$500 wedding.....hmmmm

[Spryte]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I have to admit to finally reading the article. . .  And I was struck by the bride's comment that having supportive loved ones was what was especially important.  So I didn't get an entitled bridezilla vibe from this at all.  In fact it reminded me of my wedding when both dh and I were grad students.  Our photographer was a friend (who was an excellent amateur photographer) who gifted us his talents as his wedding present.  Our pianist was a friend who did likewise.  And I already mentioned the church ladies providing us a potluck buffet.  I would have a very different opinion if it was like the example given earlier of guests being presented with a surprise bill at a restaurant or even having a "cost per meal" notice put on the invitation. 

That was the vibe I had, too. Like their family and friends were all on board and just wanted to help make the day special for them.

I haven’t commented till now because I felt uncomfortable.

DH and I basically eloped, but we did have our two best friends each and some of our parents. I was too nervous to shop for a dress, so my BFF found a dress for me at Filene’s Basment. $27. I didn’t see it till I flew in the night before we got married. We paid for hotels, meals, and I took friends out for mani/pedis. We got married on the beautiful footbridge where we hung out as teens, and we did not have a reception. We did go out for dinner and drinks, and a whole lot of people showed up, as it was DH’s impromptu farewell dinner. Most didn’t know we’d gotten married, so no gifts, and it wasn’t about us as a couple, just their usual working and living in downtown city, going out to eat often culture. We paid for the table with our actual wedding guests and parents. And our honeymoon was driving a Uhaul cross country. So, other than those few expenses, we really only paid for our marriage celebrant.

I thought the short linked video of the couple’s wedding was beautiful. 
 

ETA: I will probably delete this post later, so please don’t quote it. I’m also going to add that DH and I planned our tiny wedding in two weeks. We had made a date to go ice skating at Rockefeller, on that day, ten years before. So when we were planning to meet for that, we decided to get married instead! If our chosen date had not been two weeks away, we might have done a different type of wedding.

Edited April 20, 2022 by Spryte

[catz]

Like I can see potluck working in some social circles as their norm.  Where your wedding would be small, informal, locals and no one would be surprised by the ask.  Maybe common in some churches, etc.  I'm thinking of the kind of wedding where the families probably see and talk to everyone invited on the regular.  

I do think if 1st cousin once removed Nellie has to travel 3 hours for your wedding, you're expecting a her to dress up AND you want her to bring a warm entree oh and here is the registry info?  Well that's a different story.  Sending a formal invite with pricing for your meal would be way over the top.  I don't have a problem with cash bars, because there are always NA beverages available.  Like a lot of nicer weddings I've been to might have a happy hour, a champagne toast with dinner and then switch over to a cash bar after dinner but have punch, soda, water, etc.  available.

I actually didn't read the article until after I responded above.  But if that is a norm for their group and no one was surprised by it, it was small and local, then maybe that works for their family.  

The story where you found out you were paying AFTER you arrived is absolutely crazy town.  Wow.  

Edited April 20, 2022 by catz

[Clarita]

I didn't see all the comments. So, @Corralenoand @lmrich those stories are ridiculous. I had a fancy $$ wedding (just $$ not $$$) I don't think my wedding party spent $1000 to be a part of it. Two did travel for it but I had asked in advanced if they were OK with that (we found housing for them and fed them a bunch of the time).   

In my defense it was a backyard wedding (not mine) and catered by a friend. (Friend charged us at what I feel must be a discounted rate, but it costs money to feed 400 people a fancy sit down meal.)   I think it's disingenuous when these articles are like here's how to have a budget wedding and it's full of my friend/family member the photographer, caterer, florist, etc. provided the ... Not to mention the parents paid for other parts that's not included in what they spent. Even if you paid for it; it may not be market rate for the service you got.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

2 minutes ago, Clarita said:

I didn't see all the comments. So, @Corralenoand @lmrich those stories are ridiculous. I had a fancy $$ wedding (just $$ not $$$) I don't think my wedding party spent $1000 to be a part of it. Two did travel for it but I had asked in advanced if they were OK with that (we found housing for them and fed them a bunch of the time).   

In my defense it was a backyard wedding (not mine) and catered by a friend. (Friend charged us at what I feel must be a discounted rate, but it costs money to feed 400 people a fancy sit down meal.)   I think it's disingenuous when these articles are like here's how to have a budget wedding and it's full of my friend/family member the photographer, caterer, florist, etc. provided the ... Not to mention the parents paid for other parts that's not included in what they spent. Even if you paid for it; it may not be market rate for the service you got.  

But that's how most weddings were "funded" in the past -  by people pulling together to pull off a celebration.  I think that in this day of destination weddings and Instagram pretty $$$ celebrations, that it's nice to have a reminder that young people can rely on their community and still have a nice time without imposing on anyone.  (Again - I saw no entitlement shown in the article.  If there was, my feelings would be different.) 

[DawnM]

Yes, I do wish they had specified if this was a collaborative family effort and they came up with this as a solution or if the bride and groom came up with it on their own.

[catz]

38 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

But that's how most weddings were "funded" in the past -  by people pulling together to pull off a celebration.  I think that in this day of destination weddings and Instagram pretty $$$ celebrations, that it's nice to have a reminder that young people can rely on their community and still have a nice time without imposing on anyone.  (Again - I saw no entitlement shown in the article.  If there was, my feelings would be different.) 

To be fair, things are different now in that lots of families need to be 2 income and families can be more far flung and weddings don't necessarily exist to fulfill the social needs of a local community.  Just because someone doesn't have the ability or energy to spend a week putting together flowers or food  or isn't comfortable being responsible for wedding photos doesn't mean they wouldn't love to celebrate your wedding day with you or feel less for you. 

I think you just really need to know your crowd intimately if you are going to try and crowd source elements of your wedding where you're rushed by enthusiastic volunteers and not being volun-told what you're doing at a party you'll be working at.  

No one NEEDS to have a wedding party to get married.  I'm actually seeing more small and intimate events being discussed locally since covid started.  

[lmrich]

1 hour ago, Clarita said:

I didn't see all the comments. So, @Corralenoand @lmrich those stories are ridiculous. I had a fancy $$ wedding (just $$ not $$$) I don't think my wedding party spent $1000 to be a part of it. Two did travel for it but I had asked in advanced if they were OK with that (we found housing for them and fed them a bunch of the time).   

 

It was insane; the couple who got married are from a super rich family so it was normal for them. My dh spent more on the bachelor party than we did on our honeymoon (tells you how little our honeymoon was, too). And the bridesmaid dress was so ugly that I threw it out when I took it off that night. At least the couple is still married!