You are the quilting queen! I did 9 quilts from Nov. 4 - Dec. 17 last year for Christmas gifts. I felt completely done with quilting, and haven't made a quilt since. Not even my Halloween quilt that I truly wanted to get done. Couldn't make myself get started. But, I do feel the hankering again, so might tackle something after the first of the year. Right now I am tired of my kitchen, and I face a big cooking weekend upcoming. I wish I could get away with a year of no cooking/baking afterward! But I don't think that is going to work out so well.

I wish I had taken the time to type up all of recipes of their favorite main dishes and assemble cookbooks for them. I have spent a lot od time texting, emailing, and talking on the phone after the, "Mom, how do you make x,y,z?" messages. I could have saved myself a LOT time.

This isn't crafty per se, but I am going to vent here about it since it is kind of close. I decorated wide mouth canning jars for Christmas, ribbon/bows, cinnamon sticks, that kind of thing. Then I started making gourmet hot cocoa mix for all the adult kids and honorary kids. I got a half gallon (two quarts) mixed up and realized that I had switched around the glass containers of French milk solids and corn starch. The recipe is a ratio of 1.5 cups French milk solids to 2 tbsp of corn starch only because of the switch, I had the reverse!!! On top of that, I had it all mixed before I realized it. There is no way to separate it. The cocoa is Navitas, not cheap! None od this is usable as a gift. It will probably make cocoa cement in a cup. Sigh. French milk solids are not cheap either. Now I have to go to the specialty bulk food store and buy more French Milk solids. I thought I would have this done today. Each kid is getting a quart jar of dried apples, a quart jar of cocoa mix, a flannel scarf (I posted some of the prints above), and a wooden ornament that Mark has been making on his laser. The two newly married couples are getting customized 1st Christmas ornaments, one son is getting a cool DnD character, one is getting "Make Pluto Great Again" with image of pluto, and the two authors are getting these old fashioned typewriters that have a page coming out that says, "I write, therefore I am." I was going to take pictures of it all before I made up the gift bags. Now I am on hold. The store closes at 4 pm EST, and it is 3:37 so I cannot get the French Milk solids today. Sigh. I need someone to come examine my brain. I should have noticed that the French milk solids are somewhat yellow compared to the cornstarch right away. Nope. Didn't even register.

Your plan sounds great! I think making memories and having experiences with kids is more important than the stuff. Making yummy cookies, having a memorable meal, it works. You are doing great, Heart!

The secret service screwed up then too. They allowed an in screened group of people to stand within 15 ft of the rope line which is how Hinkley got so close. Hinkley fired six times in 1.7 seconds. It was the 2nd volley that got the president. Parr grabbed him and dove towards the open door of the car, but they also weren't near enough to directly shove him in. They did manage it in 3.5-4 seconds according to the official report. They were closer to the car than Biden was at the time of this incident. So they messed up a little, but frankly, not nearly as bad as the detail did with Reagan. Hinckley was not a sharp shooter by any stretch. It is doubtful that Reagan would have been hit IF they had done their job and cleared the unscreened group away from the rope line like they should have done. The greater eff up was definitely the Reagan detail.

That is hard. She is reaping what she has as sown for lack of planning for many years. The least she should do now is find a not entirely horrible nursing home within a two hour drive of her home, and get grandma on the list. Otherwise, what good is she to grandma if she ends up trashing her own health and can't take care of her anyway? But of course, she won't listen to you. Fairyland, rainbows, and unicorns seem to take up residence rent free in the heads of folks who refuse to consider alternatives. There just doesn't seem to be a way to fight that. What I kept telling my mom about my dad is that healthcare workers go home at the end of their shifts, they don't do it 24/7/365. On top of that, there is staff. Paramedics have partners, and can call for additional help. RN's have LPN's and CNA's to assist with so many physical care issues. Healthcare facilities have well engineered bathrooms, beds, you name it for their patients. Homes do not, and older homes often cannot be redesigned to make it easier to take care of a bed ridden elder. I told her, "There is a reason that the dry erase board on the wall, near his bed, has three names on it. His RN, his LPN, his CNA. And how many times have they called for an additional CNA? When the ambulance came, two paramedics AND a police officer moved him." But she wouldn't listen. It was awful. I don't know how to make non planners, plan. I just don't. It is truly mean spirited that she is not going to do anything for those grandchildren while simultaneously giving to her local grandkids. I wonder if you should talk to your kids about not accepting grandma's gifts this Christmas since there will be hurt feelings about this. We did that once with mother in law. She was going to spend $100 each on our kids, and $10 each on her South Carolina grandkids "Because they only come see me twice a year". They were little kids. Her son and daughter in law.both worked full time. They used ALL their annual vacation coming to see her. So we told the kids there would be no gifts from grandma that year, and told her she was not welcome to give to them until she stopped playing favorites. She changed her tune the next year. My mother in law has these moments when she makes my head spin! She can be so sweet many other times, and then gets a mean notion in her head and is just ugly. I swear she has a whole Dr. Jeckyl, Mr. Hyde issue.

Definitely use some online calculators to see if they have your withholding too high. It is better to not get the huge tax refund. People like them. But in reality the government is getting your money throughout the year interest free. Everyone would be better off getting that way down, and then using it or putting it into their own investments like an IRA or something similar. For you, you need it in your budget.

As part of all this, good reminder to everyone else that if you stick yourself with 100% or near that for an elderly relative that needs lots of physical care and should have a staff instead of just one, long suffering adult relative, you are going to wreck your own health and then come to your own "golden years" having sacrificed relationships for it. The Sandwich generation is getting steam rolled bye expectations of providing huge amounts of nursing care without a staff while also being expected to keep working, keep being active in relationships, many times still raising kids, and ignoring our own health and neglecting our own care. We have reached a place where medical science is a double edge sword where people live longer but they also live much more frail, and with an expectation that their kids will care for them come hell or high water. It isn't how it was in the "good ole days". Gardens and crops had to be tended, jobs had to be maintained, fires built, laundry done by hand, clothes mended. Elders often languished in beds in their own homes with the crudest of care or no care at all. Not a happy thing. I hear so many people romaticize the past, and it makes my head twitch. So if we can have these conversations early about what we can and cannot do, and what expectations we will or will not meet, that is for the best. Tiggy, I have major issues with your mom's attitude in three areas. Refusing to call those numbers to seek some relief aides, refusing to make a future plan for your disabled sister which is profoundly horrible for her, and not giving gifts to the " away grandchildren" because she has w beef with their mothers. If she sends money, then okay. That is fine. Shipping costs so much these days it is probably my for the best. But if they just get the cold shoulder as innocent kids, she needed to get a MAJOR earful from you. That is mean spirited, period. Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs.

Three kinds of Danish cookies, and a cake as well as the entire Danish Smorrebrod to cook, but that won't be until Sunday though I will get the cookies and cake done Saturday night. I have stocking stuffers to pulp together, six flannel scarves to sew, some decorating boxes to put away, and the grocery shopping for smorrebrod. I am sewing today as well as putting the decoration boxes upstairs. I should have all the scarves done by Wednesday, and if I make my Wal-Mart pick up order for tomorrow for the last of the stocking stuffers, I should be golden until I collapse from all the cooking and baking.

I think graduation party customs are a regional thing. I know relatives in other parts of the country who say they have not ever seen one advertised or been invited to one. So I think this is kind of a quirky, local thing. Are their friends having parties? We opted not to do the "open house" thing but we did take the out of town guests who came to their graduation ceremonies (we had commencements and conferring of diplomas, announcements of college choice, etc. even though we home schooled all the way through) out to dinner or in the case of dd, had a buffet style dinner here at the house afterward, and backyard fire and smores for her and her friends when the relatives had thinned out. High school commencement is a very big deal in my region, and openhouses for these graduates abound through June and July. But, we also bucked the tradition by just having a small, closest family and friends dinner. So it was a way of doing something to honor our kids' graduations without participating in these huge, expensive parties. I would say that the trend towards having huge parties here has waned since covid in some areas. Ours still seeks full steam ahead, back to normal, but not everywhere. I think you do you. Have you asked the girls what they would like? I know kids who have been forced to have a party who really did not want one, and did not enjoy it. I know others that didn't get one and felt stiffed. I think that if you have relatives coming to attend the ceremony, a meal together before or after is nice, but only of the honorees would enjoy it.

I would also like to say that we are finding that in general with many elderly people, staying with them just doesn't work not even if they are the nicest people in the world generally. The reason for this is that so many of them can't really manage a lot of change to their routine, and their routines can be quite strange. For instance, my paternal grandfather could not fall to sleep before midnight for most of the final years of his life. He was also an early riser, about 5:30 am for most of his adulting years due to his jobs. It was like he had an internal alarm clock that couldn't be changed. Since this was not enough sleep for him, he took a 1-4 pm nap every, single day. My grandmother, a very dear person to me, demanded that the house be kept deathly quiet for his nap period. If you were staying with them, you couldn't even have a conversation anywhere in the home. Go outside, even in inclement weather. 3 hrs every single day. That really isn't very guest friendly, and most certainly not for kids. Then he would be up and things would be normal, but if you put your own kids to bed at 8 or 9 pm, Mr. Hard of Hearing, was still going to have the t.v. blaring at air raid siren volume until 11 pm when his last evening show went off. He was quiet until 11:45, and then made a helluva racket in the kitchen getting his nightly bowl of grapenuts cereal before going to bed. I have never heard a human so loud just getting cereal. One of the guest rooms was just off the kitchen so if you were sleeping, you were also waking up now. I have witnessed all kinds of similar mayhem and strange schedules among the elderly, and frankly, that is all perfectly normal when bodies get that old, frail, and sensitive. No judgment there. My day is coming, for sure. It is just that this is often so very not easy on guests or just not doable especially with kids. And disruptions to these little routines can be very disconcerting to the elder. My mother in law hosted her eldest grandson and his s.o. over five days at Thanksgiving. These are the sweetest people, easy peasy guests in the grand scheme of things, quiet as mice, and super helpful (my nephew did a whole bunch of things for her around the house that was on her "honey do" list for my dh). When they left, she was utterly exhausted and said she didn't know how much longer she could host people. She just can't handle things being different, and just trying to converse more than usual, or think about meal times every day, or head to the bathroom and someone is in there....she just doesn't have the band width anymore. So it is also okay to simply pull the plug on these things even when relationships are otherwise good, and go get hotels or vbro, or stay with different family members even if at first, it ruffles feathers. Blame it on yourself if you need to, "I have developed some sleep disturbances, and it will be very difficult for you if my insomnia kicks in and I am making noise and pacing the floor all night." Something like that. Make yourself out to be a terrible intrusion on their life, and a potential problem if you prefer to try to diffuse the tension by making sure they see you as the source of the issue and not them.

Oh my! This is awful.

Agreed. She sounds so whiney, and the only face she knows is pouty face.

If I were near, I would pick cherries. I have no idea about coriander. It is something I need to learn more about.

That last paragraph really resonates with me. I have a sister in law and niece who literally reject the concept of viral transmission. They have some strange belief in "out of balance and bad humors" causing illness. So they these huge walking Petri dishes of disease. They even brag about spreading whooping cough one year, and how that benefited everyone who got it because it strengthened their natural "balance". These would be the people who are actually Typhoid Marys and would need to be forcefully confined by the state. Since my brother goes along with his wife in everything, he was not allowed to see his grandbabies who were born during RSV season. Their parents were being super, duper careful with them as newborns. They were sooo vicious towards their sons and dils because of it. I don't blame you for losing it on her. My goodness. You see this horror show everyday. Her lack of respect for the welfare of the grandbabies is very upsetting. Many hugs. I hope you survive it all. I really feel like December has become something most folks end up hating because the expectations are insanely high and too much stuff is packed into it. Just once I would like to see schools do a fall play, band concert, choir recital, and lay off December. It would be nice if people would host parties at other times of the year. Hugs!

Beautiful!

Honestly, I wouldn't visit. But that is me. I have a dil that is non-binary, they/them, and I don't subject our family to the insults and hideous behavior of members of my extended family. (Staring directly at my brother and his narcissistic, cruel, and vicious wife.) But, your kids are adults, and can do what they want. They don't need to visit. People who completely disregard disabilities, and disrespect LGBTQ are toxic. It is okay for them to cut off folks like that even if they are relatives. 10 hrs is a long way to go for a short visit, but I think showing up one evening to say hi, spend an hour, go to the hotel, offer to take them to lunch the next day, take them home, go back to the hotel, and then meet for breakfast the day after and go back home is perfectly fine. Limit the contact and keep it in a neutral place. If you want to take your sister out, take them to a McD's with a play land or to the zoo. It isn't really fair to those little ones to be cooped up at grandma's either when they have so much energy they need to burn. The hard thing about families is that our society has always functioned under the notion that children, even grown adult children, are always to endure toxic behavior from their "elders", and maintain a relationship out of sheer obligation. It gave so many parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles the idea that they get to behave however they like with no consequences. It turns families into bullies. For some families, it was a religious thing under the heading of " honor your father and mother" or "turn the other cheek". So much abuse and toxic behavior proliferated, like noxious weeds in a garden left too long unattended. It is really bad. I have some news for you though. The stress in your life that is relieved when you let it go and stop turning yourself into knots to appease unappeasable people is enormous. The day I gave up on a trying to be the good daughter with my dad was the day my life became a million times better. He is dead now, and I have no regrets. I really do not. He was who he was, and nothing was ever going to change that. Releasing myself from " good" daughter responsibility was the very best thing I ever did. It was also really, really good for my kids and my husband when I let go. Your parents are old. For sure you feel that societal guilt about not being a part of their lives. But they bear an enormous burden for why the relationship is what it is now, and they don't care. Trust me. They don't. Love is action, not feelings. The way they treat you and your kids is NOT from a place of love, but a place of seeking control. You want to believe that it is somehow from a good motivation because that hurts less. Allow yourself to grieve. Be kind to yourself. It isn't easy by any stretch. I cried buckets before giving it up. I did, for my own sake and not his, spend the last day of his life with him. He verbally abused me right up to the very end. I wish you the very best. Many, many hugs!

Really cute!

You are nicer than I. I tend to NOT invite people to events at our house who are folks who make the kids really uncomfortable. This is why I have some relatives we only socialize with as a couple, at a restaurant, once or twice year. Holidays in particular are our moments to share with our kids, and especially now that they are spread out, and we see them so much less, those holidays are very precious to us. A&P would not be invited to my house. But since you are going ahead with this, I would stream a movie that your adult kids have not seen yet in a separate room. Make caramel corn for them to munch, and let them escape with other foods and beverages into that room, and tell them they can turn the volume up to make it far less likely she will show up and try to start up a conversation. If you serve all the food buffet style, it will make it easy for them to escape and start the movie when she upsets them. If she asks about them or mentions that they are being anti-social, tell her to stuff it. Calmly state how she is being rude or difficult. 3 hours is a perfect amount of time for your kids to watch a movie, and their son might appreciate being to escape with them.

Great solution!

You mom and my mother in law should never be introduced to one another. In my MIL's case, she has always had a snobby, judgmental, mean streak. But, she always kept it under control when she was younger partly because she was raised to be rather prim and proper, and partly because she prided herself on her professionalism as a nurse, and later nursing professor. Every once in a while something would slip out, so we all knew it was there, but it was definitely not egregious. Now the filter is off, and she is just cruel. She isn't physically abusive, but her attitude and verbal aggressiveness is wearing Mark out. And she does this martyrdom thing any time she snaps her fingers and we do not immediately move like we are servants of the queen. We do loving and kind things for her, like her recent trip to see the Nutcracker. But, I do think Mark is fast reaching the limit of what he chose an endure and still work full time. The stress is not good.

It looks like my youngest grandson hunched over trying to hide the fact that he is playing in the cat water yet again!

That is great!

I love it!!!!

Congratulations!