It's great that you love your kid and all. And you are correct that it most likely doesn't matter most of the time. But to a kid who doesn't get that kind of support normally, imagine how it might feel to them to be acknowledged. It's a tiny wording thing that could make a world of difference. And I don't think you are correct that adults are the ones making it more complicated than it needs to be. My daughter, 15, is always correcting me when I use the wrong pronoun in reference to anyone. It matters to her friends as well. (And yes, I do slip up but I am very grateful when my daughter corrects me. That's how we learn).

But how does the teenager feel about this? They were the patient here. In many cases, kids are going to be afraid to speak up to correct a pronoun, especially if they haven't come out to their parents yet. 14 is young, but old enough to have a gender identity different than what the parent prefers.

One thing to consider is that even though you are the mom, and you are speaking for your daughter in this situation, the medical offices I've been in contact with start treating kids as autonomous beings when they reach around 12-13. For example, I still have to sign for my kids as minors, but I can't access my older kids' test results on the patient portals any longer. There are plenty of parents who deny the chosen gender identity of their children. So the person may have actually been trying to respect your child as the patient, rather than you as the mother. And since your child did not come out with a stated gender preference, it was safer to go with the gender-neutral term.

My 17 year old cat has been yelling a lot more (always was vocal but it's extra now). She is deaf. And she is very demanding, yowling to let us know the water in her own special bowl is not up to the very tippy top and such.

I think I had some issues with that as well. My first shot was back in January when I was getting over a couple months' insomnia and I think the shot made it worse when the insomnia was just getting better. But things did settle down again. I have found that sublingual melatonin seems to work better for me, and at times I've taken that along with a slow-release pill to help fall asleep/stay asleep. I think the worries over not falling asleep make it much worse, so hopefully after a night or two of good sleep things will get better.

I have my work calendar on Outlook, and my personal calendar on Google. I have a small cheap notebook on my desk, where I jot down all the appointments and tasks for the day from both calendars. I actually do that at the end of the day for the next day. It's a lot nicer than the random pieces of paper and post-its I used to use. And I use the back side of the paper in the notebook for jotting down notes or numbers or whatever. I had to spend a lot of time today setting appointments and such. It feels like a lot of work but I know that now that I have it all organized, it'll take me about 5 minutes a day to maintain.

DD9 had a bad cold a couple weeks ago. It was the first time that I actually thought someone in my family could have Covid. But she tested negative!

My 14 year old and 15 year old received their first shot on Saturday. No complaints except the sore arm! I gave them both Tylenol on Saturday after the shot, and my 15 year old needed more on Sunday.

It is prescribed "as needed" so I think so. She usually requests it when she's feeling generally wound up. Another option that is great for dealing with stress from an event (commonly performance anxiety) is beta blockers, like propranolol. That might be worth looking into. My prescription specifically says to take 30 minutes before a job interview.

My DD has a chronic vomiting condition that comes and goes, definitely triggered by stress. Unfortunately, Zofran does not seem to help much and it does make her sleep all day. She has also been on and off of different anti-anxiety medications. She used to take a benzo but her psychiatrist has switched to hydroxyzine (Atarax/Vistaril). It is an antihistamine so it is sometimes used off-label as an anti-nausea medication. So that may be worth looking into!

Of course you are justified in feeling this way! I don't believe in "Family, no matter what." I can't recall off the top of my head your entire history but just based on the things you shared in your post, no one should ever be forced to live with someone who treats them that way. My relationship with my own mother has become complicated as I've gotten older, but she not abusive, as your mother has been to you. And I know that I could never take her in to live with me. It would be bad for everyone involved.

Can this maybe become a spinoff thread and move it out of here? PLEASE?

Well, he is Josh Duggar and never faced a consequence in his life. My ex was convinced while he was under investigation that he was going to be cleared. He said his defense attorney read the statements my daughters made and "nothing looked that bad." (You bet your ass I voted against him when he later ran for D.A.) After his arrest I found a journal where he had written about wanting to double his income that year, and wanting to take the family to Disney once the whole thing was over. Instead, he was arrested, lost his job, and went to prison. And none of us ever want to see him again. These men are truly delusional.

Don't read, don't respond. Just delete. They may get bored and stop sending them. My family uses FB for this sort of thing now so I just scroll past.

Here's what people don't understand. These men are master manipulators. They can explain away anything. Part of me thinks "What he did before they were married should have been a huge red flag." BUT. Was he ever arrested for it? Did he ever receive any other punishment besides a stern talking-to? If Anna knew about his sisters, did Josh tell her "That didn't happen." Or "Something happened but it really wasn't as bad as they say." Or "Yes, I did that to my sisters but my dad told me to stop and now I see that it was wrong and I was a kid and I will never do it again." When my child disclosed about what her father/my husband did to her, I believed her. But it took a long time to truly accept that he actually did that to her. He was under investigation for months, during which time he was not allowed contact with the kids. But it was such an abrupt separation that I kept in touch with him, at the very least to discuss household logistics. During that time, he did an excellent job of keeping me guessing. He never outright denied anything, but he kept me thinking it was all a series of innocent mistakes. We had been married for 15 years and never once did I think he was a child molester. But he was doing it in my own home. He groomed me into believing he was the best possible father and husband and it never once occurred to me to think he was capable of doing what he was doing. Even looking back with hindsight, there are very few signs I can piece together that would have tipped me off. I feel awful that I didn't protect my daughter but I can also honestly and truly say that I DID NOT KNOW. At the time of the disclosure, I had an education and a job and fewer kids than Anna does. I had options. And it was still hard to accept the truth. What did it for me was a) I lived with the victim, so I could see the effect his actions had on her. She had been in therapy for years before her disclosure but never made any progress. Once she disclosed, it all made sense. Note that none of her therapists or her psychiatrist ever suspected that she was a victim of CSA, either. And b) After his arrest, communication with him became nearly impossible (at that point I desperately needed him to give me access to our accounts, because though I begged him for months leading up to his arrest, he didn't bother to get me the logins. He was convinced he was going to be let off the hook). The less he was able to tell me his lies and justifications, the clearer everything became. So I really don't think it's fair at this point to blame Anna, even if she had some sense of the accusations before they were married. It's not just the direct victims that are groomed.

These men can justify everything, right? Everything has a good explanation. 🙄 (As you know, I've got my own ex so I'm saying this based on my own experiences dealing with him).

Or she had no idea he looked at it at all. It is entirely possible. I have read (speculation) that they found this by raiding his business, not his home. He may not have done it anywhere in her presence. If she even suspected anything, which she may not have, pedophiles are extremely manipulative. Very easy for them to smooth over anything that looks suspicious. And that's true when you're talking about a typical woman, not someone raised in a cult with no opportunities to think independently.

It absolutely would bug me. My nosy neighbor once said to me "Must be nice to have your kind of money" based on a million incorrect assumptions she had made. It rubbed me the wrong way then and always will. (She stopped by to ask to borrow $100 a few days later, too bad I didn't have your $100 bill on me. Haha. I told her I'd lend her $20). I am NOT rich, and unlike her, I've stayed in jobs I hated until I had a new one lined up. She is consistently unemployed. What I should have snapped back at her, as she was once again just sitting on her porch doing absolutely nothing, was "Must be nice to have your kind of time."

If someone has already called for help, or if someone else is there to help the person, often there is not much more that can be done. I don't think it's often the case that people are recording INSTEAD of helping. In this video, it was the harasser who recorded the breakdown, so it's pretty clear they weren't going to help. Their goal was only to cause harm.

Yeah, I guess I hadn't considered that. Possibly the echo chambers they are in made it seem like everyone was on their side.

Right? And they're usually so astute. For example, why else would they go around around calling everyone else "sheeple" if they weren't very intelligent, independent thinkers?

Yeah, there are some people who seem to post any random thing without considering how it might be interpreted. I tend to mute over-posters. And I've been slowly distancing myself from FB in general. I do a quick check-in daily, I like some random posts, and get off. Last year, there was so much ignorance being posted while I was laid off and had too much time on my hands, and I got into so many pointless arguments. I took the app off my phone, which has made it a lot more inconvenient for me to check in at all. It has really helped a lot.

Could it be a post in support of a friend who is going through something?

Is it just me, or does anyone who spouts "MSM" instantly lose all credibility? I've never met someone who talks about the MSM who wasn't completely brainwashed by far-right media sources.

I commented earlier in the thread, and I totally forgot to mention a book that might be helpful. I listened to the audiobook to try to help understand my mom's POV, and I think it might be helpful for you to understand your daughters' POV. Walking on Eggshells by Jane Isay