We also have a list of deal breakers - "Choose me/us or whatever-it-is" kind of stuff. For me it's smoking, drinking any alcohol (not going to go into this but trust me, given how both dh and I grew up and a few other factors, it's a deal breaker), drugs, child abuse (including mental/emotional), and financial ruin or the threat of it. Oddly, infidelity, while I find it abhorrent, isn't necessarily a deal breaker. Like the alcohol, there's more to this one for me/us, so I don't list it as a deal breaker. I do think a lot on this one but with a vastly different mindset than the other things listed above.

These stories are amazing!

Dd16 was flying back from FL yesterday with a stop in Austin, TX. She does fine traveling solo yet also enjoys good company. So how funny it was when she approached the gate for the outgoing flight from TX and saw one of her hockey coaches and his family! She walked up and just stood next to him until he turned and saw her - he said it took him a moment because it felt like he'd suddenly been thrown into another dimension because this hockey player from our very small community was not supposed to be standing by him in a huge airport in TX. These are the nicest people ever and their 2 dc are so sweet, so it was a fun flight for all of them. I told them had I known about their travel plans, dd could have hitched a ride back to where we live and I would not have had to brave 104 heat (at about 9pm!) to pick up dd. Small world, yes?

I would hope that CC would be far more normal than 4-year university/college. I don't know about other areas, but in mine CC is far more chosen than 4-year. I figure if students want to bypass CC (if it's available to them) and go to 4-year, then they need to figure out how to pay for that choice as well as repay loans taken out if that's also their choice.

And then those of us with the unfortunate name can't speak up at all or we are immediately shut down. Can't share our actual name, have to use something creative on FB...it's ridiculous. 😞 I had a guy insult me horribly for something I posted (because he didn't agree, not because my post was offensive). I changed my FB name and the very next day he responded to a post of mine with respect and a totally different "vibe." He also thought I was a guy. Ridiculous. I'm over the "Karen" thing. Sorry...off topic a bit there...

I have a hard time with this one, mainly because while I eye-rolled the Gen Ed requirements at the time, I now know that those classes which I was forced to take were actually some of the best classes of my college career. I use what I learned in most of them even today with my own dc. I would never have taken an Art History course, yet I had to fulfill a Gen Ed so that's what I took and I loved it. I've seen my dc take classes to fulfill Gen Ed and it added a lot to their knowledge "bank" and awareness of history, science, etc., and these are kids who have a WTM kind of K-12 education, so they weren't exactly lacking academically going into higher ed. I think the Gen Eds can help immensely not only by introducing students to more or new material and knowledge, but by providing classes which can ease students into the pace and span of college classes. A lot of students have no clue what they want to do/pursue; Gen Eds might be helpful to that end as students work through 2 years or so of higher ed and (hopefully) mature as they are exposed to various subjects. Or not. 🙂

Watching as my 5 (soon to be 6) older kids graduated high school and pursued higher ed, I feel that there are decent quality options and that there has been enormous improvement not in the cost of 4-year institutions, but definitely in the options students have that were not previously available. I feel that CC is far more promoted and accessible than it was when I was graduating high school. Dual/concurrent enrollment is a huge thing, programs such as the Promise Program at our local CC which reimburses the cost of tuition if a student completes the program successfully (and it is definitely set up so a student can do so!), sites such as Modern States which, while on the light side and not always very interesting/engaging, offer vouchers for CLEP exams, on-line classes galore...there are so many options! Organizations such as NACOG (in AZ) which can help pay for a student's classes - this is how one of mine secured her CNA for not one penny out-of-pocket. It is astonishing to me how many resources are out there, and with the world at our fingertips, help with higher ed costs and options for low to no-cost education are, imo, more accessible than ever before. I'm not unhappy with today's ruling and wish that society as a whole (including and especially gov't and businesses) would have a mindset of paying debts for which one signs. I also feel there is an alarming mindset in society of wanting something but having others pay, college costs included. Personally, I don't think college, even CC, should be "free" (nothing is actually free). This is a time when people should be learning how to set goals, make a plan, and figure out how to best finance that plan. They need to utilize the many, many options out there, get creative, use CC to the max if it's available, and figure out how to earn something they want either with no debt or by repaying the debt they took on. All that being said, I do feel that if students participate in a program which promises reduced or forgiven debt in exchange for, say, teaching in certain schools/areas, that promise should be kept. As one who paid off my student loans and who borrowed carefully, and as one who has seen my dc figure out how to really work the system and tackle higher ed without financial help from us and without incurring debt (so far), I believe it can be done.

A birthday just came and went for me (and it was one which many folks would consider a Big One worthy of some Big Event/Celebration). Thankfully, my family has come to accept that no Event/Celebration will be happening. However, it slowly got out (thanks to one of my offspring) among some friends and they were not just surprised, some were actually upset that nothing had been planned or done. Now this confuses me because really, if the bday person is not just fine but wishing for something to not happen, why would anyone push for something to happen and be upset when nothing happens? All I want for my bday is a normal day. Seriously. I want laundry and kids home and schoolwork getting done. Is that too much to ask, really??

When we lived in Phoenix we could not believe the size of the homes which were (and still are) being built! Our friends had electric bills in the $400-500 range by April/May, but ours remained around $100-150 tops even in mid-summer as we had a much smaller, slump block home with a/c but also a swamp cooler (which felt SO nice!). The 2-story homes were even worse for energy costs - wowsa.

Does the fitted sheet have elastic all the way around or just on the ends? I'm eyeing a Brooklinen set but definitely want full elastic.

There are folks who think we are poor because we have (or have had) anywhere from 10-14 people in about 1700 sqft. I consider it perfect and I definitely don't consider us to be poor at all. As for normal...that's up for debate. 🙂 One thing we've heard since having #4 over 20 years ago is the word "need" - as in "You need more space." This always surprised us because we never felt that way, even when bringing home #12. In fact, when we downsized from 1850 to 1700 sqft. it felt like we fit even better because we moved from an open floor plan to an older home with separate areas, and we love it. But the concept Americans have of the word "need" is really skewed, imo. Ginormous master bathrooms for 2 people (who are often not even home most of the day) - need or want? Bedroom for every child - need or want (situation dependent, of course). I love smaller homes. I love the closeness and usability. Sorry if choppy - my 5yo is bugging me to no end today for attention. 🙂

Another bonus is that my kids LOVE this thing! I won't let them use my expensive, full-size elliptical so this is just right for them. I foresee more purchases in the near future for them to have their own...

Update: I purchased the machine Wheres Toto did and am already loving it. I would have liked to purchase the one BamBam has but don't have the under- desk space, however I may get one for the living room. Can't believe I waited so long to get one of these...

She's of a weight/build that I can get her up by myself if need be (thankfully, I have not let up on my workouts which have come in mighty handy as far as my own strength/ability). I've been trained in how to lift her as well, however I usually have another person with me whether dh or one of my young adult kids (one of whom has paramedic training). All that being said, I know it would be easy for me to injure myself which definitely has me cautious. And when I go to my mom's house, I never attempt to lift until I've assessed her and then talked through the process I'll use depending on her position. I would not lift unless I felt it was safe and have called 911 on one occasion almost 2 years ago rather than try. Oh gosh, no. I have a marvelous old flip phone that I love. But I do have a home phone in my bedroom, dh has his cell phone at all times by him, and I have the house phone in the kitchen on full volume. This was something that really shocked me this last time - that her Alexa device has my brother and sister as emergency contacts. She's fallen in her bedroom/bathroom too many times, and it's not my number that's at the top of the emergency call list?? I mean if she doesn't want me on that list, fine, but then why have my brother call me from CA late at night? It's so messed up... Twice now I have found my mom on the floor in such a way that my first thought was, "This is it...she's ending up in the hospital or something." She hit her head on the wall once so hard, and this last time I don't know how she missed hitting her bedframe or sharp windowsill. What angers me a lot, now that I'm thinking more on this, is that my brother has not seen her on the floor. He lives his safe, Mom-free life (save for phone calls most days at her request) and doesn't have to deal with this. My dh has seen my mom in worse situations than her own son. You are right - this is too dangerous. But I'm the only one right now of my siblings who is actually in-person, on-site seeing this. And my brother would not upset his carefully staged life to actually come out here and do anything. My older sister (the one in charge of my mom - ha!) can't lift anything beyond her cigarettes and phone to call my mom for more money. And that money is what keeps my sister from pushing for assisted living or in-home care; anything my mom spends, my sister can't get. She is really...something. I've not gotten a phone call yesterday or today so that's good. Thank you all for the advice and for sharing your own experiences.

I've not posted much about my mom because things have been mostly quiet, and the things that do happen are as expected from a narcissist. Nothing has changed with her, in other words, save for the fact that she is falling on an almost daily basis now. She'll call me one day, then call 911 the next, then back to us the next... Before she moved here she refused to call 911 and would stay on the floor for days until my older sister checked on her and could drive 1.5 hours to pick her up (and clean up). This behavior stemmed from my mom not wanting social services to be notified as there apparently is some rule that a certain number of fall calls and then it has to be reported (NJ)? Anyway, we've picked her up a few times over the last 3 weeks - no huge falls, just slipping off the chair as she's trying to pick something up. She refuses to have any kind of exercise machine in her house - got rid of a lovely stationary bike which we gave her as it didn't fit with her decor. I'm trying to convince her to buy an under-the-desk machine (which I just purchased for myself - thanks for the recs, ladies!) because she's so weak, this will keep happening. OK, so the situation now is this: Last night at about 11:45 my brother in CA called. My mom had fallen and was on the floor of her bedroom, unable to get up, and so she'd used the Alexa (one set up in her room and the kitchen area) to contact my brother. Why my brother and not me? Because my brother set it up so that the emergency contact is either him (in CA) or my older sister (in PA). Not me, 2 streets away. Now I get why my mom removed me as her medical POA - she can't have me knowing her business because it would mean exposing her constant lies and manipulation of medical care providers (seriously, she is over the top crazy and caused a total crap show last fall - what a stinking mess). But what is getting to both me and dh is this: She'll have my sister who can hardly get on her feet from her couch bed because she's so overweight and who lives thousands of miles away as the emergency contact, but when it comes to actually needing help, we get the call. My dh, who is so incredibly patient with my mom, almost didn't go with me to help last night. He basically said my mom should call 911 or hey, call my sister in NJ and have her come pick my mom up. He's disgusted still with last fall and everything leading up to it, and very disgusted that my mom uses me for help. And he's a very decent kind of guy in this area, so that's saying something. So...what would you do? If the call comes that she needs to be picked up, would you go? Would you tell her to call 911? What if my brother calls and not my mom? Or maybe a better way to phrase this would be: Would you just be the bigger person and go pick my mom up, knowing it takes just a few minutes, and just not cause any more angst and stress between you/her and the rest of your siblings? I guess I should also say that right now, my heart is pretty raw because I just had a Big Birthday, and my mom asked what I wanted. I told her the one thing I wanted - nothing else, just one thing and it wouldn't cost her a penny. Silence from her, and my birthday came and went. So the realization was there (again) that despite her saying she'll do whatever it takes to mend the relationship is a lie, yet she'll take my help lifting her up off the floor again. And then I think of how I treat the God I claim to love and how many times He lifts me up in spite of my actions/behavior. Over and over and over...never failing love. I'd like to be like that...but I'm struggling which makes me feel horrible. OK, that's all.

Yep

If anyone has experience with one of these, would you please share what you use and if it is worth the $$? I'm looking at the bike and elliptical ones on Amazon but would much prefer to hear from those here whose opinions I trust more than reviews elsewhere.Thanks!

My author for May/June/July is Tony Hillerman. I'm about halfway through the title list and loving every one (save for Finding Moon).

When my older 4 dc got all 4 teeth removed at once, it took easily 5-7 days. My next dc opted for only getting either upper or lower done, then going back. Recovery was a day if that. So much easier!

Our #6 told me she wanted to learn to play the cello in 2019. So I bought her a cheap, used cello, a book, and told her, "Good luck." No lessons save for YouTube. She let me know when she worked through one book so I could buy her the next one. 2020 hit and she had even more time to dedicate to teaching herself. There were attempts to find an instructor to no avail, month after month. Finally we found a gal who lives 1.5 hours away who has her own album and is involved with the local Pops and CC orchestras. She also plays for the incredible musical productions at the CC (last one was "Hello, Dolly!" starring Toni Tennille). So my dd began taking lessons with this gal which led to...... 2nd Chair with the Pops orchestra - youngest participant to ever have that seat Audition for Phoenix Youth Orchestra - got in and got Principal Chair Winner of 3 local scholarships/competitions for music Acceptance into University of AZ music program I wish she was staying local - the CC created a scholarship for her and we were hoping she'd continue for at least one more year. Oh well. Oh, and she plays hockey wicked good - totally doesn't let the boys push her around. So her Senior photos will be in front of the goal in her recital dress (gorgeous), with cello in one hand, hockey stick in another, and skates. 🙂

Breakfast - something high protein. Don't care if it's a hamburger or grilled cheese, just no cereal, bagels, waffles, etc. (unless paired with protein foods). Often we have scrambled eggs with cheese/ham. If we're in a hurry, yogurt with Grape Nuts is always on hand. Also, fruit with breakfast. Snacks - one morning, one afternoon; must include either fruit or veggie along with "fun" Lunch - fruit, veggie, main (usually chicken, peanut butter/Nutella, cheese quesadillas) Dinner - same as lunch, just a main that takes a bit more time (as in a pot of water boiling for spaghetti and a jar of spaghetti sauce) We don't have chips, soda, fried foods, or things like Ramen/Cup-of-Noodles. We do eat a lot of rice because it's cheap and easy, and we all like it. Lots of milk consumed (sometimes we go through 2 gallons/day). The big treat is dry cereal as a snack - it's not the best, but I'd rather see that than Oreos and other crunchy comfort foods consumed. We eat very, very simply. I don't cook beyond boiling water for pasta if I can help it. 😉 Thankfully, no food allergies or other issues to consider; hats off to those who have to factor such things into your shopping/food prep!

OK, don't laugh, but when I am stressed to the point that I actually need to shop (I do not like spending money), I buy socks and underwear for my dc. A lot of socks and underwear. Or, if it's cold weather, mittens and gloves. A lot of mittens and gloves. I won't buy anything for myself because that makes me feel guilty which then makes me angry and even more stressed. But if I buy stuff for my dc - stuff that is useful and I can justify - that is my stress-shopping. Ask me how many pairs of socks I've bought in one sitting (I shop eBay or sales on sites like Gap).....oy.

Sorry for disappearing - we had travel tournaments and are gearing up for State. My dd has addressed the situation with the boy himself (no texts - she doesn't even have a phone so I'm not sure how that all went down with the instigator). She kept it casual, he shrugged and said it was fine. But it was awkward and he's a decent kid, so I am still really angry. But mostly I'm angry with their coach. This is a young man whom we hold in the highest of regard - he not just their coach, he is a good friend of the family. I approached him and expressed how I was feeling, and he said that he views it as "kids will be kids." I was very silent and just looked at him, and then informed him (nicely) of how I feel about that idiotic view (I withheld the word 'idiotic'). He's also a dad to 2 very young dds, so he's not yet in the world of raising teen girls. I'm deeply disappointed in him and that he did nothing. His view is that stuff like this happens and kids, including ours, need to learn to be assertive and not be afraid to say something. OK...but these are still kids. And our dd had never encountered anything like that before. I am very much realizing that I am not part of the on-line, connected society and culture these kids are. I grew up with passing notes in class or leaving messages on machines (or hanging up real quick before the guy I liked actually answered the phone). I grew up with gossip and not-funny jokes/pranks, but this messaging thing - the ability to impersonate someone so easily - is shocking to me. I feel old. The good thing about this is that it happened in a situation where our entire family is involved and present. So all of the kids have heard our talk about respecting other's privacy, not embarrassing others in a way we think is funny, not gossiping, not lying, etc. And they've heard how very, very easy it is to use social media/technology to do harm to others.

Yeah...it is weighing heavily on me.

We kicked around the idea for dd to contact a parent, but then realized that perhaps this was a crush he had not voiced to them? And would that make things even more awkward for him? He is our main concern - he's a sweet kid and new to hockey, and he's also not part of the travel team group which is even more unfair as they are the ones doing this. Dd got the instigator's phone # and contacted him this evening, expressed her concern and wish for this to not just stop but for the other kid to know it was not her. The response was immediate and affirmative that it was only meant as a joke and would stop. The coach knew. Some of the parents knew. That is really, really bothering me a lot. 😞 Had a talk w/my dc about what is expected as far as behavior when with the hockey team. They also see how fast things spread - it went from one kid to a few to most of the team involved. That is not OK.