High School and Extracurricular Passions

[quark]

I wanted to bring up one more point, maybe a sensitive point, I don't know...something we've successfully avoided mainly due to the cost and distance factor although I've often :drool5: over reviews.

 

The group-think instinct can be very, very strong where I live. People take classes because someone else they know takes them...although many parents might not realize it or do it for this reason, there's an underlying competitiveness to it, the feeling of missing out just because so-and-so is doing that class and how said class looks on a portfolio. I don't know how relevant this is to other pp's situations but it can get quite intense here. We are in a situation where we don't live right smack where the action happens and so distance definitely is a consideration for our decisions...BUT, I am very plugged into the many different online homeschool communities as are most other parents and sometimes the peer pressure among parents can be high.

 

It's very liberating to be able to break away from that and not do things just because a large number of others are doing it. I do feel wistful because sometimes I feel kiddo is missing out and sometimes friends discuss their kids' experiences in these classes when I meet up with them...but I try to block that out because well, ignorance IS bliss sometimes and I console myself that we make decisions because they are meaningful to my particular child and not due to popularity.

 

Sometimes, I just wish we could afford everything...but not being able to and choosing carefully also makes the decisions we do make very precious to us. Thinking aloud, not trying to judge anyone because I know how tempting some of these offerings can be.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

DD rode horses. In 9 and 10 th grade, she would spent 20+ hours at the barn.

 

Did that change in 11th and 12th? Did she ride, but not as much? Does she still ride?

[Woodland Mist Academy]

DD rode horses. In 9 and 10 th grade, she would spent 20+ hours at the barn.

She sang in choir. Rock climbed and hiked with us. Tutored physics because she loved it.

We always emphasized that high school years are valuable life time and too important to do stuff just to look good on a resume - we encouraged her to do what she loves, and we'd then think about a way to package what she did.

 

DS spends a lot of time on Martial Arts. Four days a week, he has two hours of class (Judo and TKD) in town. One day a week we travel to the city, 100 miles away, for training and classes in two other disciplines; this outing takes up seven hours total. In addition, he trains on his own and with a friend. So, easily upwards of 20 hours. Plus tournaments.

 

I guess I should have asked it this way....

 

Do you see martial arts as something your ds will continue after high school?

Did you think your dd would continue to ride horses, or did you suspect she would spend less time at the barn in late high school?

 

I'm asking because so many activities involve upfront costs for equipment, etc. How do you judge if it will be fleeting? (Or perhaps your ds didn't need to buy uniforms, sparring gear, mats, etc. )

[Arcadia]

I really want to get my guy independent about taking a walk/ train/ bus to classes.

Train him to handle panhandlers on public transport. We met a few in VTA busses over the years and once at the VTA light rail stop.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Train him to handle panhandlers on public transport. We met a few in VTA busses over the years and once at the VTA light rail stop.

 

Yes. This is a frequent occurrence for us. It's also why I can't get too absorbed in work while I'm waiting. It's good to be aware of surroundings. Which, by the way, is also a good reason not to listen to lectures during a walking commute, at least not in the city.

[regentrude]

Did that change in 11th and 12th? Did she ride, but not as much? Does she still ride?

 

she lost interest and rode less, and also did not have much in common with the other girls at the barn, so hanging out was no longer so much fun.

She no longer rides - she goes to college in the middle of Chicago.

 

[regentrude]

I guess I should have asked it this way....

 

Do you see martial arts as something your ds will continue after high school?

Did you think your dd would continue to ride horses, or did you suspect she would spend less time at the barn in late high school?

 

I'm asking because so many activities involve upfront costs for equipment, etc. How do you judge if it will be fleeting? (Or perhaps your ds didn't need to buy uniforms, sparring gear, mats, etc. )

 

When I invested in my DD's horseback riding, I never considered whether she would continue the activity after high school. It was an important activity for her when she did it, has given her much joy, and contributed tremendously to her personal growth. It was worth every penny we spent in lesson fees, leasing fees equipment and shows, even if she never sets foot in a barn again.

 

DS is looking into a martial arts related career. But again, doing martial arts has conferred immense benefits on him: he has found friends, developed great self discipline, cares for his body because he is a serious athlete, and has experienced true passion for a subject. Even if he did not continue past high school, the money for uniforms, classes, equipment, tournament fees etc was a great investment into his development as a person. In a sense, martial arts may have played a more important role for his development than academics.

 

ETA: At the beginning of a new activity, we went for the inexpensive equipment option: borrowed riding boots and breeches until it became clear that DD was into it for more than a few weeks; leasing a horse only after DD had ridden for two years and was serious about spending more time on a horse. One class, a basic gi, and minimal home equipment for DS at the beginning; several better gis and a more expensive gym membership in the city after it became clear that this is a serious interest.

But serious does not have to mean post-high school. There is no way to guess where kids will end up in college and whether they will be able to pursue their activities there, so one cannot anticipate who things will develop several years in advance.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Thanks, regentrude.  I appreciate your thoughts. Very helpful!

[Arcadia]

WMA,

 

Swimming, piano and ballet which was started when I was 4 years old followed me all the way to postgrad. Swimming stayed swimming, piano became being a keyboardist in hostel band, and ballet became having fun in line dancing and music jams.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

 

 

ETA: At the beginning of a new activity, we went for the inexpensive equipment option: borrowed riding boots and breeches until it became clear that DD was into it for more than a few weeks; leasing a horse only after DD had ridden for two years and was serious about spending more time on a horse. One class, a basic gi, and minimal home equipment for DS at the beginning; several better gis and a more expensive gym membership in the city after it became clear that this is a serious interest.

But serious does not have to mean post-high school. There is no way to guess where kids will end up in college and whether they will be able to pursue their activities there, so one cannot anticipate who things will develop several years in advance.

I just saw this addition to your post. 

 

You made several good points. Thanks!

[lewelma]

We have been looking for an athletic activity for older ds for years.  He has done 4 hours of martial arts per week with his dad since he was 9, but it is wing tsun and they mostly stand around.  :tongue_smilie:  so we really wanted something more active.  He did homeschool swimming once per week until about 12, and so it was when he gave that up that I had him try this and that.  We bought a second hand bike off a friend for cheap so he could try mountain biking, but he could not handle the spontaneous element associated with the weather.  We got free tennis rackets from my BIL so he could try tennis for free on the outside courts, but he hated having to spend more time running after the ball than actually playing.  We paid $2 per session for ds to try some group sports with the homeschoolers, but he did not like the group aspect.  So finally, we sat down and made a list of specifically what he liked and what he did not like about each sport he had tried that year.  

 

He needs it to be predictable, so it needs to be inside.  

He does not like team sports but

he also does not like individual activities because they are boring to him.  

What he does like is friendly competition in a game form but just against 1 person.  

 

Well, we brainstormed what is an inside 2 person game?  There is racket ball, indoor tennis, badminton, etc.  So we checked out the prices, and badminton was by far the cheapest!  By like 20 times.  As in $2 per hour at the badminton club vs $40 per hour for indoor tennis or racket ball.  So next question, is there anything close?  Well, yes, a 30 minute walk so he can get there on his own.  Now he LOVES it and has joined 2 extra classes so attends 5  hours per week :thumbup1: .  

[lewelma]

I'm jealous of 11-year-olds walking to activities on their own! DD is a long way from that, and we're not located near anything that would enable her to do that even if her confidence would.

 

 

Well, there are pros and cons to everything.  We live in the city because we like the convenience, but to have that we sacrifice size of home.  Housing in the city is *expensive*, so we own an 650sq ft apartment.  There are no other homeschoolers living in the actual city.  

 

My 11 year old is very confident in the city as he has been walking in it alone since he was 6.  He doesn't ride the bus by himself very often but prefers to catch it with friends.  And although he has walked home from the train through the city (30min), he usually walks there with his dad and I'll pick him up.  The train he catches with two other homeschoolers as it is a 25 minute ride of about 15 miles. So a bit of safety in numbers.  They walk about 5 minutes from the train station to the school.

 

Older ds is much more reluctant to take public transport and prefers to walk.  I'm to the point now with him that he can walk rain or shine.  He also sometimes walks over to music to pick up his brother.  Good kid.  :001_smile:

[Dmmetler]

We have neither anything within walking distance nor public transit. I'm rather resigned to spend a lot of time sitting and waiting until either we move or DD can drive, whichever comes first. Even when we can carpool, I'm usually the one who ends up driving since I only have one child. Even if we were in the city proper, vs a suburb, it would likely not be better. Stuff just tends to be spread out here.

[JennW in SoCal]

You know what is weird? Being nostalgic for the time spent together in the car while commuting to kid activities!! And realizing I got so much more reading and knitting/crocheting done when I was having to kill time waiting for one kid or the other. A plus to all those years is that my empty nester career got its start thanks to outside activities.  One kiddo was very busy with musical theater so I usually wound up playing in the pit orchestra. My violin was otherwise sitting in the back of the closet, but thanks to his first show 14 years ago, I started playing again and now get paid to play and teach.

 

I think we homeschoolers do wind up putting in more time and effort into extra curriculars than parents of kids in traditional schools. The public high school kids I know are very busy with all sorts of clubs -- Academic League, Science Olympiad, robotics, the student boards for the school orchestra or band. All those clubs are built into the school, all take place after school but on campus, and are a natural place for motivated students to go.  But we homeschoolers don't have that, so we parents find other venues for our kids, or find volunteer jobs that fit our kids. 

 

I agree with quark about being leery of groupthink -- the frenzied mindset many parents of high schoolers have about college applications and the need to stand out for admission to those top schools.  It is far better for activities to arise from a passion rather than simply to pad a resume. And as regentrude has said, those activities don't need to be life long skills, just something that scratches an itch NOW.

 

One son spent 10 hours/week volunteering as in the stage tech department at our church, he also took weekly theater classes, sang in choir (weekly rehearsals) and was in one or two (or more) theater productions per year on stage or behind the scenes. It is his life, though.  He has his degree and is now a professional in the business.

 

Another son did par kour, was on a robotics team, had internships with the zoo, with an electrical engineer and at a science museum.  He eventually was hired by the museum and worked there the last year he was home before college.  None of those internships would up being related to his college major, but were integral in his growing up.

 

This thread also dovetails with the one on down time -- my kids were really busy but both valued their down time.  Still value it and need it. Some of my violin students never seem to have down time -- they go from school to activities to lessons to homework and never seem to just be.  Which leads me to one last thought.  Listening to audiobooks or lectures in the car can be terrific, but the quiet can be really good, too, for your thoughts, for their thoughts and for the opportunities for good conversations.  

[Donna]

You know what is weird? Being nostalgic for the time spent together in the car while commuting to kid activities!! And realizing I got so much more reading and knitting/crocheting done when I was having to kill time waiting for one kid or the other. 

 

 

I don't think it is weird at all.

 

Some of our best conversations and a lot of fun is had during car rides. Dd and I have a joke where we tell each other "we never have any fun together" as we are laughing so hard we are crying. We all make up songs, sing out of tune (well, I do…she is in tune and ds blocks his ears), the kids record silly videos in the car (the last trip it was his toe hairs blowing in the wind out the open car window…goofy), or we talk about life and how things are going/their plans/anything really. I am definitely going to miss those long car rides when they don't need me to drive anymore.

 

My only chance to read for the past few years was waiting for orchestra rehearsals and violin lessons.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

You know what is weird? Being nostalgic for the time spent together in the car while commuting to kid activities!! 

 

Well, that really puts it into perspective. I took a few minutes to imagine not having the commutes and wait times. We probably wouldn't listen to any Great Course Lectures and we wouldn't have nearly the number of heart to heart talks.

 

Our usual pattern for months has been lecture on the way there, quiet contemplation or talking on the way home. One of my fondest memories is nearing home in the darkness and dd asking if we could just drive around more so we could keep talking. There is something about the quality of those discussions that is different for her...

 

*cue Billy Joel*

 

This is the time to remember 'cause it will not last forever...

[Chrysalis Academy]

When I invested in my DD's horseback riding, I never considered whether she would continue the activity after high school. It was an important activity for her when she did it, has given her much joy, and contributed tremendously to her personal growth. It was worth every penny we spent in lesson fees, leasing fees equipment and shows, even if she never sets foot in a barn again.

 

DS is looking into a martial arts related career. But again, doing martial arts has conferred immense benefits on him: he has found friends, developed great self discipline, cares for his body because he is a serious athlete, and has experienced true passion for a subject. Even if he did not continue past high school, the money for uniforms, classes, equipment, tournament fees etc was a great investment into his development as a person. In a sense, martial arts may have played a more important role for his development than academics.

 

ETA: At the beginning of a new activity, we went for the inexpensive equipment option: borrowed riding boots and breeches until it became clear that DD was into it for more than a few weeks; leasing a horse only after DD had ridden for two years and was serious about spending more time on a horse. One class, a basic gi, and minimal home equipment for DS at the beginning; several better gis and a more expensive gym membership in the city after it became clear that this is a serious interest.

But serious does not have to mean post-high school. There is no way to guess where kids will end up in college and whether they will be able to pursue their activities there, so one cannot anticipate who things will develop several years in advance.

 

I had to come back and comment on this post.  I think this is so important, and it's the way that I try and think about dd's passions, too.  She is so passionate about horses and theater, and the time that she spends on both of these passions is shaping who she is. It's also teaching her all kinds of "soft" skills - responsibility, following through on commitments, working hard for something you love, public speaking, memorizing, getting along with a diverse group of people, learning from other adult/coaches in a sustained way.  The list could go on.  These are all things that will serve her well no matter what she "does" with her life. And they could both end up being lifelong on the side interests.  Or not.  But that's not why we do them: we do them because they make her face light up, she loves them, and they are giving her something she needs now.  

[Woodland Mist Academy]

I've been remembering the boxes in the attic of no longer used supplies from various activities over the years and the items we've given away, some used only for a few months....

 

Perhaps what I need to do is list everything dd gained from each activity....that might be a better measure of its lasting worth....

 

 

[Woodland Mist Academy]

When I did the above, I noticed the the items we spent the most money on were the longest lasting and the most important. The fleeting activities were only a month or so and just had a uniform and pair of shoes. We only accumulated supplies and racked up fees for activities that lasted longer than a year or two. They were also activities that involved the whole family in one way or another.

 

I wouldn't go back and change any of those activities. They were worth it.

 

(To clarify: It wasn't that the most expensive activities were the most worthwhile. It was that we ended up spending more on them precisely because they were worthwhile. Had other activities grabbed her interests, we would have stayed with them longer and spent more on them. It was good to think this through. :) )

[Pen]

I guess I should have asked it this way....

 

Do you see martial arts as something your ds will continue after high school?

Did you think your dd would continue to ride horses, or did you suspect she would spend less time at the barn in late high school?

 

I'm asking because so many activities involve upfront costs for equipment, etc. How do you judge if it will be fleeting? (Or perhaps your ds didn't need to buy uniforms, sparring gear, mats, etc. )

 

This made me think about a phenomenon I have noticed, but maybe it is uncommon?  Several times, my ds has been very interested in an activity, but getting more equipment has largely killed the interest.  For example, he was making his own bows and arrows out of found materials and enjoying shooting those.  So then an uncle got him a good purchased "real" bow and arrows and wrist guards and targets etc. etc., after which he from time to time would do something with that, but mostly it seemed to end the interest.

 

 

I wanted to bring up one more point, maybe a sensitive point, I don't know...something we've successfully avoided mainly due to the cost and distance factor although I've often :drool5: over reviews.

 

The group-think instinct can be very, very strong where I live. People take classes because someone else they know takes them...although many parents might not realize it or do it for this reason, there's an underlying competitiveness to it, the feeling of missing out just because so-and-so is doing that class and how said class looks on a portfolio. I don't know how relevant this is to other pp's situations but it can get quite intense here. We are in a situation where we don't live right smack where the action happens and so distance definitely is a consideration for our decisions...BUT, I am very plugged into the many different online homeschool communities as are most other parents and sometimes the peer pressure among parents can be high.

 

It's very liberating to be able to break away from that and not do things just because a large number of others are doing it. I do feel wistful because sometimes I feel kiddo is missing out and sometimes friends discuss their kids' experiences in these classes when I meet up with them...but I try to block that out because well, ignorance IS bliss sometimes and I console myself that we make decisions because they are meaningful to my particular child and not due to popularity.

 

Sometimes, I just wish we could afford everything...but not being able to and choosing carefully also makes the decisions we do make very precious to us. Thinking aloud, not trying to judge anyone because I know how tempting some of these offerings can be.

 

I think that can be true.  Even this board can have that effect, I think.  For us it is not so much an issue with other local home schoolers, but when ds was in brick and mortar school it was significant with many of his classmates taking one or more instrument and involved also in one or more performance area and one or more sport area, as well as often going to exotic places during school vacations.

 

 

 

When I did the above, I noticed the the items we spent the most money on were the longest lasting and the most important. The fleeting activities were only a month or so and just had a uniform and pair of shoes. We only accumulated supplies and racked up fees for activities that lasted longer than a year or two. They were also activities that involved the whole family in one way or another.

 

I wouldn't go back and change any of those activities. They were worth it.

 

(To clarify: It wasn't that the most expensive activities were the most worthwhile. It was that we ended up spending more on them precisely because they were worthwhile. Had other activities grabbed her interests, we would have stayed with them longer and spent more on them. It was good to think this through. :) )

 

 

This maybe also relates to my comment on the first quote above.  Perhaps part of the secret is gradual acquisition of supplies.  I recall one of the girls in my son's fencing class (an activity he no longer does, but in that case it had nothing to do with getting too much equipment since we only borrowed it), got one more special fencing item at each birthday as long as she stayed interested in it.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

This made me think about a phenomenon I have noticed, but maybe it is uncommon?  Several times, my ds has been very interested in an activity, but getting more equipment has largely killed the interest.  For example, he was making his own bows and arrows out of found materials and enjoying shooting those.  So then an uncle got him a good purchased "real" bow and arrows and wrist guards and targets etc. etc., after which he from time to time would do something with that, but mostly it seemed to end the interest.

 

 

It happens here too! Sometimes even if the supplies are acquired gradually. We've even started joking about it.

 

We've done XYZ for three years now. We need to purchase Q to really continue. As soon as we do, we'll probably quit. 

 

Sure enough, it happens.

 

Not that I would go back and undo the activities, just the last major purchases made right before we quit.  ;)

 

On the other hand, sometimes we really can't progress without whatever it is.... So we would just remain at a standstill. We'd probably quit then too..

 

Maybe it ties in to not being able to judge what truly makes us happy. What is it exactly about the activity that is making us happy? Maybe we're misjudging what it is...

 

Someone needs to study this phenomenon...

[Dmmetler]

I do think there can be a point at which an activity gets out of the child's control and level of comfort, and stops being fun. DD has cheered for years at a rec level, and with one exception, every single kid who has moved from rec to All Star cheer ended up quitting the sport within a year. I think a big part of it is that the extra time and pressure (a year of All Star starts at about $5,000 and goes up from there) makes it less fun, and, at the same time, the annoyances of the sport are magnified when you're paying so much more for it.

Yet, every time someone moves up, full of excitement, and tries to pull DD along with them (and every time I sit down with DD and ask her if she really wants to give up so much other stuff to do cheer, and she decides against it-most recently, in the past week), I feel a twinge that maybe I'm keeping her from something amazing.

[Mommy22alyns]

If this has been covered, feel free to direct me to links. :)

 

We've discussed academic passions, but what about extracurricular ones with commitments? I'm particularity interested in ones that don't have a direct academic leaning (science or math clubs).

 

How many does your child have? How many hours a week total are spent on them? I'm not thinking of passions that the students can just easily skip or walk away from on a given day- such as drawing or video games. I'm thinking more along the lines of someone expecting a student to show up - such as for a performance.

 

In other words, it's my annual beginning of the school year thread of panic.... ;)

 

I don't pop in here often, as I feel like my girls are bright, but certainly not gifted as the kids here are.  However, my ODD is a competitive gymnast.  She's not a phenom by any means, but she's also not the "typical" everyday 12 year old.  And no, she's not in high school yet, but I already have to plan that way!

 

She spends 17.5 hours at the gym every week as of right now.  She's training level 7, to compete formally in January.  We have no time for anything else!  Luckily, her schedule this fall is such that she can rejoin children's choir, but that's it.

 

She now has a top-notch coach who has noticed her and a handful of others particularly.  According to him, she is "very on track" for college gymnastics and a serious potential for Div. I or II scholarships.  As she hits higher competitive levels, she has the possibility of taking advantage of being homeschooled to come in for daytime practices.

 

Trust me, I'm already sweating 7th grade with competitive gymnastics.  Even thinking of high school has me shaking in my shoes!  :O

[Pen]

It happens here too! Sometimes even if the supplies are acquired gradually. We've even started joking about it.

 

We've done XYZ for three years now. We need to purchase Q to really continue. As soon as we do, we'll probably quit. 

 

Sure enough, it happens.

 

Not that I would go back and undo the activities, just the last major purchases made right before we quit.  ;)

 

On the other hand, sometimes we really can't progress without whatever it is.... So we would just remain at a standstill. We'd probably quit then too..

 

Maybe it ties in to not being able to judge what truly makes us happy. What is it exactly about the activity that is making us happy? Maybe we're misjudging what it is...

 

Someone needs to study this phenomenon...

 

 

I think this may be the key!

 

In the archery example, it was not archery per se that ds was enjoying, it was figuring out the wood and how to use it, and his own creativity...   also with the homemade bows and arrows I was not so concerned about him killing a pet or injuring himself or someone else because they were not that powerful, so he could do it near the house and most any time he wanted.  When he got the better equipment it ended the creative aspect of making things himself and it then took a whole set up to be able to do it safely.

 

We have a similar situation now, possibly.  He has been working on a movie with a group and loving it, but what he most loves is the group aspect, so if someone got him a movie camera etc. that would not be what is making him happy.  Figuring out how he might have such an experience continue into the academic year would more likely be something that would make him happy.  But then again, the intense participation in this activity for just a couple of weeks during the summer might not be enjoyable if it went on week after week.

[sportsmom]

I do think there can be a point at which an activity gets out of the child's control and level of comfort, and stops being fun. DD has cheered for years at a rec level, and with one exception, every single kid who has moved from rec to All Star cheer ended up quitting the sport within a year. I think a big part of it is that the extra time and pressure (a year of All Star starts at about $5,000 and goes up from there) makes it less fun, and, at the same time, the annoyances of the sport are magnified when you're paying so much more for it.

 

Yet, every time someone moves up, full of excitement, and tries to pull DD along with them (and every time I sit down with DD and ask her if she really wants to give up so much other stuff to do cheer, and she decides against it-most recently, in the past week), I feel a twinge that maybe I'm keeping her from something amazing.

 

I'd love to consider an All Star cheer option for DD4.  The younger she is, the more affordable it is to be sure.  This is her first year of rec cheering and they are SO disorganized and dysfunctional that it makes me want to run away screaming.  Actually, the running joke is that I'm going to end up taking over the whole organization - I already run the football side, they are just officially separate organizations.

 

The idea of going somewhere that is organized and planned and they don't cancel 2 of 3 practices per week because it might rain is SO appealing.  Even if it's a crazy ridiculous practice schedule.  Just can't get DH to agree to the $$$.

[Dmmetler]

I'd love to consider an All Star cheer option for DD4. The younger she is, the more affordable it is to be sure. This is her first year of rec cheering and they are SO disorganized and dysfunctional that it makes me want to run away screaming. Actually, the running joke is that I'm going to end up taking over the whole organization - I already run the football side, they are just officially separate organizations.

 

The idea of going somewhere that is organized and planned and they don't cancel 2 of 3 practices per week because it might rain is SO appealing. Even if it's a crazy ridiculous practice schedule. Just can't get DH to agree to the $$$.

 

Some All Star programs have a rec track, especially for little ones, which is less expensive and has less commitment, and which compete locally only, but usually this fades out pretty early, with the goal of moving the kids into All Star, just like rec gymnastics. I imagine the kids who move from their rec to All Star are more likely to stick with it. Here it would be about $150/month for a rec All Star team, plus uniform.

 

What DD does is Champion Force (formerly Young Champions, and I think it's still called that in some areas) which is a low cost competitive rec league that is structured more like an All Star program, but has a much slower, lower pressure skills progression and doesn't have try-outs or cuts (and is co-ed). It was a perfect sport for her to work on her sensory issues and push herself, and she likes being "just a normal kid" because at cheer, there is no expectation by anyone, including her, that she be the smart one or the best. Here, Champion Force cheer is $7/practice, plus uniform (around $100/level. DD has usually been able to wear hers for the full time she's at a level, and about the time she outgrows it, she's changed age groups anyway) and two competition cycles a year (I think CA has three). The pricing stays the same through age 18 if you stay rec. One practice a week for most of the year (occasionally there will be extras right before competition). Coaches are paid employees and have a competitive cheer background, plus additional training and safety training (the same training required for All Star cheer coaches).

[sportsmom]

Some All Star programs have a rec track, especially for little ones, which is less expensive and has less commitment, and which compete locally only, but usually this fades out pretty early, with the goal of moving the kids into All Star, just like rec gymnastics. I imagine the kids who move from their rec to All Star are more likely to stick with it. Here it would be about $150/month for a rec All Star team, plus uniform.

 

What DD does is Champion Force (formerly Young Champions, and I think it's still called that in some areas) which is a low cost competitive rec league that is structured more like an All Star program, but has a much slower, lower pressure skills progression and doesn't have try-outs or cuts (and is co-ed). It was a perfect sport for her to work on her sensory issues and push herself, and she likes being "just a normal kid" because at cheer, there is no expectation by anyone, including her, that she be the smart one or the best. Here, Champion Force cheer is $7/practice, plus uniform (around $100/level. DD has usually been able to wear hers for the full time she's at a level, and about the time she outgrows it, she's changed age groups anyway) and two competition cycles a year (I think CA has three). The pricing stays the same through age 18 if you stay rec. One practice a week for most of the year (occasionally there will be extras right before competition). Coaches are paid employees and have a competitive cheer background, plus additional training and safety training (the same training required for All Star cheer coaches).

 

We have 2 All Star competition programs available.  One is decidedly more affordable than the other.  Both are around $50/month for her age.  The main difference comes in the uniforms and registration fees "early registration" for one is $150 and the other is free.  Uniform cost difference between them is around $200.  One has a mandatory warm-up of $75, etc.  And one (less expensive) offers included tumbling classes in the monthly fee.

 

It's something I think would be REALLY good for her.  She's enjoying cheer, and it's pushing her out of her comfort zone.  When she's shy and timid on the sideline, she runs hard with the boys on the football field - but that's because it's a second home to her.  She needs something of her own.

 

Okay...I've sidetracked this thread enough now.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

We have 2 All Star competition programs available.  One is decidedly more affordable than the other.  Both are around $50/month for her age.  The main difference comes in the uniforms and registration fees "early registration" for one is $150 and the other is free.  Uniform cost difference between them is around $200.  One has a mandatory warm-up of $75, etc.  And one (less expensive) offers included tumbling classes in the monthly fee.

 

It's something I think would be REALLY good for her.  She's enjoying cheer, and it's pushing her out of her comfort zone.  When she's shy and timid on the sideline, she runs hard with the boys on the football field - but that's because it's a second home to her.  She needs something of her own.

 

 

Okay...I've sidetracked this thread enough now.

 

She needs something of her own.

 

This is a thought that's been surfacing lately. As mentioned upthread by pps, there is so much competition and so much pressure to fit a certain mold. Sometimes there is just an undefinable something that is needed. Something of her own.

 

I actually found the details you've posted helpful. It gives a bit of context and perspective. I also hadn't ever really considered the cost side of cheering. Interesting! It's all relevant! (I tend to bemoan that dd chooses expensive hobbies and sports, but maybe lots of hobbies and sports are expensive!)

[Chrysalis Academy]

I find the "something of her own" piece one of the most important reasons to invest in dd's extracurriculars.  I'm so enmeshed in all parts of her life, it's so important for her to have things she pursues somewhat independently - where she is (becoming) the expert, where she knows more than me, where she can learn from other people or herself.  I love that about all her "extras" from horseback riding to theater to writing her own novel to teaching herself to play the guitar.  I try and stay out of them as much as possible: to be an appreciative audience, but to let these things be entirely hers.

[sportsmom]

She needs something of her own.

 

This is a thought that's been surfacing lately. As mentioned upthread by pps, there is so much competition and so much pressure to fit a certain mold. Sometimes there is just an undefinable something that is needed. Something of her own.

 

I actually found the details you've posted helpful. It gives a bit of context and perspective. I also hadn't ever really considered the cost side of cheering. Interesting! It's all relevant! (I tend to bemoan that dd chooses expensive hobbies and sports, but maybe lots of hobbies and sports are expensive!)

 

Cheering is crazy expensive...the rec league alone is $100 registration and a $95 uniform RENTAL.  Plus $30 shoes.  My DH doesn't want to pay for competition cheering because it is so expensive.

 

In my house there isn't pressure to fit a certain mold.  It's the fact that my husband and I run the football organization, my son has played football since the week my daughter was born.  She literally learned to walk on football sidelines.  Football is what we do - and she wants to play, but this year she didn't make the age cut off because of when her birthday falls.  I also don't want her to play because she is teeny tiny (5 in less than 2 weeks, and she's 35 pounds).  Plus, I don't want her to play simply because it's what we do.  I want something to be hers.

[Arcadia]

Sometimes there is just an undefinable something that is needed. Something of her own.

It is good for self esteem too.

 

My boys get treated as sibling pairs ("clone" of each other) by the general public. It is their long term teachers, our friends and our neighbors that notice the differences in personality and interest, and differentiate accordingly.

 

DS9 has some passions that DS10 is "better" at but not passionate about thankfully. It is hard to always be in someone's else shadow.

[Dmmetler]

I wonder sometimes if that's one reason why DD grabbed onto herpetology so hard. It's definitely hers, and while DH and I have been pulled along (and I've enjoyed learning about it, it's not something that is shared, really, at all. When she's at the conferences, etc, it's all her. I'm just a driver's license and a credit card.

 

 

[Woodland Mist Academy]

I wonder sometimes if that's one reason why DD grabbed onto herpetology so hard. It's definitely hers, and while DH and I have been pulled along (and I've enjoyed learning about it, it's not something that is shared, really, at all. When she's at the conferences, etc, it's all her. I'm just a driver's license and a credit card.

 

I can relate! Such bitter truth! 

 

I don't know whether to laugh or cry!  ;)

[The Governess]

I find the "something of her own" piece one of the most important reasons to invest in dd's extracurriculars. I'm so enmeshed in all parts of her life, it's so important for her to have things she pursues somewhat independently - where she is (becoming) the expert, where she knows more than me, where she can learn from other people or herself. I love that about all her "extras" from horseback riding to theater to writing her own novel to teaching herself to play the guitar. I try and stay out of them as much as possible: to be an appreciative audience, but to let these things be entirely hers.

Yes! I am finding that, especially as we enter the middle school years, extra-curriculars are such an important part of identity formation. I want my girls to be free to be themselves and discover what they love as individuals... I think this is just as vital as getting through a solid program of "core" academics or sharing quality family time together. What they love may change as they get older, but I want them to feel that they have our support in finding it and pursuing it, whatever it is....and that it is worth the time and effort of pursuing it.

[Mommy22alyns]

I wonder sometimes if that's one reason why DD grabbed onto herpetology so hard. It's definitely hers, and while DH and I have been pulled along (and I've enjoyed learning about it, it's not something that is shared, really, at all. When she's at the conferences, etc, it's all her. I'm just a driver's license and a credit card.

 

 

LOL, that is the truth!  They always say that good gym parents pay the bills and chauffeur...

[Dmmetler]

LOL, that is the truth! They always say that good gym parents pay the bills and chauffeur...

I'm guessing "Here, hold this snake" comes up less often, though....

[Pen]

She needs something of her own.

 

This is a thought that's been surfacing lately. As mentioned upthread by pps, there is so much competition and so much pressure to fit a certain mold. Sometimes there is just an undefinable something that is needed. Something of her own.

 

I actually found the details you've posted helpful. It gives a bit of context and perspective. I also hadn't ever really considered the cost side of cheering. Interesting! It's all relevant! (I tend to bemoan that dd chooses expensive hobbies and sports, but maybe lots of hobbies and sports are expensive!)

 

 

We have about 50% of academics or 'curriculars' being child initiated and thus already "something of his own" even within the academic realm--and maybe some things that some of you are counting as extra-curricular I am thinking of as student initiated academics or curriculars.   I think I also see the extracurriculars as being activities that tend to involve something outside of the home situation (not just outside of the home school situation) and more likely something led neither by me nor by ds nor by the computer, but by some other person as coach, teacher, mentor....  Unless ds gets to the point where his own leadership of an outside activity is a significant part of the activity.  I'm not sure if I am making sense.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

 It's interesting to see various interpretations of the phrase!

 

I am not really involved in many of DD's classes this year, and I only fund and provide transportation for activities, so it's not really that she needs an activity I'm not involved with or one of her own choosing -she has those.

 

What is my interpretation of something of her own? Good question!

 

This thread is really making me think! Thanks!

[Woodland Mist Academy]

We have about 50% of academics or 'curriculars' being child initiated and thus already "something of his own" even within the academic realm--and maybe some things that some of you are counting as extra-curricular I am thinking of as student initiated academics or curriculars.   I think I also see the extracurriculars as being activities that tend to involve something outside of the home situation (not just outside of the home school situation) and more likely something led neither by me nor by ds nor by the computer, but by some other person as coach, teacher, mentor....  Unless ds gets to the point where his own leadership of an outside activity is a significant part of the activity.  I'm not sure if I am making sense.

 

I think this may be part of what I'm thinking...

[Pen]

Well...

 

edited:

 

home school continues...

[lewelma]

I've been thinking about identity formation, extracurriculars, and social aspects.  DS's ECs like trio, string group, and badminton are all fun, but the socializing is superficial.  He must keep a part of himself hidden, the most important part.  He can't talk about some awesome math proof he ran across, because not only will none of the kids have a clue what he is talking about but it would also be viewed as very braggy.  But his identity is his mathematics, and the creativity and game-like problem solving that it involves. The only place where he can be fully himself is at math camp.  And that is where he has made instant friends.  Unfortunately, he is not keen/confident enough to keep the relationships up long distance throughout the year, but just waits until January to see everyone again.  I think it is just very difficult to be so out of step with your peers.  I do think that university will solve this problem.

[Pen]

I've been thinking about identity formation, extracurriculars, and social aspects.  DS's ECs like trio, string group, and badminton are all fun, but the socializing is superficial.  He must keep a part of himself hidden, the most important part.  He can't talk about some awesome math proof he ran across, because not only will none of the kids have a clue what he is talking about but it would also be viewed as very braggy.  But his identity is his mathematics, and the creativity and game-like problem solving that it involves. The only place where he can be fully himself is at math camp.  And that is where he has made instant friends.  Unfortunately, he is not keen/confident enough to keep the relationships up long distance throughout the year, but just waits until January to see everyone again.  I think it is just very difficult to be so out of step with your peers.  I do think that university will solve this problem.

 

 

These ideas are good to think about.  I don't know if ds will want to try the ps, but if he does, it will be some of the same kids he was in school with during K, and likely some of the same problems, in his case especially because he is "2E" which they cannot accommodate well--they don't do either end well, and even less well manage the combo.  He has been loving his movie group, but it includes kids all the way from college on down.  In any case, if he does try the ps and it does not work out, I suppose he can always go back to homeschool.  This would be an easy-ish year to try a transition if he wants to, without it being officially high school and his grades counting significantly.  I don't think he is going to actually go for it, has so far just listened without a reply.  But I may be surprised.

[sportsmom]

 It's interesting to see various interpretations of the phrase!

 

What is my interpretation of something of her own? Good question!

 

This thread is really making me think! Thanks!

 

It is very interesting to see everyone's different spin on the phrase.

 

For me, and my daughter is significantly younger, it's something that she does not because it is what is familiar that she can love and enjoy for what it is.  She wants to do all the things her brother does, which is normal because the alternative is sitting on the sidelines, which has been her place for the past 5 years.  She now wants to participate.  But, I wonder, what would she choose if he wasn't involved in other sports and she hadn't been sitting around waiting to be old enough to participate as well?

 

She is far more musically and artistically inclined than he is - would we be looking at different lessons outside of sports?  But she's also very athletic - and has asked to join me in the 5k's that I have participated in recently.

 

Just how much is her desire to play football and lacrosse because it's something she is interested in, or is it because it's what's familiar and she just has a longing to participate in some way and doesn't know the other options available to her?  Interesting thoughts - anyone with multiple children care to chime in on how they manage this?

[lewelma]

I've found a distinction between an activity that the family is interested in vs one that only an individual is interested in.  So my dh decided to learn to play violin when my older started learning.  By the time my younger was choosing an instrument, he wanted to play violin even after I pushed for him to forge his own path and pick something different.  In his eyes, it was a part of our family culture (playing violin jigs after dinner, listening to classical music, going to concerts) rather than something his brother chose.  In contrast, when older started in badminton, young was not overwhelmingly excited to play because he saw it as something his brother did.  This was because younger had never seen the family playing badminton, watching tournaments, etc.  Just not a family culture activity.  

 

So I keep this in mind when trying to insure that my younger is not just wanting to be like his big brother.

 

Ruth in NZ

[sportsmom]

I've found a distinction between an activity that the family is interested in vs one that only an individual is interested in.  Just not a family culture activity.  

 

So I keep this in mind when trying to insure that my younger is not just wanting to be like his big brother.

 

I suppose this is where my problem lies.  When my son started playing his first year of football, my daughter was literally days old (he missed the first 2 practices because we were at the hospital delivering).  So with all of the focus that a newborn requires, we made sure that all of us attended every football practice, so there was something where we were all focused on HIM in the middle of those days that mostly centered around her.  My DH has coached every sport that DS has ever played, and DD and I always attended all of the practices, and I always had at minimum a "team mom" role.  For EVERY sport - so it would be very difficult for a 5 year old to distinguish a family activity from a "brother activity."

 

Because of our commitments with football, I was unable to commit to coaching her in cheering this year.  After a bit of a rocky start, she is embracing and loving her time, though she still says that she can't wait to play football.  Thankfully, football and cheer do go hand in hand, because she is cheering for the football teams in our organization, but at a different age level than her brother.

 

With his academic pursuits, the line between family and sibling activities will be far more pronounced, I am sure.  They have very different interests that I have no doubt will only grow stronger as they age.  Although, it is interesting to see her love of painting push him out of his comfort zone because he will sit and paint with her though he has little interest.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

The identity issue is an interesting one.  An aspect we haven't discussed much on the thread is what happens when interest in a beloved passion starts to wane....

 

What to do during that time of feeling lost...does one scramble to try other activities to find a good fit, embrace the downtime (without wasting it...), or something else?

 

How does one readjust one's identity? I think this is particularly difficult in a society where identity in the teen years is often shaky anyway...

[Arcadia]

What to do during that time of feeling lost...does one scramble to try other activities to find a good fit, embrace the downtime (without wasting it...), or something else?

That depends on the child.

If the child has only one passion and is introspective, he/she may use that downtime to reflect and plan ahead. Kind of like meditation.

If the child has only one passion and needs to find a replacement, then there may be less downtime and more of trial and error.

If the child is like me and my silly kids who always have multiple passions, putting any or most passions on the backburner is less likely to have any significant effect on identity.

 

My dad build his identity on being a teacher. When he retired, he was "lost" until he decided to concentrate on learning english. He is an ESL.

 

My mom on the other hand has always been self assured. Her passions doesn't define her.

 

When I was born, my cousin already has a baby boy. So I was raised with the identity of youngest granddaughter on both sides, and an aunt to many. Regardless of what my passions may be, the fundamental identity of being someone's aunt has been set at a young age.

 

I went on social dates since I was 12, was a teetotaler party goer in college. What help through those teenage years was a strong sense/system of values to fall back on and faith even though I am agnostic.