I take two cookies, open both, set aside the two pieces with the most filling, eat the other two with the least filling/plain, then put the two most-filled halves back together and eat that whole. The logic is that I take two cookies but, in my mind, actually eat 3. It works for me. 🙂

Given that the person using the nickname is not doing so out of any sort of kindness or "pet name" reason, I would not be OK with it and would put a stop to it. But then I have a lovely (not) mother who insists on nicknames/shortened names, most of which sound ridiculously stupid, and who actually asked some of our dc to stop using a pet name for one of their sisters because it sounded like...well, I won't even post what she said, it is so offensive. Needless to say, we shut that down immediately. Our dc have names - use them or just don't use any name at all. If we had people who had a special/pet name for our dc and using it was done out of love and a sweet relationship with one/some of the dc, that would be entirely different. But to shorten a name because one doesn't like the given name, and especially doing so knowing the parent(s) are not OK with it, is rude and disrespectful. I'll confess that I have a hard time with the name my dd gave her dd. But I smile and say the name, or I use "dearest" or whatever. So I get not liking a name, but I don't get disrespecting parents and insisting on shortening a name. My dislike of a name is my problem/issue, and my behavior as a result of not liking a name is my responsibility as far as being respectful and not antagonistic.

So...I'm one who actually walked out of a store when "Drummer Boy" was played one year. That and another one which I shall not mention mean that when it comes to Christmas/holiday songs, I am a real Scrooge. Finding anything I can tolerate is, um, challenging. However.....my brother played the Bare Naked Ladies holiday album for me years ago and it remains my favorite. That and Toolbox Christmas are what keep me sane when music is played everywhere that I can't stand. 🙂 O Come, All Ye Faithful, on the other hand, is my favorite Christ-mas song for sure. Even a child, I remember wanting to be counted among the faithful, joyful and triumphant. Performed with trumpets, it seems like a song of victory - I just love it.

We would already be at the facility 3-4X/week (sometimes more often). The times we're there allow for 2 days of maintenance cleaning and 2 days of bigger projects (ie: glass surrounding the rinks). The membership fees are for 7 kids - something we could never justify paying. And it covers not just their Rec hockey but skills clinics and travel ($$$). We may put in more time than the memberships/benefits are worth, but since we're already there, and since we enjoy tackling tasks like this as a family, and since I don't like to just sit and watch hockey practice for 3 hours straight, I hope it will work out well for all involved. It feels super good, to be honest, to see the facility go from drab and blech to fab and WOW in just the few weeks we've taken over. 🙂 Our kids have charts showing the hours they've worked so they can see each month if their membership fee has been "covered." It's incentive and it's a great chance for them to make a connection between money and work. Even our 7yo has his tasks and his own chart - he takes great pride in watching the $ amount go up with every 30 minutes he puts in. The other thing I am realizing is how invisible janitors really are and how their work can be taken for granted, especially with kids. Oh man, are our kids appreciating what goes into keeping things clean in a public place! And if nothing else, the kids have access to skating that no one else has. Today we went while it was closed and after cleaning, the kids got the entire rink to themselves. It's pretty awesome. We have industrial mop buckets, we just have one mop which is not do-able.

Our family has been offered an exchange - janitorial services for membership fees. The complex we will be cleaning is BIG: 2 full-size hockey rinks, volleyball court, 8 locker rooms, wide/long walkway, etc. And right now there is just one mop. One. Yikes. It takes us an hour just to do the locker rooms! I've been allowed to make a supply wish list and know pretty much everything I want save for the mop. We hand wash floors at home using heavy-duty cleaning rags, so I have never owned a mop. But I know I want one that can withstand a lot! Any suggestions? Either brands/types to look for or to avoid?

Do you a recommendation for one of these? I am like TeacherMom - overwhelmed just at the prospect of buying a new pillow! Too many options and prices are $$ which makes me reluctant to buy anything and not like it. And so I keep my decades old mattress and try to ignore the need for a new one. Even a mattress topper - too many options!! This from a gal whose wardrobe consists of black, white, and gray clothes. Three options, no issues. Easy peasy, done.

It's strange because Mom has been completely silent with me (definitely not so with her friends/extended family...sigh). So I do wonder what this is going to look like once she's out of rehab? I'm guessing she is talking with folks about who will take care of her and with my older sister about such details, which makes this even more interesting because how does one who does not/cannot get out of bed save to get to the bathroom take care of a mother who might need a lot of help?? Put a few thousand miles of distance between those two as well and it really is perplexing. My younger sister pointed out that my mom listed older sister, who had COVID and a teenager also sick w/COVID, as an emergency contact for the hospital/physicians here in AZ. My older sister, also in the hospital and w/a sick kid at home, put my mom as her emergency contact. So two patients, one sick and one recovering from surgery, and both with obvious mental/emotional issues, have each other as contacts and health care legal whatevers. But the two daughters who live in close proximity to Mom and older sister are on the "banned" list. It's almost comical. It does feel so, SO freeing!! My younger sister has said the same thing as she's also spent years trying to help our older sister, and now she's just done.

I just found out that my mom removed me from her emergency call list and as her healthcare stand-in/voice (there's an official word for that...can't think of it). My younger sister, who was completely snubbed by older sister with all of this, is done. I'm done. So my enabling brother and his perfect CA life gets to experience my mom. Have at it, good luck. I guess this answers the question posed by my kids: "Do we have to have Thanksgiving with Oma?!" Last year, my 23yod would not come home if my mom was going to be here. 😞

Ah, and see I didn't even consider that one due to my anger and just being done with it all. That's a good response, though. That's really what had me shaking my head - how difficult things were made because she would not communicate with me nor include me in her communications with others. But expect me to jump when called. sigh

Do tell! 😉 🙂

You know, I needed to see this because even 2 days later, I am second-guessing that decision. It's not how I would normally react and my hands were shaking, I was fighting tears, but I was so, so angry and DONE. But was I wrong?? That question has plagued me constantly.

I'm lurking a lot, posting little, but know some of you are aware of what's transpired since 2020 w/my mom. Here's the next chapter - you really can't make this stuff up...but it's enough to make me question my sanity. Have had very, very limited interaction w/my mom. She does her thing, I do mine. It's like she lives back East instead of 2 streets away. It's been lovely. She mentioned back surgery and can we drive her to hospital/home (2 hours away)? Things were quiet and good so answer was sure, just can't do Tuesdays. Surgery was scheduled for release on T so she set up w/a friend to transport her (despite my telling her we could drive her there at least). OK, fine, right? Wrong.... She first told me that she would need 24/7 care for at least a week and, according to her doctor, NO lifting, bending, twisting, etc. I responded that home health was in order because no way am I touching someone who just had back surgery - that would be very foolish indeed! So she said to wait and see what her doctor and insurance advised. Came back and told me no help needed 24/7, just have folks check in on her even via phone. As I didn't know what to expect from the procedure, I said, "OK, keep me/us posted, we're available (save for actually picking up/touching her)." My sisters back East were not happy and were ready to come out here immediately to help, but Mom assured them of what her doctor said and things would be fine. Oy...... She didn't tell her doctor anything and she didn't convey to us what he actually said. He only found out she would be going home w/o the 24/7 care he instructed her to have in place the day after her surgery (one night in hospital, then home was the plan). So the day of her planned discharge, it's total chaos. Mom sent out a massive, panicked, victim-mentality message to all friends and family (I don't think I was supposed to be on the list) lamenting what was happening and isn't this just terrible?! Emergency meeting of care providers, hospital staff, insurance rep, etc. to get Mom to inpatient status and then rehab which, as it turns out, is what Mom wanted all along - nurses at her beck and call, waited on hand and foot, etc. This from what she conveyed to my sister. She refused offers of help from others, didn't tell others that offers were made, lied about what her doctor had said, and lied to her doctor as well. And yet she's the victim. For days pre-surgery I responded to her messages (and made sure to include my siblings in all correspondence) asking again and again if Mom's doctor/care team were aware of everything from her arrival to departure. Silence from her and now I know why. I called Mom out on what is either grossly negligent communication or outright lies. Silence. Well, not from my older sister who shredded me repeatedly for being a horrible, cold daughter who should rearrange my life for Mom (never mind that we were ready to help save for T when I have 55 students through my home - and Mom knew/acknowledged that). So that's this last M/T. Rehab facility gal called me on W morning and started rattling off all the things Mom will need me to do/bring. Apparently Mom is talking nonstop w/my sisters and all her friends, but not me. Rehab gal was contacted by my older sister (who lives on the East Coast and hates me) after Mom told sister to call them. This is just part of Mom's manipulation - silent treatment. So I stopped the gal and told her she could call my sister back and have her help instead. Silence on the other end of the phone. Yep, you heard me right, lady. Mom wants to talk only to older sister and ignore me completely? Older sister (completely financially dependent on Mom, btw) plays Mom's games? She can help. Leave me out of it. Goodbye and good luck - rehab folks will need it given how Mom treats people. I've not read the email my older sister then sent - younger sister strongly advised me not to, it's that horrible. Hate-filled, word bombs horrible. On-going silence from my mom. She's in rehab for at least one week, maybe two. What she has planned after that I don't know. She LIED to her doctor, to her kids, and to her friends so she could go to rehab. She was willing to let folks here (small community) and elsewhere think the worst of me and my family by saying we would not help her at all (or not correcting those who expressed the idea). My sister hates me, my mom hates me, and here I am, doing exactly what my mom told me to do, and I have all of it in writing. Every single thing in message form, yet that doesn't matter. There's even more that happened with this that is so ridiculous; it's the same deceit and manipulation, playing the victim, and ignoring anyone who points out the inaccuracies (aka lies). So here's the next twist which just happened last night: Older sister has COVID. She weighs about 300 pounds, smokes, is horribly unhealthy, and is in the hospital. She has only given permission for Mom and my brother (who stays safely in CA and indulges/enables her and my mom so that his life remains quiet - appease the crazies so they leave him alone) to call or get involved. BUT, ready for this??? Older sister is getting money from Mom and brother and is asking younger sister and myself for money. Again. I have refused her one penny all these years (that's an entire post of its own...), she hates me, but I'm good for funds??? I agreed to transport and light care, and end up with this. I don't understand this kind of behavior or thinking from Mom/sister - as younger sister says, it's like two mental patients relying on each other for advice and wisdom. That's all. I love lurking on posts that are about happy, healthy families. I love knowing there are moms/daughters/sisters who love each other and make each other's lives better. If you are friends with your family members, you are so very lucky. ETA: The last email I sent to Mom/siblings included a list of rules for future interaction, etc. regarding Mom's medical/health. One rule was that everyone had to be involved in message form (no more calls to each person with different things being said), or I would not be involved. So that is what really drove me to tell the rehab gal to contact my sister - Mom knows exactly what I said and is doing exactly the opposite, thinking I will jump to it and help.

OK, so right now the hide has been thoroughly scraped, washed, and salted. It has been a tremendous experience for the dc!! They are putting hours and hours into this, and my detail-oriented 16yod is absolutely loving this. They're taking it step by step so hopefully something really neat will come from this. As to the reason the friend considered us first... In the past this friend has gotten javelina and deer which he has allowed our dc to help process. He was a bit surprised the first time when none of them balked and actually did a good job! He gave the antlers and legs to the kids as a joke one year - he thought they would all just end up in the trash. But our dc (actually, it was our now 16yod's idea) buried the legs feet-up in our front yard and also buried the antlers such that it looked for all the world like an entire deer was buried there. Oh my gosh, people walking by, cars slowing down as drivers did a double-take - it was hilarious! So the "game" game has gone on for a while now with each round involving a different animal. I think our friend just delights in knowing kids, including teen girls, who are not squeamish or afraid of getting their hands dirty. So that's the history there. Our friend has a back up plan in case the dc run into trouble. He just wanted to give them first dibs and, while I was very skeptical, it's turning out to be a really amazing thing to watch them do.

We were offered the brain but I didn't take it. Not sure why...not using my own brain well, I suppose!

Got it. Most of meat off tonight, rolled it and have it on ice until tomorrow.

That would be marvelous, thanks!!

A friend got a large elk and gifted us the hide. I'm not sure if I should be thankful or if the relationship is now in jeopardy because this is WAY out of my element! He said to stretch it out, clean off all meat, wash it well, then salt it and roll until we are ready to use it (I think in his freezer?). That's all I've got. A pioneer woman, I am not. At all. I would throw this thing in the trash, personally, but it could be a super cool experience for at least one of my dc. Any help/suggestions? Please don't offer using the brains because that's too much. It just is.

Passing on all of this to her - I appreciate you all so, so, so much.

Also, tonight as she hugged me goodnight she was fighting tears and said, "Mom, it is so defeating to sit across from your doctor and be told you are "healthy" according to all test results, but you know you're not." My poor girl. She eats so healthy, she takes care of herself, she has so much spirit. My heart hurts for her because she's just so tired of this. 😞

I will copy/print all of these suggestions and talk with her tomorrow. I'm not sure about endometriosis - I know hormone panel and u/s were the first step and then she'll meet w/her physician next week (the day before she is to head back to school...oy). Autoimmune...I will ask if this has been discussed w/her doctor as well. I don't know...she was tested pretty regularly as part of the school's protocol and never got a positive result. She's tested while at home this summer a few times just to rule that out. Yes - we live in higher elevation AZ and she was in Boston. She dearly wants to go back - she enjoys it so much and is thriving as far as classes, friends, involvement in groups, etc. She can take a LoA with no repercussions - the school is very generous in that way. We have discussed and she acknowledges that being so far away might make things much harder (I was ready to fly out overnight in the spring when she was so sick). She doesn't know what to do and while I want to just tell her what to do, I can't. Not that she would fight me or hate me for saying, "Stay home," but I know she wants to make the decision herself. She does know that if she goes and things go badly, we'll not hesitate to bring her home. Whatever she decides, we'll support her and do what we can to help. Possibly, yes. She is on a supplement now. I will update as I can. Thank you all SO much for the suggestions/input!!

I am at a loss. Dd spent a good majority of her freshman year of college feeling very unwell. She went from being super healthy and energetic while at home to fighting debilitating fatigue, debilitating cramps/abdominal pain, nausea, headaches...it was rough. She tested negative for COVID save for when she was home over Xmas break. In April I told her to get her butt to the campus health (again) and not let them send her home until she had an order for blood work and anything else they would/could do. Test results showed recent mono and borderline low iron. She came home in May, slept for what seemed like a week straight, spent a few weeks recovering her strength, then started working and things went downhill immediately. I had her track her cycle to see if we could figure out the cramping, she had numerous blood tests which showed iron is fine but slightly elevated a1c1 and slightly high cholesterol. She exercises regularly save for when the fatigue hits hard (as it has today). She will literally go from looking/sounding/acting like a healthy and fit teen to pale, weak, and insanely tired teen overnight. She is in tears from frustration and being so, so tired. This girl is not one to give in to any sniffle or sneeze; she's pretty tough and down to earth so for her to be struggling like this (physically, emotionally, mentally) is pretty serious. Again, I am at a loss. She's about to head back to college and I am scared. Last week she talked about not going back because she doesn't know how she'll cope with classes if the fatigue/cramping make her unable to even get out of bed. She's eliminated foods, she's tracked different things, and nothing seems to be the culprit. Advice?

I have to say that I am stunned at the fact that the mom had the guns at all. She is about a 9.5 on a scale of 1-10 as far as protective. My kids can go out of my sight at a park but hers cannot (her youngest is 10). It took some time before she would let her kids come over here w/o her and she was nervous about them playing out front. So the fact that this happened is really shocking. But yes, definitely rethinking things.

Tonight I came home after a few hours out and about with 2 of the dc to news that stopped me completely still as the realization of what could have happened, of what our life could be right now, hit me. I had to take some time to gather my thoughts before I could gather the kids to talk. Well, more than talk. I had dh take our 4yo out of the room so he would not repeat the words I was sure to say or more like yell. And yell I did. I yelled and I spoke quietly and I yelled some more. And I cried. A lot. The children know I am posting this because what happened needs to be shared and discussed with your own kids and your friends' kids and their friends' kids. We've talked to our kids about gun safety. They know to never, never, never touch or play with a gun in someone else's home. Ever. We have Airsoft rifles that are securely stored away - they are not toys just laying around. We have a BB gun that is also stored away - it's for fun but not for casual use by kids who don't always make good choices. Our kids were at a friend's house where two BB guns were being used w/o bullets. The targets were the many mushrooms sprouting up in this rainy, damp weather. Our kids have been over there frequently and vice versa. I did not know BB guns were out and, had I known, I would have darn well said something to my kids and to the other family. My kids know to not even touch a gun, bullets in it or not, unless a responsible adult is present and no other kids are around. For some reason, bullets were put into one of the guns tonight. Why? No clue. So some kids were shooting the gun w/o bullets, and some were shooting the gun with bullets. My 6yo picked up the gun that he thought did not have bullets in it. The kids were all standing around in a group, 6yos said he was trying to aim somewhere else, and he shot 12yos in the neck. My hands are shaking even as I'm typing this. 12yos has a scratch, but it could have been so much worse. Any one of those kids could have gotten a BB in the eye, face, chest, base of the skull, etc. Or the bullet, instead of grazing 12yo's neck, could have been a devastating hit. Our evening together as a family tonight could have been so much different. My phone could have rung with news a mother fears most. I remember a gal 20 years ago sharing with me how shocked she was that, despite her son knowing about gun safety and all that, he still took out his parents' gun when a friend was over and his parents were gone. We talk to kids and try to model proper behavior, but this still happens. Somehow, for reasons I don't understand, we got lucky tonight. We were not a story on the news, and I could reach out and touch 12yo's hand as he sat beside me. Parents, don't leave guns of ANY kind out for kids to just use. And never assume your kid(s) will do the right thing. 6yos did not intentionally shoot 12yos. But even kids who "know" what to do don't always do what they should. Being "raised right" or homeschooled or talked to about gun safety are never a guarantee. I also made my kids read news stories about kids their age(s) who did not fare as well from being shot w/a BB gun. I didn't hold back tonight - there was no gentle parenting happening. Feel free to chastise me for yelling at my dc or for doing something wrong in all of this. Seriously.

Thank you all...again...for helping me sift through a situation. I love that I can sit down and lay out what happened, knowing the Hive will offer a variety of perspectives and thoughts.

I played out in my mind over and over what I could say to the mom and the problem is that her dd doesn't make "unfounded accusations," at least not in her eyes nor in her son's eyes. At this point, after talking over things again w/my dc this morning, both the girl and her brother are "going after" my ds for things that were accidental. They have taken it upon themselves to play vigilantes - it's that blind loyalty and readiness to accuse and attack without caring that there may be another side of things. I just got done having a long talk w/my dc and they know we will not be participating in any contact sport/activity with the other family. My first thought this morning was that I understand that the other mom wants her dc to be safe physically, but I want my dc to be safe emotionally/mentally. I cannot imagine "going off" on someone's dc and am not about to set my dc up for her to do that again. It's crazy - I see these things as accidents that are easily addressed and learned from, not drama-filled blaming and revenge incidents.