Where do you live? Next year, I grow your broccoli, grapes, and salad greens, you grow my stupid freaking tomatoes, and peppers, and we meet somewhere in the middle! 😁

Wicked crazy day. I subsisted mostly on coffee which isn't exactly healthy. I had some celery and a V-8 juice at some point midday, a handful of pretzels at 5 pm, and have finally dropped into the chair. I am truly hungry. My body is barking at me, my stomach sounds like it really wants my attention. I am too tired to do anything about it, and do not want to move. Not my best day for sure.

Band, do you have any bargaining chips, anything he really wants as part of the separation settlement that would not bother you to give up? "I will exchange the language you propose for, children will be given the opportunity to attend mass, in exchange for giving you X?" My brother gave up custody of his kids for the house. No joke. It was more important to him to have that house than parenting rights to his kids. Sigh. He got what he deserved, a thing, and nothing more. Again, so sorry this is happening to you. I wish I knew how to help you. You must be so darn weary from dealing with him.

Yes. We have a fun little celebration in the backyard. It normally involves fire but we are in a drought and under burn ban, so that won't be happening. We do it on June 23, the traditional summer solstice of Denmark which is also our dd's birthday. Since we have the burn ban, I guess our straw figure will have to lit afire in my old, decorative cast iron tub outdoors but after we have filled it with water. I need to make a stick boat for it. That will be the closest thing we get to a bonfire this year. I think we need to add reading Midsummer night's Dream to our repertoire!

This a thousand times. At some point, unless declared incompetent, we have to honor their wishes. This is why my mother in law is going to end up dead from a broken neck in her home. We will let it happen. It is clearly what she is determined to allow. I can't stop the train wreck. I also do not have to allow it to ruin my life, my marriage, make me crazy. My brother in law said, "Mark, let her do it. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes." You can't make them do what is medically right. It is HARD! But eventually, you do have to make peace with it so you do not go nuts, and cause your own health to tank. This is call 911 every single time. Eventually it will get on the radar of the hospital social worker, and sometimes they can get elderly folks to do things that family can't.

I agree with you fully on this. It is the only reasonable thing to give him. I don't know how to make him get that. Sigh. I hate the system. He shouldn't have an opinion or a say in any single thing at all. The family court system is the very definition of nightmare. I am so sorry!!

Hey, if you break out the Methodist Cookbook ie. "Potluck Manual", you are going to see some stuff. Some really well, just stuff. Methodists created the whole " hated for casserole, never met a cream soup we didn't like" genre of cooking. Former Methodist here. We wear that badge with way to much pride! 😂

Agreed. There was a case of a lesbian couple here in Michigan being turned down for pediatric care for their daughter because the physician was against gay people. Way to punish the child. https://abcnews.go.com/Health/sex-couple-blames-discrimination-pediatrician-allegedly-refuses-newborn/story?id=29080781 Don't want to treat people? Don't be a doctor. Plain and simple.

My go to was orange juice, Squirt, and floating pieces of lemon. Some folks add cherry koolaid, but I refuse. That stuff stains tablecloths.

Our next chance of rain is Saturday. 09"/2.28mm. Not enough to do any good at all. This is going to be so bad. They are saying there is about no chance of rain the week after. I hope they are wrong.

I said I would come back and do an "our favorite" so I need to do that. We have a LOT of wonderful trip experiences so this is very hard to choose. I guess I will go with our first Badlands trip. In 2014, just after Mark and I and our middle son returned from Iceland, eldest son and I were in a horrific car accident when a woman on a cell phone ran a stop sign at high speed (estimated to be doing 70 miles per hour on an unpaved side road - don't ask me my feelings about her because to this day, they are NOT good), and t-boned our mini-van. Thanking safety engineers everywhere for airbags, side curtain air bags, all the air bags, and all the safety belts! We survived, but were badly injured, son way worse than me and to say that my recovery was easy would be a really jacked up understatement. When physical therapists and orthopedic surgeons were certain that ds would not only walk again, but be walking with a cane or walker by the June 2015, Mark and I decided we needed to take an epic, family vacation, a road trip, something super special. That whole time had been really hard on our other two sons. The boys were homeschooled, high school senior, junior, and freshman. I was trying to supervise D.E., and as well as teach from a recliner, keep wheelchair bound, head injury suffering senior on track with college admissions and finishing coursework since he did not want to take a gap year, and legally, we don't really have a "take a year off from school because you are injured" option by Michigan law, we didn't really have a choice in that, and the younger two were doing hosuework, cooking, helping their brother with bathroom assistance, you name it. So much stress. We just wanted to treat us all to something amazing, and make some new, good memories. We let eldest ds choose. He had always wanted to go to the Badlands. Every since he was a young child and he heard of that region it was on his bucket list. He also knew his brothers would like it, so I did a bunch of research and figured out how to make a happy, handicap accessible trip. We spent a night in Sioux Falls at a Ramada Inn with a water park. I cried with pure joy when my two teens practically carried their brother up the steps so he could ride the water slides. Those three had SO MUCH FUN, and the added benefit was that dd's physical therapists wanted him to swim and hot tub soak. I made sure every hotel we stayed at had an indoor pool and spa tub. Ds didn't even ant to take his muscle relaxant in order to do all the riding. But if he had not been able to soak, stretch in the water, and swim every single evening, he would not have been able to handle the road trip. We went to Wall Drug and did all the funny touristy things. It was hilarious. We went to the Minuteman Missile Museum/nuclear silo. My father was a missile engineer for the Air Force who had worked on those things at one point, and even been stationed there. They loved seeing what their grandpa had been doing long before they were born. The only thing ds and I could not do was climb down into the launch silo itself which is not handicap accessible. We spent two days exploring the Badlands. Mark and the younger sons would go hiking. Ds and I would stay on the boardwalks, picnic and stretch out on blankets on the grass at the visitor's center, drive the loop and photograph wildlife, and having dogged a research team at the lab with all of his questions, they decided to let him into the lab and assist with cataloging a couple specimens which was so cool. We went to the South Dakota School of Mines Museum, saw Mt. Rushmore, took and train through the Black Hills, and went to Devil's Tower. On the way home, we stumbled upon the Museum of Danish America in Elk Horn, IA, and this happy impromptu stop has lead to a big relationship with the museum since Mark is 2nd generation Danish American. Our eldest son has now published historical articles with MoDA. He has assisted in the genealogy center. It was a marvelous trip. Since by strange circumstances due to taking time off for health or for being unable to schedule classes in a timely manner, all three of our musketeers graduated college the same weekend. Only one of them wanted to attend commencement. So we all went to his, and then as a graduation gift for the three of them, a last hurrah before they scatter to the winds and there are no more family road trips, we took them back to the Badlands at their request. This time we did not go to Devil's Tower, and no need to repeat Mt. Rushmore. Instead we spent a bunch of time at Custer State Park, more time at MoDA, and came home through Nebraska so we could swing by Agate Fossil Beds National Monument, and the train yard at Platte, NE.

Sorry. It is really hard for any of us here to set the bias aside because we know what he has done. Let me see if I can think of a hypothetical without the bias. A father is being sent to the International Space Station for one year. His ex wife will have sole custody of the children, every inch of ultimate authority. He will have a once per week call from space. He wants to make sure that during this period, his children are still being exposed to and having opportunity to practice his faith. So what should that document say that would be reasonable, potentially enforceable, and not a burden on his children at their current stage of development. 1. Custodial parent will provide for transportation for weekly mass but with discretion for reasonable absences. Then if he argues about what is reasonable, his lawyer and yours can remind him that he doesn't get to make that judgment call. 2. Children will be allowed access to and transportation for counsel from parish priest or licensed counselor through the parish as the children request. 3. Children will be allowed to become confirmed at the appropriate time if they so choose, and non custodial parent will be informed when this happens, picture provided if photography is allowed. 4. Children will be provided transportation, on their request, for youth related church activities with discretion of custodial parent as pertains to work and school schedules. Schedules will not be provided as this is cumbersome to custodial parent. If children request that pictures of them participating in these events be provided to non custodial parent, custodial parent will forward by email through a neutral party with the provision that non custodial parent will NOT share these images on social media. 5. Non custodial parent will respect his children's privacy and need for gentle guidance by not inquiring about confession or pressuring the children to choose confirmation. Non custodial parent will forfeit the right to numbers 1-4 if he violates this most important 5th provision. Maybe something about Paternal grandfather being allowed to provide guidance about faith matters that are not serious enough to warrant talking to a priest. Possibly that would put his mind at ease a little. It isn't exactly enforceable, but you already allow Pops a ton of access to the kids anyway. Making it formalized might help ex swallow the bitter pill. I don't know though. And this might be bunk! I am just trying to come up with something that doesn't have the bias which is insanely hard for all of us here because after all you and the kids have been through, we want to have your back, and the kids' backs, not his.

I am still figuring out th cool weather crop thing. My broccoli got into the ground WAY too late so the only reason I am harvesting anything big enough to eat is that we had a very weird, unseasonably cool late May and early June. Normally, by June 1 we are using consistently 75° days, at least in years past. Schools let out soon after because most of local districts do not have air conditioning so once it is 80 out, Michigander kids who are so used to long winter, are feeling pretty hot when cooped up inside. I had forgotten that my grandparents would plant broccoli the 2nd week of April, and then cover it every single night for weeks in case of a surprise frost. We had two May frosts. One was while we were gone. My mom came down, found a tarp, and covered my tomatoes and peppers. She didn't know where we kept the other tarps and covers. So I lost the green bean plants that were already up and doing nicely. I seeded again, and now have 20 young plants. The peas did not care one little bit about that frost. I think they very much do not like this week though. They have been so pretty, green, growing, producing, very happy plants. They really are a beautiful botanical. But now we have this 80+° weather and despite being nicely watered at night since we aren't getting rain, and despite being off to the side where they are not in the blazing sun, their leaves on the bottom are turning brown and curling. It makes me so sad. I have those four little plants in this pretty planter box with a shelf that Mark picked up on clearance sale and put together. It is made of cedar and has a natural, varnish/finish. I put some very decorative looking branches in them for the peas to climb on, and it has been fun watching their tendrils choose which way to go. It is one of those little stunning edible landscape kind of set ups, and now I fear this will be the last week we get any pea pods for our salads because they really do not like the change in weather. 😥 I like them so well that I am trying to track down seeds - these were transplants from a local nursery - so I can sow them again in August and maybe a have a few weeks of fall harvest before it gets too cold. Next year the broccoli and peas are going in April 15. Mark loves them so much he committed to making hoop houses for them so we can keep them happy if we get nasty weather. I want to try my hand at some salad greens, buttercrunch and romaine (I don't like romaine but he just loves it), maybe even some spinach. I thought that since these are cool weather, maybe so could harvest them in late May and early June, then pull all the plants and sow green beans in part of the beds, carrots in the other part, and then in August, start again with cool weather crops. I have NO ideas what I am doing, but I figure since seeds are not expensive that if I do not buy transplants, I am not out much for playing mad botanist! 😂 I am so disgusted with the tomatoes, and this is an ongoing battle year after year with everything except cherry tomatoes, that I am not going to devote a 3 ftx16ft bed to the jerks next year. Instead, I am just putting in the cherry tomatoes to dehydrate, trying other things with that space, and ordering a couple of bushels of paste tomatoes from my favorite farmer. I am picking up strawberries from him today, and he said we would discuss tomatoes and whine about them together. Of course, he has a greenhouse for starting his plants, and long hoophouses for his many rows of tomatoes, so he does just fine. He has the science down. But he says they are still such a finicky plant for Michigan that he spends a lot of his time shaking his head at them, meanwhile all his other veggies flourish without much babying. So we are going to smack talk tomato plants this morning. Oops, speaking of that. I need to finish my coffee and get in the car or I will be late for my strawberries and mutual plant bashing session!

Me too! I couldn't finish the movie. Lewis is old and probably won't last another year, and then the dog died and that made me think about Lewis, and next thing you know, I was a mess. I am so glad I am not alone in this! What were they thinking? leave the puppy alone!!! I vote for Indiana Jones because all kids, at some point, should experience Indy on a big screen. But maybe not for the littlest one. For everybody, Nanny McPhee, Mary Poppins, Homeward Bound, Racing Stripes, Cool Running, Saving Mrs. Banks (maybe nor for the youngest because it does deal with some life issues like a not gory at all attempted suicide) that could be upsetting but is otherwise a wonderful movie. Rescuers Done Under 1 and 2, How to Train your Dragon, Encanto, the Muppet Treasure Island. For you, the new Top Gun, Death on the Nile, An Ideal Husband, Clue - because who can resist Tim Curry - Hamilton, Cruella, The Martian (if you like Sci Fi), Dune (again if you like that genre). Probably all large t.v.s should be christened with a Star Wars movie at some point because well...ya... 😂😂😂

I am so very very sorry. I am glad for the time Dd had with baby.

Band, I think of you as a reasonable conservative Catholic! On top of that, you are the mom, single parenting, being and doing everything. So with that in mind, knowing what activities and school obligations your children will have, what traveling you might want to do, and what kind of flexibility you need to make it all work, how about you sit down and write up the verbiage that is best, and then have your lawyer tweak that with a lot of legalese in language that would make it very very hard for him to make a case that you are not "raising the kids Catholic". I think your lawyer can come up with something along the lines of " Custodial parent will commit to regular church attendance with full discretion for sickness and unforseen life events as well as obligations that require the family to be out of town. Custodial parent will inform non custodial parent after confirmation takes place. Custodial parent will consult with parish priest once annually or at her discretion about the spiritual well being of the children." But I do not recommend you agree to anything concerning confession. That is so deeply personal for each individual, and your children are getting old enough that being compelled by decree to go to confession could have a devastating effect on their developing faith, and may in fact cause them to reject the practice all together. Teens just cannot and should not be arm twisted into things like that. Now that said, no priest worth his salt is going to ever inform dad that the boys haven't been to confession either, and I can tell you that no judge wants to interview your boys about it. I think your ex would be plum out of luck if he had a hissy fit because he wants to control this aspect of their religious life from afar. I think that given who he is, he is not going to agree to anything reasonable, but that doesn't mean you should offer him more. You could offer him sun, moon, and stars and have him refuse to sign or sign it and then make your life miserable. Since he wants to try to control you and make you miserable, offer him only what is reasonable to you so what is possibly enforced (and I don't think a court is going to listen to his whining about religious issues), is what you were willing to do to begin with or doing all along. Maybe your lawyer can figure out how to make it sound like you are making concessions when you aren't.

Sigh, and with climate change this is only going to get worse. Note to self, invest in more N95's for my family, and make sure all our kids have a hepa room air filter so they can hunker down in one room of their homes.

I hope you intend on paying for those services then. It is frightful what these things cost now, even simple ones with cost saving measures. And sometimes the living really do not want to grieve publicly. There are MANY of us like that. I was utterly miserable at my father's very public funeral, physically exhausted, and at one point held up in the church nursery having a panic attack. Every family should do what is best for their immediate members. Anyone for whom that is uncomfortable should not be guilted into attending or looked down on by others.

We have been earing very light. It got hot out, and now we do not want heavy meals. Lots of baked potatoes, salads, small fish fillets, lots of fresh veggies as well as grilled. Today we ate the first broccoli harvest from our garden. It was so sweet, so much better than I buy in the supermarket! I have had a crazy, whirlwind day, and it is warm in the house. We don't want to turn the air on if we can help it. So I might treat myself too one of the lemonade popsicles I made. My daughter made some low sugar lemonade for our grandsons, and blended it with fresh picked blueberries from the Alabama yard, then froze it for popsicles. Apparently the grandboys thought this was DA BOMB. Tomorrow I am picking up a flat of strawberries from my favorite farm family. I am going to freeze some, and dehydrate some. I really don't know how to make a dinner entre that revolved around strawberries, but I feel like I should figure that out, and it shouldn't be oatmeal for dinner! Does polenta and strawberries count? 😂

I would call 911. You will wreck your back if you are heaving on her alone, and one of these times she might break something and it would be very bad to get her up. It is time to let the professionals do their thing. I would block her phone number at night I think android phones do have an AP for that. My mother in law refuses to wear a neck brace or use her walker. She refuses to take up her throw rugs, braided rugs she made that flip of over easily. She has cervical vertebra deterioration and is a huge fall and break neck risk. she has fallen a few times and then called us. Mark finally told her it is too big a liability for him to get her up. She must call 911. He will meet her at the ER if EMS transports her. What else is there? She won't cooperate, and if he moves her, she could end up alive but a quadriplegic. Don't feel guilty, and do not let her gaslight you about it.

It really is okay. It is also just fine for you to choose to get together privately with people who support you even if your dad does not participate. You can respect him by not planning something he would feel guilty about not attending, and still respect yourself by having some time to share memories and grieve. It doesn't have to be an either/or with one person feeling railroaded.

Private is becoming so common here. Churches no longer provide facilities for free or help with food or anything, and pastors charge $125-200 for people in their own congregations. Many families can no longer afford a traditional funeral or memorial service. When mother in law passes, it will be Mark and I, his brother and sister in law, my mom, the grandkids, and a backyard barbecue at her house or in case of inclement weather, a restaurant meal. We will share memories, laugh and cry together. Nothing else. She is being cremated, and her eldest granddaughter would like to keep the urn so we all agreed that was fine.

Sorry to hear that. I just know that giving your ex what he wants isn't going to stop him at all. He is going to harass you, waste your time, cost you money to defend yourself, until the kids are adults. I am just so very sorry to you and your sons that he allowed to have ANY say in anything.

Band, what does your lawyer recommend? I would not advise making up any agreement or language that your lawyer had not drawn up.

It was VERY scary! She is on her meds now, and has limited, supervised visits when she can get herself to the area to see them. But we all still live on pins and needles until these kids are older and can advocate for themselves, move away, live their lives. We just keep hoping that over time, she fades away to other obsessions because that would be so much better for her children.