Kari C in SC Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 No, I wouldn't, but only you know your heart. I did have my kids spaced far apart - so the age difference doesn't really matter to me. The other health considerations would weigh huge on my decision. And - for me at almost 37 - I am too darn tired to think about starting over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I think there are some of us that are "once a mom, always a mom" and have a hard time when the baby making days come to an end. I had my youngest at 40. No problems and would do it all over again, if I was 40 again. Now, I'm doing the menopause dance and I'm okay with no more human babies. DH got me a furbaby, a tiny yorkie, that I can dress and bathe and "baby". It takes the edge off the baby issue for me. She IS my baby, lol. We got a yorkie this fall for my dd - she paid all of her money towards it. Well... I gotta say it is MY BABY! LOL! I love this puppy to pieces! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulcindy Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 My first question is why you are contemplating having another child. This would be the #1 thing to explore. Are you feeling empty, purposeless, old? Trying to fight the clock? Could these longings be fulfilled in another way? Going back to school, developing an interesting hobby, volunteering, working part-time? Travelling, gardening, throwing yourself into caring your someone or something else that needs caring for? Or do you really want A Baby? Do you really want another infant, then a child, then a teen in your home to love and grow with? How do you want to spend your middle age years? How do you see yourself and what do you want to do and with whom do you want to do it? I can see that a child could revitalize middle age. A child could also put a damper on things if you really wanted to travel or whatever. BTW, you can take certain Anti-Depressants while pregnant (and nursing). You need to talk to your doctor. As for the stomach meds., I don't know what kind they are so I haven't a clue. I know that certain meds. are okay during pregnancy. You'd have to talk to the doctor who prescribed them. Talk to the dr.! Not the hive:001_smile: So #4 wouldn't be an issue for me. As far as a VBAC, you'd have to talk to your doctor. Again. Also, you'd have to see how the pregnancy was developing. No one really knows if they'll need a C-section at the end or not. Also, some hospitals and drs. will not do VBACS anymore bec. of liability issues. You'd have to be able to accept this if that was the case. The baby is more important than the way it gets here, anyway. Age would not be a factor for me if I felt that I was capable of caring for an infant and growing child. Nor would the ages of my other kids be an issue for me. My prior twin pregnancy would not be an issue for me either if I was not emotionally spent and grief-stricken still. It isn't likely that you'd be carrying twins again, especially ones with complications. I am sorry for your loss. You'd have to be able physically and emotionally to accept the risk, though, that you may be carrying twins again. A small possibility, but it could happen. You'd also have to be able to accept that elevated risk of chromosonal defects due to your AMA (advanced maternal age). If you were to have a special needs child could you handle that emotionally, physically, and financially. Issues that would be a concern for me: do I have adequte health insurance to cover the pregnancy and birth? And Do I have enough money to raise this child? Do I have a financial plan and do I have life insurance? Do I have someone I could trust to care for the child if something happened to me and my husband? These would be issues whether you birthed or adopted a child. As for your marital situation and how that affects your choice, only you can assess that. I would ask myself if I felt dh would be a good father to this new child in whatever circumstances you both face. That would be a big issue for me as I explored the idea. Best wishes This post caught my eye and attention. Yes. I think it is an "age" thing mostly. I will be 42 in November. But somehow, I don't "feel" 42. Does that make sense? I had my first child, my son at 22. I was married at 19. The along came my daughter 2 years later. Then, I stopped. My youngest went to K, and had that longing, so I got pregnant again. Only, I got pregnant with twins, and it was a very, very risky pregnancy, resulting in the death of my newborn identical twin 10 years ago. I should have had another one, I think. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. So now, I think it is a mixture of age, my kids getting older, maybe trying to prove something to myself. I know, irrational thoughts. But, I did LOVE being pregnant though. My stomach meds are for IBS. I cannot come off of them...... ever. The anti-depressents, yes I could find another med, if I were to be pregnant. But it is not realistic for me with all the risks that I have stacked against me. If we were to adopt, like we talked about. It would not be a newborn. I would adopt a child between the ages of 2-8. So many older children need homes. I did enjoy reading some of your testimnonies here about having a child later in life. But for me, grandchildren will be in my future.:):)(I hope) :grouphug:Thank you ladies:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Pregnancy no, but adoption yes if you really want another munchkin. The meds may be dangerous for the little one, and pregnancy can worsen health issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Nope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 If I was already pregnant, it would be a foregone conclusion, however, I would not plan to get pregnant or try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 My first question is why you are contemplating having another child. This would be the #1 thing to explore. Are you feeling empty, purposeless, old? Trying to fight the clock? Could these longings be fulfilled in another way? Going back to school, developing an interesting hobby, volunteering, working part-time? Travelling, gardening, throwing yourself into caring your someone or something else that needs caring for? Or do you really want A Baby? Do you really want another infant, then a child, then a teen in your home to love and grow with? How do you want to spend your middle age years? How do you see yourself and what do you want to do and with whom do you want to do it? I can see that a child could revitalize middle age. A child could also put a damper on things if you really wanted to travel or whatever. BTW, you can take certain Anti-Depressants while pregnant (and nursing). You need to talk to your doctor. As for the stomach meds., I don't know what kind they are so I haven't a clue. I know that certain meds. are okay during pregnancy. You'd have to talk to the doctor who prescribed them. Talk to the dr.! Not the hive:001_smile: So #4 wouldn't be an issue for me. As far as a VBAC, you'd have to talk to your doctor. Again. Also, you'd have to see how the pregnancy was developing. No one really knows if they'll need a C-section at the end or not. Also, some hospitals and drs. will not do VBACS anymore bec. of liability issues. You'd have to be able to accept this if that was the case. The baby is more important than the way it gets here, anyway. Age would not be a factor for me if I felt that I was capable of caring for an infant and growing child. Nor would the ages of my other kids be an issue for me. My prior twin pregnancy would not be an issue for me either if I was not emotionally spent and grief-stricken still. It isn't likely that you'd be carrying twins again, especially ones with complications. I am sorry for your loss. You'd have to be able physically and emotionally to accept the risk, though, that you may be carrying twins again. A small possibility, but it could happen. You'd also have to be able to accept that elevated risk of chromosonal defects due to your AMA (advanced maternal age). If you were to have a special needs child could you handle that emotionally, physically, and financially. Issues that would be a concern for me: do I have adequte health insurance to cover the pregnancy and birth? And Do I have enough money to raise this child? Do I have a financial plan and do I have life insurance? Do I have someone I could trust to care for the child if something happened to me and my husband? These would be issues whether you birthed or adopted a child. As for your marital situation and how that affects your choice, only you can assess that. I would ask myself if I felt dh would be a good father to this new child in whatever circumstances you both face. That would be a big issue for me as I explored the idea. Best wishes :iagree:excellent post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 My stomach meds are for IBS. I cannot come off of them...... ever. The anti-depressents, yes I could find another med, if I were to be pregnant. But it is not realistic for me with all the risks that I have stacked against me. I almost starved to death from Ulcerative Colitis. I was able to taper off the meds because I switched to massive doses of Fish Oil from GNLD. Fish oil is anti-inflammatory for the digestive tract. Gaba is also shown to help auto-immune inflammatory conditions, including Colitis. I was told I would be on my medication for life, but their are other ways.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 We got a yorkie this fall for my dd - she paid all of her money towards it. Well... I gotta say it is MY BABY! LOL! I love this puppy to pieces! That is so funny!! My ds bought a white lab puppy around Christmas and with all his traveling (he is in CA right now at the Young Americans Conference) guess who Puppers sleeps with? and gets a bath from every night, and kisses and getting up in the middle of the night to let her out to pee etc......you guessed it, ME and I love that ridiculous flop eared mutt! But I LONGGGG for another child and I am older than the OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Only if my dh was really, really certain that was what he wanted and that God was leading him that direction. I'd never want it myself in those circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessed2fosteradopt Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Cindy: I don't know if you are a Christian or not but I wanted to share my story with you. My son, age 10, was conceived via IVF and after many years of infertility. We were blessed to conceive him on our first round of treatment. We tried several times in the following years to give him a sibling in spite of the fact that our marriage was not where is should have been. Eventually, we conceded. Here we are 8 years later and we, just recently, completed the adoption of our two precious little ones, Shanaya, age 2 and Bryant, age 2 (they are 18 days apart - not biologically related) who were placed with us near birth via foster care. Had you of told me eight years ago that this was God's plan for us I would've told you that you were crazy. But you know what, it WAS and it IS. If I had become pregnant then, I would never have what I have today and they were meant to be with me. My marriage and my family is wonderful and thriving. I cannot imagine my life without them. I only say all this because you mentioned adoption. Maybe that is part of God's plan for you. Maybe that is why the other obstacles are before you. Clearly the medication issue must be a huge concern for you. If there comes a time when your marriage is healthy (adoption through the foster care system presents its own stresses) and you want to talk about it, please PM me. I am a huge advocate (personally and through the foundation I serve - see my siggy link) for adoption. There are so many precious ones just waiting for their forever families and I see them come through the foundation every day. I am the blessed mommy of two of them and I thank God for them. Blessings, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto4greatkids Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I don't think you are crazy for considering it. You are probably thinking that is really is the last year you could consider it, so you are going through the motions. What does your husband think? That has been my biggest strike against trying again at 39. Sometimes I think when I want another one I'm thinking that I won't have "anything" to do once my kids are a little older. Looking at my mother though --who had 4 children of her own and now is helping out with all of their children--she is busier now than she's ever been. I am praying that God would give me a passion to pursue in life once my children are older. Maybe that is foster children, maybe other ministry. Having a 10 year old daughter at home is such a great opportunity for both of you to serve foster children together now. God bless you as you pursue your dreams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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