One of my earliest memories is of my mother putting coke in my baby bottle. I was too old for a bottle at the time, but my younger sister still had one and I guess sometimes they let me have them or something? My mom corroberates the story, so I know that they transitioned from formula to Coca Cola. I can't ever remember just drinking water at home. Ever. We are extremely opposed to giving our kids soda. It would be like asking, "Do you allow your kids to drink beer? If so, how many a day?" See, I'm not a prohibitionist. I don't think there's anything wrong with adults drinking alcohol. But kids? No. Maybe a couple sips of wine at Christmas, but not an everyday thing. I deny my children soda for the same reason I deny them alcohol--because I do not want to raise addicts. And in my mind, the damage soda does to one's brain, teeth, kidneys, blood sugar, and weight are more dangerous than some illegal drugs. Certainly moreso than marijuana. Speaking of Mary Jane, if it weren't so expensive, I'd probably feed kids marijuana brownies everyday just to get them to chill out. :D

1. You do not need her permission to give anything she gave your family as a gift away. Once she gives it to you, it is yours. While I understand you were trying to avoid a problem by asking her permission, I think that was the first misstep. She might not have even known you gave books away if you hadn't let her know by asking her. Also, asking her permission makes it seem as if you really DO need her permission and you are somehow doing something not-so-okay. So I guess when it comes to MILs, my philosophy is Don't Ask, Don't Tell. ;) She should be on a need-to-know basis when it comes to the upkeep of YOUR home. 2. She should never be allowed in your house unaccompanied by you or your husband. She should not have a key "just in case." She should not be let in by a babysitter or sibling. Ever. She has shown herself to be untrustworthy. 3. You can't change her snooping, passive aggressive, hoarding tendencies. So no, I don't think this is the hill to die on. If she brings it up, sure, stand your ground and calmly tell her that you feel violated that she broke her word and went through your things without your permission. Otherwise, if it were me, the major change that would happen would be a redefining of boundaries. No explanations needed. She just doesn't get asked over as often. She is never allowed over without you or you husband there. She only babysits the kids at her house, if at all. Your husband will let her know that because of space, your family can only accept one gift per child (any extras will be returned or sold) for birthdays and holidays.

I'm an atheist. The biggest benefit has been that realizing we humans need to look out for each other more. If I want the world to be a better place, the only way to make that happen is through my own actions. Sure, I knew I should do the hard thing before I was an atheist, but I think there was always a subconscious belief that the supernatural would take care of it somehow. Because I realize now that no one is pulling the strings, it's that much more important that I do what I can to help my fellow man. I hope I'm expressing this correctly. It's not that I was a terrible person before I became an atheist, but I can distinctly remember feeling that although it bothered me to hear that Jane was in desperate need of rent money (or something similar where it would require real sacrifice on my part to help someone), I was complacent because of my faith. I would just "help" her by praying for her (isn't it great that praying takes so little effort?). Perhaps I would give her a little something, but just a little. God would provide. Now, I take full responsibility for my actions and make it a priority to help others because I know that all we have is each other.

I just wanted to express how much I enjoyed having this feature during the short time it lasted. I hope it comes back!

I started going gray at 22. Coloring at home is pretty easy, but be warned: you will become a slave to the dye if you go this route. If you go too long without coloring, it will look even worse as it starts to grow in at the crown. I colored for years with an almost religious zeal. Then my DH pointed out that I was sabotaging myself in that I wasn't allowing myself to gracefully age. He named several women we know with varying degrees of gray who I look up to and whom I think are beautiful. He asked me if I'd stop coloring for at least six months and just try to embrace it. Honestly, not coloring my hair has been so freeing. It saves money and time. I don't secretly feel like a fraud when someone compliments me on my hair...I know it's MY natural hair and I can take full credit it now!

Christians do not have a monopoly on kindness, and for you to imply that "non-believers" are supposed to be somehow fundamentally worse than Christians is frightening to me. There's a whole lot wrong with your statement, and I really hope you don't look at the world that way.

Listen, I don't even toddler proof my own house. We try to house proof our toddlers instead. No locks on cabinets. We have an open stand that holds CDs. Bookshelves with books on the lowest levels. Christmas tree with ornaments. Electric sockets without covers. We don't expect other parents to share our philosophy...but we're not going to radically change our house for a visitor. If a parent feels their kid is too wild to take to a person's house, they should politely decline the invitation.

Thanks, everyone! I've put the boundaries book on hold at the library. And thank you, Meriweather, for giving me the heads up. I'll just skim those parts!

Yes, it's the holidays. I need a secular, non-fluffy, practical yet uplifting book about how to deal with ILs. Our ILs do not share our religious views, holiday traditions, politics, child raising philosophy, you name it. I've passed so much bean dip, I feel like my arm is going to fall off. On top of that, they are totally unwilling to compromise on anything. If I cook something, they will not. Even. Try. It. If we want to listen to any holiday music that isn't the exact same cds they always listen to, they turn it off. Theres much more (of a personal nature) but I don't want to get into it. I feel like I'm trapped in a no-win situation and although I really TRY to remember not to take it personally and focus on what is and isn't in my power to control, I'm just at the end of my rope.

My DH broke his arm as a child because he was sliding down one of those twisted slides and couldn't see that a kid was climbing up it—the kids crashed into each other and in DH's attempts to turn himself so as not to kick the kid in the face, his arm was broken. The other kid was unhurt, thankfully (although neither the kid nor his parent apologized).

Are her professors going to go through every problem with her to make sure she stays on task? Is her boss going to follow her around making sure she doesn't dawdle? My philosophy is that my job is to prepare teenagers for adulthood. You can't talk about the material being taught if the material is never read in the first place. I'm sure the OP is not merely checking off boxes. And, well, we believe that if a person is acting snotty, the solution is not to tell them how wonderful they are. Of course we still tell them we love them no matter what—but pride, martyrdom and laziness are behaviors that are not rewarded.

Perhaps a compromise between holding her hand and checking her work every few days? At ___ AM, you will be checking her math everyday. If its not done or half assed, she gets consequences. Then two hours later, her English will be checked. And so on. No reminders. No circling over her like a vulture. Just a piece of paper posted with the due times of each assignment. That way she has a schedule, with clearly defined expectations. It may take a while to get her into the routine, but with firm consequences I would hope it would produce a change in behavior. Don't ask her why her math isn't done—and cut her off if she starts to "explain." If she disrespectfully keeps trying to throw a pity party and whine about it, more consequences. Don't be frustrated or mean about it. Calmly draw the line in the sand and say, "That's enough. Now get back to work." This may be more time than you'd like to invest with her, but she can't handle independent work until you help teach her how to get into a routine.

Maybe a bob with side bangs? http://hairstylesweekly.com/bob-hairstyles/krysta-rodriguez-short-bob-hairstyle-with-side-bangs/ Or something like Emma Watson? http://www.playmakeronline.com/2012/02/14/emma-watson-to-star-in-guillermo-del-toros-beauty-and-the-beast/ The only advice I have is that you can always go back to make it shorter...but you can't undo a drastically short haircut. I would start with something a little more conservative. But maybe I'm just too timid. 😛

Asheville, NC has the Biltmore, which is the largest private home in America. http://www.biltmore.com/ Tickets are a little pricey for my taste, but the house a HUGE amount of historical items the Vanderbilts collected (Cardinal Richeleue's draperies, Napoleon's chess set, etc.). Asheville has a beautiful downtown, and you have to drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway while you're in the area.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall at your family get-togethers!

I've seen several articles exposing the myth of he dreaded toilet seat. Here's one: http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Health/t/story?id=1213831&page=1 The dirtiest thing in a public bathroom is usually the paper towel dispenser. But even with that, there really isn't any serious danger. Your children are exposed to more germs than that whenever they handle money, open doors or shake hands with people.

The arrow option is gone on the ipad. 😭

I'm reading SWB's adult history books, improving my German, and teaching myself piano with GarageBand. I'm getting frustrated with piano, because I'm not progressing very quickly and reading music is haaaard. I like the program, mind you...I'm pretty sure it's me and not the fault of the format. I was feeling pretty good about myself before I decided to learn an instrument. Now I'm glad I can't afford a tutor because this is kind of embaressing.

Let me add, however, that the behavior you both model as parents is going to almost always win out against any individual game, lesson, or volunteering experiences you have. It's just the power of psychology. "Do what I say, not as your father does" isnt going to have a high success rate. Is there any way that you can sit down with your DH alone and talk to him about it? Perhaps you could convince him to not use certain words anymore. Treat saying, "We're so POOR," as a new curse word that is not allowed in front of your son. Even if you were poor, it's unhealthy to be so negative and resentful instead of being grateful and content. You could even do a kind of Bad Word Jar where he gets fined $1 or $5 every time he slips up. I don't know if he'd go along with it, but it's worth trying.

This is a great time of year to volunteer as a family at the local homeless shelter. You could do a kind of home ec game with your son where he is given just a little over the poverty line ($23,000 or something similar) and challenged to create a budget and live within his means. Think of it like monopoly, where after he plans his monthly budget (which includes rent, car payments, etc.), different surprises come up like his six month car insurance bill or home plumbing repairs or a medical emergency. This will also help him appreciate all those hidden advantages that he might take for granted from you guys, like health insurance. Be careful not to browbeat him with how lucky he is. The game will be enough on its own. Just sell it as an exercise in economics and budgeting in the means that millions of Americans have to live within.

I'd have the olders read Bill Bryson's Notes from a Small Island, as we'll as At Home. Narrative nonfiction in general usually includes quite a bit of history while providing a real sense of place (I'm thinking of Hemingway's Immovable Feast for Paris and Mayle's A Year in Provence for southern France, but I'm sure there are books like that for Switzerland too). Tony Robinson's Worst Jobs in History mostly focuses on English jobs, and the series is on YouTube if you search for it.

How can 50 Shades be considered more explicit? The author never dares to use stronger descriptions for certain anatomy than "down there" or her "behind." Not that I've read the books...just this utterly amazing review: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215

Thanks for the ideas! Keep 'em coming. I'm writing all these down.

I shred the chicken and add to to a LOT of rice mixed with sauteed green beans, sauteed mushrooms, and drained corn. Add a little bit of soy sauce and voila. This glazed ham recipe is great (we don't buy a 12 pounder obviously, and sometimes we use pineapple jam instead of orange). This sausage supper is simple but tasty. You can't go wrong with quiche: squash, bacon, and mozzerella. We loooove this casserole. Good luck!

Inlaws have more money than us, and if they really want or need anything, they buy it for themselves. However, it is particularly important to my MIL to receive surprise gifts that (while not necessarily expensive) show thought and attention. Surely I'm not the only one with this challenge? We've done journals, framed pictures, kitchen items, etc. I'm out of ideas. What are you getting your ILs? Any ideas about what to buy the person who already has everything and doesn't have any hobbies you can capitalize on?