Long and complicated--what to do re ds17's education

[Chris in VA]

I'm trying not to be loquacious--

 

Ds17 is in rehab, his 4th one. Good program, seems to be working, I feel relief.

Next year-what to do? Probably, he'll be out at the start of the summer, but maybe not until September. He's not going back to public school at the same school ("I can't go back--I know everyone who deals and everyone who uses.")

 

Options--

1. CC for 4 classes as a dual-enrolled student, and do Literature and History at home (maybe government, maybe history, depends). I've taught his brother these two courses, and I am pretty confident. He'd take math and Latin one semester, and another Latin and a science the other semester. He'd also take an online writing course. He'd probably work part time, also, perhaps at a restaurant (a dry one) or at UPS.

Pros--college credit, I don't have to teach everything (not very confident in those subjects), he'd have another person to answer to, and it's cost efficient. He can also fulfill the university language requirement quicker (1 credit for each semester of CC). Also, he'd be included in the homeschool culture of our family--he has always been left out (I homeschooled his brother for all of high school, and his sister for K-2, and will be homeschooling his sister again next year, God willing.)

Cons--I have to be available for transportation, he'd be with older kids, I'd be homeschooling him and I've never done that with him.

 

2. Send him for his senior year to another local public school. We could get the exception pretty easily.

Pro--sports team, Senior year fun, new chance at social groups, accredited diploma. He does know some of the kids at the school.

Con-- work load--may be overwhelmed. CC option above has him in class only two days a week, with the rest of the week available to do his homework and studying at home with help. Public school is harder for him, in that it's every day. Also, may fall in to wrong group again. Can't complete language requirement (although he could take just latin at the CC, along with the public school day).

 

3. Online school (virtual type).

Pro--More supervision. Mom doesn't have to teach.

Con--Can't fulfill lang requirement, cost is high, have to find one that is secular but offers a great education and is accredited (would prefer accredited, anyway).

 

What do you thinK?

[Joanne]

Speaking as a Mom, as an "old timer" in recovery and a former using/drinking student: Keep him out of public school.

 

I'd go with option #1. Good academics, appropriate mix of peer interaction and supervision.

 

May I ask what conditions and contract you have for his living with you successfully? You don't have to answer, of course, but that would be part of my comprehensive approach to set him up for success and my family up for sanity.

 

PS: If you or anyone reading has any questions about what a program of recovery looks like in the long term, let me know.

[laughing lioness]

Again, in agrement with Joanne. Keep him out of public school. Option #1 is a fresh start.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I agree with Joanne. Avoid public school for this child and his situation. Option 1 offers the best situation all around, I would think. I also agree with Joanne that it would be best if you had success spelled out and contracted upon his return.

 

ETA: It isn't true, necessarily, that he couldn't get the foreign language credit with the virtual school. He'd just have to work harder for it.

 

And that is one more option. He could do a virtual school for most and dual enrollment for a course or two.

 

HTHs,

[elegantlion]

I agree with everyone else here, keep him out of public school. Walking into the school senior year would be harder and more tempting IMO. :grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

Someone close to me struggled with addictions issues through high school. There was NO public school setting that worked for her. She tried numerous ones in the area before moving across the country with relatives and trying yet another public school in a different state. I would absolutely NOT send a kid struggling with addictions back to a public school.

 

FWIW this person did really well in an alternative high school. It was very tiny, and everyone worked independently through computer programs to finish their work. This person was able to finish two years of high school in just a couple months because she was motivated and determined.

 

I would be leery of any group setting while he is still shaky. (He'll be shakier than you realize for longer than you think.) If you choose to go with CC then you should supervise that situation heavily. You should pick him up as promptly after class as humanly possible. If study groups are needed for any class, you should offer to host them in your own home. If your son is clean and invested in staying clean, then your loving presence and controls over his schedule will help enormously.

 

Bottom line: Go for an entirely new context for schooling. Not just a new group of people, but a whole new way of operating that is nothing like public high school. It's just too easy to slip back into bad habits.

[Mommyof4ks]

No help here as my oldest is only 8, but offering :grouphug:.

[SonshineLearner]

:grouphug: Wow! just wanted to say that you'll make a good decision! I would say not in a public situation for a while, but I have no real experience to base this on...except if he knows where it was in the old school, it'll take 24 hours to know where it is in the new....CC included.

Carrie:-)

[dm379]

There's also online CC. I don't know if that's an option in your area but he could take a few classes there for dual enrollment online. Have you asked him what he wants to do? It would be less pressure for the first few months while he gets adjust to life outside of rehab.

[TxMama]

I'd figure out what he needs to graduate and let him have the option of how to get those credits. Whether he gets college credit this year or not isn't as important as staying clean. It sounds like he is already knows that PS isn't going to be an option. I don't know what your state requires for graduation or what sort of limitations in that regards you will have....If he is planning on going to CC initially his transcript might not be that important.....

 

I'd be more concern with his longterm sobriety and less concern with academics and work. If he needs the year to regroup his life by volunteering/ reading/ whatever....I'd give it to him as long as he follows your guidelines for staying in your home....sober/ attending meetings/whatever....even if it meant that he gets a GED or graduates late if he doesn't get the credits he needs this year.

 

Best of luck!

[Harriet Vane]

I'd figure out what he needs to graduate and let him have the option of how to get those credits. Whether he gets college credit this year or not isn't as important as staying clean. It sounds like he is already knows that PS isn't going to be an option. I don't know what your state requires for graduation or what sort of limitations in that regards you will have....If he is planning on going to CC initially his transcript might not be that important.....

 

I'd be more concern with his longterm sobriety and less concern with academics and work. If he needs the year to regroup his life by volunteering/ reading/ whatever....I'd give it to him as long as he follows your guidelines for staying in your home....sober/ attending meetings/whatever....even if it meant that he gets a GED or graduates late if he doesn't get the credits he needs this year.

 

Best of luck!

 

Well said.

[FO4UR]

I vote #1, and I would be restrictive about his schedule. CC has abusers attending also. I wouldn't bat an eyelash at #3 and keeping him home as much as possible either. #2 would be a last resort.

 

UPS is a good job for a single guy going to college -tuition reimbursement and health benefits for even part-time workers. I wouldn't rush him into it though. I agree with previus posters that the main goal is keeping him sober and starting a new life.

:grouphug:

[Liz CA]

There's also online CC. I don't know if that's an option in your area but he could take a few classes there for dual enrollment online. Have you asked him what he wants to do? It would be less pressure for the first few months while he gets adjust to life outside of rehab.

 

As the mother of a 17yo, I would go with CC option as well.

And furthermore, I would watch this young man like a hawk. Everything in his room is fair game for inspection at any time. He would have to work to regain any measure of trust.

This is not to punish him again for his past transgressions but to keep him on the straight and narrow, giving him a little rein only after he proves he deserves it.

 

If he already told you that he cannot go back to PC because of his "connections" there, he seems to recognize the problem himself. This is very encouraging!

Keep him out of PS and monitor as much as you can what he does at CC. Drop off and pick-up right on time (no driving privileges) and I would not even hesitate to show up on campus between classes as well - until you can be reasonably confident he has no new "connections" with the wrong people at CC.

 

There is a lot of hope because you already made the hard decisions and he is in a good program. You can all get past this!

[Kathleen in VA]

Chris,

 

I, too, would say keep him as protected as possible. Give him a fighting chance to stay sober - that is the number one priority. The Extended Learning Institute at NVCC has several degree programs you can complete entirely online.

 

He will be accountable to others, but you will have more supervision.