Pregnancy after miscarriage?

[Alexigail]

If you've had a miscarriage and decided to try again, how did you know it was the right thing?  What was it like to have a pregnancy after a loss? I know no one can tell me what to do, but I'd really like to hear from you guys about how you came to that decision. 

 

I'm really struggling with this.  I thought I was absolutely done after the experience I had last year, but lately I've had a strong feeling that I'd like to try again.  My midwife said that since I've had two healthy births and my blood work is good, I have a reasonably good chance of having a "successful" pregnancy.  (I hate that term by the way, but that's another story.)

I know my husband would love more children, but is respecting my feelings.    Of course, sometimes it's not a decision so much as "it happened" but I'm curious for those who decided to actively try.  

 

If you did become pregnant, were you anxious during your pregnancy?  Did you do anything differently in terms of interventions, care providers etc?

 

Thanks to anyone who has any input for me.  

[MeghanL]

After I had my 2 boys, we tried for a third. I then had 2 miscarriages back-to-back and then a third pregnancy that stuck after taking progesterone. I gained over 50 lbs during that time because of the emotions I had of being out of control. Also, I was essentially pregnant for 17 months straight. I would NOT recommend going the route that I did, but it ended up ok. My daughter is now 3 and my weight is finally returning to normal after all the hormonal shocks it went through.

 

I was anxious through the entire pregnancy. It wasn't enough to see the heartbeat, or see the growth. I don't think I took a full breath in until I made it to 12 weeks. Even then, I was so afraid the only thing "keeping" the baby was the progesterone and it would all end once I stopped. And this is way TMI, but the progesterone also makes you feel kind of "leaky" so that was trauma in and of itself when all day long I would feel like I was bleeding. 

 

Looking back, I'm so glad I had 3. That's what we originally wanted (well, we originally wanted 4, but that's another story), and while I was at peace with having 2, I'm glad I knew I did everything I could to try for another. It felt more like my baby-ending days ended on "my" terms instead of my body's...if that makes sense.

[Kathryn]

:grouphug: I've been trying since we lost this spring. My period took two months to come back, so I've only gone through three cycles. DH originally said he didn't want to try again, but he's come around somewhat. I'm very nervous about how I'll feel if I do get pregnant, but right now I'm focused on how I feel that I'm not pregnant now. I expect I'll be a nervous wreck, especially during the first trimester.

[Homemaker]

My very first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at about 10 weeks. I was terrified that I was not going to have any children. We didn't wait long to try again and got pregnant within in two months. I bled at the beginning of tr pregnancy and was positive it was another miscarriage, thankfully my doctor checked my blood levels and everything was good. I had 3 healthy babies since then and yes, I was paranoid with each until the first trimester was over. After the "big" ultrasound knowing that everything was developing as it should I was able to enjoy the pregnancies.

[Amira]

We had two children and then four miscarriages, and then we waited for nearly four years before trying again and having our third child. I couldn't make myself go to the doctor with that pregnancy till I was 18 weeks. If we were going to lose that one, I didn't want to go through all the medical stuff again (although I would have had a D&C that time- I was done with miscarrying on my own).

 

I wasn't in denial, but I knew there were two basic possibilities- I either miscarried, or I didn't. There was very little chance that anyone could keep me from miscarrying, and hearing a heartbeat wouldn't have been reassuring to me since most of my miscarriages had been at the beginning of the second trimester. I just needed to wait quietly by myself till I felt more confident that everything might work out.

 

I was still nervous through the whole thing since I have complications at the end of my pregnancies, but that really wasn't affected by the miscarriages.

 

We knew we wanted more than two children, so we always planned on trying again. I needed some time after the miscarriages before I was ready to try again. We have a seven-year gap between my second the third because of that.

[Mommyof4ks]

I had three miscarriages after my first, and I did go on to have two more kiddos. It was not always easy, but we wanted more kids, so I had to deal with the potential heartache to make that happen. It was never a question about worrying the whole pregnancy, because I had clear symptom differences between those that survived and those that did not. Once I had the unpleasant symptoms that came with my kiddos, then I knew they would be in my arms in a few short months. Without those differences I think I would have gone crazy during my pregnancies.

 

Hugs to you. Miscarriages are so hard, and choosing to have more children is such a personal decision. Whatever you decide I hope you find peace over your loss.

[KarenNC]

My first pregnancy was a miscarriage (blighted ovum, had a d/c at about 8 weeks, the Friday before Mother's Day) and, yes, I was scared to try again, and very nervous during my subsequent pregnancy (about two years later--took me that long to be willing to try again, I got pregnant immediately once we tried). I had a difficult pregnancy and birth, but I don't think it was at all related to the miscarriage. We haven't tried again, but that was due to my age, my health and my issues during the second pregnancy. Most of the women I've talked with who had miscarriages have gone on to have healthy babies. I know my mother had one between me and my younger sister.

 

Good luck!

[indigomama]

I had one healthy pregnancy, after trying for 18months, then my miscarriage. The midwife, said try again whenever I was ready. We didn't try intentionally but I got pregnant again immediately. I had some bleeding with each pregnancy afterwards, and that did make it a little nerve wraking. But I had to ultimately just put it all into God's hands.

 

I found it helpful to share with trusted friends and family, who I knew would pray and support me, and not share with those who might, even unintentionally cause me pain or worry. 

 

[Lolly]

I have had many miscarriages, but they were all before I had a successful pregnancy. I think that changes things a lot. If I wanted a baby, I was going to have to take the risk. (We attempted adoption unsucessfully. Definitely wasn't going there again. Just as hard emotionally, with less chance of success.) If you can separate your logic and your emotion, you will realize that most women experience at least one miscarriage. There is a very good possibility that this wasn't your first; it was just the first that you knew about. For me, after the first confirmed loss, pregnancy was more stressful. We quit announcing early. Somewhere down the line, I sort of became numb during the first trimester. I did not allow myself to think of myself as actually being pregnant. That said, it was all a farce. When I was threatening to abort with what came to be my first birth, I absolutely broke down when the ultrasound showed a healthy pregnancy (first time for that). If we had lost that one, I don't think I could have tried again.

[lea_lpz]

I had my 1st miscarriage 4 months ago and just found out I am pregnant again. My ob recommended we wait 3 months before trying to conceive. We honestly didn't know if we would try again or not. The pregnancy was not planned and happened when I was on bc (the last one). We have two children together, a son and daughter, and I have a stepson. I am going to grad school part time and so we decided if we decided to have any more children we'd wait until I graduated to decide. We were happily surprised with the 3rd pregnancy. After the miscarriage I thought of going back on bc but couldn't bare to do it. I thought, if we are blessed with a healthy pregnancy now, I don't want to take the risk of waiting and not being able to get or sustain a pregnancy.

 

I got pregnant after my 3rd cycle post miscarriage. I got my first cycle exactly 4 weeks after my d&c. We have not actively tried but we didn't do anything to prevent a pregnancy either.

 

If I were to have multiple miscarriages or have difficulty conceiving I would probably not try anymore because with two healthy children I would not see the reason to put myself through the heartache and pain of losing pregnancies or the cost of fertility treatments. At that point, if we really felt in hearts are family wasn't complete we would adopt through foster care.

[SLT]

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. I will be honest, it was very difficult. I had a hard time "bonding" with the in-utero baby for quite a while. I was worried I would lose him and I was anxious most of the time. Once I hit the 24 week mark, I started becoming more excited and less anxious (thou it never left until he was in my arms).

 

If you would like another baby, don't let the fear of the unknown stop you- it is absolutely worth it.

[wendyroo]

I got pregnant with my first child the month before we really started trying.  Easy peasy.  Simple pregnancy, simple labor, no issues.

 

We planned right down to the month when I wanted to get pregnant with our second child and it happened right on schedule - except then I miscarried.  That shook me up a little.  I had always known intellectually that there was uncertainty in pregnancy, but now I really understood that on an emotional level.  None the less, we decided to try again right away and I got pregnant with no issues.  Another simple pregnancy, an even easier labor, and DS#2 was born.

 

Again we planned when we were going to try for #3 and I got pregnant right on schedule, but, I knew before the test even showed positive that it would be another miscarriage.  Waiting for it to happen was the hardest part.  Again, we started trying right away and two months later I was once again pregnant and this time I was confident from day one that it would lead to a baby.  That baby is due next week.

 

I would love one more child.  DH isn't convinced.  If we do end up trying there will be a large part of me braced for another miscarriage.  That would not stop me from trying, but it would certainly be in the back of my mind.

 

Wendy

[BigMamaBird]

I'll just preface this with the fact that my miscarriage was very early, we hadn't seen any ultrasounds, we only knew for week, there was no possibility of it being a viable pregnancy, etc.  It was still a loss and we still grieved, but I count myself blessed that we didn't experience the agony that some of my dear loved ones have.

 

That said.  I got pregnant 8 months after my miscarriage.  There was never any question about trying again, we knew we wanted more.  I was a lot less cavalier about pregnancy after that loss though.  My first two had been so easy with absolutely no complications and I really took that for granted.  With my last pregnancy, we waited a lot longer before we told anyone, let alone made it public knowledge and I had to work at fighting anxiety over the "what ifs."  

 

As much as I would prefer to not have had that miscarriage, I know that I wouldn't have my beautiful son if we hadn't gone through it.  True, we'd have a different, slightly older child.  But I wouldn't trade my son for the erasure of that pain.  He's very precious to me.

[LucyStoner]

Our sucessful pregnancy after recurrent losses was unplanned. It just happened. We had stopped trying because we were too emotionally raw from the repeated miscarriages (5 over 3+ years).

 

My pregnancy seemed surreal to me, I feel that I was waiting for something to go badly. Not that I wanted it to go badly but that I was trying not to get my hopes up. Sad, but unavoidable. Once we hit the possible viability mark I started to relax quite a bit.

[macmacmoo]

Our second child was stillborn at 38 weeks. We waited the recommended six months, started try, it took, but miscarried. I didn't feel like I could handle waiting six months so we waited a month and started trying, it took, brought home a baby boy.

 

We know many families who after a lost decided not to have any more kids. But its like love. You date someone, you think they might be the one, start day dreaming of a wedding and wham you break up. Do you try again? Do you stop dating for fear of getting hurt again, or does the hope of finding that special someone get you back into the dating game?

 

 

 

[kentuckymom]

My first pregnancy was with my (now) 8 year old son. Other than suffering from HG, the pregnancy was completely healthy and normal. When my son was a year old I got pregnant unexpectedly while on birth control and still nursing him. At 8 weeks the doctor discovered that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had to have surgery and lost a fallopian tube. My OB encouraged us to try again as soon as we felt ready. I got pregnant three months later, and that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I didn't dare try again for almost 2 years. In the meantime we started the process to adopt a child from China. When adoptions of healthy babies from China massively slowed down, we decided to try again. Again, I got pregnant right away and the pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks. I didn't even want to think about being pregnant again for another year. After that I pressed my doctor to do blood work to find out if there was a reason I had repeatedly miscarried. Tests showed that I might increase my chances of a successful pregnancy by taking blood thinners during my next pregnancy. I still wasn't eager to get pregnant but DH really, really wanted another biological child. Finally, about a year after the tests, I agreed that we could try to conceive for one cycle. I got pregnant. I was terrified. I had bleeding numerous times in the first trimester and my OB's office was always willing to let me come in for an ultrasound. There was always a baby with a heartbeat. We didn't tell anyone except our parents until after the 20 week ultrasound. I relaxed a bit after that, but not totally until after my daughter was born. 

 

We are definitely done. In addition to getting just two kids from 5 pregnancies, I suffered from HG with both pregnancies and was so sick early on with DD that I was hospitalized. My dehydration led to blood clots that could have killed me. In practice, it would have been easier in a lot of ways if we'd settled on just having one child. But I wouldn't trade Kittygirl for anything. I love both my kids immensely, but Kittygirl seems special in a way that Squirrelboy because of the long struggle I went through to get her.

 

So all this to say, yes, you can have a successful pregnancy after a loss or after multiple losses. You will undoubtedly be nervous throughout most or all of the pregnancy. Both you and your DH need to be sure you're ready for the possibility of another loss and the possibility of another child.

[Maplecat]

I have three living kids, one sweet girl who died at 16 days old, and a baby I miscarried at 10 weeks. Pregnancies after a loss are hard. You never get your innocence back after a loss. Lean on your friends and family and listen to your heart.

[DianeW88]

I had two normal pregnancies, and then four miscarriages in a row.  The last one was twins.  My third child was an unplanned pregnancy.  I just never even thought of myself as being pregnant until after about 20 weeks, after that, I felt like all my previous successful pregnancies.  All of my miscarriages were before 12 weeks, so logically, I knew the chances of having a second trimester loss were slim to none. 

 

I also learned, after seeing one of the top miscarriage specialists in the world, that my losses were caused by a genetic problem on my dh's side that was incompatible with life after the first trimester.  So my odds were about 50/50 with every pregnancy.

 

After four losses, I had a myriad of tests to determine if any of the "usual suspects" for miscarriage were happening with me.  None of them were.  The specialist also told me that 99.9% of all miscarriages are caused by genetic defects, and there is NOTHING the mother can do to change the outcome.  Lots of OBs will give scrips for progesterone and other hormones...they don't really do anything, unless you have a very specific condition and know for a fact that is what caused your previous miscarriages.  Most OBs won't do the necessary tests to determine that (they are very expensive and not covered by insurance...the office "blood panel" they do perform is not sensitive enough to give the necessary answers), and instead throw progesterone, baby aspirin, heparin (!), whatever at their patients and hope the pregnancy sticks.  If it does, it's usually because that particular fetus did not have any defects.

 

As a nurse, I was very clinical about my miscarriages and didn't really suffer from grief.  I knew the embryos were not able to sustain life, and honestly I did not feel in the slightest that I was losing an actual baby.  As we refer to it in the medical world...it was a "product of conception" that could not, and did not, develop properly.  So maybe I'm not the person to be posting on this thread.  LOL

 

There is no medical reason to wait to try and conceive, so whenever you feel good about it, you should move forward.  If you have multiple miscarriages, a visit to a specialist (not your regular OB) is in order.  Most miscarriage specialists will not see you until you've two (or sometimes three) losses in a row.

 

Good luck!!

[Alexigail]

I can't tell you all how helpful it is to hear all your stories!  Thank you for sharing your experiences with me.

[BakersDozen]

See my signature. Trying for another baby after a loss was not difficult; seeing the positive pregnancy test was difficult. Being pg after loss puts a damper on all the things that should bring joy (at least for me). In other words, when I see two lines my reaction is, "Oh, *&^%#." Not that we weren't ttc, but the reality of another pregnancy loss is what I see rather than the hope of a take-home baby. Like many of those who posted, I don't embrace or even think of myself as pg until at least halfway through the pregnancy. One time I didn't bond with my unborn baby until 2 nights before she was born, I was that affected by my losses.

 

I've just had my third loss this year. At this point I'm numb from grief and pain. I'll still ttc because my heart longs for another precious child and I cannot see ending the hope I have of experiencing pregnancy/childbirth/new baby again. But it will be very hard emotionally and mentally, I know, especially if more losses are in my future (which I fully expect there to be).

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

After my miscarriages I wanted to try again right away, the new pregnancy brought me something joyful to look forward to.....well after the first 12 weeks of fear I'd lose the new pregnancy too.

 

I still ache for the babies I lost. It isn't something that ever went fully away for me.

 

:grouphug:

[HS Mom in NC]

I had 3 miscarriages in 2 years, a normal pregnancy and delivery at home with a midwife, then a complicated pregnancy and delivery which became a hospital transfer.  Then I adopted.

 

During my first pregnancy I felt like I was a n "us" carrying the baby.  Then I no longer had that feeling until I could feel my oldest daughter (who was my 4th pregnancy) move.  I wasn't feeling that "the baby is coming" feeling until I'd been labor with her for 44 hours and the midwife put my hand on her head as it came out.  Then I said, "Oh my gosh!  The baby's really coming!"  She was out 10-15 minutes later. 

I had bleeding at 11 and 14 weeks with my middle daughter (pregnancy #5.) It took a little while longer to bond with her because of all the narcotics I was on for the crash c-section when her placenta came off.  We both recovered completely. Her pregnancy was a big emotional demand because we knew the placenta might tear off at any time and there was almost no chance she would survive it.

My international adoption took a year before placement, a year of h3ll transition with mild, temporary attachment issues, and severe sleep issues.

 

It was all worth all the agony and frustration. My kids are 17,15 and 8 and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Even though it never felt the same as it did during the first pregnancy, it's well worth the pain and heartache.

The scars don't go away.  I don't do Mother's Day services at church because I know how many women are in agony in the service.  Instead I call my friends who I know have loss grief from never having kids, miscarriages, and infant mortality and we go do something that allows for grief or venting or just focusing on other things- whatever they need at the time.

[ashfern]

My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. We tried again as soon as we could. I was nervous for the entire pregnancy. Every time I wiped I had to look for blood on the tp. I had 2 more uneventful pregnancies. My 5th pregnancy was also a miscarriage. I was shocked since I had no problems with the 3 pregnancies before. It took a bit of time to get pregnant again and that pregnancy I had similar feelings as I had in the previous pregnancy after miscarriage. I thought that I was done with 4 kids but I had a surprise pregnancy last summer that ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks. The other two were around 6 weeks and took care of themselves but this one I ended up needing a D&C. Now I'm pregnant again and since I've made it past the half-way point (now 26+ weeks) I'm not as nervous as I was in the beginning. I think each person has their own grieving time-frame and what's right for one isn't right for another. Try when you feel like you're ready. Just be prepared for extra anxiety in the beginning.

[GSOchristie]

I had a healthy pregnancy, with lots of bleeding, followed by two m/c with lots of bleeding. I was still nursing my son through the m/c, one of which took 6 weeks to complete, so my body was falling apart. My skin was dry, my nails and hair were brittle and breaking, and I was an a emotional wreck. I weaned him, took four months to let my body rest, and tried again. With Jax, my midwife put me on progesterone and I bled though the first and part of the second trimester. It was an emotional roller coaster because bleeding could go either way with me. One minute I was completely at peace, the next minute I couldn't sleep or eat because I was so stressed. I also wouldn't (or couldn't) allow myself to be excited because I was too afraid something would happen. I was more relaxed with Piper, but I also had bleeding with her. I know around 9 weeks my symptoms disappeared, even with the progesterone, and I was sure I was miscarrying, so sure that I almost stopped taking it. I was so relieved when she was born because I realized I never, ever had to be pregnant again, I never had to go through the stress of wondering, "Is everything okay? Am I actually going to have a baby?"

[Hypatia.]

I was lucky to have 4 pregnancies with that lovely pregnancy innocence, no experience with m/c.

 

Then I got pregnant unexpectedly and shortly after coming to terms with it we found out it was a blighted ovum and I was devastated.  I became pregnant again about 4 months afterward and, despite being told it (a blighted ovum) was a freak occurrence and would most likely not happen again, it did.  :(  Three months later (immediately after a chemical pregnancy) I became pregnant again and was a nervous wreck the entire 1st trimester.  I'm lucky enough to be holding my rainbow baby, now 6 months old.