What kinds of things do your 12-14 year old boys do?

[Erica in PA]

I'm wondering if my 12 year old is doing all that he should be, in growing toward adulthood. Academically I'm not concerned, but physically, socially, and just general activity-wise, I'm not sure where he should be headed over the next few years.

 

On a regular basis he does the following: household chores, school, plays outside, reads, draws, plays with his 8 yob, watches movies, and plays video games (in moderation). His outside activities are piano lessons, gymnastics, and church youth group. We go to a weekly full-day co-op where he takes french, science, literature, geography, and gym. But that is about it, and it's really not much different from what my 8 yos does.

 

What could I be adding to his life, to help move him forward toward becoming a man? What skills should we help him develop? Etc.

 

Thank you!

Erica

 

ETA: I forgot to mention that he does have a job feeding and walking a neighbor's dogs three times a week. That's something new this year that has been really good for him.

Edited January 3, 2009 by Erica in PA

[Karenciavo]

He sounds well-rounded to me Erica. With regard to household chores is he doing things like cooking, laundry, etc? Also at this age I directed my boys to having a private devotional time, we talk about what God is teaching them a few days a week as we cook, walk the dog, etc. I also desire that they serve in some capacity. Above all my prayer for them is that they will grow up to be men who love the Lord with all their heart and love their neighbor as themselves. If they are able to do this I think they're good to go.

[lmrich]

My son just turned 12 and it sounds like he has many of the same interests as your son. He has boy scouts, seasonal sports, play practice, attends a co-op twice a week, cooking class (I can't believe how much he loves this class). He gets one hour of electronic time a day, usually on the computer or on the wii and doesn't watch t.v. during the school week. He plays outside but not as much as he used to. I know the teenage years are coming and I wonder, too, how he will spend his time. I know how my daughter will spend her time (talking on the phone, listening to music), but he is a mystery to me.

[Chelle in MO]

Your son sounds just fine, Erica.

 

My 12 and 13 yo sons play outside, read, draw, play w/LEGO, Gamecube, do chores, go to a once-per-week science class, play w/younger brothers, attend AWANA, and do organized baseball about 9 mo. of the year.

 

In addition, the 13 yo (will be 14 in 3 mo.) babysits 1st and 3rd grade neighbor girls, babysits for my date nights w/dh, does minor cooking, attends Civil Air Patrol, does some yard care for us and a neighbor, and is a leader helper in a different AWANA than the one he attends. Dh also does things w/him such as computer work, fire starting, baiting hooks for fishing, geocaching, and splitting wood.

 

Things I'd like to see both boys begin in the not-too-distant future are daily personal Bible reading/prayer time, car maintenance, and personal finance.

 

All the best to you!

 

Chelle

[Nicole M]

When I read your subject line, the first thing that popped into my head was, "Blow things up." Then I read your post and realized you were going in a whole different direction!

 

Your boy sounds quite well-rounded. He has a rich life.

[Jill- OK]

...I think it's great he has some work to do (walking the dogs, etc.). My 13yo does a lot of stuff around here (living in the country), and we thought he was going to get to start an actual job (landscaping) with one of dh's co-workers...but it didn't work out. My 14yo (a girl) babysits and has pet sat in the past, and we encourage both of them to work whenever possible.

 

And you know...12 is still 12. I know it gets a little jumpy as you head towards 'teendom', lol, but really, even if he still seems somewhat 'kid-like' at 13, I wouldn't worry. If you're providing him with social opportunities (where he can learn how to interact with age-mates on their level), and meaningful chances to work, I think he'll do fine.

 

JMO.

[Desert Rat]

My ds is only 8 but I love these threads! I appreciate all the wisdom and guidance I store away for later days.

[Deb in NZ]

Ds#1 (14yo, 15yo in April)

activities:

 

• gymnastics---4-3 days / week (6-8 hrs /wk)
  
• coaching gymnastics---~2hrs/wk
  
• Sea Scouts---2 hrs/wk + any weekend sailings or regattas
  
• sailing---summers T evenings + occasional weekend
  
• drums---with local pipe band, 2 hrs/wk + parades
  

 

responsibilities (as required, not all every day):

 

• mowing lawn
  
• kitchen (cook & clean-up)
  
• laundry (wash, hang out, & fold)
  
• bathroom (clean)
  
• chop wood, clean out ashes (winter only)
  
• clean out duck ponds
  
• help dad (building, household maintainance, go fishing, etc.)
  
• paper run (fold, deliver, & report back to supervisor)
  

 

To Learn this year:

 

• driving + basic auto maintainance
  

 

 

Ds#2 (11yo this month)

activities:

 

• SeaScouts---2 hrs/wk + some weekend activities
  
• gymnastics---2-4hrs/wk
  
• karate---1-2 hrs/wk
  
• violin lessons---1 hr/wk
  
• soccer or field hockey---(winters only)
  
• sailing---(with siblings, summers only)
  
• swim lessons---with homeschool group
  

 

responsibilities (as required, not all every day):

 

• mow lawn using no power, push mower
  
• kitchen (cook & clean-up)
  
• laundry (wash, hang out, & fold)
  
• bathroom (clean)
  
• chop kindling, clean out ashes (winter only)
  
• clean out duck ponds
  
• help dad (building, household maintainance, go fishing, etc.)
  
• paper run (help sister with her run)
  

 

To learn this year:

 

• mow lawn using power mower
  

 

 

My dc do a lot more than most HSers in our area. When one of our dc turns 13yo, we begin to give them adult responsibilities (i.e. mow lawns, do all cooking for 1 month, etc.) These are not paid jobs, but simply part of being a member of the family. Instead we continue to pay sport fees, scout camp fees, music lesson fees, etc. With the boys it has been very valuable for them to help dh as he works. They are in the process of growing into the man they will become & a male role model is so important. Scout leaders, sport coaches, uncles, etc. can help provide models as well.

 

JMHO,

[Spy Car]

The one obvious omission (in what looks like a rich life) is involvement in a competitive team sport.

 

Some parents deliberately avoid the type of "socialization" and testing of young man-hood that comes with team sports. And perhaps time is better spent learning French or playing piano. And some boys have no interest, and ought not be forced.

 

But in our often "jockular" culture boys who aren't involved with a team don't usually pick up the camaraderie/competitive skills that boys who play ball do, and this can sometimes mark them as "outsiders" in male society.

 

I'm not saying there aren't all kinds of paths, for all kinds of kids. Just food for thought from a man who played football (and wishes he knew how to play piano). My French is pretty marginal too :D

 

Bill

[amy g.]

My 12 year old takes care of the chickens and turkeys twice a day. He has three rooms in the house to keep clean. He has two outsourced classes and plays three instruments. He has done summer league swim team every year since he was three, but we will skip it this year if we go to Italy.

 

He is patrol leader for his boy scout troop and loves to play computer games and shoot cans with his BB gun. He make money selling homemade soap and teaching piano lessons.

 

I am making him responsible for cooking one meal a week in 2009. I think it is an important skill for him to have. Since the only boy, his sisters tend to spoil him. I want him to practice serving them for a change.