Mom stuff

[Indigo Blue]

My mom spent our whole visit watching the tree company taking down a large tree next door. The commentary. If only the neighbor knew. She was the quintessential busy body nosy lady next door. She talked to me about what the inside of their house was like. How this guy went from one project to another, making a mess. His house was so muddy inside. He goes to a bar on his motorcycle each night until midnight and hangs out. (How does she know that? Did he tell her so?) He must be adhd. One personal comment after the next while sitting facing his house and watching the tree guys. For two hours. It made me wonder. Gee, if this guy only knew……because she’s perfectly sweet to his face. I would hate to have someone living next door doing like that. 
 

I try so hard to be neutral and boring. Sometimes I just can’t predict what will become a thing. When the tree guys were done, she looked outside to see the tree. She said the still had a whole piece on one side to chop off. I looked out, seeing only just one tall trunk left. I said, no, there’s just the one tall trunk…..before I caught myself and remembered the time she insisted we ate somewhere together that I had never eaten before. That became a thing. And she brought it up again three months later and ended with sort of a grunt/ laugh that she does that seems like a smirk kind of thing, because she was getting the “final word”. So….I just said “okay” about the tree…though I did notice that the large tree behind it was leaning and looking as if it were an extension of the first tree. I thought this must be why she thinks more of the tree was left uncut. I decided to go to the restroom so it would just end. When I came out, she was still looking outside, focused on the piece that wasn’t cut. I looked out once more and said that it was just the tree behind it that she was seeing. Her tone changed. She was starting to behave as she did over the restaurant thing. She didn’t like that I was contradicting what she saw. My brother noticed and began to chuckle. I think he believed me and thought the whole thing funny. I just gathered my things to go. She followed me outside. I went to get in my car and she, still focused on the tree, walked closer to get a good look. I just heard her go, “Oooooohhhhhhhh!”

She had realized the tree was, indeed, just one large, limbless trunk. 
 

I said bye to her and began to back out. She stood in the driveway as she always does and watched me back out, to make sure I didn’t hit anyone’s car. (Plenty of space for backing ….and I have never in all my years of driving….ever hit a car while backing from her drive).

The thing that bothers me about silly arguments such as these is not about who is  right or who is wrong. That doesn’t matter at all. It’s the level of intensity she can go to when I’m being very calm and just making statements. It’s the things I can’t say that my brother can say, without her escalating. It’s the way I have to be careful not to let it escalate. 
 

Brother could say, “Mom, just walk outside. Just walk around until you can see the back of the tree and you’ll see what I’m talking about. It’s just one big trunk left.”

If I did this, she would feel threatened. I can’t do that. I honestly feel, after dismissing this thought for so many years, that she has genuine jealousy issues with me. Brother is her rock, and I’m somehow threatening, even if I can’t understand how. Because I am not a dominant person. I’m quiet and passive. This has been a dynamic my whole life, and I used to think it was me and that maybe I was letting my imagination run away with me and perhaps I was being too sensitive, as she often put it. 
 

I now know I am not imagining this stuff. These silly scenarios are just more complex than they seem on the surface. It gets to the core of the GC/scapegoat thing. 
 

I’m just putting down some thoughts. I’m not upset or sad. Just kind of making observations. Just rambling, really. 
 

I did keep the visit short and very much enjoyed warm, homemade soup in the park. 

[saraha]

Do you think it is because your brother is male? My mom has a thing about males, even though she totally thinks women can do anything men can and told/demonstrated that to us growing up. She totally would defer to my dh or ex-bil. My oldest ds gets waited on at meals while the girls fend for themselves etc.

[Katy]

deleted for privacy

Edited January 7, 2023 by Katy

[Indigo Blue]

18 minutes ago, saraha said:

Do you think it is because your brother is male? My mom has a thing about males, even though she totally thinks women can do anything men can and told/demonstrated that to us growing up. She totally would defer to my dh or ex-bil. My oldest ds gets waited on at meals while the girls fend for themselves etc.

I don’t know. One day she will say all men are stupid. All men will cheat, etc. The next day she will say she only wants male doctors. My other brother was treated badly, too. I think she just choose a GC? She does seem to think that GC is more like her side than me and other brother. We have been labeled and named as being like the other side. Honest to goodness, there is nothing that horrid about us that makes us deserve that. GC does have her dark brown eyes and hair. We were blondes and turned light/medium brown later. Who honestly knows. But it’s a good question. 
 

I get the thing about the weirdness with waiting on people. In a related vein, my mom will hyper focus on someone and the others in the room become invisible. She focuses on who she is most interested in, and who she prefers to get attention from. My brother’s (not GC brother) children got preference over my sons. That is, before there was an argument, and now that golden grandchild is not speaking to mom. 
 

When people leave, suddenly she is back to herself and will then start telling me what she really thought of everyone. And I’m visible again. (I have literally asked where something is in her kitchen, many, many times, and I’m completely invisible and receive no answer. I just turn and ask someone else instead).
 

GC would eat all meals in his room. My other brother and I ate at the table, always. GC brother was always driven to school. Other brother and I always rode the bus. She came to GC band contests, but not mine. And so on. 

[Shoeless]

She probably does have a jealousy issue with you. It's common with narcissistic parents. 

My narc parent wants their children to be successful but not more successful than they are.  One of my siblings has a house that is nicer than any house our father ever owned, and it burns him up.  He literally laughed in my sibling's face over a small holiday mishap because in his mind, it meant he was back on top and sibling was beneath him.  So what if you have a fancy house? At least *I* didn't drop the gravy, ha ha!

My dad has also gotten weirdly competitive with me about fitness stuff. Basically, I'm outperforming him and he can't stand it. He was happy when I was only doing 3k a few times a week. Now I can do 5k every day and his nose is out of joint. He went out and walked 12 miles in one day to show me up, posted a screen shot of his step count for me to see, and now says that all this walking is dumb. 

It's bizarre. I can't imagine ever feeling annoyed over my kid doing better than me.  If DS starts running marathons, I will be at the finish line cheering for him, not smirking that marathons are dumb. 🙄

[Indigo Blue]

@MissLemonmy mom had this strange phase she went through where it really seemed she was trying to invoke jealousy from me of my niece (her golden grandchild). It didn’t work. I was onto her at this point, and I have no reason to have negative feelings toward my niece.

Just one example… It got to be where any time there was a few people gathered in her living room, she’d declare out loud that GG is “the only one in this room that can do a plank”. She seemed to be so impressed that she could do this, but also it very much seemed that she was trying to say “look what GG can do that you can not”. I always just ignored it. The reason I say she was trying to invoke jealousy from me and that it wasn’t just a benign declaration is because of all the other examples I could give. When taken all together, it was pretty clear what she was doing. Subtle, yes. But unless she is raging, her style is subtle, insidious, and covert.  It has always been confusing and made me second guess myself. But I got it finally. 
 

One day, mom and I were alone. She was talking about the plank again. I got down on the floor and held a plank for the same time length as GG. She didn’t say a word. Not, “Oh, I didn’t know you could do that!” She said nothing, and she never mentioned the plank again. (I could do a plank only because I have chronic tightness and muscle pain, and I had already long been doing some yoga as a way for me to keep some strength when I was not able to do more active/strenuous things).

The whole thing was so strange. 

[Indigo Blue]

8 hours ago, MissLemon said:

If DS starts running marathons, I will be at the finish line cheering for him, not smirking that marathons are dumb. 🙄

Isn’t that the truth!! And the smirking. Always the smirking. 

[Shoeless]

15 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

@MissLemonmy mom had this strange phase she went through where it really seemed she was trying to invoke jealousy from me of my niece (her golden grandchild). It didn’t work. I was onto her at this point, and I have no reason to have negative feelings toward my niece.

Just one example… It got to be where any time there was a few people gathered in her living room, she’d declare out loud that GG is “the only one in this room that can do a plank”. She seemed to be so impressed that she could do this, but also it very much seemed that she was trying to say “look what GG can do that you can not”. I always just ignored it. The reason I say she was trying to invoke jealousy from me and that it wasn’t just a benign declaration is because of all the other examples I could give. When taken all together, it was pretty clear what she was doing. Subtle, yes. But unless she is raging, her style is subtle, insidious, and covert.  It has always been confusing and made me second guess myself. But I got it finally. 
 

One day, mom and I were alone. She was talking about the plank again. I got down on the floor and held a plank for the same time length as GG. She didn’t say a word. Not, “Oh, I didn’t know you could do that!” She said nothing, and she never mentioned the plank again. (I could do a plank only because I have chronic tightness and muscle pain, and I had already long been doing some yoga as a way for me to keep some strength when I was not able to do more active/strenuous things).

The whole thing was so strange. 

I get it. It's not the one, weird comment that's the issue; it's the pattern of behavior. When you try to explain it to others, they focus on the specific event and are like "This isn't that big of a deal". They don't have the decades of history for context.  

[Scarlett]

On 1/6/2023 at 3:20 PM, Indigo Blue said:

My mom spent our whole visit watching the tree company taking down a large tree next door. The commentary. If only the neighbor knew. She was the quintessential busy body nosy lady next door. She talked to me about what the inside of their house was like. How this guy went from one project to another, making a mess. His house was so muddy inside. He goes to a bar on his motorcycle each night until midnight and hangs out. (How does she know that? Did he tell her so?) He must be adhd. One personal comment after the next while sitting facing his house and watching the tree guys. For two hours. It made me wonder. Gee, if this guy only knew……because she’s perfectly sweet to his face. I would hate to have someone living next door doing like that.

I know it isn’t funny when it is your mom but your posts make me think of this funny skit. This creator does a lot of them. 

[Faith-manor]

On 1/6/2023 at 4:37 PM, saraha said:

Do you think it is because your brother is male? My mom has a thing about males, even though she totally thinks women can do anything men can and told/demonstrated that to us growing up. She totally would defer to my dh or ex-bil. My oldest ds gets waited on at meals while the girls fend for themselves etc.

This is my mother in law. She is a female woman hater. So I have zero pull with her at all!

[Indigo Blue]

@ScarlettTOO FUNNY!!!

That made me laugh so hard. But I just can’t believe how accurate it is. 😕

That’s the same guy who did the Christmas wrapping paper one, I think, that someone posted here at Christmas. May have been you!

Thanks, I needed that!

 

 

 

 

[Indigo Blue]

Yep! That was you,  Scarlett! 

[Scarlett]

Lol I love these skits. 

[Indigo Blue]

26 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Lol I love these skits. 

Does he have one main channel for them? It seems to be scattered here and there. I can’t find the wrapping paper one now. I love stuff that makes me laugh. 

[Indigo Blue]

Is this the same guy? Is he singing this?

 

[Amy in NH]

15 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I know it isn’t funny when it is your mom but your posts make me think of this funny skit. This creator does a lot of them. 

IMG_2559.MOV

OMG!  That is my mother!  🤣

[Scarlett]

I don’t know.  His user name on TikTok is @w8ing4guffman. 

[Indigo Blue]

@Scarlettthat guy lives very near me! He was (is?) the musical director of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Actor’s Theater of Charlotte. Talented guy! And funny. He’s Ed Bassmaster level! 😂

 

These talented/interesting people I stumble upon on YouTube eerily all live so close…

I watched a random video about a lobster who was rescued from being sold in a grocery store. I got so vested and attached to him and his story. Come to find out, that now Internet famous lobster lives just half hour away. 
 

Been watching some camping videos. Turns out some of these people are also very near by. 

Even a diagnosed narcissist that is building a large following…he’s also close by. 
 

I pull these things up thinking these are all people from Anywhere, USA and they keep ending up being my neighbor. Lol. 

Edited January 9, 2023 by Indigo Blue

[Indigo Blue]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I don’t know.  His user name on TikTok is @w8ing4guffman. 

It is him. 

Edited January 9, 2023 by Indigo Blue

[Scarlett]

 This is his TT page.

 

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

It is him. 

Cool.   Think he is hilarious.  The way he jiggles twice in his glass is so spot on. And his facial expressions. 

[Scarlett]

5 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

@Scarlettthat guy lives very near me! He was (is?) the musical director of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Actor’s Theater of Charlotte. Talented guy! And funny. He’s Ed Bassmaster level! 😂

 

These talented/interesting people I stumble upon on YouTube eerily all live so close…

I watched a random video about a lobster who was rescued from being sold in a grocery store. I got so vested and attached to him and his story. Come to find out, that now Internet famous lobster lives just half hour away. 
 

Been watching some camping videos. Turns out some of these people are also very near by. 

Even a diagnosed narcissist that is building a large following…he’s also close by. 
 

I pull these things up thinking these are all people from Anywhere, USA and they keep ending up being my neighbor. Lol. 

Maybe it is a location services tracker?