my battery operated electronic metronome also has an "A" pitch...it's made by 'Sabine' (but it's 25 years old...don't know if that helps). Or a pitch pipe should do the job...

Maybe they need a 'breathalyzer' app too? :lol:

Shameless promotion here for The Princess and the Kiss, By Jennie Bishop. It's on Amazon. Very nice story, beautifully illustrated.

:lol: Mrs. Goldwater is more concerned with a clean barn floor than a clean kitchen floor...:lol::lol: This remark is especially funny because just yesterday I finally succeeded in persuading her to finally get the baby goats out of our dining room and back in the barn. (It's been cold here). I just completely vacuumed and swept the house to get the stray straw out because we were having visitors...it never occurred to her that this needed to be done, though the stray straw was ALL OVER the downstairs of the house, and it's HER boots that are always tracking in the barn mud, etc...mine are always stacked neatly by the back door...we argue occasionally, but not over the stereotypical things you're imagining...and she hasn't ironed a shirt for me in 19 years...:lol: I respectfully disagree with the bolded. I still contend that our basic needs are the same as they've ever been. But I'll take your word for it if you say your husband is not an IN GENERAL type and leave it at that.

LOL...I have 2 older bros...they are NOTHING like me at all in lifestyle, philosophy, faith, or family (Hey! Who said, "thank goodness!")... Both are currently married, one has had trouble staying married...should I let y'all know if he becomes available again? :lol:

That's what I meant about the wiser people ;)

Beautifully and truly phrased. Amen!

Let me try again...what I've said, is, that, IN GENERAL, men crave the unconditional respect of their wives. IN GENERAL, if they are good hearted men, AND they receive this from their wives, the men will IN GENERAL behave in a manner that is more satisfying to their wives. These are not my notions...I've gleaned them from Scripture, with some assistance from wiser people, and I've personally experienced them, both sides, in almost 20 years of marriage. If the OP was a man, my remarks would look entirely different...because I would have been talking about HIS behavior, not his wife's. I suspect that just about all of the ladies here would be shouting, "AMEN" to what I would have to say to HIM. The entire point is that the needs of a husband versus the needs of a wife are both absolutely essential, but not identical...both equal in value, but not equal in substance. In general, the wife is seeking unconditional love from her husband, while the husband is seeking unconditional respect from his wife. That's why Ephesians 5:22-33 is written that way...it doesn't say, 'wives, love your husbands' but 'wives should respect their husbands.' In addition it DOES say 'Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church.' It does NOT say, 'Husbands, respect your wives.' Isn't it intriguing that it's different? I think that it's written this way, because the wife's natural inclination is already to love her husband unconditionally. It's the way she's built. A command is not required, because it happens naturally. In the same way, a husband typically offers respect without thinking...it's the 'default' setting of an honorable man. But unconditional love can require conscious effort for a man, hence the Biblical command to LOVE your wife, and to use the example of Christ's sacrifical love, even to death, as a template. One more example...if my dear wife is angry with me, and she's yelling in my face, a 'respectful' response from me as the husband, and one that comes naturally to me, is to be silent, and maybe look away, look down, or back out of the room. OUT OF RESPECT, I don't want to engage in a fight. UNFORTUNATELY, a wife will, quite naturally, interpret this as WITHHOLDING LOVE! She might think, I'm upset, I'm telling him I'm upset, and HE DOESN'T CARE! HE JUST WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM! He doesn't LOVE me! Big problem! Big miscommunication! Now...if in the middle of that circumstance, if the husband fights his natural inclination, resists every instinct he has to walk away, and instead engages, discusses, maybe argues and yells, and then eventually works to resolve the conflict, is that not a great definition of 'dying to self,' and showing unconditional love, to fight through the conflict in order to resolve it for his beloved wife? BTW, and not directed at ANYONE in particular at all, my remarks are not applicable to circumstances of abuse, pathology or pervasive maliciousness. They're only for decent-hearted people that desire a harmonious marriage. ...I'm really trying to help...fire away. :001_smile:

Apart from Scripture, there is plenty of scientific evidence and theory to support a YE/creationist perspective. Being scientifically literate, and THEN becoming a Christian on top of it, it's very interesting to me to now view the history of the earth from a YE point of view, after being trained for most of my education to accept OE/secular/evolutionary ideology. I find the OE/evolutionary explanations for the earth we see today to be increasingly un-satisfying, scientifically; in addition it clashes with my faith. But... I won't fight over it. I won't challenge a brother's/sister's faith or heart over it. Civil discussion on the topic could be quite enjoyable and interesting...if I ever have one.:tongue_smilie:

Regarding the bold...I never said that it was a woman's fault...I'm talking about improving the relationship dynamics to break the frustration spiral that is currently going on. Adjusting your own approach/reactions/tone is a well-established technique for couples, families and workplace conflicts. It also applies very well in canine/equine behavior training/modification, where I have more expertise. :tongue_smilie: Feel better! :001_smile:

To some who've posted (not all of you) Again, this isn't about the taxes........ Separate filings, plan B last minute rescues, and "I told you so's" are not going to accomplish the OP's stated goals. The taxes being done or not done is a symptom, not the issue. :)

:001_huh:...sorry, never heard anyone say that to me before.:lol: Wow...he is screwed, isn't he! At least he won't blow your refund on this trip... Well, he DID say he would 'handle' it, which you told us in your OP...he may find himself in that position, despite your history with him...too bad for him, right? You are brave! HE CAN GET A 2ND, OR 3RD PART-TIME JOB!!!!! :lol: If he's a man, he'll deal with the consequences of HIS action/inaction. I'll answer your question this way...do you sincerely believe he's forgotten that this needs to be done, and that he's forgotten that he COMMITTED to taking care of it himself? IF you do think he's genuinely forgotten, I'd say something innocuous, like, "Do you think the accountant has enough time to get the taxes done after your trip is complete?" This question implies that you know he's in charge of it...you are just asking for details. If you don't think he's forgotten it, I'd NOT 'remind' him...let it go. He may indeed fail to get this done. If that happens, I'd expect him to accept your 'reminding' a lot more constructively in the future. The hardest part for you will be, at that point, to resist the urge to say, 'I TOLD YOU SO!' I guess it all boils down to whether or not you believe that he's a responsible, mature man...and have the courage to let him prove it...Remember, this whole discussion began with whether or not a wife can have respect for their husband, in all circumstances (even when he's not behaving so respectably). And what that can do to truly enhance your marriage. I sincerely hope this works out for you...please keep me posted :)

I have never done any of those things either... My DW once colored her hair platinum blond, as a gag and as a surprise for me.:lol: But now I find her grey locks quite appealing, and her overall 'maturing' akin to a fine wine.:001_tt1: :drool5:

IMHO, if the oldest is just 7, it should be a snap. It's not like she has to start with a college-track class in geo-biochemical-thermonuclear physics/w lab! Read, play games, mess with basic math, do puzzles, have bug hunts, go to the zoo and the museum...she ought to be able to handle that, I'd think. We homeschooled back when I traveled 5 days/week for work, with 3 little ones including infant. And a farm. And no family within 500 miles. And located in a new state with no friends. We lived. (Not saying it was easy, but well worth it). :001_smile:

don't remember that one...link? :D

Judging from your OP, it might be as much about controlling the environment, to avoid things spinning out of control...for example, interruptions. My dear wife does not tolerate them during school time. The phone is off. Unannounced visitors, even family, are summarily dismissed (they've learned not to bother now). Distractions are removed. This has helped a lot. She's not inflexible, but when it's business-time, it's business-time. We've used a lot of 'please' and 'thank-you' with our kids, to good effect. No name calling. And limited the sarcasm as much as possible (oh, it's soooooo hard...). They catch more than we teach. Finally we never are dismissive of their desire to express themselves. They might wait their turn to avoid interrupting conversation, but we strive to pause and say, 'okay, what do you want to say? :)' Believe me, our kids are far from perfect, but these habits have helped to keep things reasonably pleasant at home. :)

You can be equals, but not identicals. :) I strongly desire the love of my DW...but I need her respect, like oxygen. In fact, I would gladly die rather than lose her respect. You can make him earn it if you want...it's your marriage, and I'm not trying to 'sell' you on any of this. I'm just saying that, in general, men want the respect from their wives to be unconditional...maybe think of it as 'respect for the office of Husband.' Don't know if that helps...I'm running out of ideas to get this across in a helpful way.

Ah...thank you...I am highly (too highly) sensitive to tone at times so I asked for clarification out of respect. :lol: Nestof3, I think the Michael Pearl advice to women in that situation is horrific...:001_huh: Regarding the rest of your posts and pp on this, your situation sounds complicated...I wish I could be of more help...my remarks were intended to just suggest some alternatives for you, things that you have control over, that might illicit better responses and outcomes from your DH and make a happier home. I wish you good fortune in that endeavor.

E.T.A: Actually (Re: UNLIKE YOU bolded above), I routinely ask my wife to 'write it down' if something needs to be done; it helps me remember...I operate both at work and at home off lists. She willingly does this for me, because then the thing gets done! First of all, has the 4-5 times nagging gotten him to do it? I would say to you, he's a grown man, he has a calendar, he knows when the 15th of April is. Did he say he would handle it? Then let him. If he's pulling an all nighter on April 14th, that's HIS problem. If he blows the deadline, I'll bet he's more accepting of help from you next time, and listens to a reminder about a deadline more readily. I know there's consequences for both of you. You're married to him! Nothing is separate. That's part of the ballgame.

Again, you're equating respect as something that has to be earned. Husbands don't want to earn respect from their wives. They want it unconditionally. Regarding the rest of your post, I meant what I said, not what you said...I tried to choose my words very carefully.

I believe that an honorable man would respond to this type of coaching from his wife. Ask him, if he needs to postpone a conversation, just gently say so, and you'll respect that. Maybe set up some communication ground rules...an example from my life would be DW telling me not to discuss dates, schedules and my work commitments in the middle of her HSing time, because, unless she has her focus on the calendar, it goes in one ear and out the other, things get missed, and everyone gets mad. Once she explained it to me, I had an easy time adjusting my behavior. Conflict averted. Your family has a lot on its plate right now...I don't mean to make this sound trite or simple...

<deep breath> I'm trying to be very careful here, because I don't know you or him. And I don't want to cause any harm or hurts. I'm trying to translate from my own marriage and other research I've done (as a layman). ...OK...All I'm offering are suggestions for your interactions that I would perceive as 'respectful' if I were the DH. I can't guarantee success or that you will actually get what you want...by no means am I a couples therapist:tongue_smilie: But these suggestions work best on a man that is an honorable man. RE: the input into parenting quote...my suggestion would be simply stating, without anger or emotion, that to properly raise your kids, they need him to have parenting input from their dad. State it like a wife, not a mom. Focus the statement in a positive way, as in, 'DH, I need you to ___ in order to make sure that ___ happens with our kids.' NOT 'DH, you never give our kids any parenting input. That is just awful. Shame on you' Try to forget that, going by what you're saying, he's been dropping the ball up to now... RE: repetitive requests. TRY asking once, give a specific time line, and leave it alone. IF he does it, give him a hearty, affectionate 'Thank you! You really showed me you loved me there!' IF he does not, just leave it be...by doing that, you are showing him that doing 'the thing' is less important than you 'maintaining your respectful posture.' RE: the pizza. IF he says that, I'd restate it this way. 'DH, I need your help with completing this meal. Are you declining to help me?' IF he says, 'Yes.' I'd just drop it, and continue to treat him respectfully...don't hold a grudge, don't give him the silent treatment, etc. If he says 'No, OK I'll help.' sincerely thank him and move on...don't check up on him etc. IF the pizza's burned, so be it. IF he's honorable, he'll own his screw-up, and say something that sounds like 'sorry.' The idea here is to project that you demonstrating that you respect him has become important to you...(not saying that it isn't now, but it's about making HIM see it.). I strongly endorse the book Love & Respect, by Eggerichs, to better explain. They have a website too.

Since you quoted me, I want to constructively respond to this, but I'm not sure you are asking me to... :bigear: ?

It means no nagging/endlessly repeating the same request. It means no eye-rolling / sarcasm (if there's a problem, just tell me the problem). It means not acting like you're my mom. It means not telling me how exactly to do everything. It means believing, and projecting the belief, that you think I'm competent. It means speaking highly of me to outsiders from the family, and keeping complaints inside the family. Tone is a big deal to me. Other men might have a different list...everyone is unique. :001_smile:

Well, they do save on the water bill! :lol: