And in some families, that's just how it is. You can't win.

Are these interactions taking place through text or email? If so, other than group texts apologizing, I would stop that right now. It is SO EASY to misread tone and misunderstand others through text and email, and people are more likely to say things in those formats that they wouldn't in person or on the phone, so a phone call would probably be more effective in ironing all of this out. "You are welcome to plan a different party on your own..." This could be construed as a neutral statement or a condescending one. And since it seems that the rest of the family already has their back up, it might be tricky to craft the perfect text or email to straighten it out. When people are already upset, they may read things into messages that are not intended.

"Dear brother. I am sorry that you are feeling upset about this whole thing. I was simply trying to create a small intimate treat for our dad. I was not trying to exclude anyone, i just know that with the five of us kids, adding in spouses and possibly kids could turn this small trip into something more than I was intending. I apologize for hurting anyone's feelings. Let's just forget about the whole thing and if you all want to collaborate on a family-wide event for dad's birthday, I am glad to participate." I would not address anything about the passive aggressive "ultimatum" comment. On a family wide group text I would say "It's clear that this event isn't going to work out the way that I intended it. So sorry for any hurt feelings. Forget that I said anything."

I don't think either side is being unreasonable. I can see both sides. My dh would not spend $$$ on a flight and such and his time off of work is so limited, that he would probably want to bring me and/or me and the kids along. However, I can definitely see the logistics issue being so very complicated. I think your dh should say "I love you guys all so much but this trip is turning into something that is not what I had in mind. So I'll just go with Dad and it really is ok." On a phone call, with a loving, cheerful tone. (because email and text can be misread and your dh doesn't want to come off as pouty/disgruntled.)

I'm glad things are looking up. It is SUPER hard for me to feel like any thing is ok when my house is torn apart! Sounds like you've managed to be productive in spite of the chaos! Good for you!

I agree with the idea of a coffee shop or public library. And it's ok to be out of sorts when your whole house is turned upside down. I would be too. And yes, you know you have a blessed life and "other people have it worse" and yet, it's STILL crappy and inconvenient.

My kitchen is yellow and it makes me so very happy, especially during the long grey winter days. iT's so cheery. I have medium brown oak cabinets (I know they're not in style, but I don't care, I love the oak) and touches of red here and there. It's a happy place.

Warm and cool colors can absolutely go together. Here's an easy article from Benjamin Moore on that. https://www.benjaminmoore.com/en-us/color-overview/color-insights/warm-and-cool-colors#:~:text=Warm %26 Cool 101,cooler depending on their undertones.

Here's navy and yellow

I think in the wife's case, I would agree to go, but only to a marriage counselor of MY choosing. And then get recommendations from others as to who to go to. In other words, be proactive. Yes, I'm willing to get some help but no, not from the people of your choosing.

I think he might be able to get her temporarily committed, but getting her to stay there would require a lot of cooperation from doctors and all. There are so few slots that even people who legitimately need the bed in the psych ward are released way too soon. At least that's how it is in my area.

Here's what I've explained to my kids about GPA and Test scores. The college that they attend uses both metrics for their scholarship awards (GPA of 3.5 ACT score of 31). The GPA says that often the kid has learned to work hard, do homework, have good study skills, and stay consistent over the course of their high school education. The ACT score says that they've learned some things and can take a test. Both metrics help the college determine how likely the student is going to be successful in the program. A high GPA and low ACT score often means that the student went to a poorly performing school and they have experienced grade inflation. The kid looks good on paper for his high school career but he missed something somewhere. A high ACT score and low GPA may say that the student is bright but may not have the skills to be successful in school. That's why both metrics are employed for scholarships.

Yeah. Often these things are not about dishes. Because when its *just* dishes, that can be worked out with two healthy, mature adults. (which is why there are so many people who are going "I just do them and it's no big deal to me.") When it's more than dishes, the dishes become a symptom (among many) of all the bigger issues.

Try dawn dishwashing liquid.

This. Just pick something and do it. You will feel better when its done.

I'll be honest and I'm not trying to be a wet blanket on this thread, but it kind of makes me sad. Nobody does any of these kinds of things for me. I do them for others, but it doesn't happen here for me.

I wish I lived close to you. I’d come help you paint and if the color wasn’t right I’d help you redo it. I’m sorry things are hard. I agree with looking at whole rooms with that color. https://postcardsfromtheridge.com/2023/04/benjamin-moore-swiss-coffee-oc-45-color-palettes-and-review.html#:~:text=One of the most popular trim colors to use with,it's not a stark contrast.&text=Note%3A A satin or semi,%2C and built-in bookcases. were you looking for Swiss coffee stuff? Here’s some ideas.

In my doing the dishes, the attitude is less "If you don't like it, do it yourself" and more "I happen to care more about this particular chore, so I will take care of it." When you negotiated the "I cook, you wash up" was he actually saying "I will be glad to wash up." Or was he saying "I feel obligated that I should wash up since I am an enlightened man who wants to do my part" What I'm saying is was his agreement aspirational (maybe he thinks of himself as an equal partner kind of man) and his actuality is more "I would rather change the oil, put gas in the car, and trim the hedges." Sometimes, I think we commit ourselves to things because our vision of our selves is significantly different from our reality. And when someone points out that our aspirational self is not who we actually are, we get testy.

Nope.

Exactly! It's such a disservice to those students to give them the impression that they're doing well, and then they get to college and have to reevaluate everything. So unfair! Teachers are not doing them any favors. (I realize the teachers are often doing this because of pressure from admin and parents.)

My dh and I do not have this deal at all. In fact, I am the person who does 99% of the dishes and kitchen cleaning. As far as dishes and cleanup, I don't care. I like it that way because I'm picky and nobody has ever been able to do it to my standards except for my dd21. (dd25 probably can now that she has her own home, but not when she lived here) But, one thing that I do have people do is take care of their own messes. If you got out the mustard and cold cuts, put them away. Stack your dirties in the sink and I'll get them cleaned after supper. If you spill, wipe it up. etc.

All 3 of my dds (in a STEM degree program) have talked about how they feel so sorry for their fellow students in freshman level math classes. These students were straight A students who operated under the assumption that "I'm good at math." Then they get into their first college level math class and they're totally lost. They don't know how to do the work and they have to figure out another major because it's apparent that "I'm good at math" was totally false.

I wonder how thi s plays out in STEM degrees vs. classes where the grading is more subjective. As far as engineering, if you want to be licensed, you're going to have to take the PE exam. So the grade inflation there truly does students a deep disservice.

Maybe a photo slide show of special memories?

It's from Lowe's, Lemon Chiffonade. I think I linked it above. Also, OP. The Lemon Chiffonade does look nice with the jeweltones. It's a very good neutral.