When your soldier deploys again and again and again..

[brinkseven]

So I am sitting here tonight thinking of the year ahead. My husband is away doing night training in preparation for his next tour overseas. I have weathered deployments before with small children, one we were stationed overseas ourselves. Last tour I had our fifth baby and she ended up having surgery for pyloric stenosis. I can handle crisis when he is away. I have been an army wife for awhile now.;) However, this tour frightens me in a way I can't even put into words. It simply sucks the breath from my chest. I have six little people who depend on me and need me to be strong. My oldest is turning 10 the same week he is due to leave. He is such a stong little man but my heart breaks for him. Please don't misread my post. My husband and I have a very stong relationship and he is a wonderful father. He has a stong sense of duty to his country and he loves what he does. I fully support him and would never want to take that from him.

Honestly, I need him to come home. I need to know he will come home. That is all.

[WTMCassandra]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thank you for YOUR service to your country. Being a military wife is the one of the hardest jobs on the face of the planet, as far as I'm concerned.

 

(My DH was an Army reserve officer for 12 years.)

[Shannon C]

I only have 2 kids, but my dh will be going on his 3rd deployment soon and I feel your pain. Feel free to private pm me and I'll give you my email if you'd just like a friend during this deployment while homeschooling, having young kids, etc. Who knows, maybe we're in the same location?

[Aggie]

Many, many thanks to you and your dh. I have no words, really. I just remember how difficult those deployments are.

:grouphug::grouphug:

[FriedClams]

I am a military wife also, and a former military member. Being a wife is harder. We're all here for you - any time. (((HUGS))) I would love to add you DH to my prayer list if that would be OK. I'll add you too. Thanks for all you do - take care of you - your kids need you to. (((hugs)))

[brinkseven]

Thank you for all the support. I know their are so many other wives in my same position. I think tonight it just really struck me. That we are doing it again.

[TXMomof4]

So I am sitting here tonight thinking of the year ahead. My husband is away doing night training in preparation for his next tour overseas. I have weathered deployments before with small children, one we were stationed overseas ourselves. Last tour I had our fifth baby and she ended up having surgery for pyloric stenosis. I can handle crisis when he is away. I have been an army wife for awhile now.;) However, this tour frightens me in a way I can't even put into words. It simply sucks the breath from my chest. I have six little people who depend on me and need me to be strong. My oldest is turning 10 the same week he is due to leave. He is such a stong little man but my heart breaks for him. Please don't misread my post. My husband and I have a very stong relationship and he is a wonderful father. He has a stong sense of duty to his country and he loves what he does. I fully support him and would never want to take that from him.

Honestly, I need him to come home. I need to know he will come home. That is all.

 

 

I am so completely right there with you. Dh is gone right now and this was the very hardest thing I've ever done this time. He's Nat. Guard, so we had to sit down and buy new life insurance since the insurance through his civilian job isn't designed for combat situations and it almost killed me. I really didn't know how I could let him leave. But, we're almost halfway through it. He's doing great, having a great time - we're making it through just fine in spite of the insane things that only happen when dh is on the other side of the planet.

 

All I can say is I'll pray for you. That is the only thing I can offer at all but it has gotten me through some crazy hard days. PM me if you need/want someone to rant or rave at - it's pretty darn unfair and terrifying some days.

[Jackie in NE]

My heart is just overflowing for all of you!! I cannot even imagine how difficult this is for all of you who sacrifice so much in service to our country.

 

You, and your dear husbands, are all true heroes.

 

I know that is probably little comfort as you struggle with just living day to day, but I, for one, appreciate all you do.

 

Gods blessings be with all of you, and I pray for the safe return of your loved ones.

[brinkseven]

we're making it through just fine in spite of the insane things that only happen when dh is on the other side of the planet.

 

Okay I had to laugh when I read this. This is so very true. Why is it when your dh leaves you have to deal with the craziest things? I chatted with some wives that have never been through a deployment and I am not sure they believed me when I shared my own experiences!!

[brinkseven]

My heart is just overflowing for all of you!! I cannot even imagine how difficult this is for all of you who sacrifice so much in service to our country.

 

You, and your dear husbands, are all true heroes.

 

I know that is probably little comfort as you struggle with just living day to day, but I, for one, appreciate all you do.

 

Gods blessings be with all of you, and I pray for the safe return of your loved ones.

 

Your words are such a comfort. Thank you.

[gamommy]

:grouphug: My dh has been out of the military for a good long while, but we live close to a large base and have many close friends who are military. Deployments are so very difficult, I honestly can't imagine. My heart goes out to you and others who make huge sacrifices for our nation and its people. The military moms and wives I know just take things one day at a time, but it's tough.

[TN Mama]

Although my husband is military, he has only been in the reserves since we've been married. We are on our third year (not consecutive) in the past five of him being mobilized. He is on active duty - in the states, just not OUR state. I can't imagine how difficult it is to be in your shoes and my heart breaks not only for your children but for every soldier's children. My youngest daughter is having a very hard time with Daddy being away even though we saw him a few weeks ago and will see him again in April.

 

I'm glad there are other military wives who have been in your shoes and can empathize with you. But you are welcome in my PM box any time.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I haven't been right where you are. But we are on the leading edge of a two year tour that involves a lot of away time.

 

Do you have someone that you can check in with every couple of days? My friend who was a submariner's wife recommended this. Then if something wild and crazy happens, there is someone who will be checking up on you. My friend's dh was deployed when she was pregnant with twins. So there was someone who was expecting a call every day. If the call didn't come, she knew that she needed to find out what was going on.

 

My other thought (and please don't take this the wrong way) is that there is perhaps some comfort that comes from confronting the worst that could happen and what steps you might have to take. Last year I read the book Military Widow. It was a tear jerking book to read through. But I'm glad that I did.

On September 11, my dh left a conference room about ten minutes before everyone one of his friends in it were killed. So this isn't a topic I take flippantly. I am just the sort of person who takes some rest in looking the worst case right in the face and thinking about what I might need to do. Where problems might arise and where conflict would come from.

And here's praying that the worst you have to deal with is an occasional stopped up toilet or stitches.

[Kari C in SC]

I have no words for you, but I now understand wives/mothers in the military better. My almost 20 year old ds is scheduled to go to Iraq in mid-March. He left for Alaska last Friday and he told me about Iraq on Monday. My days this week have been clouded and I seem to be crying about everything. My heart hurts for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Melanie]

I hope this deployment goes as smoothly as it can for you. :grouphug: I know it's hard; my husband deployed last month. Now I'm just waiting for the three big hairy problems that always pop up during a deployment! :tongue_smilie:

[TXMomof4]

on.

 

My other thought (and please don't take this the wrong way) is that there is perhaps some comfort that comes from confronting the worst that could happen and what steps you might have to take. Last year I read the book Military Widow. It was a tear jerking book to read through. But I'm glad that I did.

 

There is a lot of truth to this. After we bought new life insurance and I came inches from a nervous breakdown, I sat down with a friend (dh didn't need to hear me making 'plans' for what I would do if the very worst happened) and discussed logically what I would do in that situation. Knowing that a) I would be able to make if financially if necessary and b) there was someone else sitting across from me who could hear me state my worst fears outloud and rationally address them from a somewhat unemotional point of view was tremendously helpful to me. It put them in perspective so they weren't quite so all consuming.

[battlemaiden]

On September 11, my dh left a conference room about ten minutes before everyone one of his friends in it were killed. So this isn't a topic I take flippantly.

 

And then he didn't call! Instead he just put out fires and rescued people all day. The nerve! ---------Sorry. I hope *I* don't come off as flippant. It still amazes me how you are still sane. I think of that story when I don't hear from my husband when I'm expecting to. It is an incredible story.

 

And for the OP- I know how you feel. I agree with Sebastian. Do a worse case scenario. Get it out there and over with.

 

Get Skype.

 

Try to take it one day at a time. I can relate to your work load, I think. Having just gotten my dh back from a 6mo. deployment I can tell you that the time flew- and we had a move, a baby, five birthdays, our anniversary, all the fall/winter holidays, an emergency surgery for one child (yay, only one!), and...oh yeah....homeschooling.

 

You will do great. Your husband will be fine. And you can come here throughout the tour and vent or ask for prayer. I know I did. ;)

 

Praying for your husband. Praying for you and the family.

 

Jo

[Ria]

And then he didn't call! Instead he just put out fires and rescued people all day. The nerve! ---------Sorry. I hope *I* don't come off as flippant. It still amazes me how you are still sane. I think of that story when I don't hear from my husband when I'm expecting to. It is an incredible story.

 

And for the OP- I know how you feel. I agree with Sebastian. Do a worse case scenario. Get it out there and over with.

 

Get Skype.

 

Try to take it one day at a time. I can relate to your work load, I think. Having just gotten my dh back from a 6mo. deployment I can tell you that the time flew- and we had a move, a baby, five birthdays, our anniversary, all the fall/winter holidays, an emergency surgery for one child (yay, only one!), and...oh yeah....homeschooling.

 

You will do great. Your husband will be fine. And you can come here throughout the tour and vent or ask for prayer. I know I did. ;)

 

Praying for your husband. Praying for you and the family.

 

Jo

 

Who had emergency surgery?

 

Ria

[nukeswife]

Another military wife here willing to lend a shoulder to lean on if you need it. I have 3 little ones (age 9.75, 7, and 3.5), I couldn't imagine having more. Deployments are so hard, and it always seems that something big goes wrong right after they leave. We have about a year before our next deployment roles around, it will be my 5th (we're navy, so they are usually 6 months or so) and I'm already not looking forward to it.

[brinkseven]

I haven't been right where you are. But we are on the leading edge of a two year tour that involves a lot of away time.

 

Do you have someone that you can check in with every couple of days? My friend who was a submariner's wife recommended this. Then if something wild and crazy happens, there is someone who will be checking up on you. My friend's dh was deployed when she was pregnant with twins. So there was someone who was expecting a call every day. If the call didn't come, she knew that she needed to find out what was going on.

 

My other thought (and please don't take this the wrong way) is that there is perhaps some comfort that comes from confronting the worst that could happen and what steps you might have to take. Last year I read the book Military Widow. It was a tear jerking book to read through. But I'm glad that I did.

On September 11, my dh left a conference room about ten minutes before everyone one of his friends in it were killed. So this isn't a topic I take flippantly. I am just the sort of person who takes some rest in looking the worst case right in the face and thinking about what I might need to do. Where problems might arise and where conflict would come from.

And here's praying that the worst you have to deal with is an occasional stopped up toilet or stitches.

 

First I have read your response several times and you are an amazing person. I don't know how to eloquently put my thoughts into words so thank you.

I absolutely need to sit down and do "worst case scenario". I have always credited myself on being a pull your bootstraps type of person. This tour is different for a few reasons and just feels different. Yes we have done 12+ month tours before but dh is helping to stand up a new unit. Many of the wives have never been through a deployment before. In the past I have always had a mentor and very close friends to lean on. This time is different my dh and I are considered the "old" married couple:tongue_smilie:. Lately, I have been chatting with many of the wives and listening to their concerns. Not only that but at the moment I am being "trained on how to handle such situations". I think it may have brought all of my own fears to the surface. The ones I normally stomp on ( for lack of better words) as I continue to change diapers, teach little ones and switch numerous loads of laundry.

From past experience this pre-deployment stage is well awful. I just want him to "get gone" as we say so he can "get home". I know the days after he leaves I do feel I have a weight lifted because now I can start counting the days to his return. I know that may sound bizarre but their is so much tension these last few days before they fly out. I did call an old friend who has weathered 5 deployments and she did feel stonger anxiety with each one. It was helpful to talk with her.

I will take your advice on the book also. I do rest easier knowing I have a plan.

[mcconnellboys]

So there you have it. He WILL come home. He MUST come home. It is the only acceptable reality for you and it WILL come to pass.

 

Blessings to you and yours,

[brinkseven]

So there you have it. He WILL come home. He MUST come home. It is the only acceptable reality for you and it WILL come to pass.

 

Blessings to you and yours,

 

Absolutely.:001_smile:

[wide eyes & laughter]

Thank you for your post, brinkseven. It is a good reminder to pray for all families who serve us! Thank you. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[katemary63]

I also just want to say, "Thank you." I am profoundly grateful for your sacrifice and that of your husband.

[*LC]

I also want to say thank you to you and your husband for your service. We cannot thank you enough.

 

It sounds like talking to your friend has helped. And, you have recieved good advice here on a plan that will make you feel better.

 

I want to offer thoughts from a different perspective. Please know that I say this as someone that knows life doesn't always work the way it should, and I no way want anything bad to happen. Please do something special with your DH before he gets gone just in case the worst does happen. Think about anything that you and your DH would have regrets about not doing if the worst happens to either of you while he is gone.

 

My husband had a brain tumor for five years. It was benign, but that doesn't mean what it means in other part of the body. We took it as a wake up call that we were never knew how long either of us would live. It changed how we made decisions. We did some things that we never would have done if we hadn't realized life was short. However, we were not paralyzed by this realization and continued to live life. Until two months before he died, my husband was working full-time; coaching soccer; and running the sound at church. He would have been at each of these longer if he hadn't have been hospitalized for two months.

 

We knew of someone else that was dagnosed with the same type of tumor of my husband that put his life on hold while he treated the tumor. His priority became beating the tumor as he figured all the rest could be done after he beat it. My husband had a hard time with this approach, and said what happens when he is hit by a bus on the way home from a clear MRI. Sadly, this man died after four years after diagnosis. He never got back to "normal" life.

 

Death doesn't always happen when we expect it. The post about the husband who left a confernce room 10 minutes before everyone else in it was killed on 9/11 illustrates this. Her husband wasn't doing anything dangerous that day.

 

We have friends that have two children. One daughter has a severe medical condition. They were not sure she was going to live after delivery; she did. She has had numerous, very risky surgeries. She survivied. Last year, the dad and the children went out to eat for dinner while the mom was away on a business trip. They were in a car wreck. The "normal child" was killed; the special needs child was barely injured.

 

I don't mean to upset you in anyway. I just want to encourage you to do anything you know the two of you want to accomplish. (I would offer this same advice to everyone since we never know.) Once he gets gone, you can get back to counting the time he gets home. From everything you have written, I have no doubt you will pull yourself by the bootstraps and life live while he is gone. I too am praying that those crazy things that only happen when husbands are away are a minimum. I can relate to that. While my husband wasn't military, he travelled for work and was gone M-F every week.