I would love to go visit her,buuut( you knew it was coming right?:tongue_smilie:) She's a two day drive(alone w/ two kids) from me. I can't afford air fare or train tickets for all of us and have no one to mind my kids if I went alone. I've been through sooo much worse. I wish I could just let go of this and feel like I had no expectations of what things would be like in our friendship. Just to let things be what they are. If that makes any sense?

Maybe I'll send her an e-mail to ask her what's up.:tongue_smilie:

I've always been single. My kids are adopted. :) But IKWYM, I've gotten that kind of treatment at some churches I've been to. Like I'm one of those "unwed mothers" ummm....:lol:

Thanks, for all the responses. It could be any number of the things everybody has suggested. I guess I just need follow my own rule- Confront the person/problem or suck it up. I just need to decide if it will be worth trying to talk to her about it. Thanks for "listening" and confirming that the situation is a hurtful one. I don't have anyone IRL that I can talk to about this friend without causing hurt feeling for others. Thanks for being my sounding board.

I feel like if she would take a stand no one would be able to have that kind of control over her. She can't stand the fall out of standing up to her in-laws, so she just doesn't. I have a hard time judging because I am not married and come from a family that was/is very matriarchal. My mom and my grandmother would never have let their dh's(or anyone else) "allow" them to do something. :tongue_smilie: I'm not inclined to ask permission from anyone.

I was close friends with her dh before they met, so afaik her dh is not abusive or controlling. She can't stand to be alone. IDK I wish I could just get over it. I end up feeling hurt every. single. time. Even though I know it's coming. I wish I had just told her I would be out of town.:leaving: Then it would be a non-issue.

ETA: Update in post 28. Here's the situation. Best friend is in the area for three weeks. You only see her about once every two years but talk on the phone and e-mail almost daily. Plan before she came was that she would stay with you three days. Called this morning to say she would be coming tomorrow and would be staying the night in a hotel, and then would see if her DH would allow her to stay longer. She says DH doesn't want her to stay w/ you because he is afraid she will be an inconvienience because your Dad has a broken back, even though you have repeatedly told her it will not be any trouble(it's been a month since said back was broken and Dad is feeling better and mostly resting in his room). What if you went through the same drill everytime she was in the area. She has improved in that she is coming to see you at all. She is usually not allowed to see you at all because her in-laws might be offended or upset by her leaving their house. Should you be thankful you get to see her at all? Or would you be hurt everytime she comes because she won't stand up to anyone and let it be known that your friendship is important to her. Would you feel like maybe there is something else behind all this and that she uses other people as a convienient excuse? You have talked to her about it before but you always seem to end up in the same situation.:confused: If you're still with me, :tongue_smilie:would this bother you? Please forgive any misspellings and bad grammar. TIA ETA: I posted this below but thought it might be helpful to add it here too. I was close friends with her dh before they met, so afaik her dh is not abusive or controlling. She can't stand to be alone.

I'm undecided between option a and b. I'll have to think on it a few more years and weigh the evidence.

I've used just the cake part of this recipe and it turns out light like a mix. Also on the Hershey's cocoa box there is a recipe that turned out very light for me, it had boiling water added in at the end. Come to think of it the texas sheet cake I use has the boiling water too and it it very light. Maybe that's the secret:confused: Hope those help.:001_smile:

No, but since Julie in CA posted the business time song, anytime I say it's time for something I hear "It's business time, ooh yeah.":lol::lol::leaving:

What do you put in yours?

Breakfast- Grandma Veda's Sticky Buns Fried Apples Sausage Antipasto-All day. Dinner- Lasagna Olive Garden Salad(copycat) Hard Rolls Dessert- Tiramisu and Pumkin Pie Think that's enough? I don't know why everything is bold:confused:

Not a thing, my house is normally so clean and organized that I just go on about my holiday business. :tongue_smilie:NOT. :lol: The whole house is being cleaned this year, laundry all done, carpets shampooed, outdoors(courtyard, lawn etc.) My bff is coming to see me after Christmas so, I want everthing to be easy to get ready after we clear the decks from the holidays.

Wow, ladies thanks for the responses. This has been something that has been niggling at me for years, I guess. What I feel when I am writing or drawing etc. is something I long for and crave but it is so elusive. Even though I am low or blue, when I am engaged in creating, I can't even descibe it with words really, it's just completely satisfying. When I try to go back, it's gone. I guess I'm just coming to the realization that I don't want to be happy all the time if it means I can't do what I love. That I will have to grab that feeling when I can because the satisfaction of creating is worth more to me than being always happy and feeling incomplete. If any of that make sense:confused: And Aubrey I totally get what you mean about people seeming small, I always think of it as being "myopic".

Thanks, that looks interesting. I'll add that to my books to read.

So, I'm glad to hear others say this.:tongue_smilie: I don't like to wallow in the blues really, but then again I kind of do. It's almost like I can't express, through drawing, painting or writing, what I really want to unless I kind of go inside myself in that way:confused: I hate it, but it's true.

:blush: oops.

I've been pondering this myself for a while and wondered what others thought. Do you think creative artistic types are more inclined/predisposed to being depressive? Also, are they/you better able to create when in a blue state? This includes writers and musicians. Basically anybody who creates.

I have a Canon Rebel xti which is = to a 40D, I think. I like it well enough for what I do. I have a 28-135mm with IS that I use most of the time. I also love my 50mm, it never lets me down in low light. There are so many lens'(?) I would love to have but, don't have the money for. I think the next thing I want are some lensbabies:D just 'cause. Then there's photo editing software:tongue_smilie: don't even get me started on that :D

:blink: Sheesh, some days I congratulate myself on never having married and missing out on in-laws. This is one of them. I think you deserve the $150 and a large fee for thinking up the gift for her.:tongue_smilie:

:D Omniscient???

Mine went through that about the same age:confused: he seems to have passed it though.

It doesn't bother me, I use it in traffic too:D or when one of the kids is getting a 'tude. I can lightly say "Dude, chill out." I don't usually use it in regular conversation though. IMO swearing is way more grating, dude.;)

:w00t::hurray:

I didn't read all the posts. I wanted to offer you :grouphug:. What has worked here is for me to write out a list of consequences for certain behaviors. Then I made a list of rewards for certain positive behaviors. I gave these lists to the one I have the most difficulty with and kept a copy for myself. Then when something is going on, I can go to the list, and see what the consequence is and that's it. It's black and white and I don't make up crazy emotional stressed out consequences. The kid knows what will happen, I know what will happen. I think someone on this board reccomended "Transforming the difficult child/Glass" I haven't made it all the way through yet, but it really helped me to see that I was being "played". My reactions were rewarding the one who was stirring the pot.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Hang in there, keep laughing and try to take some time for total quiet for you.