Ugggghhh!!! Should I have said something about this at the time???

[melissel]

I feel so, so awful. When we visited my aunt and adult cousin for Thanksgiving, I found out that my cousin keeps her baby (then three months old, now five months old) in a bouncy seat on the dining room table. It bothered me at the time, and I mentioned it to my mom, but I didn't say anything to my cousin (disaster in the making) or my aunt (who might have listened, but also might have been offended). My mom just called to tell me that he launched himself off the table, seat and all, onto their hardwood floor yesterday. He now has a concussion and a fractured jaw, and I feel like SUCH a jerk for not at least saying something to my aunt.

 

I could never have said anything to my cousin, who seems to do exactly the opposite of any advice I give her, no matter how well received it seems. (For example, she's been having trouble with her spirited DD3 and has been feeling badly about it, so I recommended some books and brought down my gentle discipline-oriented parenting books along with all the kids' books we brought down for her DD, and I found out that two weeks later she spanked her because the little girl got into the diaper cream that had been left on the bathroom counter :() But I feel like should have said something! Is it appropriate to say something about potential hazards like that? It's one of those things that "everybody knows," but that people never think will happen to them, so is it just one of those parenting quirks? Or do you think we have a responsibility to children to say something about that kind of stuff when we see it?

 

This is the same baby who sat in his bouncy seat in a separate room for practically all of the Thanksgiving holiday. That's where the bouncy seat lives, apparently, so he can see into the next room where everyone else is sitting :( Thank goodness my mom herself said something about that one.

 

Ugh. I just feel awful--I know it's nothing compared to how my cousin must be feeling though :crying:

[unsinkable]

I feel so badly for that baby! The poor little one!

 

I've had situations when I did not say something and then regreted it. I've also had situations when I did say something & felt awkward & uncomfortable. The regret feels worse than the awkwardness, for me.

 

:grouphug: for you.

[Blessedfamily]

Probably a no win situation, but I guess it's better to have your head bitten off than then child's safety endangered.

 

If she doesn't like to be told what to do, it probably wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

[Jumping In Puddles]

Actually, it sounds like she wouldn't have listened to you anyway, so no need to feel bad.

 

I really felt bad when I DID say something!

 

My niece (22 months at the time) was over my house and my sil told my niece to go downstairs with my kids and I told my sil that I would carry her down because she is so shaky on the stairs and it makes me so nervous. She said, I let her do the stairs all the time. So I said that I don't let her at my house because I watch her and she doesn't look steady. End of conversation, sil leaves and 3 days later I get a call from her. My niece fell down the stairs and broke her collar bone.

 

My sil kept saying "why didn't I listen to you? why did I leave her alone on the stairs, I feel so guilty and terrible"

 

Then I felt guilty for even saying something. I wished I never said anything because it just made her feel guilty.

[RoughCollie]

I wouldn't take on guilt for your cousin's lack of plain old common sense or, failing that, her lack of due diligence in finding out about what is and what is not safe for babies. I know the information is available, because I read it when my kids were babies. I thought it was important because if my negligence or gross negligence caused one of my babies to be injured, that would be something that happened to the baby, not to me -- and it would be something that is my duty to prevent.

 

If I were you, next time I would speak up about safety issues in which the consequence could be a potentially serious injury to the child. Other than that, I'd keep my mouth shut.

 

Meanwhile, I would not feel guilty. You didn't cause this, your cousin did. She has learned not to do that again, hopefully. Plus, while I'm feeling magnanimous and stepping down off my high horse, it is true that none of us are perfect parents -- we will make mistakes with our kids, and we will learn from them. The lucky parents are those that make mistakes and their kids suffer no long-term or serious consequences from them.

 

RC

Edited January 19, 2009 by RoughCollie

[Mommyof4ks]

Poor baby! It probably would not have made a difference if you had said something to either of the ladies involved. Don't feel bad, it does say on the box and on the instruction manuals not to put those things on the table. They are supposed to be used on the floor, and I would venture to say she knew that.

 

Hopefully the little guy will feel better soon.

[SonshineLearner]

Nope...you shouldn't feel guilty. You can really only point out safety issues to parents that care. I mean, you would have told her, she would have ignored you...and baby would have been up there anyway. She's gonna have more issues than this, anyway.

And, as far as the cream...not everyone is going to parent like you. For someone who feels like they should be able to leave cream down...they're gonna spank or time-out or something their children when they get into it. (And yup, I've spanked my kids, too!)

But, my favorite advise for how to spank was given about what to do when your dog is bad.

1st you get a newspaper

2nd you roll it up

3rd you hit your head and say, "Bad mommy, bad mommy, bad mommy" (or dad)

4th you remember to train your dog.

Maybe kids are more like dogs than we like to admit:-)

Carrie:-)

[swellmomma]

I have spoken up when it came to my sister (not putting the carrying handle of the infant carseat down when driving; using a bumbo up on a counter top), but not to my cousin, or anyone else. I feel awkward if speaking up to someone I am not close to. Do not feel guilty about this, I am sure the mom is feeling enough guilt for everyone for making such a foolish mistake. Chances are even if you siad something she would have ignored you anyway, based on what you said here.

[kalanamak]

I have to mention that just about the only thing I find really, stabbingly painful these days are kids with bad parents.

 

Seeing some angry grownup parent being mean and sarcastic to a two year old just ruins my week, particularly when the kids is just being a healthy, charming, curious kid....

:crying:

 

Here's hoping your cousin catches on....

[Ellie]

Awwwwww. Poor baby!

 

I once left my poor little baby on her changing table and walked away. She rolled off onto the floor.:eek: I don't know what I was thinking. Happily, she was not injured, but I sure learned that lesson.:glare:

 

Your cousin "should" have known better than to leave a 5 month old baby IN AN INFANT SEAT ON THE TABLE, and it's terrible that the baby was injured, poor thing, but it happens.

 

What you *could* have done was to say apologetically, "I'm so sorry, but it just weirds me out to have the baby on the table that way. Here...let's put him down on the floor. I'll feel so much better." That way it puts it all back on you, but if you're lucky (and the baby, too), she'd have gotten a clue.