Would you give your young teen access to Google Hangouts? Would you consider as social media?

[provenance61]

Seeking advice here.  Our 14 year old just got his first phone in June.  We were comfortable waiting longer than most parents, we want to be on the cautious side.  We got him a used Smartphone for some very useful features, but also realize there are some concerns about what he can access/do -- just as with any teen.

 

Our phone carrier has a feature to monitor track very simply txts and calls and record to whom.  But we realized this did nothing for internet access, and so now just installed Qustodio parent app -- it can track percent of use on different apps, etc. and you can set limits.

 

What I didn't anticipate is Google Hangouts.  We can allow or block, and right now he's using it.  How safe is it for teens?  I'm also realizing that he's in touch with many on this probably and not so much on txts.  I think it's great for keeping in touch with friends, but not so sure I want him hanging out with .... I don't know who.  He's a good kid, we'd like him to stay that way!

 

So my question is, allow or block?  Or allow but set shorter time limits?  And this is social media, right, of a kind?  I'd said not social media yet to him but heck this seems like it to me.  He's not over using, but I'd like not to encourage it.

Also, another questiojn is -- did I err in giving him a gmail email account, which gives him access to all this?  This was his first time using email as well. 

 

Any thoughts/suggestions would be most welcome!

[FriedClams]

I think you will find a wide spectrum of responses here. Some people are fine with no online anything, others are fine with unlimited access and no accountability. I would encourage you to trust your mom gut. If you think it's going to be a distraction or hinder their ability to be a better friend/student/teen/spiritually growing person, then establish limits. For me, I see almost nothing good from online and texting stuff that a phone call or time with real people wouldn't do better. I used to be more neutral, but I'm just seeing so many kids who are SO addicted, distracted, and generally unfulfilled in relationships/friendships/social status and I can help but see that technology plays a big role in that. That's me. Trust your gut.

Edited July 7, 2016 by FriedClams

[gardenmom5]

nope.

[Lady Marmalade]

There were many tears in my household for a long time because my kids would miss out on social events within their groups of friends simply because they didn't have smartphones that enabled them to connect online.  Activities get planned via facebook and google hangouts.  All. The. Time.  

 

I can't tell you how many times I had to console my DD who found out about things after they'd happened when someone would talk to her and ask why she wasn't at so-and-so's gathering.  

 

Social media is not inherently evil and it's not hard to teach children to be wise in using it.    We have one rule with regards to social media, and that is that under no circumstances do they friend or follow or accept a connection with strangers.  Period.  When friends have posted questionable content in the past, they've mentioned to me how they had to "hide" so-and-so from their feed for awhile.  If a celebrity they follow starts to take a downward turn, they unfollow.  In addition to the no stranger rule, I also follow them on their social media channels.  

 

At any time, they know that I can take their device out of their hand and see what they are doing.  They are never concerned or worried about what I might see.  Only that I might take a horrendous mom selfie and post it to their snapchat.  :) 

 

For context, 12 and almost 16 here.  Cellphones were a right of passage at the age of 12, and this year when DS turned 12, he got a smartphone right away, and DD's was upgraded to a smartphone.  

[provenance61]

Thank you, keep the thoughts coming!  This is such a helpful thread for a mom just joining the cell phone for kids wagon.

 

Fried Clams, your comments make a lot of sense.  I'm just struggling to educate myself fast enough to know what my gut instincts are telling me.  I think I'll just have to think it through for a short while.

 

GardenMom5, thank you too -- but I'm not sure what just "nope" means.  Could you clarify?

 

And LadyMarmalade/erika -- I didn't think about the social contexts you mentioned.  I did wake up at 4 something this morning wishing for the time in which I grew up, where parents just had to think about when the kids got the car keys.  But now?  Oh my.  Between the internet and phone I'm just concerned about kids being where I'm not sure they're going.  It is truly a different world now.

 

LadyMarmalade, if you have a moment, I'd appreciate any thoughts about how you would recommend keeping it safe.  And however do you follow them on social media channels?  I have a sense that this is helpful, but I have no idea what it really means.  I'd friend on Facebook, of course, but that's for old people.  Instagram I'm okay with.  Snapchat frightens me because there is no trail.  And now this Google Hangout thing--I have no idea. 

 

I am concerned also with the "pack" mentality of some of the social media.  Both in terms of any peer pressure or not treating others nicely.  I'd like to let our kids use the technology, but safely.  (Our DD is younger, almost 9, but when it comes time for her we may have special social media issues because she has as very visible special need and being different of course is always hard at that age).

 

And my technie husband -- still has a flip phone and doesn't even text much.  :)

 

Would appreciate any other thoughts/suggestions from anyone out there too.

 

 

[happypamama]

My 14yo has limited time to use social media, and Snapchat is not allowed at all. She is allowed to use the various Google products like GMail, Google Plus, and Hangouts. She says Hangouts is just for chatting/texting. The only people she has on Hangouts are IRL friends, and they chat the way I used to talk to my friends on the phone for hours. Actually, she chats with them way less than I used to chat with mine on the phone. We live in a rural area, and she doesn't get to see her friends as often as she would like, so I'm cool with her chatting/texting with them online. I don't allow unlimited access to it all, so she can't spend hours and hours online.

 

She does use Google Plus, which is similar to Facebook (which she doesn't use), and mostly it's to discuss her favorite bands and such. I have her log on in front of me every so often (and I have all passwords as well), and I look to see if there's anything objectionable. She is allowed to friend people with similar interests, but she's absolutely not allowed to post anything personal, no real names, nothing like that, unless it's filtered to a couple of close IRL friends. People don't know that she's 14 and homeschooled, or where she lives. A couple of times she's mentioned that she's removed someone from any of her posts because of foul language or something. I probably tell more about her here, in passing, than she does anywhere online. She is selective about who she PMs on GooglePlus, and she knows that I can read all of her posts and messages. She can discuss the bands and their favorite songs and whatnot all she wants, or at least until her internet allowance runs out for the day. (And if I get attitude, and chores/schoolwork don't get done, ALL internet access of any type gets blocked completely.)

 

She does not have a smartphone. We have laptops and a couple of tablets. Anything she or my other kids use is monitored by Qustodio, which does an excellent job of filtering content. Sometimes her band discussion pages will post something inappropriate (not the bands, but their fans), and Qustodio will block them. I periodically glance at her search history and websites visited, but I've never seen anything that concerns me. We also have OpenDNS on our WiFi, which protects kids from nasties on smartTVs and devices that don't have Qustodio. (And DH's and my smartphones are password protected.)

 

I feel like we have a good balance of Internet safety and independence, and I'm happy with our setup.

[Ravin]

My DD has Google Hangouts. She uses it to chat with her cousin in TX, with myself when I am at my work site (4 hours from home), including for school-related purposes, and to chat with some of her friends. She is allowed to use it to interact with people she is also allowed to interact with IRL. I see this as no different from being allowed to talk on the phone with them--except it's face to face on video. I have her passwords for the Google accounts and therefore full access to monitor.

 

The only thing I have had to actively monitor is her YouTube account, because some pervs found her channel and I had to make a video private (innocent video; not innocent watchers) and block a few people. 

[Lady Marmalade]

Thank you, keep the thoughts coming!  This is such a helpful thread for a mom just joining the cell phone for kids wagon.

 

Fried Clams, your comments make a lot of sense.  I'm just struggling to educate myself fast enough to know what my gut instincts are telling me.  I think I'll just have to think it through for a short while.

 

GardenMom5, thank you too -- but I'm not sure what just "nope" means.  Could you clarify?

 

And LadyMarmalade/erika -- I didn't think about the social contexts you mentioned.  I did wake up at 4 something this morning wishing for the time in which I grew up, where parents just had to think about when the kids got the car keys.  But now?  Oh my.  Between the internet and phone I'm just concerned about kids being where I'm not sure they're going.  It is truly a different world now.

 

LadyMarmalade, if you have a moment, I'd appreciate any thoughts about how you would recommend keeping it safe.  And however do you follow them on social media channels?  I have a sense that this is helpful, but I have no idea what it really means.  I'd friend on Facebook, of course, but that's for old people.  Instagram I'm okay with.  Snapchat frightens me because there is no trail.  And now this Google Hangout thing--I have no idea. 

 

I am concerned also with the "pack" mentality of some of the social media.  Both in terms of any peer pressure or not treating others nicely.  I'd like to let our kids use the technology, but safely.  (Our DD is younger, almost 9, but when it comes time for her we may have special social media issues because she has as very visible special need and being different of course is always hard at that age).

 

And my technie husband -- still has a flip phone and doesn't even text much.  :)

 

Would appreciate any other thoughts/suggestions from anyone out there too.

 

 

In order to follow my kids on their social media accounts, I have to make an account too.  When I asked DS for his snapchat so I could follow him, he gave me The Look.  I held up my hand and solemnly swore that I would not post anything embarassing or even use snapchat, it was strictly for keeping an eye on him and his sister.   I'll tell you, I can see how it would be easy for icky people to abuse snapchat, but the everyday things kids share on there are just... lame.  Seriously.  Did i really care that your friend at a warhead candy and thought it sour?   Anyway, the easiest way to protect our kids on social media like snapchat really is to not friend people you don't know in real life.  Not even friends of friends.

 

On top of that, regular discussions about what is okay and what is not okay to see and/or post.  We have those kinds of discussions a lot when it comes to things we watch on TV and in movies, so it's not a stretch at all to apply that to social media.  I think that makes it easier.  I always tell DS that if he would be embarassed for his mom or grandma to see his post, he probably shouldn't be posting it.  

 

I have permitted facebook (not for DS yet due to age), twitter, instagram, snapchat and tumblr, although my kids don't use tumblr, they don't like it.  They don't use twitter either, but DD follows a few people on there.  They both have gmail accounts, and have used google hangouts.  Google hangouts is something their dance teams use to chat- it's a pretty basic chat function, that, again, if you have parameters as to who they can or should be chatting with, is not really a problem.  

 

My SIL is just diving into this area with her crowd, and one thing she does is when her DD is asking about downloading a new app, SIL goes to facebook and gives a quick shoutout as to what people think of the app.  Within minutes people have chimed in with a yay or nay and give reasons why.  

 

Honestly, I really, really, really like social media for my children, and I love them having phones.  Especially as homeschooled students.  It's allowed them to really connect on a deeper level with their friends than would be possible otherwise.  Right now my DS is sitting on the couch having a three way chat conversation with two of his friends from his dance team.  DD is having a conversation with another girl who they are both friends with, and every once in a while DD will pass a message to DS from this mutual friend.  When I was their age I spent hours on the phone with my friends when we were not actively hanging out.  I can't be the only one who racked up a mighty phone bill with conversations that amounted to "what are you doing? Nothing?  Me too."   

 

My kids having  phones with them makes letting them go SO much easier.  Yesterday they were running around on their bikes with a friend for hours, and I never once was concerned, because I knew if there was an issue they both had a phone with them.  It really gives me great peace of mind. 

 

We do not permit phones/tablets in bedrooms after hours also.  At 9:00pm, their devices are done for the night and they are plugged in to charge downstairs away from the bedrooms, and also set to silent so they don't annoy me.  I don't see this changing anytime soon, and neither of them have argued against it, so it stands for now. 

[teachermom2834]

Mom to 18 and 16 yo with smartphones and a 13 yo with a dumb flip phone.

 

The phones / social media is just a mixed bag. But it is part of our culture and not going anywhere. I never want to completely isolate my kids from their culture so we deal with all of it.

 

My advice is to monitor (but not obssessively) and have limits. Our kids put their phones up on our nightstands overnight. They are subject to unannounced spot checks where we look through photos, ask who certain people they text are, etc. I have 16 yo Instagram and Twitter logged into on my phone so I can monitor/see any unusual activity.

 

I don't attempt or pretend to monitor every exchange. It would be exhausting and counterproductive. Plus, they would just start up on some other app I didn't know about. If my kids were in school I wouldn't be privy to every interaction. Kids walk down the hallway and use bad words and speak inappropriately and no adults bust them. I try to let some things go.

 

So...mixed bag...monitor and be involved.

Edited July 7, 2016 by teachermom2834

[Tess in the Burbs]

no phones for mine yet, but my dd uses Hangouts to chat with friends from her online classes.  I have full access to her google account(email/chat/etc) and DH has some monitoring thing going in he can see everything she does on her computer.  I check every once in awhile.  I just teach them to ask first.  Today she had an unknown name on my Skype account and she didn't want to click it and asked me about it.  I blocked it for her so she could Skype a friend.  I think it's about teaching them to be cautious about people they don't know.  So far, I haven't had any issues with hangouts and my kids.  

 

[mschickie]

Dd (13)does not have a phone but she does have a table and computer.  We do allow her to use Gmail, Google+ and Hangouts.  She only has folks she actually knows (or at least who I know their families).   She is very careful about who is in her circles and will not accept anyone unless she is sure about them and asks us first.

 

It is a great way for her to communicate with her friends whose schedules are all over the place.  They have multipe group hangouts going on that can be rather silly.  She shares them with us or we do have access to her account so that we can go and check.  She has been extremely responsible with it so we are looking at allowing her to get a Facebook account next.