Yes, I had that same thought. But then if she really wanted to try then she would have come over one time just to spend time w/the grandkids or me. One time that wasn't about her needing something. I am flabbergasted that she literally will not come TWO streets down but thinks I would drive how far to spend time w/her??

I can see that my reaction/response is in line with what you all have posted. I laughed and winced and felt anger in what seemed like the span of just a few seconds. Mostly I'm just shaking my head as to how she actually thinks this is a welcome invitation or that I would accept it either for myself or for just one of the kids. She's really...something.

I received this message from my mom the day before she left for 2 months or so to again visit friends back East. She arrived back here from a very lengthy trip (over 6 months), before which we rarely saw her unless she needed something from me. And those few times were not pleasant as far as her behavior. Upon her arrival back she came over one time because her friend was in town and wanted to meet the grandkids. Other than that evening, we have neither seen nor heard from my mom. She knows she is welcome to come by and, as always, read with kids or play a game or just hang out at the hockey rink with us. She gave us not one single second of her time for a month. Which is fine - it's her choice and none of us are exactly upset by this. 😉 But then this message came through and...well...I'll not share my thoughts until I hear from the Hive. I have not responded to her, fwiw. For those who are not familiar with my mom, she lives 2 streets away. And she's a narcissist and just plain horrible. -------------------- "I won 4 days and 3 nights for 2 people in Carlsbad, CA any time before 2023. Since I'll want to visit a bit with G & family as long as I'm that close to them and have plenty of beach/fun time as well, the idea of making my "second person" one of my grandkids seems super fun! Or my grandkids' mother! I will drive instead of fly to insure I'll have a car while I'm there. I was thinking some time in August? So I'm inviting you or one of your kids. My preference is you. Give it some thought and let me know?"

Oh no, this dd despises my mother with everything in her. She has not and will not have anything to do with her grandmother (save to completely go off on her if the opportunity arose...which I hope it wouldn't given dd's "passionate" nature).

Nope. Just her brilliant boyfriend (he really is brilliant academically). 😞

You are right, though. It's such a cr*p shoot sometimes.

She called this morning - there was so much infection. So.much. She'll have a drain and will stay in the hospital through at least Saturday if not longer depending on b/w results. I will take kids at home with fevers, stomach flu and chicken pox all over their body over one kid away from home who is sick/hurt. Yesterday one of mine had a low fever and every time I put my hand on her forehead or took her temp, I felt grateful that I could do so - that she was at home for me to do so.

Not that I know of. I've heard nothing at all and had a somewhat weepy moment around 4pm. Thank you all for understanding and letting me let this all out.

I need to let this out and this is the only "anonymous" place I can do so. Dd23 has always been the kind of person who is fiercely independent. When she was a year old she got surgery to remove an extra toe (bone). Doctor said to keep cast on for 2 weeks and have her take it easy. No less than 10 minutes after we got home she had it off and was walking around. I slipped it back on, she took it off, doctor said just leave it off if it wasn't bothering her. The girl got in an accident on her bike some years ago and stitched her chin up. These good and strong ways of handling physical stuff were (kind of) impressive, but she also self-medicated to try and sleep, then downed energy drinks to stay awake during the day, then more sleep meds until something happened which I can't even type out because I'll sob all over again. So she's off at school and what I had told her for quite some time (that she has low iron) and for which she refused to get tested finally caught up to her. She is a physical disaster. But I can't say much because she just dismisses/pushes back. Doesn't matter how I phrase things, she does not receive anything well and can be, in fact, quite abrasive and unkind. And so I breathe deep breaths from afar and pray she doesn't end up at a point it's too late for her to test or get help. Got a message yesterday morning that she's doing OK...her fever of 102 has "only" been there for about 6 days. I gently encouraged her to go to Urgent Care because it sounds like something more than the self-diagnosed flu she claimed. Plus given the fact that it was discovered last year that she has a leaky heart valve, perhaps it would be beneficial to see what is going on?? Especially since she missed the last two follow-up appointments for both her iron and her heart? And I waited...and waited... Last night another message saying she's in the ER and getting b/w done then a scan. But she's "fine" and "it's nothing." Emergency surgery for appendicitis last night. OK, so here's where I want to scream really ugly things. This girl isn't stupid. She's pursuing BioChem and is at the top of her class, has won top honors/awards for her work, but when it comes to her own health she's just so foolish. And she's with a guy who matches her academic knowledge/experience and he's just as foolish. And here I am revisiting in my mind when my oldest dd was with a guy who didn't know anything (but thought he knew everything) and my dd refused to accept that something was wrong and so between the two of them and their jaw-dropping foolishness, she ended up in the hospital with a blood sugar level high enough to put her in a diabetic coma. But oh, no, nothing was wrong with her, right??? And nothing was wrong with my second dd, right??? Maybe it's the sudden rush of knowing dd is being cared for and the tension releasing, but I am crying and wanting to shake her. And him. That's all. ETA: Dd is also a CNA which makes me want to smack something. sigh UPDATE: I've been talking w/my dd every day which is simply amazing. We would go for literally months w/o hearing from her, even when she lived 2 miles away. She's just that personality and we tried to accept it. Anyway, she calls or emails with questions or just to say hi. Because she's recovering and has nothing else to do...but I'm OK with that while it lasts. She's quite "soft" while on heavy pain meds, lol! It's funny to hear her talk so differently than I know she'll sound in another few days. The infection was so bad it spread to her fallopian tubes - she was too woozy to remember anything the doctor said but should find out today what that means for future fertility. She had a roommate from h*ll - an older lady who sounded, looked and behaved like my own mom. Lovely, right?

I didn't quote your whole post but am responding to it: I also was first in my family to attend college and my parents were absolutely not involved. They knew nothing and as for money, well, you all know about my mom and my dad was so bad with finances the IRS came after him. It was horrible. I figured out college including financing it on my own and how to take out a loan and prepare to pay it back. Yes, I know not everyone can or will do that but my point is whose responsibility is it to read fine print and research before buying whether it be higher education, housing, vehicles, or whatever? I'm not for forgiving student loans but I am 100% for a huge, huge push to educate as to options for financing college as well as the message that debt is one's personal responsibility. Surely there must be a way to promote that? I do feel for those who have no support or help from parents - I'm not talking about parents paying for college but being involved and helping their dc navigate the process. I've been there, done that, and it was not easy. But it was also an excellent growing-up process for me to figure all of that out and, upon graduating, realize that this debt was there and it was my job to pay it back. That experience, more than anything else I'd read or been told, was of tremendous benefit as far as budgeting and saving (and determining to never have loan debt again!). I have a house full of kids visiting so if what I type doesn't make sense it's because my house sounds like The Chipmunks X 10. 🙂

I feel (and have seen with my older 5 dc) that while costs have risen, so have options and resources for securing/financing higher education that those in the 70s, 80s and even 90s did not have. Sites such as Modern States offer CLEP funding. Community colleges have programs such as the Promise Program (local cc) which reimburses tuition, books and fees if a student completes the program in 2 years. It's a fantastic endeavor and has great results! There are so many ways to pursue higher ed without signing for astronomical student loans (barring, perhaps, medical degrees, etc.). I tell my dc how lucky they are to be going through school in this day and age as these opportunities were not there when I was in college. I would rather see a big push to promote these options than a push to forgive loans. As one who paid off my student loan by babysitting, I cringe at the idea of loan forgiveness. IMO, our society has been clearly shown that personal debt is not one's personal responsibility in the end whether that be a mortgage, student loans, or not preparing for smaller medical bills (recent news about amounts of $500 or less not being reported to credit bureaus). Barring serious emergency and true inability to pay debt, I guess I think folks should pay for what they buy/borrow. Forgiving student loans could be just another step in removing responsibility instead of working to reestablish the need for careful consideration before borrowing as well as the understanding that no one else is going to bail someone out - pay the debt or don't take the funds.

This is how I/we feel as well. I had a LONG talk with the head person in charge of Rec. The issue now is that the other 16 players have been together for years and have their "group." We discussed the pros/cons and she acknowledged my concerns. She is leaning toward keeping my dd in 14U but I have the final say. Per league rules, dd can play down. Many if not most of the female players have done so in the past. One thing that was said is that she would challenge the more "squirelly" 12U players which is a good thing . Much discussion is happening between those in charge and myself. Hopefully this will come to a good resolution.

For Rec everyone pays the same. Travel fees/costs are separate. My kids are taking private lessons and one plays travel. But my 15yod just wants/needs what Rec has been.

The travel players almost always sign up for Rec as well which is great as it makes for full teams, but this season the travel-based board decided to do away with the Rec experience for these 2 age groups. That's what I'm struggling with - the lack of coaching and instruction, the team mentality and working as a cohesive group over a season instead of haphazard.

Girls are allowed to play down and given the vast size/ability difference between 14U and 18U, I'm very thankful for that allowance. 😉 My family runs concessions, we keep the rink and surrounding area clean, put up signs, help w/new players as far as outfitting them from the equipment room, etc. We are at the rink almost every day doing something. I've offered to help form and be on a Rec mini board as the current board's focus is 100% on travel and money stuff. That is actually one of the biggest issues - the parents have moved on to travel/ice and are trying to give a half-hearted attempt to keep Rec going but not allowing Rec parents to step up into leadership roles. Parents have had to really push back these last 3-4 seasons because of how Rec feels like just another travel practice. One coach in particular absolutely ignores Rec-only players in favor of his travel players. It's discouraging and not what Rec families are paying $ for.

I need some Hive input, please. My dc have played Rec (roller hockey) for a number of years now - 7 players in multiple age groups each week. Fun times! Some of the Rec players are also on travel teams. This has posed a problem in the past as travel players can be quite arrogant and dismissive of the Rec players. Travel players do not include Rec players save for a few exceptions. Rec families really like it when travel teams are away for a game. 😉 All that being said, my 15yod and 17yod have had a blast playing Rec the last 2 seasons but this time we are hesitating because the division they are signed up for (14U) is drop-in instead of teams. So twice/week the players sign up, teams are made, they play 2 games, and that's it. Of the 19 players signed up, all but 3 are travel/elite players. I am not happy. At all. I know when we show up for drop-in hockey once/week what to expect - no coaches, teams randomly made, etc. When I sign up for Rec I expect coaching and team playing for the season. The ones making the decisions are parents of travel players or the one heading up all of roller hockey (and his entire focus is travel/elite teams). I don't know what to do. Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of time as my 17yod will most likely not play next season and she just loves being out on the rink. For those who have experience with Rec leagues, hockey or otherwise, does this seem normal? I was thinking of basketball at the YMCA - there are leagues w/teams and there is drop-in as well. But the 2 are vastly different in how things happen. ------------------ UPDATE: After many, many emails between the head honcho, another gal who supposedly represents Rec, and myself, we were told to just wait and see how the first 14U night went. It was OK - not good, not bad, but not ideal. My 15yo was 'meh' about it but said she'd continue. After discussing things following the game we decided to not contact anyone about her playing 12U as well and to just wait and see. 12U began tonight (Th) and all day I was wondering what was going to happen. I was bracing myself for news that dd had to play 14U only but instead I received an email just an hour before the first practice that dd15 was welcome to play in 12U with coaching and a set team. Not only that but the coach they brought on is a young gal who has played for the U.S. National Team and is a highly ranked inline hockey player!! WOW!!!!! The coach found us afterward and was so happy that my dd is on her team. So 17yod and 15yo are on 14U and will put up with the ego-filled travel players (thankfully there are a few nicer players who try to include my girls) but 15yo also gets some superb coaching and team-play on 12U.

Wordle 280 5/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟨⬜⬜🟨 🟨⬜⬜🟨⬜ ⬜🟨⬜🟨⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Yes, this one was hard!! I almost put in a different fifth word which would not, I'm sure, have helped me solve this. Whew!

Wordle 279 4/6 ⬜⬜⬜🟨🟨 🟨🟨⬜🟨⬜ ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Given that I have to wait until midnight and there's just not much left of my brain, I'm always surprised if I get any of these at all. Not having kids pulling on my arm and demanding my attention probably helps... 🙂

I'm laughing but the struggle is real. 🙂

Are we related? I never swore. Never. I wouldn't say "soft" swear words like gosh/darn/heck. One day I slammed my fingers in the front door and said the 's' word. My mom scrubbed my teeth/tongue w/soap and then set the timer for 30 minutes while I stood at the kitchen sink. No drink allowed. And friends came over for dinner and I had to stand there, utterly humiliated (they actually ended up leaving and never spoke to my mom again). Talking back (aka trying to ask a valid question)? Soap in the mouth. Anything that made my mom angry, she picked up whatever was handy and came after you - hairbrushes, fly swatters, metal vacuum pole. It was a lovely way to grow up.

Wordle 272 4/6 ⬜⬜🟩🟩🟩 ⬜⬜🟩🟩🟩 ⬜⬜🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 That was not nice. Brain stretcher for sure but I thought this would be a 2-and-through kind of round. Ugh.

double post

Many years ago I got myself into some pretty hot water on this site because of this issue. It had to do w/gifts my dh was buying for me...only they were really for him and he was being super selfish (imo). For me, gifts are for the receiver - it should make the giver happy to gift someone with what that person needs/wants, not what the giver needs/wants to give. If that all made sense... If someone specifically requests no flowers, then it's no flowers. Because if it's the thought that counts then, imo, the giver should be thoughtful and considerate if requests for/against gifts are made. Otherwise, it comes across (imo, again) as the giver thinking only of him/herself.

My justification was that I suffered through West Side Story and Bye, Bye Birdie when they were in those (I left halfway through WSS, though...I just couldn't take it anymore as I loathe both of those musicals). And I attended the rest of the productions in which they participated so does that balance out my not going to Les Mis? 🙂 I feel pretty cruddy about not liking Les Mis and not seeing the dc in it...but not cruddy enough to want to watch it, movie or otherwise.

I have never seen it - well, not beyond the first 20-30 minutes. My dc have been in the play but I didn't attend. There is something in me that just can't handle it - it's too much. Last night I tried once again as the one w/Russell Crowe is on Netflix but after a bit I had to turn it off. Reading through the other thread about favorite musical soundtracks and seeing how many mention Les Mis, I feel like something of a failure for not pushing myself through and just watching the thing. There are quite a few musicals which I absolutely detest but at least I suffered through them once. But Les Mis...I can't. That is my confession for today. My friends IRL do not know and I dare not 'fess up to them regarding this dreadful shortcoming in my life. 🙂