Which DNA testing kit do I want?

[Sneezyone]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

You and I are going to have to disagree on that.   As a human being I have a right to know who I am, if I don't get it, that is because others have taken that right away from me.

That is my stance.

Legislators. Legislators took that right away from from you and your bio parents. That’s where we were, that’s where we’re going again. Listen, I am 1000% onboard with people who choose to give birth KNOWING AND BEING INFORMED that their offspring can/may find them and their bio families using DNA. That information wasn’t available when children were snatched away 50-60 years ago. For those who want to connect, I wish them well and support state laws that release OBCs. Those who don’t want that (and, in the future don’t want that) shouldn’t be disadvantaged/blindsided by tech advances. They, typically, didn’t have a choice and didn’t give informed consent. The state where we adopted has a registry and kiddo can be added to it. If biomon adds herself they will be connected. I’d love that! I do not support reaching out to extended family without her OK given what I know of the conception and birth. She deserves PEACE.  

ALSO, FWIW- bio parent wrote a letter to our kiddo explaining ALL OF THIS in graphic detail years ago. That document is in our kiddo’s possession. I can only hope those words are heeded and respected. 

Edited May 10, 2022 by Sneezyone

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

You and I are going to have to disagree on that.   As a human being I have a right to know who I am, if I don't get it, that is because others have taken that right away from me.

That is my stance.

Perfectly said. 

[Sneezyone]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Perfectly said. 

You do know you're making the case for abortion, right?

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Sneezyone said:

You do know you're making the case for abortion, right?

No I am not.  You do know you have become obsessed about that political issue right?

[KSera]

3 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

You do know you're making the case for abortion, right?

 

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

No I am not.  You do know you have become obsessed about that political issue right?

I know you’re not trying to, but unfortunately that’s what I hear coming through as well. If people who give birth to children they never intended to conceive are required to make their biological relationship to the child known as a human right, that has a huge effect on how likely they are to give birth to that child. 
 

I have many dearly beloved family members I have no genetic connection to, who are as much a part of me as those I do, so I don’t have the same feelings about DNA being “who we are”. It can be interesting to know, and particularly for adoptees can answer some questions, but I don’t feel any greater connection with someone due to shared DNA. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, KSera said:

 

I know you’re not trying to, but unfortunately that’s what I hear coming through as well. If people who give birth to children they never intended to conceive are required to make their biological relationship to the child known as a human right, that has a huge effect on how likely they are to give birth to that child. 
 

I have many dearly beloved family members I have no genetic connection to, who are as much a part of me as those I do, so I don’t have the same feelings about DNA being “who we are”. It can be interesting to know, and particularly for adoptees can answer some questions, but I don’t feel any greater connection with someone due to shared DNA. 

If anyone would choose an abortion over potentially being found by their child that is on them.  It is not on me for believing that everyone has the right to know who they are. 

I never felt a strong bond to my birth dad but his other daughter, my sister ….she and I have been deeply connected since we first met when she was 11 and I was 15.  Regardless of any bond or feeling that may or may not develop,  people have the right to know where they come from.

[Sneezyone]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

If anyone would choose an abortion over potentially being found by their child that is on them.  It is not on me for believing that everyone has the right to know who they are. 

I never felt a strong bond to my birth dad but his other daughter, my sister ….she and I have been deeply connected since we first met when she was 11 and I was 15.  Regardless of any bond or feeling that may or may not develop,  people have the right to know where they come from.

It’s not ‘on them’ it’s on us for incessantly imposing on them to birth and NEVER escape. I’m happy you had a good experience but you cannot speak for all ‘hidden’/bio kids/adoptees. There is more than one party in the triad.

Edited May 10, 2022 by Sneezyone

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Sneezyone said:

It’s not ‘on them’ it’s on us for incessantly imposing on them to birth and NEVER escape.

I disagree completely.  We are all responsible for our choices. And NEVER escape is very dramatic.  If she gets found by her child at some point she can refuse any and all contact.

[Sneezyone]

20 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I disagree completely.  We are all responsible for our choices. And NEVER escape is very dramatic.  If she gets found by her child at some point she can refuse any and all contact.

Lol. You clearly have not read adoptee blogs/ comments that state adopted persons refuse to accept no for an answer and demonize the older women on the other side. And your definition of ‘choices’ clearly doesn’t encompass the rape my kiddo’s biomom endured while her children slept in a nearby room. This isn’t a cut/dry issue however much folks want to make it so…B/C LIFE!! You’re entitled to your opinion. I respect that. Blind spots and all. I just disagree. I hope my kiddo has more understanding/respect for both sides of the issue. Only time will tell.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Sneezyone

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Lol. You clearly have not read adoptee blogs that state adopted persons refuse to accept no for an answer and demonize the older women on the other aide. This isn’t a cut/dry issue however much folks want to make it so…B/C LIFE!! You’re entitled to your opinion. I respect that. Blind spots and all. I just disagree. I hope my kiddo has more understanding/respect for both sides of the issue. Only time will tell.

I have read a lot and I just disagree with you.  I am not going to get in a debate with you about abortion which a current political issue.  For one I am politically neutral and for another there is a politics ban on this board.  This thread was a simple question about which dna testing company to use.  It doesn’t need to turn to politics.  

[Sneezyone]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

I have read a lot and I just disagree with you.  I am not going to get in a debate with you about abortion which a current political issue.  For one I am politically neutral and for another there is a politics ban on this board.  This thread was a simple question about which dna testing company to use.  It doesn’t need to turn to politics.  

Ma’am, ppl on this board can’t handle seeing the word abortion in their feed let alone handle wrestling with the myriad ways their opinions affect other women who don’t share their views. Forgive me if I’m not especially sympathetic to your desire not to be confronted by opinions/outcomes that are upsetting to you. Those who want to obtain DNA tests need context. They’re free to accept/ignore content at will, just as you are.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Sneezyone said:

Ma’am, ppl on this board can’t handle seeing the word abortion in their feed let alone handle wrestling with the myriad ways their opinions affect other women who don’t share their views. Forgive me if I’m not especially sympathetic to your desire not to be confronted by opinions/outcomes that are upsetting to you. Those who want to obtain DNA tests need context. They’re free to accept/ignore content at will, just as you are.

I am not so upset.  Just weary.  It is political.  Just stop.  Or take it to a social club.

[Sneezyone]

Just now, Scarlett said:

I am not so upset.  Just weary.  It is political.  Just stop.  Or take it to a social club.

Will do. Point proven.

[Lucy the Valiant]

2 hours ago, Katy said:

But recent science has shown that the microbiome has a much larger influence on health than DNA. In fact the microbiome seems to be the largest factor in epigenetics. Unless you have one of the rare diseases that is caused by DNA alone knowing chances doesn’t do anything but help you get better treatment and preventative care. 

Unless your insurance finds the data. People (especially children, and especially children with expensive disabilites) are enormously vulnerable to misuse of medical data. 

I'm actually thankful that so many people don't know that, but it's worth thinking about, especually if (general) you haven't had to do so before.

[Katy]

8 minutes ago, Lucy the Valiant said:

Unless your insurance finds the data. People (especially children, and especially children with expensive disabilites) are enormously vulnerable to misuse of medical data. 

I'm actually thankful that so many people don't know that, but it's worth thinking about, especually if (general) you haven't had to do so before.

I have a disabled child.  He's been tested for genetic issues.  The insurance pre-approved, paid for the tests, and got the results. If there is a genetic condition that needs care, your insurance ALREADY knows. And while we all know laws can be changed, right now genetic discrimination is not legal.  ETA: they paid for the visits and consultations with the genetic counselor physician too.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Katy

[Sneezyone]

5 minutes ago, Katy said:

I have a disabled child.  He's been tested for genetic issues.  The insurance pre-approved, paid for the tests, and got the results. If there is a genetic condition that needs care, your insurance ALREADY knows. And while we all know laws can be changed, right now genetic discrimination is not legal.  ETA: they paid for the visits and consultations with the genetic counselor physician too.

Interesting. In the broader military community, that enlists many military/affiliated children, the lack of medical privacy for dependents has been an issue. Juvenile records can be/are reviewed as part of the enlistment/officer accessions process. It’s one of the reasons I declined a formal diagnosis for my kiddo.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Sneezyone

[Lucy the Valiant]

11 minutes ago, Katy said:

I have a disabled child.  He's been tested for genetic issues.  The insurance pre-approved, paid for the tests, and got the results. If there is a genetic condition that needs care, your insurance ALREADY knows. And while we all know laws can be changed, right now genetic discrimination is not legal.  ETA: they paid for the visits and consultations with the genetic counselor physician too.

I'm so thankful that happened for you. 

Unfortunately, genetic discrimination by an employer (against a parent of a medically complex child) is nearly impossible to prove. Common, painful  and devastating, and yes, technically illegal.

[Katy]

10 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Interesting. In the broader military community, that enlists many military/affiliated children, the lack of medical privacy for dependents has been an issue. Juvenile records can be/are reviewed as part of the enlistment/officer accessions process. It’s one of the reasons I declined a formal diagnosis for my kiddo.

Yeah, I understand why they do that though.  If someone has a higher clearance and they have a disabled child promising them a miraculous treatment not offered in the US might be a good way to bribe or blackmail them into spying. I've heard an interview from a retired CIA person who said bribing someone with a disabled child to get treatment and residency in the US is a common tactic.

And frankly the US already has the DNA of every service member.

In the case of my kiddo there were many physical signs there was likely something genetic going on, and bio family was multiple generations into the foster care system, which is a common sign of genetic issues too.

[KSera]

33 minutes ago, Katy said:

I have a disabled child.  He's been tested for genetic issues.  The insurance pre-approved, paid for the tests, and got the results.

This kind of genetic testing is protected by HIPPA though, which is completely different from the direct to consumer tests.

[Katy]

3 minutes ago, KSera said:

This kind of genetic testing is protected by HIPPA though, which is completely different from the direct to consumer tests.

My point wasn't whether the data is protected or not. The point is if there is a medical problem your insurance already knows so the idea that you're protecting yourself from knowledge of your own body isn't particularly logical.  And also, there's an insurance database, it's a bit like a credit report.  IDK how it's legal with HIPAA, but it is.  If you ever get turned down for life insurance every company knows it. So basically they all know, and between data science and actuarial science they might know more about your family than you do.

I'm not saying it's right. I absolutely wish we had a constitutional right to privacy.  I heard the US Military's statement asking service members not to use those services for national security reasons.  I heard about the conspiracy theories from South Korea theorizing that Covid-19 was created in a lab with Kim Jong-un's DNA in mind to murder him, and possibly many others in what appeared to be a natural outbreak. This theory also says he's been replaced by one of his body doubles.

At any rate, in my family genetic information has been extremely helpful. I'm glad I have it, it helps ensure better medical decision making.

[Sneezyone]

53 minutes ago, Katy said:

Yeah, I understand why they do that though.  If someone has a higher clearance and they have a disabled child promising them a miraculous treatment not offered in the US might be a good way to bribe or blackmail them into spying. I've heard an interview from a retired CIA person who said bribing someone with a disabled child to get treatment and residency in the US is a common tactic.

And frankly the US already has the DNA of every service member.

In the case of my kiddo there were many physical signs there was likely something genetic going on, and bio family was multiple generations into the foster care system, which is a common sign of genetic issues too.

It doesn’t have anything to do with the member/blackmail tho. It has to do with the dependent record being readily available/accessible. Every other potential enlistee’s records are private.

[Lucy the Valiant]

55 minutes ago, Katy said:

My point wasn't whether the data is protected or not. The point is if there is a medical problem your insurance already knows so the idea that you're protecting yourself from knowledge of your own body isn't particularly logical.  And also, there's an insurance database, it's a bit like a credit report.  IDK how it's legal with HIPAA, but it is.  If you ever get turned down for life insurance every company knows it. So basically they all know, and between data science and actuarial science they might know more about your family than you do. <snip>

No, they don't know DNA data until you agree to testing. ("They" = insurance AND also potential employers. Edit: non-military application.)

I know doing the ancestry research is fun for many people; it's just worth a note that for some kids, it's a huge danger, too. Like fire - sometimes a huge benefit, sometimes extremely destructive. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by Lucy the Valiant

[shawthorne44]

14 hours ago, Lucy the Valiant said:

I'm so thankful that happened for you. 

Unfortunately, genetic discrimination by an employer (against a parent of a medically complex child) is nearly impossible to prove. Common, painful  and devastating, and yes, technically illegal.

Yes, my daughter has an extremely expensive and often genetic medical problem.    So expensive we usually max out our High Deductible Feb or March.  There is no way I could prove that I was denied a job because of that.  We are fortunate in that the expensive treatment stops around puberty.   Of course for me they wouldn't need a DNA test they could just look in our insurance info.