Yup!

Have any of you heard of the tv show called “High School”? Here’s the rotten tomatoes page that gives it pretty high reviews. You can see it for free on FreeVee or if you have Amazon Prime. Anyway, here’s the scoop: my cousin’s kids are identical twin girls. They’ve always been outgoing and lighthearted, if a little bit aimless. They didn’t go to college and only bothered with odd jobs at places like pizza parlors. Sometimes they’d post themselves on TikTok lip synching a few lines to a song or showing their outfits for the day. They’re not girly-girls, so their outfits were just regular-looking clothes. Nothing fancy. But their light-hearted energy comes through in their videos. Anyway, while my 2nd cousins were busy working their fast food jobs and posting TikTok videos, Tegan and Sara, identical twin sisters who are Canadian singer-songwriters, had been busy writing a autobiography about their high school years. They decided to make it into a TV show, but they needed lead, identical twin actresses. It would be helpful if the twin actresses were in their early twenties. And looked like Tegan and Sara. Oh, and were gay, too. Kinda specific and a bit of a tall order! They looked and looked, but weren’t finding what they needed. People heard that they were looking for twins to play the lead roles of Sara and Tegan on the tv show and people starting telling Tegan and Sara about these twins on TikTok that sort of even looked like Sara and Tegan and had their same energy. So, Tegan wrote to Railey (my 2nd cousin) explaining that she was looking for lead actresses for a tv show. Of course Railey and Seazynn (the other twin) were like, “Nah. Scam. Not falling for it!” But Tegan/Sara finally convinced them that they were for real. Railey was ready to take it on, but Seazynn wasn’t so sure. But over time, everyone convinced Seazynn to try out, and she did and they got hired to play the lead roles in the TV show. And they fit every criteria for the show. My second cousins had zero acting experience and couldn’t play any instruments. So, they went to Canada for months of crash-courses in acting and guitar playing and singing. They worked super hard and in 2022, the first season came out and it got great reviews! I think you can kind of tell they’re new to acting in the first couple of episodes, but that also makes them come across as more genuine and how teenagers really talk/walk, etc. I had no idea if I’d like the show, and I ended up loving it. They use a storytelling technique where they’ll show the same scene but from different character’s points of view. It’s clever. Anyway, the family is super proud of Railey and Seazynn and I wanted to brag, especially since it’s such a fun story about how they were discovered out of the blue. Here’s an article about them if you’d like to read it.

How emotionally exhausting! You know how after doing a hated chore that you set a little reward for yourself? Like, you might say, “After I clean out this garage, I’m going to go out to dinner!” I think your family needs to come up with a reward to look forward to after hanging out with your mom.

I’m the same! Almost exactly 50/50 with the middle letters. None of the descriptions of the personalities quite fit me. I am strong with the I and the J, but those middle traits are fuzzy.

Even though I’m still showing as an INTJ, the description doesn’t quite match me. I started reading other descriptions and they don’t match either. I’ll have to look at my numbers again. I must be close to the middle for some of the categories.

Took the test again, hoping for something different. Nope. Still an INTJ.

Yes, “invitation” is more what I was thinking when I wrote about “expectations.” I’m still thinking through this idea, so maybe I’m thinking of it more as a matter of giving them a few pointers about how to keep adult family relationships strong and healthy? Being an adult comes with a bounty of freedom along with a few social niceties thrown in (like calling family members on their birthday). For me, I don’t think I’d even care if they called on my birthday or set holidays. I personally think that family relationships stay strong if you talk to each other with voices every few weeks at minimum (not just texts). So, to have a healthy family relationship, I’d want a 15-30 minute call every few weeks. That allows everyone plenty of space to live their lives, but also is often enough not to lose touch with each other. We’ll see! Ds20 goes away to college in the fall (he’s been commuting for the past 2 years.) We’ll see how it pans out. I think I’ll call him from time to time so we don’t become strangers.

I very much like the above idea of telling them ahead of time what my expectations are and how to handle it if they can’t be met. Like, I would expect to see them at certain holidays and if they can’t come, then I’d need to know by a certain time, etc. And a lame-o reason would be hurtful, but a valid reason would be sad but understandable. Thinking back, I pretty much completely ditched my parents when I got married at age 19. Just never bothered to call or hang out or contact them in any way. Totally forgot my mother’s birthday. Ay yi yi. (Then again, my parents are odd ducks and there were actually valid reasons that completely explain why I initially ditched them. As a more mature woman now, I wish I’d been able to overcome those reasons, but I do extend grace to my 19-yo self who was too self-centered to understand certain nuances.) So, I can understand the self-centeredness that can happen when young people launch, and I very much like the idea of setting a few expectations around “getting together as a family on holidays” or “calling Mom and Dad (and brother) on their birthdays.”

I found the first thread I ever started 15 years ago here. I was 35 when I wrote it. The little 6 yo son I had back then is 20 now and in college. 🙂 He did learn to read, but he still doesn’t like reading on his own. Looking back, I think he had (has) a bit of dyslexia and I never knew it. Hindsight is 20/20. He enjoys audio books though. He detests writing, so he’s a math major and getting great grades in all his math classes. Well, he gets great grades in all his classes, but he loves his math classes and only endures through the ones that make him write.

I chose the wrong number first and frowned at it a bit thinking, “I don’t think it’s right…” until I realized I had chosen the wrong number. I think a lot of people have gone to FB, which is such a shame. FB doesn’t work as well for storing information and seeing all of the replies to a question. But I figure that’s where the younger homeschoolers are. I’m 50 and have been here since I was in my mid-thirties. It’s been a loooong time and I’m a completely different person now than I used to be then. The forums helped me grow up. (I was rather immature for someone in their 30s.)

This just happened with a close family member this week. They live far away and we only communicate via email and sometimes on the phone. But the past few times I’ve written or talked, they just haven’t listened to what I say about important things, and then fret and stew and misjudge me based on what they heard or read wrong. Weeks later they come back to me all upset about something I wrote or said after having talked it over with their friends and other family members, getting them upset too. Then, I have to point out that I never wrote or said what they thought. They’re not mean spirited, but they have shown that they have terrible reading comprehension and will misinterpret and then sometimes believe poorly of me. And so I realized they cannot be a confidant anymore, though they used to be. I will still communicate because they’re mostly harmless and a loved family member, but our communication will now be only light topics that can’t possibly be misunderstood. I will no longer share anything “real” about me. Just small talk. Blah. But, yes, the door is firmly shut on having anything other than a light acquaintance-type relationship.

I’ve not been in a church at Easter time that got graphic either, but I’ve visited churches that I would suspect might do this sort of thing. Thankfully, I didn’t visit them at Easter! I wouldn’t attend a church like that either, or would at the very least skip the Easter service. It smacks of emotional manipulation.

My son is in an art class in college and one of the questions that the professor asked the class was why do they think that there are very, very few painting of the crucifix in Christian art until a couple hundred years after the event? My son and I were discussing and agreed that it was just so horrific that no one in their right mind would want to paint something like that. It took 200 years of distance from the event for people to start painting it and even then, most crucifix paintings are tame compared to what actually happened. I think those early Christians knew what some churches don’t today—you don’t have to focus on the gore to still understand the message. They were wise. Even in the biblical passages, they don’t describe the gory details of the event. They just state what happened without extra commentary. My very favorite part of the Easter story is when Mary is at the graveyard, crying so hard that she can’t see clearly, and the risen Jesus walks up to her and asks why she’s crying, and she tells him about how Jesus is dead. Then he says, “Mary,” and she finally recognizes who he is. That part just gets me right in the heart because she goes from complete despair to complete joy. I cry every single time I think about it. And that’s the point of the Easter story—the joy.

I don’t know. I think I’ve disappointed some friends in the past and have been just right for others. For one group of friends, I never initiate anything. But for other friends, I’m the only one doing the initiating. This is a good thread and something worth thinking about carefully.

My youngest son graduates from high school this year and starts college in the fall. He’s not sure what he wants to do, but has tossed around the idea of being a science writer. They are the people who know about science and write about it in ways that the layman can understand. Probably it’s a science writer who writes articles about Covid for the CDC website. But now, I just don’t know. Will humans even do that anymore in few years? I find it distressing.

How exciting! Glad they were such nice people!

I don’t buy tops (shirts/tshirts/sweaters) in the stores anymore. I can get all my tops at thrift stores. Pants and shoes are different. Pants are tricky to buy and I only want used shoes if they’re practically new, and that’s hard to find. Coats are from the thrift store, too. I’ve gotten very nice coats at the thrift store. If we eat out, it’s always water with our meal. —- IRT the college discussions: the closest state school is an hour away and not quite commutable, especially because my son’s ADHD makes it so that he needs hours more than most people to get his work done. A 2-hour commute each day wouldn’t work. And he needs the social outlet, so we’re stuck having to pay R&B which costs more than the tuition.

I didn't use a program, but I get what you mean about a lot of the books slated for High School being horribly dark. I joked with my friends that when Dracula is the lightest of the bunch, you know you're in trouble. Here's what we used for high school. I did not use a program. I just had my son read them and we discussed and I made up my own lessons. Once in a while, I came up with an essay idea, so he wrote about 3 essays a year. That might not work for you with 5 kids, but I'll still give you titles: 9th Grade--World Literature Evaluation: Class discussion, completion of The Lost Tools of Writing assignments, essays Book list: Instruction: The Lost Tools of Writing Level 1, from The Circe Institute; ISBN 9780986325717 Novels: The Epic of Gilgamesh, translated by Stephen Mitchell; ISBN 978-07432-6164-7 The Odyssey, translated by Stanley Lombardo; ISBN 0-87220-484-7 The Thousand and One Arabian Nights, Sharon Publications; ISBN 0-89531-056-2 Don Quixote First Part, Miguel de Cervantes; ISBN 0-06-018870-7 The Three Musketeers, Alexandre Dumas; ISBN 978-0-14-310500-8 The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom; ISBN 0-8007-9405-2 The Little World of Don Camillo, Giovannino Guareschi; ISBN 978-1-900064-07-1 Picnic at Hanging Rock, Joan Lindsay; ISBN 978-0-14-312678-2 Short Stories: “The Country Doctor”, by Turgenev “The Overcoat”, by Gogol “The Death of Ivan Ilyich”, by Tolstoy “The Darling”, by Chekov “How Much Land Does a Man Need?” by Tolstoy “The Bet”, by Chekov “The Secret of Hanging Rock”, by Joan Lindsay Poems: “Lot’s Wife”, by Anna Akhmatova “Freedom to Breathe”, by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn 10th Grade-American Literature Evaluation: Class discussion, completion of The Lively Art of Writing assignments, completion of literary guides, and essays Book list: Instruction: The Lively Art of Writing, by Lucile Vaughan Payne Huckleberry Finn Novel Units literary guide The Red Badge of Courage Progeny Press literary guide The Great Gatsby Progeny Press literary guide Of Mice and Men Great Works Instructional Guides for Literature To Kill a Mockingbird Progeny Press literary guide Novels: Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain; ISBN 0-590-43389-X The Red Badge of Courage, Stephen Crane; ISBN 978-1675993941 The Call of the Wild, Jack London; ISBN 978-1512395822 The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald; ISBN 978-0743273565 Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck; ISBN 0-14-017739-6 A Separate Peace, John Knowles; ISBN 0-553-28041-4 The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger; ISBN 978-0316769174 Flowers for Algernon, Daniel Keyes; ISBN 978-0156030083 To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee; ISBN 978-0060935467 Short stories: Young Goodman Brown, Nathaniel Hawthorn The Pit and the Pendulum, Edgar Allen Poe The Oval Portrait, Edgar Allen Poe The Most Dangerous Game, Richard Connell (also studied in English 11) The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, James Thurber The Lottery, Shirley Jackson 11th Grade - British Literature Evaluation: Class discussion, completion of Windows to the World assignments, essays Book list: Instruction: Windows to the World, An Introduction to Literary Analysis, Lesha Myers; ISBN 0980100518 Writing with Skill, Susan Wise Bauer; ISBN 9781942968221 Novels: Beowulf, translated by Seamus Heaney; ISBN 978-0374111199 Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen; ISBN 978-1514648599 The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde; ISBN 0-486-27807-7 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams; ISBN 0-681-40322-5 Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte; ISBN 978-1503278196 Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier; ISBN 978-0380730407 The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, Agatha Christie; ISBN 978-0062986139 The Screwtape Letters, C. S. Lewis; ISBN 978-0060652937 Jeeves and the Ties that Bind, P. G. Wodehouse; ISBN 978-0743203623 Short Stories: The Most Dangerous Game, Richard Connell (also studied in English 10) The Gift of the Magi, O. Henry The Necklace, Guy de Maupassant 12th grade--I enrolled him in an online school. They did wwaaaaaaaaaaaay less than what I'd been doing in regards to actually reading things, but he did learn some good terminology that I had somewhat skipped (theme, tone, voice, etc.). I had been planning on saving Shakespeare for 12th grade if I had still been schooling him. Beyond that, I hadn't made any decisions about what else to read/study for literature.

It was Scarlett’s wording, when she said “repulsive” and another person agreed that that was the word: repulsive. It probably isn’t logical, but that cut me personally. I’m doing my best to tell myself she thinks that it’s replusive for the B&G to expect that, but it feels like she’s also repulsed by me as well, that I’m going along with such an “icky” thing (another word she used just a few posts up.) It doesn’t feel good to be thought of as replusive and icky when I’m trying to be generous and loving to a new couple. But, I’m 50 years old so I’m not letting someone’s opinion of me on the internet get to me too much, as you’re pointing out. It’s just opinions and discourse.And feelings are fleeting, so I’ll let these go. I’m starting work for the day now and within 30 minutes, I’ll have forgotten all this.

This is so silly. I do not understand why you keep insisting that it’s the B&G who came up with this. Honestly, I thought I was being clever and original when I thought up “hey, let’s cover your food!” two weeks ago when my son asked me. It never in a million, billion, trillion years thought that the B&G expected it. If they expect it, sure it’s icky and repulsive. But SKL and I and any others have never ever ever ever ever ever said that we thought the B&G expected it. When you keep saying this, I know that you’re focusing on this pretend B&G who are rubbing their hands together asking for money, but that’s not what I’m talking about. And you’re coming across as if you think people like me who are trying to be generous don’t actually care about the people or the event and are turning it into a transaction which is ludicrously far from the truth. I 100% assumed that my son was invited to the wedding because his friends like him. They know he as $0 income, so they certainly didn’t invite him for his money. Ok—full disclosure. I got a job 2 years ago. Until then I couldn’t afford squat. I used to want to be generous, but I just couldn’t be. I couldn’t treat friends out to lunch. I couldn’t get anyone nice presents, etc, etc, etc. I mean, yes, it was really nice of me to write out the recipes, but even if it’d want to help anyone with money, I couldn’t. My hands were tied. And then I got a job and I believe they’re overpaying me. For the first time in my life, I can say, “I’ve got this!” if I go out to lunch. I totally spoiled my kids at Christmas for the first time ever. I can give and give and give. And it’s been heady and I’ve loved it and I’ve been treating everyone to everything. So when my son said, “How much should I put in the card?” in the past I would have said, “Um, nothing. Come up with a small gift idea instead. A couple of new dishtowels.” But this time, I knew that he (it was me actually—he has $0 money) wanted to put money in the card, I felt a heady rush of generosity (in my mind) and thought, “This time we can actually bless the couple! Finally!!!! I know weddings are expensive, so we can give them MORE than give us! For the first time in all the weddings I’ve been to, I can give MORE! YAY!” And so I told him that they probably spent $30-$40 on his food, so give them $40 to $50 so that he would be able to bless them even more than they blessed us. And beyond that, I haven’t thought about it. So, I only thought about it this one time 2 weeks ago for this one wedding in all my life. And until 2 years ago when I got the job, it always would have been the dishtowels, or anything under $25. This is new territory for me. I have no idea how it will play out in the future. I have a nephew who got engaged,and I love him dearly, so I will finally be able to spoil him, so I’ll give more because now I can (won’t he be surprised! He used to come stay with me for a week during his summer and winter school breaks when he was little and ask me to buy him things and I had to tell him no So Many Times and he was always confused that I couldn’t afford to buy him things when the rest of the family did.) I don’t know my son’s friends (never actually talked to them in person), and so that’s why I suggested that I’d give my son enough money for the food. I actually thought it would be weird and awkward if he gave more than that, being that everyone knows he’s a dirt poor college student.

I’ve re-read the thread. No one said anywhere near what you wrote. No one said you “must” spend that amount. They only tossed out what they themselves do as an idea to consider. I was one of the first people to say I also (when I swing it, which most of my life I couldn’t) like the idea of covering the cost of my plate. But I never said that anyone had to do it. It was just an idea that I shared.

Did anyone ever say that? I never saw anyone say that. I guess I missed it. I only saw people say that for themselves that was a criteria they used and they put it out there as a possible idea for others to use, if they liked. But I never saw a “must”.

We’re done homeschooling, but that’s about how it worked out for my family. But I always had a large assortment of things to study through 8th grade (logic, art, math, music, history, science, literature, grammar, writing, etiquette.) I would work all those subjects in throughout the week (the 3 r’s were every day, and the others were scattered throughout.) In high school, there were only about 5 or 6 subjects a semester, but we took longer on them. There was just so much to learn and explore that it just took time.

As a hospice nurse she probably sees exactly how abusive people can be even until the very end. It’s not like people turn 80 and become sweetie-pie grandmas. If they were mean and abusive when they’re young, there’s a good chance they still are and the nursing staff sees it play out. One of my dear friends lives in a nursing home and she knows which people are just plain mean, and not from dementia or medical conditions—they’re just mean snakes. And she’s not surprised that their families don’t visit them.

I also don’t understand people being upset that a guest might think, “Aw! I got invited to a wedding! How wonderful! How can I bless the bride and groom and their family? Hmm…when I get them a gift, maybe I’ll try to sort of cover what they spent on me for my dinner and maybe give them a little bit more! That seems like a nice thing to do.” This article says that people usually spent about $50-100 per guest for food. https://roaminghunger.com/blog/15409/how-much-does-it-cost-to-cater-a-wedding-for-100-people A couple of weekends ago, my son went to a wedding and got a card for the couple. He asked me, “How much should I put in there?” and I said, “Maybe $40 or $50? That’s probably what they spent on your food.” I didn’t give it a bunch of thought and neither did he and we weren’t resentful or pulling out spreadsheets and calculators and trying to make things super even. It was mostly a throwaway comment/idea that I tossed out at him to consider. I don’t ever think the bride or groom expects guests to purposely cover their food. But some guests see it as a nice thing to do. I find it on par with being invited to dinner at someone’s house and bringing a bottle of wine. I don’t expect guests to bring anything, but some guests will insist. No one gets all shocked that a dinner guest would bring wine or a dessert or flowers. I don’t see why so many are astounded that a guest might say, “If I can swing it, I’ll try to cover the costs of my meal plus a little more when I go to a wedding.” And of course, things change based on other factors. For my son, the wedding was for a couple a few years older than him that he sort of hung out with a bit at church, but not a whole lot. He didn’t hang out with them much, other than attending some bible studies they led. He looks up to them as a couple that are 5 or so years older than him. He’s a 20-year-old college student now. If it was his best friend ever or his brother, the gift would be more personal and meaningful. So, if the wedding is for close personal friends or beloved family members vs. a distant cousin or a couple that you look up to but aren’t friend-friends with, that also makes a difference. And always, budget comes into play. There have been times when $10 in the card would be all I could swing. Or I’d come up with a cheap gift. For example, I gave my favorite recipes written out beautifully to a couple when I couldn’t afford to buy something.