrong for the priest to expect to give a sermon unhindered. Or perhaps HE isn't a hugger? Either way, I think that would be (and seems that it is) what the decision hinged on. That and the running. If the mom is willing to accept that her child may not be participating in the same way as other children all the time, and is willing to try to modify so that her child may get the most from the experience, then I would try to work with her. This might be an alternative to the lit candle? I would think the priest might be able to understand the need to *not* let her handle real fire? My youngest has some impulse control issues as well, I can see where he wouldn't fit the criteria of acolyte. I know it would make me sad for him to see him not participate where his peers were (and, if I am being honest, sad for me), but I would either want him to participate within his means (which might mean not doing everything) or not at all. I wouldn't want him to become a spectacle. ETA: I don't think it would be *wrong* to talk to the girl's dad...but I do think you'd be asking for a fight with the mother. You also might be making the girl's homelife worse if the parents start sniping about it. In this instance, I'd deal with the mom only unless the dad contacts you himself.

While I think it's great that Nance's family and inlaws all get along so well, that isn't the case for everyone. DH and I have been married for 14 years, we still have "his" and "hers" families. We all get along, but we grew up so differently that it's really unreasonable for us to expect the other to feel at home in the other family. Now, my husband travels, so it's easy for us to see a lot of my mom... and he doesn't feel awkward, because he's not here. My MIL is always pushing for "one big family" type holidays and it's always stressful for me and my mom. We don't DO holidays that way, never have. My mom tried it one year, going to my inlaws, and swore never again. OP, I really think your MIL is either clueless and unreasonable, or just outright rude. You don't insist someone invite you somewhere. You. Just. Don't! And that is basically what she's done, buy insisting that she see you all every holiday. Frankly, I'd be tempted to say that if it's so flipping important to her she might try dejunking so it would be convienient for her to host your family on some holidays. If my inlaws ever pitched that kind of fit, it would be hard for me not to tell them they'd just fixed it where they wouldn't see us at holidays at all. I think her demands are awfully immature. Perhaps you need to sit down with her (and your DH) and come up with a schedule, like the PP has. Tell her you can either do ALL holidays with her one year and your family the next...or alternate by holiday...or whatever. I think I would take the bull by the horns here and get it all hammered out NOW before another holiday pops up. If she knows what to expect, maybe she will be more pleasant. Does anyone else think it's terribly self centered of this MIL to expect that the OP will see her *every* holiday, even if that means changing her family's plans, but clearly expects that some holidays she may be coming to see the MIL and WOULDN'T get to see her family at all? Sorry, extended family makes me cranky sometimes. :glare: I've been known to declare that I'm going to move to a tent in the farthest reaches of Canada to escape the pressure that my inlaws put on me to "feel like one of the family." I don't, and I'm okay with that.