I agree with the others- if she is not at least somewhat willing, I wouldnt force it. It was hard for me but ds14 wanted to stop his lessons recently and I realised I had little choice- you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink! Perhaps you could cajole her into trying a few lessons. But if she is self motivated...I would let her run with it and find her own way. Music is music and she is nurturing her musical capacity by playing. Lessons can often kill that desire to just play music for its own sake.

No Scottish blood in either of us, but my hubby has two double wardrobes full of his clothes- I have one kid's wardrobe. He collects clothes big time, and he wears them well. I sometimes give an opinion on colour combinations or something like that if asked, but I have never felt the need to dress my husband at all.

That would depend on how the symptoms were manifesting, how chronic it was, how it was diagnosed, how debilitating etc. More details would help. Adrenaline activates the SNS, so basically, that which sets off adrenaline and causes a fight or flight reaction, will stimulate the SNS. Many symptoms are possible, and you can deal with the symptoms one at a time, but if you want a deeper approach, go for treatment which stops the triggering. So, if one is very anxious a lot- and suffers from various symptoms because of that- there are many possibilities - yoga, meditation, tai chi, counselling to deal with the underlying issues, group therapy, daily exercise, bringing more order into your life. So many possibilities. Siberian ginseng is a great herb for stress and the adrenals. Large doses of magnesium (in a balanced supplement) helps the muscles relax. But, its impossible to give personal suggestions without knowing more details. For some peopel, and antidepressant is going to calm the system and so the symptoms will decrease, but that wouldnt be my long term approach.

I am not split into little pieces, so that you can separate my sexuality from my inner or outer beauty or any other parts of me. I am a whole being and not made up of parts, except conceptually. And, just because I wear a pretty skirt and a singlet top that happen to make me look sexy (well, once upon a time), doesn't actually mean I want to have sex with you, I can assure you. Come on. Have you never loved the feeling of being pretty and having the sun on your bare skin and being unencumbered by excessive clothing? It is a beautiful and free feeling. But then, I don't have a problem with nudity, either. I don't subscribe to the belief systems that fuel much of the discussion. They are not "fact" to me, they are beliefs, and you can't argue with a belief. I think one can only speak for how one feels, and one's beliefs are going to shape one's responses. I have been through a very sexually libeated period of my life, amongst a community who feel the same, and honestly, you grow out of it and all this stuff just isn't a big deal any more. Not much charge around it. For men or women. Sexual repression leads to sexual obsession, not anything outside oneself. You can't change other peope- you can feel morally superior or righteous, but that really doesn't serve anyone. So much of it is cultural, whether its a whole country or your religious beliefs, or a subculture. Theres no absolute truths here. I honestly dont think God is going to reward me for hiding my body and its inherent sexuality- or punish me for flaunting myself. I don't think God is so petty.

I think if I inteded to homeschool from birth, I would think of myself as a homeschooler from then on. If I had thought that, I would have done it differently to how I did it. I did read to them a lot, but I coudl have done a lot more and would have if I didnt have the mindset of sendng them off to school for their "real" education. I dotn think hoemschoolng only starts when they hit school age. I don't have a problem with people considering keeping kids home from preschool/kindergarten as homeschooling. The cooler homescooling is, the better. I think anyway- depends on how well they homeschool I guess. On the whole- I dont care. I am not in some elitist club.

:grouphug: Last year my incompetant doctor thought she felt a lump in my breast check up, and sent me for a mammogram. I couldnt get an appointment for 2 weeks. I was quite disturbed, but dh and I could not for the life of us find anything suspicious. Nevertheless, I was still concerned, and the hardest part was keeping it from the kids- but we decided to at the time. Wasnt easy, since we are also open about most things, but we didnt want to worry them unecessarily. It turned out negative- nothing there- and I was annoyed with my doctor for submitting me to unecessary radiation- on my breasts!- and 2 weeks of stress for nothing. I feel she was incompetant beause there truly was nothing there to feel- she must have been being ridiculously diligent due to fear of being sued or something. I would only keep it from them long enough to process the issue myself and discuss with dh what to do. Once the next step was decided, I would tell the kids and be able to focus on their reactions and be there for them. I dont think I would want to have to do both at once. But if it happened that way, that would be ok too- that's life. Let us know your results!

I think that is a huge issue in our youth obsessed culture, asta. I know for sure it comes up for me at times with a pang of jealousy at my radiantly beautiful daughter- since my own youth doesnt seem so far past and I actually have to remind myself of my age at times because I dont really feel much different. Becoming "invisible" to men was quite a shocking process for me to come to terms with over the years. If we don't embrace our ageing and learn to let go of our youth, let the youth be youth, and mature in our own way- which can be amazingly beautiful in its own way...we simply become bitter and rather silly looking. Not to mention we line the pockets of plastic surgeons, or spend thousands on beauty treatments, and obsess over that which is inevitably going to pass- youthful looks. At least a youth should be able to celebrate their youthful looks while they are youthful! And how is it going to affect a mothers relationship with her daughter if the mother hasnt come to terms with her own changing looks? I myself have trouble with gaining a little weight, and puffiness under my eyes- and its so hard not to think- oh, there is something wrong and I must do something about it- when actually, they are just natural signs of a gracefully aging body. My dd thinks I am beautiful anyway- she doesn't expect or want me to look like her!

Lol, I have an alpha alpha alpha male dh and he hasn't beat me up yet! (this is our 18th year). I don't have a problem with a young woman knowing her beauty and sexual power. I think that's nature . However, I would hope that any young woman would also have a good relationship with her dad, plenty of physical affection at home, and good self worth. I would hope she would not feel trapped by any alpha male's attention on her, and knew how to get out of any situation she was ready to leave. I am not into outward modesty, but I wholeheartedly feel that women should have choices and options and not feel compelled to put themselves out as sex objects in order to get what they think is love, when it isnt- and then compromise themselves. But feeling sexually attractive at least for a few years of our lives (before children come along) is a beautiful thing. Later, we become more invisible, and thats the way its meant to be- we are not meant to be invisible when teens. My dd15 is very beautiful and attractive, and she has a beautiful dress sense. And yes, it is inherently showing some skin and her beautiful figure- but not untastefully, in my or dh's opinion. Yet in some groups, showing a shoulder or having a tight top on is considered immodest, as if these people have nothing better to do that judge and notice how other people dress. Sometimes I think mothers forget whatit was like to be a sexy young teenager. It's a wonderful thing, a God given beautiful thing, and appreciated in most cultures. And we should protect them from dangerous situations and themselves, if necessary, but I think we should also celebrate them rather than "shut them down".

Lol, my dh hates cats with a passion. I have always been one for bringing home baby animals, and having kids was an excuse to do it more! Our first cat though, he terrorised, until the poor thing woudl jump out at our feet with all claws out and attack. I eventually couldn't handle it any more and found another home for her. A while later, dh and I were separatd and I bought the kids a kitten each- one died, but when dh and got back together, this beautiful, easy goign cat had to deal with dh . As far as he was concerned, this was now an outdoer cat- but that ca was very clvere at fining ways inside! Dh however loves dogs- we have 2. He likes t be able to dominate an animal- he can be pack leader to dogs, but you cant do that with a cat. We also have a rabbit- at one stage, 4 rabbits- 4 chooks, fish and a snake. I dont know hwo you get your dh to bond with your critters. My dad is the same- his wife is a passionate dog lover and they did get a dog, but it is very clear its Rob's dog, not his, and he doesnt give the dog much attention at all. He's not hostile though. Can you have a heart to heart wih your dh? Tell him its really hurting you, that you dont want the animals to bother him, and you care how he feels, but they are really, really important to you? My dh would absolutely freak if a cat got up on a benchtop too- he is a hygeine freak, and I am not particularly. Not that I enouraged it, but it wouldnt make me get the bleach out, lol. Have you tried every solution- catlitter in a completely out of the way place? I think the only soluton would be a heart to heart- maybe more than one. Instead of reacting to each other- communicate. And he may defend, but he will know how you are feeling and then has the opportunity to stop using the animals as a source of contention, and find a way to deal with it maturely. I find if I m honest that way with my dh, he will defend at first, then later he wil change as if it was his idea all along :)

Listening. I listen to their opinions and thoughts. I listen when they tell me about their friends, and their feelings. Lots of car time has helped, over years. Also daily togethe time for school work- lots of informal and interesing conversations arise. I am not into the whole "you cant be your child's friend" thing. I am a friend to my teens, in my own way. There is only a problem if I am not willing to also set the boundaries and back them up when its necessary- when I back down just to keep the peace when they really need strong parenting. I can be a friend, and a parent. They may be a few years behind in emotional and physical development, but we are in this whole human thing together, and I have always learned from them. My dd15 and I are compatible personalities, although she is much more extroverted than I am. I would not say ds14 and I are particularly compatible personalities- and he has been a challenge to raise- but we are very close none the less. He is going through a period of wanting to really individuate and can be quite obnoxious. But last week he still wanted me to know he has a sweetheart and talk to me about it- as long as I didn't tell anyone else. There has been a big shift with dh and ds14. There was a lot of conflict developing between them, and I found it very challenging to be a united front with dh when I found him so rigidly authoritarian and unwilling to listen to ds's point of view. I have always been willing to listen to ds, especially when he was emotional- if he doesnt feel heard, he will become bitter and angry and withdraw. Then dh had a revelation that ds was becoming a man, and he needed dh to respect him more and no longer treat him as a child. You wouldnt believe the difference it has made around here. They are best buddies now! Dh adored ds- he just couldnt find the right way to "be" with him , before recently.

I think most husbands really want to please their wives...yours just proved he does! Congratulations!

Maybe they woudl like tofu or tempeh? My ds14 absolutely loves tofu- he prefers it to meat, even though he likes meat too. Slice it and marinate it- a bought teryaki sauce will do- some soy sauce, giner and garlic if not- then fry it up. I love tempeh- marinated, fried. Yum.

Now that I have teens, I find our path is much more individual to us, and less applicable to others, and other's paths are less applicable to mine. We diverge. So I voted less. I have done the curriculum junkie thing- I have bought and used and sold a lot of what is out there. I have been obsessed with homeschooling. Nowadays, its just what we do; the kids have some homeschooling frends they see regularly, but their main socialising is through Scouts and Venturers (and i dont know how kids who go to school keep up with the amount of activities that our groups do, every week). We no longer attend what you guys call a co-op. My life now has other interests. If I didnt come here, I probably would barely ever talk about homeschooling. I stopped going to the curriculum board long ago, and I only visit the high school board ocasionally..mostly, I am happy with what we are doing and dont want to be triggered into buying more curriculum or feeling we are not doing enough. I am spending my spare money on essential oils and health superfoods- thats my "thing" at the moment, and my raw food fling is benefitting everyone with a healthier diet. There are seasons for everything. If I had peopel IRL who I was close to who were doing something I admired, I woul be influenced. But I don't. I have been influence by the uniqueness ofsome of the highschool mum's paths with their kids...and I think that is probably what happens in highschool. Real life and academic work, outside classes and part time work form a kind of unique hybrid thing that cannot be replicated, so others experience can only help so much.

Yes, you are legally not suppsed to drive for 6 weeks. For those with older kids to get around the place- 6 weeks is a long time. Thats what I was meanign by the effect of the hormonal cascade that happens for both mum and bub during the birthing process. I dont think we have begun to understand the consequences of interfering with that. Yup, thats my line of thought, too.

Im frightened of scrapbooking. I keep away from it. I am afraid that it would take over my life if I went too near it. It would suck me in and my family would see even less of me as I played with pictures of them, instead of them. I have been to scrapbooking shops and I can completely understand why women go crazy over scrapbooking. It is a creative outlet and you get to play with stationary. Many of us have secret love affairs with stationary. And its a creative outlet that you dont need to be able to draw well to do. You can make somethng pretty decent straight up. And, it feels useful to make something creative of your photos. I can understand it. But I haven't gone there. The photos are still sitting in boxes mostly- a few simple books. Because I know myself- once I got started...I would probably get obsessed. ETA- for all those people who think they are not creative because they dont paint or make sculptures, yet they cook and garden? You are creative. We are all creative. Its takes creativity not to put the same meal on the table every night, and it takes creativity to design and maintain a garden. Not to mention organise kids' lives and hoemschool. You are creative- you just channel it into different areas. If we all painted, it would be boring.

My experience is that sitting on the computer in communal areas doesnt necessarily make for much interaction :) Ask my family about me :) I do agree it is one step better than in their rooms, though. However...my main reason to try and keep it communal is more so that they think we could be noticing what they are doing. Internet predators are everywhere, literally- it's big. I see that my dd15 spends most of her time on Facebook, and some time on MSN, and a LOT of time on Photoshop editing photos- to put on Facebook. I am a fan of her Facebook- she is not allowed to unsbscribe me- but I am not fussy if she swears or anything on there- I allow a wide parameter of teenager behaviour before I will step in. With ds14- I ended up telling him that if he was going to speak such trash on MSN, we would ban him. It was horrible. He stopped- or matured, not sure which. Just being able to see what they are doing out of the corner of my eye- without actually stepping close to read their intimate conversations with everyone- is enough for me, 95% of the time.

My 14yo son is the same. He- and dd15 for that matter- seem to feel that they are adults now, and what are we thinking putting restrictions on anything they deem fit to do? I also have been close to my ds14, and it has been difficult to go through this time of setting VERY clear boundaries over and over and over, and standing by them...and sometimes negotiating etc etc. I have gone from being the easy going mum to the tyrant, in his eyes! Apparently we are THE most over protective parents in the WORLD :) (and I just roll my eyes because I come here and I am far more lenient than the majority here!). However, every now and then they get a reality check when one of their friends gets banned from the internet or mobile phone for a week, which we have never done (yet!), or gets grounded from all social activities (which we have also never done- yet!). My kids do not have very clear persective on how it is for other kids, because they dont go to school, so their range of aquaintances is probably smaller than scooled kids (though I think dd15 has 300 Facebook friends and she has met them all). We hit issues around computers all the time. Dd15 will take her laptop to her room and make it look like its still on her desk upstairs by putting something laptop shaped underneith a blanket. We were conned once or twice, but we were teenagers once ourselves, you know, and both of us were a lot less supervsed than these two, and we know most of the tricks in the book!

Just steam/stirfy with a decent dob of butter and lots of pepper. I like a dash of lemon juice, too.

My kids, yes...but there are some sensitive souls out there.

We dont celebrate/commemorate ANZAC day ourselves, but dd15 went to the dawn parade with her Venturer unit. They were going to have to leave the Scout hall at 3.30 am to get the the city, so they all slept over. Dh and I were out at swap meet at dawn, as usual- it was a beautiful dawn- but everyone was apparently at the dawn parade , so that was a bit of a disappointment. Coincidentally, we did study the First World War from Australia's perspective this week. Just happened to come up in the schedule. So at least my kids will not be completely ignorant what ANZAC Day is all about.

Well, this seems to be an issue coming up regularly for me lately on these boards, but are we educating our kids only for the job market? Or are we educating them because being well educated gives one a higher quality of life? If I read classics to my kids over 12 years, and those sorts of books become natural for them, and if I teach them to write clearly both research articles, essays AND solid paragraphs....aren't they going to be ahead of the game anyway? If they can diagram sentences even if they dont HAVE to diagram sentences to get by in life, they have an extra tool in their kit...and believe it or not, that tool gives many of us much pleasure (and I didnt learn to diagram sentences until my kids learned). Yes, there is way too much information out there for any child to be able to absorb in one childhood's education, and yes they need to learn to be able to filter and multitask and all that- but dont you also read classics to them to help them set their moral compass correctly, for life? If they only read modern , easy to read books, because they are only goign to "need" to read at an age 12 standard to get by in life, are they getting the same soul nourishment as reading a range of books including a large amount of classics? If all their peers received a mediocre and dumbed down education, and they received a brilliant, perhaps slightly old fashioned, but very deep and rich education....do you honestly think they will resent you for it? I am still grateful for the fairly solid education I received as a child, and I am even more grateful for the classical education I have received while homeschooling my kids. It has enriched my life immensely, and opened many doors in my mind and heart to books and concept that were previously closed to me. So much more opens up to you when you just know Greek mythology and especially Homer. It's amazing. Let alone King Arthur, the Canterbury tales and some old fashioned poetry. Our society is way too career driven. Education is for life- its not about money. And its hardly a disadvantage to most careers, either. Let's not dumb down our kids just because we can get away with it. We can train them for the modern world best by giving them a solid foundation of knowledge, as well as training them in skills. Knowledge trains their memories and it gives context to everything. I think we need to give them much, much more than what they "need" for survival. What will they have to fall back on if they only have what they need to pass a job interview?

I learned to drive on manuals so can still drive them, but dh and I both drive automatics. However, dh also has a "hoonmobile" (I will post pictures one day- is covered with gothic artwork of semi clad women and shamanic animals- I wont drive in it on principle (the women, not the animals) :) ) and it is manual and neither of my kids are hung up on my principles, lol, and will learn to drive in that. A friend is having her dd learn on her automatic, and when she is ready to have paid lessons (once she is basically confident and comfortable driving in traffic in the city) she will learn how to drive a manual. Sounds like a pretty good way to me.

Lol, mine is a late maturing 14yo with no peach fuzz yet, and no voice change yet. But man, can he eat! And he is now taller than his sister and I, and he is SO proud of being able to reach higher shelves in the pantry than we can! I just LOVE waching him grow into a man. I love that he adores me and shares secrets with me. I love watching him learn to flirt with girls. I love watching him feel empowered to take control of his own life.

C section babies are more likely to have breathing issues, and apparently, breastfeeding issues (due to the surgery and pain and often delay in breastfeeding). The mother is more likely to have future fertility issues (due to the abdominal surgery) and post partum depression, as well as low self worth if they were wanting a vaginal birth. I suspect that the hormones released during the intense vaginal birth are designed to prepare both mother and baby. I know cranio sacral massage therapists who say that our heads are meant to be squeezed through the vaginal canal and it does things to our nervous system that prepare us for life. The pain and recovery issues have been covered- I know my own experience was a very fast recovery from both births (vaginal). I tore a little with the first, but the nurses were surpised that it was healed within 2 days. I took homeopathics though (arnica). Honestly, I was so high from the birth experience and having my baby in my arms, I didnt even notice the tearing. I also think that with a C section, the baby doesn't get to decide when to be born...the doctors do, and I think that is sigificant. Even in utero babies are sensitive and very aware, and being yanked out before the whole hormonal cascade that naturally precipitates their birth, is bound to have an effect- albeit a subtle and at this stage probably unprovable one. I dont think science has begun to understand the subtleties of the whole issue because everyone agrees that an alive baby (and mother) is better than dead- who can argue with that?

For us it will be worked out as we go- no strong convictions either way- lots of love and willingness to support them but no committment to supporting them through university regardness of circumstances. We wll see. If they are still living at home and continuing on their education (as opposed to leaving home and going to university a year or two later, after becoming independent) we will probably financially support them as much as possible. That may not, however, exend to student fees, depending on how well off we are at that time. If we are doing ok, I imagine dh wll want to support them, but we havent discussed it simply because its the sort of thing we would decide at the time. The kids dont really have expectations. Dh will probably buy them both a car. He's just like that- he did for his oldest dd, my step dd. Weddings...well, we are not especially wedding oriented around here. We dont groom our kids for getting married at all..that's up to them later, and we are not fussed either way. (Dh and I werent married when they were born- we finally decided to get married when they were 3 and 5 years old). I really doubt we would ever go for the whole $10,000 or $20000 wedding thing. For our own wedding it was just bring a plate, we will supply the alcohol and the wedding cake :) It was still a beautiful and meaningful ceremony for us...we didnt ask for gifts and we didnt want to make too much of a fuss. If our kdis got married, we would make a fuss, for sure, but I really doubt we would spend a lot of money on one.