1bassoon Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 It's so hard to walk the line between telling them what to do, and giving them the freedom to make mistakes on their own, isn't it? Dd16 is in the midst of her ballet performance weekend. This is the dear, sweet, wonderful girl who politely asked to be excused from one of the parts, since it violated standards she had set for herself. We couldn't be more proud of the way she handled the situation. She was excused [and I saw the costume tonight - think black vinyl, spikes, and a black conch shell-type vinyl thingy on the head. smart girl.] and given the added blessing of writing a Bible study/coloring book to go along with the performance. Really, couldn't be more proud of her. The downside is that it has definitely set her apart from the other girls in her class. So tonight, she hops in the car - the girls are having a sleepover tomorrow night, after dress rehearsal ends at 9:00, where they will decorate T-shirts together. Here's the dilemma: She leaves the house tomorrow at 12:30 for a performance at a local school. Goes straight to dress rehearsal. My parents pull into town from Indiana around 5 p.m. Saturday morning is her Spring Piano recital at 11, after which we RUN to the rehearsal/performances that lasts until 9 p.m. that night. Sunday's call is for 12:30, performance over by 4:30, then straight to the cast party. My parents leave Monday morning. I know she shouldn't go to this sleepover. (And, frankly, the child HATES sleepovers. She always ends up finding a guest room to sleep in and goes to sleep around 10, leaving all the other girls up doing whatever.) Really, I think SHE knows she shouldn't go to this sleepover. So what did I do? I said she knows herself, she knows what she can handle, and she should think about how she would like her weekend to run. Did I handle that right? I sometimes feel like I just don't have a frame of reference for this. . . .I mean, I was in high school musicals, productions, etc. constantly, never home, etc. etc. etc. . . . .she's such a different kid. Good different. Really amazingly good different. I just. . . .just. . . . .I don't know when to step out and encourage her to be more social. Or if I even need to. Probably worrying about nothing. Just venting to the Hive. Thanks for the ear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 She was excused [and I saw the costume tonight - think black vinyl, spikes, and a black conch shell-type vinyl thingy on the head. smart girl.] and given the added blessing of writing a Bible study/coloring book to go along with the performance. Really, couldn't be more proud of her. I take it this isn't at your church? :lol: Could she go to the sleepover till a designated time - say 11 or so - maybe the girls will make the T-shirts before then and she could spend a bit of time with them. BUT it does sound like you have a full weekend without adding that onto it. My dd (17) would have a huge meltdown if she had two big things on the same day! (she is passing on the June SATs because she has a big dance performance/competition that afternoon). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted May 8, 2009 Author Share Posted May 8, 2009 I take it this isn't at your church? :lol: Could she go to the sleepover till a designated time - say 11 or so - maybe the girls will make the T-shirts before then and she could spend a bit of time with them. Um, actually- the performance is by the ballet ministry at our church. :001_huh: It's an allegory ballet, and hey - someone has to be the "bad guys", right? Believe it or not, the costumes are modest, they're just not feminine (heh. THAT'S an understatement!) and that's what dd had the problem with. I did suggest the 11 p.m. bit. We'll see what she says in the morning. . . and the bad news in all of this is that she can't drive, so that would be ME doing the taxi-driving ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I always reminded my dds at that age that they were free to use me as an excuse for almost anything. "My mom is SO awful - she's making me go home early"; "My mom says I HAVE to do this, that or the other thing...". Then I tried to be quiet and let them do whatever they wanted to do.... sometimes I was better at that than other times.... Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 (edited) Um, actually- the performance is by the ballet ministry at our church. :001_huh: It's an allegory ballet, and hey - someone has to be the "bad guys", right? Believe it or not, the costumes are modest, they're just not feminine (heh. THAT'S an understatement!) and that's what dd had the problem with. I did suggest the 11 p.m. bit. We'll see what she says in the morning. . . and the bad news in all of this is that she can't drive, so that would be ME doing the taxi-driving ;) Got it, I've seen some of Mrs. B's performances and they are tastefully costumed. (it's the only place I've seen men dancing in - hmmm - genie pants? :001_smile: Hope you and she can find a good solution. Your weekend sounds exhausting! Edited May 8, 2009 by readwithem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I always reminded my dds at that age that they were free to use me as an excuse for almost anything. "My mom is SO awful - she's making me go home early"; "My mom says I HAVE to do this, that or the other thing...". Then I tried to be quiet and let them do whatever they wanted to do.... sometimes I was better at that than other times.... Anne oh, WOW! What a GOOD mom! Why would I be so worried about what others thought? I absolutely LOVE that you've done this for your daughter!!! This is one of those things that have truly struck me...... and I think I'll be using in the future. Thanks!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I think you handled it beautifully Heather, and I think the biggest indication that you have done a good job with your child is her strength of character and decision to be true to herself--and that her values are appropriate (because one can be true to oneself and have stinky values, too...). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Heather, I think you did the right thing. She is 16 and has shown she is responsible and can make decisions for herself. Even if she decides to go to the sleepover, and regrets it later, it will be something she will learn from. Good luck on your busy weekend. I'm right there with you. May will end, May will end, May will end . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I'd definitely let a teen make this decision. It does sound like a lot, but when I think back to what I did in high school and college, there was many a weekend when sleep was sacrificed to fit in one more activity! My oldest is not quite 11, and I'm still heavily involved in planning her schedule. But she's gradually getting a more free reign, and if a 16 yr old can keep all those plates spinning, I'd just smile and miss the energy of my youth! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted May 8, 2009 Author Share Posted May 8, 2009 So, she decided not to go :) I think it helped that she danced with her group today at 2, now they're going to all grab a bite to eat and drive to rehearsal, so she's getting friend time in. Plus, my mom is probably going to take her out to breakfast on Monday, which will get some Grammy time in! Repeating my mantra: May is almost over. May is almost over. May is almost over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Whew! I'm glad that she's getting friend time in. But to fit in a sleepover with her schedule sounded like too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.