Can't really compare schedules, it's hard to envision how other families might interact during transit or down times or whatever, but I will agree with HomeAgain: If you have a teen clearly telling you she needs more time to talk with you, make it happen. Sadly, here, the teen talk moments are usually at some ungodly hour of the night after their work shifts. But they are essential. It doesn't have to be about anything heavy; she might just miss you. But if you make the time for the unimportant chats, the way will be paved for the inevitable Big Talks. Can she go with you to take a sibling to an activity, and then you can chat while the sibling is actually doing the activity? It's not like you have to stare at every moment of soccer practice, times four days per week. Maybe sit in the car with some coffees. I try to have some time with each family member each day, just 15 minutes to ask about their day and focus on them, as the minimum of spending time with my kids so they'll talk to me about the important stuff in life. Definitely, it seems a mother has to become more deliberate about this as the teens grow up and get very busy, themselves, while we are as busy as ever with the younger kids. (And burning out, because we are getting older.) But I believe it's right to see it through, for every child. It's worth it, to have teens and young adults who want to communicate with us.

Just to answer one thing: The Scott Foresman America Reads series is terrific. Any one of the texts really is enough for an English credit, for a student who is time challenged. I like to add one or two whole works per semester, to read and discuss a little. I'd suggest a free online guide for the discussions - try Pink Monkey, Cummings, Glencoe, or Penguin. But honestly, that is optional!! The textbook is enough.

I don't think it would make a difference. Either they will be the type to want to make do with what's there when they move in, in which case they will be thankful the dishwasher works well (being an older model) and is clean and fully functional, or they will be the type to want to replace appliances anyway.

I agree with heartlikealion - it's very likely that even though she doesn't get along with her dad, he and his wife probably just didn't check the registry. I'm not prepared to assume a grandpa is trying to snub the family with a practical and adorable layette of Very Hungry Caterpillar gear. LOL YOU give what you wanted to give, that you know is their style. Most shower guests will do the same. They will not be the first family to have some baby stuff that does not perfectly coordinate with the nursery. If grandpa hadn't given them something unmatching, and nobody else did, either, they would have been the FIRST family not to have a blend. I remember I used to designate different sets for different purposes, or match the baby's outfit sometimes. It just doesn't matter. If they really hate it because primary colors make them nauseous and they want baby's entire world to be perfectly coordinated, they can return or regift. Someone else's gift to them should not cause you to make any changes. Definitely give them the handmade blanket. They will treasure it!

Agreed. Guests don't tell hosts where to shop, what to say, or how to set their table. If they don't like the hospitality, conversation, or family values, they know where the door is, they came thru it on their way in.

Agreeing with Pen that I would manage my own pronouns in my own house, and if we are a paper napkin establishment, so be it. (I'm not clear on the pronouns thing. If they mean that you are calling their kid by the wrong pronoun because you are making a political statement about the kid's gender identity, you should stop doing that.)

Say this: "Sis, I love your visits and I want you to feel welcome, so it has taken me all day to figure out how to word this, but...yes, I'm afraid seven days would be too long. Our usual three day visit is just about right, for me to still be able to attend to my job and local responsibilities during the balance of the week. Thank you for asking! If you want me to help find a good Airbnb or a hotel, just let me know - or if you'd rather "base" your longer visit somewhere else and just come see us during part of it, we will understand. Or like I said, we LOVE your annual visit and would be very happy to keep our tradition exactly the same. Ds is looking forward to playing with dniece, I thought I'd fix your favorite dish, blah blah blah." If your sister gets offended by this, she has moved into Kid Gloves Narcissist category and you do not need to feel one bit guilty for upsetting her. That's as gracious as it gets - "we love you and look forward to our three day visit but our schedules won't allow us to extend it," combined with "we understand if you want to change it on YOUR end, just as long as we get to see you" - a normal, nice and thoughtful person would not be offended by that.

Ok, that does make sense. No need to worry about it, even if grandchildren arrive next year, I won't be in both stages for long! ? Thank you.

ITA. I was young when my kids were born. I have lupus which is sidelining me, not age. Technically, I'm still childbearing age (cannot imagine). There's a very good chance I'll rebound with rest.

My big secret in life is that I am not sittin' on go, waiting for the chance to rush over and do stuff for my adult kids and their families. I definitely will do all the things, if needed and wanted. If they'll want me be the grandma they never had, I'm sure that would make me happy, too, and I wouldn't let them down. But I am SO tired. Maybe I will feel all broody (at grandmother level) once I'm done raising teens. I hope so. My matriarch complex has nearly run its course, unless I start getting more sleep!! Do NOT tell my kids that I'm worried about being too worn out. I want to be the grandma that remembers birthdays and goes to the sports games and hosts the holiday dinners. I really do. But I hope everybody waits about five more years - four to finish raising my last kid, and then one year in a BarcaLounger or sensory deprivation tank.

My MIL was not able to travel to see our first baby until he was six months old. She still managed to pull off the perfect MIL visit - exquisite, handmade gifts, best intentions in the world, yet she destroyed me emotionally until I was seriously considering psychiatric help, and DH sent her home early. (I have never suffered from mental illness, nor sought treatment for so much as anxiety or the threat of depression.) If she had come when I was still postpartum, I don't think I would have been okay. She's just toxic. I know I'm not toxic, and so far DIL confides me in me to a degree that makes me think she doesn't consider me to be a threat of any kind. But when my kids were young, I was very aware of family histories of mental illness, narcissism, etc. and I gave them a lot of room to get help if I turned out to act that way (without realizing it). They've always known, since they were tiny, who they could talk to if Mama was the problem. I will extend that to any DDILs and grandchildren - I'll stay good at boundaries and focus on having my own active and meaningful life, so if anyone needs distance from me, they won't have to hit me over the head with a hammer to get the hint! I don't need to live vicariously. I will love the kids and their children dearly and be involved, but I don't want to raise anyone, don't want to take anything from the children's mothers, and I know that I got to do it all myself once.

Right, I'm not talking about being present at the birth. I can see how a mom would like her own mom there but not MIL - not that I'd invite myself to anyone's birth, no matter the relation...what's wrong with people...I am glad that nobody thinks there's a rule concerning the proper order of meeting the baby. ? I am very lucky, as a MIL. DDIL is very good at explaining what she wants and doesn't want - if her behavior as a bride was any indication (and why wouldn't it be?) she will know what she wants and communicate clearly as a mother, too. And she can trust me to be up for whatever. If she wants me at the hospital, I'm there. If she wants me to visit when the baby is three days old, and bring casseroles for the freezer and maybe do some cleaning, I will do that. LOL

This is also a forum that values children having a roof over their head and something to eat! Good grief. Sometimes parents have to go to work, and sometimes they can't get home until shortly before their littlest children go to bed. In other news, the sky is blue.

NOTE: I am 99.99% sure this is a hypothetical question. LOL In other words,I don't think I'm a pending grandmother. I just read in another thread here that some believe its traditional to "let" the mother's mother see the baby before the father's mother. Really? When this question does apply to me in the future, I already know I'm more likely to be around than ds's MIL. Not for lack of interest or closeness on her part, I'm just always more available and hands-on as a helper...is this something I should be aware of? If I'm in town and the other grandma isn't, am I not supposed to visit or help until she has arrived and seen the baby first? (I think this sounds like a bunch of hooey. It's not grandma's baby, it's mom's and dad's baby...right? Whoever is there, that the parents want, should be there. If you have no daughters, just sons, in what other ways are you slated to be a second class grandmother?)

I'm sorry. I hope you get to see the new baby soon. I'll say a prayer for your friends who are suffering.

I thought someone would take offense at the comments about not raising their own kids, not seeing their own kids...I think the critics are responding to the lack of interest, that makes people wonder, "OK, so when do you spend time with him? When do you take care of him?" They are not a military family, with a deployed parent and a dedicated home parent (with or without use of daycares, sitters, schools, etc.). That would a functioning family, whatever their division of labor and careers. Other families with parents who work long hours, it's still about time with the kids, making plans for quality time, making the arrangements for all aspects of their kids' days and lives. They give zero impression that they are not 100% involved, and as parents, they are definitely in charge. But the OP's relatives seem to be a married couple who have made no provision for the care of their child other than, "Sis will do it for very cheap." No staggering of schedules so he can have more time with a parent, no proper wages for the carer, no priority to go and pick up their little boy if they're on leave or when they get home, an assumption that it'll go exactly the same with their second child. The plan seems to be for the family to keep their kids for them, as much as possible. Apples and oranges. I'm not convinced that it's "just" laziness. I agree with a pp that it almost sounds like they're afraid to be alone with their children. And the OP thinks they love their kids and could be good parents. I'm not trying to just blame; I think they might need the kind of support that is about mentoring and supporting good parenting, and (lovingly) holding them accountable.

I didn't catch that she had some maternity leave left. I think you're right.

I would suggest using this pattern, with a print that will be a ocean-like background for an appliqued mermaid fin. I would not make the bib itself in the shape of a mermaid fin. http://www.auntieemscrafts.com/binky-bib-pattern-and-tutorial/

"Close" family is when you see your relatives as often as possible, and share life. Raising your siblings' children because they can't be bothered to do it, while seriously underpaying you, and not even reciprocating by being there for you and YOUR kids, is not good for anyone. If you think they could potentially be good parents if they ever tried it, then that's what should happen, for everyone's sake. Babysit for SIL's work hours only. Tell them you were happy to pitch in a little more during the postpartum period, but now you need to get back to your other responsibilities, so they will need to look after their own children after work. Starting Monday. Also, to add a second child to care will be X more dollars per week. My aunt ran an in-home daycare for over thirty years. She took care of NINE grandchildren, from birth to preschool to afterschool care in elementary. But she made her kids pay (slightly reduced, but they knew their dad is disabled and their mom needed income - and they could afford it, so they needed to pay), and she required them to be good, responsible parents, like any other clients! And then she went to all the kids' sports events until they grew up, and hosted family dinner every Sunday. She is seriously one of my heroes in life. Boundaries and self-respect made her able to help her kids and grandkids a LOT, and really be there for the whole family, for the long run.

Another approach would be to just choose one comprehensive program, and then play math games and do a lot of real world math activities. There are lots of possibilities, from playing store to coding. A math loving child might also enjoy science activities, like robotics, electricity, magnetism. Does she have any Snap Circuits sets, for example? Do you have any robotics or coding clubs locally, for her age group? Its easy to pile on more paperwork for bright and curious kids, especially when they are literally asking for more. But going broader with experiences is good, too.

I was wondering that, too. Also, I wonder what you think will happen to dnephew if you don't take care of him for more than full time hours.

My boys have been very mild, as far as rebellion and trouble, we have not had persistent character problems, they have all chosen to be homeschooled, and they have been above average students. Still, homeschooling them through high school has worn me OUT. It is soooo much work, living for teens 24/7 - not because they need constant supervision like little children, but because they have to be taught academics and constant life lessons, listened to (a lot), held accountable, and driven in cars all over the universe. Also, once they start working, forget about getting any sleep until they can drive themselves - not that you'll sleep well for awhile, as you have to get used to them driving...plus it's hard to work, clean the house, or have time with your husband, with a houseful of homeschooled teens. Not impossible, but again, it was easier when they were little! There is no way I would do it for a boy who lied to me, was disrespectful, and didn't even want to homeschool. It's too hard. I wouldn't do online school, either, because I'd still be supervising his whole miserable day and checking up on him all the time. Also, it can't be good for anyone's attitude to try to learn exclusively through a computer screen. I would skip the online option. I would not opt for an easier curriculum. I would not assume the public school would ruin his character...and I'd drive down and enroll him in it. Even if it's not a great school. Being homeschooled is a privilege that is earned through cooperation and respect, once a young person is no longer a little child. Just my two cents, as the mother of four boys who were not much fun during puberty, but who decided to hang in there with me because they wanted to be homeschooled. If they started approaching the line, as far as disrespect or laziness or refusing to study, they knew my threat to send them to ps was not idle. I'd do it. (I worried a lot about it, because I thought that they'd probably drop out before they could even get used to public school, but I would have refused to homeschool.) EDITED TO ADD: This would be my internal dialogue. There is no way I'd dump all this on the boy, himself...he's not grown yet, he still needs a good relationship with his parents, there's a long way to go before he's all the way raised, and it's not "bad" to want to go to public school!! I'd tell him that there are ideals and then there's reality, and homeschooling isn't working out so well anymore, and he will be going to school. And I would commit to supporting him, and the school, as much as possible. Travel can wait. Ideals can be set aside. If your son needs school, he also needs a parent to support him going to school.

My minor teens worked in places where they didn't go to their cars alone after work, because of the dangerous neighborhood. Sometimes you have to work where the jobs are. I think your dd sounds very brave. She is looking at the positives, giving her co-workers the benefit of the doubt and choosing to like and trust them, and she is thankful for the opportunity to address her money issues as a newly single mom. She's standing on her own two feet instead of asking you for more money. I know you are concerned and disappointed, but I'm going to dare to say that I think you might be in the wrong here. Stop giving her money. Respect her ability to work hard with a good attitude. Help with the kids. Encourage her to stay strong. Tell her you are proud of her - I know you must be, but she needs to hear it loud and clear.

I feared this was so much worse. (((Stacey))) If dd is a great mom and their dad is getting better, and the kids are really OK, you have breathing room for everything else. Look the other way about the job, and stay present for the kids. She might really need the money, or to make more in fewer hours. And if she has other options, that type of job wears you down after awhile, anyway. Your dd probably hopes you'll let this drop and just keep being there as a constant in all their lives, without bringing up what you think of her job. I think that's reasonable, in this case.

You are right! I realized it after I saw your post. LOL Matrix is for when I want to mention taking the red pill...so many movie metaphors, so little memory lately...