Would you have a baby.......

[paulcindy]

If you were going to

 

1. Be almost 42

2. Have three older children. Almost 19 yo son, 16 yo daughter, 10 yo dd?

3. Your last pregnancy was twins, identical, and lost one at birth?

4. You take anti-depressents and medication for a stomach condition that could lead to birth defects if you were to get pregnant on them? Or had to continue on them while pregnant?

5. Start all over again?

6. Opt for a V-bac if you had an 80% chance of delivering with no issues(last one was emergency c-section due to twins)

7. Go back to diapers, middle of the night feedings, your freedoms, packing 1/2 the house, potty training, terrible two's, pediatrician visits, ear infections, homeschooling, teenage years, etc etc etc.????

 

 

What do you think?

 

Okay, I am waiting for the YOU ARE CRAZY FOR ASKING THIS!!:)

[Ria]

No. I wouldn't.

 

ETA: If someone is really wanting another child, I'd suggest looking into adoption. But no, I wouldn't get pregnant, or try to, under those conditions.

 

Ria

[Barb_]

Well having a baby is rarely a rational decision. I'm feeling very done these days and I don't have nearly as many strikes as you, but the choice is deeply personal. I think it's more about whether I want to deal with teens at almost 60 than babies at 40.

 

Barb

[paulcindy]

Oh yes, and we were also considering adopting from foster care. But, wanted opinions on the pregnant part first.:)

[joannqn]

The only issue I'd have with all that is the medication. I'd consider a different, safer antidepressant and find out if the stomach condition medication would be stopped or changed to a safer one.

 

The age is the other issue...but minor one...but only because I'd be worried if I could keep up at that age. I'm pregnant at 35 and am having a hard time knowing I'll be in my 50's when this one is finally read to be on her own. I feel so old and tired already!

[Desert Rat]

Personally, no I wouldn't. The medication would be my #1 concern and I'm not sure I would want to come off my meds to try for a high risk pregnancy. I would take the adoption route. JMHO. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[Wendi]

I wouldn't. You've got several potential health concerns, added to the fact that the risks for a lot of things (affecting both mother and baby) go up quite a bit when you're in your 40s.

 

On the other hand, my dh and I have always planned to adopt, so I don't feel so much like I am "giving up" by saying I'm done with pregnancies. (I'm 42, have had three miscarriages and one birth.) It might be harder for you, if adoption isn't something you and your dh want to do.

 

We have been dealing with some issues with our ds this past year or so, but are looking forward to starting the process to adopt soon. (Not a baby, though. A preschool-aged child.)

 

Wendi

[Tammy]

nt

[MamaT]

Under the circumstances you listed, no I wouldn't.

[The Governess]

Personally? No. Reading your post made me feel like I need a nap. :lol:

 

I agree that the biggest issue is the medication. A pregnancy at 42 already carries elevated risks, adding a risky medication on top of that would be more than I am comfortable with.

 

But it's a very personal decision, and I would never tell someone they should or shouldn't. And I don't think you're crazy for considering it. :D

[PiCO]

Didn't you post recently about some marriage problems? Or am I mixing you up with someone else?

 

I would not get pregnant while on medications.

[StaceyinLA]

No. Of course, desiring a baby isn't always a rational process.

 

I think you have a lot of things against you so I'd probably not. If you really wanted a child, I'd do as others have mentioned and adopt. You could always adopt a slightly older child (a few years vs infant) and skip the baby phase. It wouldn't be quite as much like starting over.

 

I'm 41 and, while I'd love more kids (though it's impossible physically for me now), I don't think I'd adopt an infant. I'd love to adopt a child maybe 5 or 6, though I'm not sure if we can.

 

How does your dh feel about it?

[Shelbelle7]

If you were going to

 

1. Be almost 42

My last two babies were born when I was 41 and 43.5. I think that my younger kids make me younger in return. It might be a little harder to get up off the floor, but I'm still down there with them, just like I was with my older kids when they were little.

2. Have three older children. Almost 19 yo son, 16 yo daughter, 10 yo dd?

At the time of my last baby's birth my kids were 21, 19, 16, 14, 8, 7 and 2 years old. Older kids are a tremendous help with little ones and I think it's a great experience for them. Not a reason in and of itself to have a baby, but I think it's an added perk!

3. Your last pregnancy was twins, identical, and lost one at birth?

I've never had twins and I've never lost a child. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. I don't know how I'd respond to this, but I'm of the nature not to necessarily connect events like that. However, I've never been in that particular position, so I just don't know...

4. You take anti-depressents and medication for a stomach condition that could lead to birth defects if you were to get pregnant on them? Or had to continue on them while pregnant?

This is the one that throws up the red flags. I would not want to risk birth defects issues if I had control of the situation. If I decided to pursue having a baby, I'd look to get off the medications first.

5. Start all over again?

I can't tell you the joy that my 2 year old has brought to me. She was a total surprise and it really felt like starting all over again. No question, I'd do it again in a heartbeat! I'm enjoying things as an older mom that stressed me out as a younger mom. I feel like I know what I'm doing (to an extent) and I'm more laid back.

6. Opt for a V-bac if you had an 80% chance of delivering with no issues(last one was emergency c-section due to twins)

I've never had a c-section, so I don't know what I'd do with this one either. My inclination would be to want to go for a V-bac, but to discuss it thoroughly with my doctor. My personal feeling is that the end goal is healthy baby and healthy mom, so if that means a c-section in the end, I'd be fine with that. I would try not to get my hopes set in stone on that one, just in case things didn't go as desired.

7. Go back to diapers, middle of the night feedings, your freedoms, packing 1/2 the house, potty training, terrible two's, pediatrician visits, ear infections, homeschooling, teenage years, etc etc etc.????

All these things really don't last that long when you really think about it. Look back on how quickly it feels that time has gone by since your older kids were that age. The days just seem to drag on, but the years fly by. In reality, you are talking about potentially adding an eternal being to this life. Aren't all those things minimal when you consider how awesome that is? Diapers, potty training, and baby years stuff are not so bad. They are especially not so bad if your older kids step in and help as well. I just think that temporarily giving up my own personal freedoms and comforts in order to bring an eternal soul life are a small price to pay. That's just my own opinion though.

 

 

What do you think?

 

Okay, I am waiting for the YOU ARE CRAZY FOR ASKING THIS!!:)

I don't think you're crazy. I think that there are some real concerns for you, however. What does your dh think?

[Sparkle]

Adopt? Absolutely. Get pregnant? No. Mainly because of how exhausted I know I would feel. Doing the newborn routine over again would be hard but doable with help, but the pregnancy would wipe me out.

[Danestress]

You and I are close in age and have kids of a similar age span (mine are 21 and 11 year old twins). I have moments when I feel very "done" and moments when I sort of wish and wonder. I've really loved raising children. I don't have your health issues, but I have had fertility and pregnancy loss problems.

 

Anyway, DH is 48 and he says he absolutely, positively does not feel up to parenting a teenager in his mid sixties. Which seems reasonable. So that is that.

Edited March 27, 2009 by Danestress

[Colleen]

I would at age 42, but with all those other circumstances, definitely not.

[OnTheBrink]

nope

[EKS]

No.

[Jlynn]

Honestly, I would not and probably wouldn't be tempted either...that's just my personality.

[bella_gitana]

No, I wouldn't. Just the age alone...to think how old I'd be when the child is 18. We want to be retired by then. Not to mention the medications.

[cindyinTexas]

With the potential for problems due to medications, and your post about problems with hubby from yesterday, I would not even consider it.

Edited March 27, 2009 by cindyinTexas

[Kelli in TN]

Maybe. Obviously I would first insist that we find alternatives to the medications. But beyond that issue, I might consider having a baby with the other issues mentioned.

 

If I were inclined to have a baby. Which I am not. At all. Ever again. I am so done. I am so over that whole having babies thing.

 

 

But I would dearly love some grandbabies just any time now.

[HRAAB]

My last were at age 40, so age 42 would be okay with me. However, the medication and other issues would make me take it under serious consideration. Of course, if I really, really, really wanted another baby, I 'guess' I would, but only if, I had my dh's 100% support. Otherwise, no.

 

It's really hard for me to answer, because I am so past wanting babies. I remember the feeling, but it's growing fainter every year. I am done!

 

Janet

[Geo]

Well, I fit the profile for 5 out of your 7 questions. I am 50 years old with a just-turned 7yods & 10yodd.., and a 17yodd, 24yodd,26yods,34yods. All are my biological children with the same husband. We're basically an infertile couple with 6 children. The last 5 were born at home. The real tough part was entering menopause while breastfeeding. Because early menopause runs in my family I was post-menses at 45. I'll be 61 when we're finally done homeschooling...we began in 1987. I think my family should present me with a gold watch when I retire...in 2020! Intrepid as I am, a medical condition with chance of birth defects would have caused me to restrain myself.

 

My avatar says it all,

Geo

Edited March 27, 2009 by Geo

[Ria]

With the potential for problems due to medications, and your post about problems with hubby from yesterday, I would not even consider it.

 

I missed the problems w/ hubby thread, but having a baby when you are experiencing marital problems is a really, really bad idea. Bad marriages won't get better with the added stress of a new baby. That alone would be reason enough not to get pregnant, if what the other posters have said (about your posts from yesterday) is true, not to mention the myriad other reasons you listed.

 

Ria

[clementine]

I agree that maybe you should work out any marriage difficulties first. Then adoption or foster care sounds like a great option for you - taking in an older child would at least eliminate the diaper duty, and maybe some sleepless nights.

 

Best of luck in whatever you choose. :)

[Catwoman]

No answers here, Cindy, but I just wanted to send you a :grouphug:, because it sounds like you could use one.

 

Cat

[sleepy]

If you were going to

 

1. Be almost 42

2. Have three older children. Almost 19 yo son, 16 yo daughter, 10 yo dd?

3. Your last pregnancy was twins, identical, and lost one at birth?

4. You take anti-depressents and medication for a stomach condition that could lead to birth defects if you were to get pregnant on them? Or had to continue on them while pregnant?

5. Start all over again?

6. Opt for a V-bac if you had an 80% chance of delivering with no issues(last one was emergency c-section due to twins)

7. Go back to diapers, middle of the night feedings, your freedoms, packing 1/2 the house, potty training, terrible two's, pediatrician visits, ear infections, homeschooling, teenage years, etc etc etc.????

 

 

 

Based on #4, nope. No way.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm 29, have just had my second and there's no way I'm going to do it again. Don't do anything that messes with your depression pills, it won't be worth it. It really won't be worth it when you're up for the 6th time in one night, or even worse, unable to get up for that 6th time.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

[paulcindy]

So, I guess it is an overwhelming "NO". I "knew" it would and should be a no my heart. But it helps to hear it from others.

 

Coupled with the list I just gave, and some marital issues. No.

 

We did discuss adopting, but that was a few years ago.

 

I think I will have to wait for grandchildren.

 

And, I have so many other things in my plate as well. So It would be impossible I suppose.

 

Sometimes it is tough to accept certain things in your life.

 

I hate being old..........medications.....old...........yada yada yada......oh, and old.

Edited March 27, 2009 by paulcindy

[specialmama]

I'm sorry Cindy, I just need to clarify... were you asking hypothetically, or have you found yourself already pregnant??? If the latter, then I think you'd find a resounding YES answer, because you've already conceived... I just want to clarify because I'd hate to think the well-meaning ladies here inadvertantly pushed you toward an abortion... please ease my mind here... :grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

Well, if I take all the things you listed and add it to some of the things you were saying about dh/marriage yesterday, OH H*LL NO comes to mind.

 

I remember going through a tough time in my marriage and, at one point, considering having a baby to "make things better." It was a crazy thought, but made sense to me at the time. I wanted to fix things and I remembered back when we first had children, how happy we were. I think I twisted the two in my mind. Could this maybe be what you are doing here? Is dh wanting another child?

Edited March 27, 2009 by Tree House Academy

[paulcindy]

Sorry :-(

 

I guess I should have clarified. It was strictly hypothetical. I am not currently pregnant.

 

If I was, I would never consider abortion, even with the medical issues I have and the risk it would carry.

 

I had a baby die at birth(an identical twin to my living daughter), and I was even offered selective reduction when I was 12 weeks pregnant with them(I had a very rare twin pregnancy, monoamnionic/monochorionic twins, they were in the same sac, and shared everything) and I refused.

 

 

It was God's plan, and I didn't even consider it.

 

So no more babies for me now I guess. It was a passing thought that I have had for a while. But my marital issues need to take priority now, my kids, and my health.

 

I guess it just saddens me to know that I have again, passed another turning point in my life.

 

Thank you for asking.

[paulcindy]

When we discussed having another baby about 6-8 months ago, he just said that it was okay with him, but he was concerned over my health, the death of our child 10 years ago, and my age. And that I would need clearance from my OB first.

 

But after our conversation yesterday, as someone said, h*ll no. Not at this point. But besides our marriage issues, there are to may other things on that list that just makes it to dangerous. So you ladies here just confirmed it for me. I was thinking maybe in the near future if things were to be better. But my medications, for my stomach especially, is something I cannot go off at all.

 

 

So grandchildren(if my kids have kids someday) will give me my baby fix.

 

Thank you.

[Catwoman]

I hate being old..........medications.....old...........yada yada yada......oh, and old.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I'm older! ;)

 

Cat

[specialmama]

It was strictly hypothetical. I am not currently pregnant.

 

 

THANK YOU for clarifying :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

And by the way, from what I hear, being a grandma is WAAAY better than having your own babies... so you WILL get to have another one, but you get to hand it over to the mama when he's/she's wailing away :tongue_smilie:

[Starr]

I may win this age contest. :) It is hard knowing you aren't going to have more children. :grouphug:

[Hillary in KS]

If your #4 was not on the list, my answer would be "yes."

 

Your #4 concerns me, but I am not your doctor. But this would stop me from *trying* to get pregnant.

 

 

ETA: I went back and read earlier posts. Apparently you're having marital difficulties, and that is a big factor for me. That should be #8 on your list. That, coupled with #4, would cause me to say "no" to *trying* to get pregnant.

Edited March 27, 2009 by Hillary in KS

[paulcindy]

Thank you everyone:grouphug:

 

I always know I can come here and get honesty:001_smile:

 

And, FWIW I am looking forward to being a grandma, just not NOW..LOL.

 

Oh, and my kids will be giving me those grandbabies, I am even going to have nursery here for them:001_smile::001_smile::001_smile:

 

:grouphug:to all.

[SonshineLearner]

I don't know if wanting a baby ever goes away. I'm sick during pregnancy....crazy deliveries....and I walk around like a sleepwalker for the first few months. Other than that, it's great! I just love having them....hate the thought of never feeling life inside me again, and just cry that I don't get to every put a little suckling baby up to nurse again. To top that off, my oldest two..their mom has just had another one! (Just the two of them..and then this baby) I am SO incredibly jealous...then I remember that you still have to raise them up to adulthood...and that they become mobile after a few months...and they get into everything...but that 0-6months of just pure babyhood...is precious.

SO, I'm sorry for what sounds like you're missing little baby sounds and such...and I understand!

Carrie

[mdmurray]

I did have a baby at 43...went on anti-depressants while pregnant for anxiety/panic attacks...gave birth to a perfectly healthy daughter who is a ball of fire and still keeps me young (I'm 52 going on 53 this year). There were times during my pregnancy when I would look at someone with a newborn and wonder if I was ready for a repeat performance but when I held my precious baby in my arms I knew my family would not have been complete without her. I might add that I had my first when I was 39 so we were late starting our family.

[Lovedtodeath]

No I wouldn't. I have many of the same conditions and we are considering a permanent solution to the worry of going through pregnancy again. I think it has been too many years since you suffered and therefore you think it is a good idea. My wounds are fresh. I think I would rather die than go through pregnancy and the newborn period again. Really.

 

Now adopting a newborn is entirely different. I wouldn't be putting my mind and body through the wringer and then expecting myself to take on more responsibilities on top of that. kwim?

Edited March 27, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[Lovedtodeath]

I guess it just saddens me to know that I have again, passed another turning point in my life.

 

Me too, but it isn't too bad because I look forward to having more babies when God satisfies "the desire of every living thing".

[katemary63]

I don't know if wanting a baby ever goes away. I'm sick during pregnancy....crazy deliveries....and I walk around like a sleepwalker for the first few months. Other than that, it's great! I just love having them....hate the thought of never feeling life inside me again, and just cry that I don't get to every put a little suckling baby up to nurse again. To top that off, my oldest two..their mom has just had another one! (Just the two of them..and then this baby) I am SO incredibly jealous...then I remember that you still have to raise them up to adulthood...and that they become mobile after a few months...and they get into everything...but that 0-6months of just pure babyhood...is precious.

SO, I'm sorry for what sounds like you're missing little baby sounds and such...and I understand!

Carrie

 

I mourn on a daily basis, just a little, just for a moment, but everyday, that I will never have another baby. I loved every minute of being pregnant, giving birth, nursing and raising my babies. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I CAN'T wait for grandchildren.

[mazakaal]

No. #4 would stop me from getting pregnant again. I'd go for the adoption option if I wanted more kids.

[CactusPair]

My first question is why you are contemplating having another child. This would be the #1 thing to explore. Are you feeling empty, purposeless, old? Trying to fight the clock? Could these longings be fulfilled in another way? Going back to school, developing an interesting hobby, volunteering, working part-time? Travelling, gardening, throwing yourself into caring your someone or something else that needs caring for?

 

Or do you really want A Baby? Do you really want another infant, then a child, then a teen in your home to love and grow with?

 

How do you want to spend your middle age years? How do you see yourself and what do you want to do and with whom do you want to do it?

 

I can see that a child could revitalize middle age. A child could also put a damper on things if you really wanted to travel or whatever.

 

BTW, you can take certain Anti-Depressants while pregnant (and nursing). You need to talk to your doctor.

 

As for the stomach meds., I don't know what kind they are so I haven't a clue. I know that certain meds. are okay during pregnancy. You'd have to talk to the doctor who prescribed them. Talk to the dr.! Not the hive:001_smile:

 

So #4 wouldn't be an issue for me.

 

As far as a VBAC, you'd have to talk to your doctor. Again. Also, you'd have to see how the pregnancy was developing. No one really knows if they'll need a C-section at the end or not. Also, some hospitals and drs. will not do VBACS anymore bec. of liability issues. You'd have to be able to accept this if that was the case. The baby is more important than the way it gets here, anyway.

 

Age would not be a factor for me if I felt that I was capable of caring for an infant and growing child. Nor would the ages of my other kids be an issue for me.

 

My prior twin pregnancy would not be an issue for me either if I was not emotionally spent and grief-stricken still. It isn't likely that you'd be carrying twins again, especially ones with complications. I am sorry for your loss.

 

You'd have to be able physically and emotionally to accept the risk, though, that you may be carrying twins again. A small possibility, but it could happen.

 

You'd also have to be able to accept that elevated risk of chromosonal defects due to your AMA (advanced maternal age). If you were to have a special needs child could you handle that emotionally, physically, and financially.

 

Issues that would be a concern for me: do I have adequte health insurance to cover the pregnancy and birth?

 

And Do I have enough money to raise this child? Do I have a financial plan and do I have life insurance? Do I have someone I could trust to care for the child if something happened to me and my husband? These would be issues whether you birthed or adopted a child.

 

As for your marital situation and how that affects your choice, only you can assess that. I would ask myself if I felt dh would be a good father to this new child in whatever circumstances you both face. That would be a big issue for me as I explored the idea.

 

Best wishes

Edited March 27, 2009 by CactusPair

[Quiver0f10]

If you were going to

 

1. Be almost 42

2. Have three older children. Almost 19 yo son, 16 yo daughter, 10 yo dd?

3. Your last pregnancy was twins, identical, and lost one at birth?

4. You take anti-depressents and medication for a stomach condition that could lead to birth defects if you were to get pregnant on them? Or had to continue on them while pregnant?

5. Start all over again?

6. Opt for a V-bac if you had an 80% chance of delivering with no issues(last one was emergency c-section due to twins)

7. Go back to diapers, middle of the night feedings, your freedoms, packing 1/2 the house, potty training, terrible two's, pediatrician visits, ear infections, homeschooling, teenage years, etc etc etc.????

 

 

What do you think?

 

Okay, I am waiting for the YOU ARE CRAZY FOR ASKING THIS!!:)

 

Well except for the meds and that I am 40 and not 42, I am in the same situtation. My older kids are 20, 19, 17 etc. I am a vbac mom. I just had a MC in Feb. I say if the Lord is leading you in this direction and both you and your husband agree, then yes! Go for it! Edited to add: I would go off the meds or switch to a safer one before conceiving.

Edited March 27, 2009 by Quiver0f10

[Pamela H in Texas]

I would if I wanted to.

 

The only thing in your list that makes me uncomfy is the medication. Is there something that can be done about it? Also, have you done research? A friend of mine (one of those christians that believes in never using birth control, always being open to having more children) showed me a website that outlines the true risks. Generally, they are much lower than one would guess based on "may cause birth defects" stuff. But I definitely would want to research that AND, if possible, get rid of the risk.

[Dagny]

I think there are some of us that are "once a mom, always a mom" and have a hard time when the baby making days come to an end. I had my youngest at 40. No problems and would do it all over again, if I was 40 again. Now, I'm doing the menopause dance and I'm okay with no more human babies. DH got me a furbaby, a tiny yorkie, that I can dress and bathe and "baby". It takes the edge off the baby issue for me. She IS my baby, lol.

[Tammyla]

Another no, but I do understand the wanting another one.:grouphug: