Not mine with psychotherapists, but with support groups, definitely. I think the issues for spouses are a lot more complex - for parents it's just about working through issues around a child's health and wellbeing while they are minors. For a wife? That's a lifelong thing, potentially.

We do in some ways. I also saw my son's psychotherapist/psychiatrist at the gender clinic. It was fine, though I began seeing someone outside of the clinic pretty quickly. It's just not always easy for a spouse to get clear air around this issue, and some 'therapists', who don't have psychotherapeutic training, can amplify this. I'm sure the OP can support her dd to choose a therapist wisely. Personally, I would always choose an independent trained psychotherapist.

Re exit strategy for conversations you don't want to have with extended family when/if it becomes an issue, I find vague but clear redirection helpful. "What in earth is going on with SIL and this gender thing" says your mom. "Hmm. Not sure about that (vague). You'll have to talk to dd and SIL" (clear) And then just repeat, repeat, repeat. "Can't help you there Mom. As I said, you'll have to call dd " Then pass the good old bean dip. It's actually quite taxing being the go to person for all the family 'news', and it's much better to train people to go to the source, imo. They want to know how dd is and what's going on? They call dd.

If DD wants support, I'd encourage her to look for someone who is not 'in the community' but who is experienced in psychotherapy. She doesn't need 'educating', she likely needs a space to process freely. She has a lot on her plate.

Here (AU) we pay a higher education charge. It can be paid up front for a discount, or deferred to be paid through the tax system later. It is low interest, and payments kick in when you earn 48k+ annually. Most people pay their HECs debt back relatively quickly. If you never earn 48k you won't. The debt currently dies when you do, though conservative govts would love to get away with the debt being inheritable. Different degrees cost different amounts, and some attract subsidies, or Commonwealth supported places, which make the charges lower. If you are going to make students pay for tertiary education, it's not a bad system.

You can only influence your interactions with her, not hers with other people. It's a bitter pill, that's for sure. But her interactions with the rest of the family (other than your children) are outside your sphere of control.

Grey rock her.

I can get a PCR just down the street, so think I'll do that today. Work day, hate to use up limited sick leave! 50% of my tutoring kids are home with Covid this week, thankfully most of them I Zoom!

Glad to hear Sunny is doing so well.

SIL can text. I'm sorry, but why is this his MILs responsibility in any way? The universal principle is that adults deal with their own stuff, unless particularly vulnerable. They should just wait till closer to the trip, and then he can send them a heads up or not as he wants to play it. I'd feel differently if your dd spoke to you privately and asked you to support her in sharing HER news, which is that her husband is transitioning. In that case, you could help her think through the best way for her to share with family.

That sounds like good advice. It's rampant at school ATM so erring on the cautious side maybe not silly?

Actually, because everyone knows where I stand on this anyway, and I have zero care about that, I'm gonna say it. I'm angry on your behalf that SIL delegated this to you without considering that you, too, in this situation, deserve time to process, and that you are not a convenient short cut to 'smooth the way' with others. Save your energy for supporting DD.

Fair enough. It does feel perilously close to excusing, at times, however, especially when the victims of a physical or verbal assault are ignored at the same time.

Up v early with a sore throat. Rapid says neg. Trust or don't trust? Ugh.

No, it's not up to you to deal with sharing the info. Your SIL is old enough and confident enough to do that for himself if he wants extended family to know. It is ok not to take this on.

I made two older friends IRL (one ten years older, one twenty years older) via a writing master class, and it's been so good! So don't rule something out automatically on the basis of age.

I'll have a favourite song intensely for days, weeks or months, but then it will go onto a mental playlist of favourites. This is the current fave. https://youtu.be/Cw5R06zel-E

Am I really the only person who felt sorry for CR in the aftermath? He was clearly shocked, and struggled to regain his thoughts. I am grateful that whenever I've had to deal with a physical or verbal assault, I haven't been standing alone on a stage in front of an audience. I really feel for him. Yes, he tells dickish jokes. I still feel sorry for any victim of an assault. He did a good job of covering and continuing, but why did no-one go up on stage to provide support?

Sure. I read the post. I disagree. Thinking negatively about WS's actions is not racism. Racism is when WSs actions are generalised to Black men as a group. Or when a person would praise a white man for the same violence they would condemn in a Black man. Yes, I have seen the posts telling white women to shut their mouths about it. Nope. Male violence is all our concern. (Which doesn't mean we can't choose to amplify Black women who have good points to make about the incident). Many men, including Black men, make the choice to behave non-violently. Many men, including Black men, don't. In this case, WS happens to be Black, but violent men come in all colours, there's no doubt about that. And sadly, it seems many women of all races continue to make excuses for them/romanticize their actions.

How could it be satisfying to you? You are the most anti-violence person on the board? I do not understand this. I continue to fail to understand how a joke ( cruel, tasteless or otherwise) constitutes a verbal assault which requires vigilante justice. Remember Charlie Hebdo? That's the logical end of violence being used to avenge horrible humour. Hitting and verbal abuse is used to control others through fear. I hope CR isn't afraid to tell whatever jokes he wants in his set. In return, I'm free to dislike the jokes, object verbally to the jokes, write better jokes, walk out on the joke, critique the joke ( and fwiw, this joke wasn't remotely funny, so no sure I'd care to attend a CR show). What I'm not free to do is hit him, and then continue to issue threats from my seat.

You know whose responsibility it is to understand the antecedents of a man's choice to behave violently? His. His and his therapist/counsellor/other trusted person. Scholars who study and seek to prevent violence. The rest of us (women and children particularly, but not only women and children) have every right to give a blanket no to 'understand'. I am well aware you would never think this, so am not suggesting you are saying this, but the suggestion we spend a moment of time 'contextualising' an act of violence in lieu of abhoring it reminds me of the way media responds when a man kills his wife - exploring what 'made him do it', as if he was pushed, as if it wasn't always a choice. Smith wasnt 'driven' by culture or anything else to enact physical violence. He chose to participate in it.

Maybe you could share McDonald's view with your friends in the spirit of discussion, that "violence committed in the name of defending women's honor is rooted in sexism. It's ugly, it's coarse, and it does nothing to serve the people in whose name it is committed.'

I linked an article by a Black woman from a Black publication with an entirely Not This perspective earlier in the thread. Here it is again. https://www.google.com/amp/s/andscape.com/features/will-smiths-slap-at-the-oscars-wasnt-protecting-anyone-certainly-not-his-wife/amp/ In my opinion, Soraya McDonald nails it.

Lismore evacuated again due to flood warnings.

Hair loss, especially but not only for women, is a tough thing to deal with. Joking about it can be tasteless and even hurtful. That's a long way from what I'm seeing described (not on this thread) as a 'verbal assault'. I'm disgusted by the whole thing, including the bystanders, and I think it's been illustrative of a kind of cultural rot in those big money making industries. Makes me never want to go to the cinema again, tbh. I don't want to support an industry that parties with a man who behaves like WS, after that behaviour has just played out in front of their own eyes.