Post HS for ADHD kid- CC/Tech/4 yr

[Soror]

I'd like to hear from those with kiddos with ADHD and how they navigated college/traning/etc after highschool. What things did your kid need to succeed? How did they make their decision on the best route to take? We're looking at lots of options and the pros/cons are difficult to sort as are my emotions. Besides the fact that who knows how he will be doing with another year of maturity. He thinks the tech college sounds pretty good- he gets to live away from home, tuition is free (just pay room and board and it is way cheaper than other colleges room and board), lots of hands-on and he's done in 2 yrs. But I'm worried about it limiting him (and also worried that I have a bias against it which is clouding my view). But then again I also worry about him crashing and burning in a 4 yr college with a bigger and harder program. 

Right now he's putting in study time on the ACT to get it up as much as he can to qualify for scholarships to keep all the options open. I don't want to close any doors but at some point things will have to be narrowed down. We've got several tours coming and a lot more research to do. I'm hoping that makes it all the more clear but there are so many unknowns it is scary. He's managed his academics on his own since he started PS in 8th. He's refused my help. Mostly he's done pretty well- A's and B's (except for that rough time last year and 1 C in a class first semester this year). I worry more about him managing his time- getting to bed on time, getting to classes. He did well before getting up on his own but this year dd1 has had to wake him up often (that has been better lately)

IN the meantime, I'd love to hear from those that have btdt (especially with ADHD boys that like to be hands-on).

[Katy]

Do you live in a state where the tech college credits would transfer to a university or are they basically worthless towards higher education there?

[Ann.without.an.e]

My ds has ADHD and he completed a 2 year tech school program. He needed hands on and has a difficult time focusing on desk work, so he pursued a career that keeps him moving and isn't at a desk. It sounds like your DS is doing good on the bookwork side of things and has good grades, but you're more concerned about him being in control of his schedule?  I would suggest he start at the 2 year school if it transfers automatically to a state university. Is there something he's passionate about and loves? My boy does great if he is passionate about it, but if he's not interested then that's a whole different story lol 

I think its hard to let these ones go and trust them to do what is right. DS finds it easier to do what he needs to do when he knows he won't have me as a fallback plan. If he knows I won't be getting him up after the alarm fails, etc. He did very well keeping up on the cc schedule on his own and never required anything from me. 

ETA - I don't want to leave you with the impression that it was a cake walk haha. He failed two non-program classes that were online and had to retake them. They were the "easy" classes too. Art Appreciation and Communication. I think because it had nothing to do with what he wanted to do, he wasn't invested. Also, the online pacing was hard for him to wrap his head around and being a procrastinator (haha) he always though he had "more time" but didn't. It was a lesson he had to learn the hard way. He did retake them later. To say I was frustrated was an understatement, he is very bright and could've passed those classes easy but the attention issues got the best of him. 

Edited March 1, 2022 by Ann.without.an.e

[prairiewindmomma]

It sounds like he is somehow managing to do well in public school and that he has plans to head in a direction post high school. He’s doing fine!

My oldest adhd kid has done well at university….straight As. He has needed a bit of support with life stuff but is mostly managing all of that now on his own.

My next kid is planning to head towards trade school. He will earn a living wage and have benefits, so I am stepping back and letting him make decisions about his life. I hear you about the bias—but the reality is that I know a lot of people with worthless BA degrees. He’s going to be qualified in an area with a lot of open jobs so employment shouldn’t be an issue. 
 

Give your kid some space to make mistakes…especially now. Let him figure out bedtimes, occasionally make his own meals, chart his own course, and handle his own appointments while he is still under your roof. Our kids don’t have to have it all together when they graduate. There are plenty of kids who stumble about a bit in their 20s and end up being perfectly functional adults. 

[Soror]

35 minutes ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

My ds has ADHD and he completed a 2 year tech school program. He needed hands on and has a difficult time focusing on desk work, so he pursued a career that keeps him moving and isn't at a desk. It sounds like your DS is doing good on the bookwork side of things and has good grades, but you're more concerned about him being in control of his schedule?  I would suggest he start at the 2 year school if it transfers automatically to a state university. Is there something he's passionate about and loves? My boy does great if he is passionate about it, but if he's not interested then that's a whole different story lol 

I think its hard to let these ones go and trust them to do what is right. DS finds it easier to do what he needs to do when he knows he won't have me as a fallback plan. If he knows I won't be getting him up after the alarm fails, etc. He did very well keeping up on the cc schedule on his own and never required anything from me. 

ETA - I don't want to leave you with the impression that it was a cake walk haha. He failed two non-program classes that were online and had to retake them. They were the "easy" classes too. Art Appreciation and Communication. I think because it had nothing to do with what he wanted to do, he wasn't invested. Also, the online pacing was hard for him to wrap his head around and being a procrastinator (haha) he always though he had "more time" but didn't. It was a lesson he had to learn the hard way. He did retake them later. To say I was frustrated was an understatement, he is very bright and could've passed those classes easy but the attention issues got the best of him. 

Thank you for the input! Yes, it is frustrating to see them not do as well as they could academically due to the ADHD. Academically ds could make straight A's pretty easily BUT throw in the other stuff and that doesn't always happen and is too much pressure to expect. We're looking into what transfers where for sure. Ds is not one to be really passionate about anything (he's not the type to get excited) but really enjoys the hands on work he's doing. We still need to look more into different degrees to make sure he finds one that focuses the most on the types of things that he enjoys and does well at.

13 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It sounds like he is somehow managing to do well in public school and that he has plans to head in a direction post high school. He’s doing fine!

My oldest adhd kid has done well at university….straight As. He has needed a bit of support with life stuff but is mostly managing all of that now on his own.

My next kid is planning to head towards trade school. He will earn a living wage and have benefits, so I am stepping back and letting him make decisions about his life. I hear you about the bias—but the reality is that I know a lot of people with worthless BA degrees. He’s going to be qualified in an area with a lot of open jobs so employment shouldn’t be an issue. 
 

Give your kid some space to make mistakes…especially now. Let him figure out bedtimes, occasionally make his own meals, chart his own course, and handle his own appointments while he is still under your roof. Our kids don’t have to have it all together when they graduate. There are plenty of kids who stumble about a bit in their 20s and end up being perfectly functional adults. 

Ds does do his own appointments(his counseling appointments anyway- he made those, put them in his calendar and drove himself- I had no interaction besides setting up the initial one--- the ped won't let him go on his own even at 17 but once he turns 18 this summer I'm hoping we can find a GP and he can do that on his own then). He makes his own bedtime and has for years (which leads him to sometimes stay up until 4 am).  He often eats on his own/makes his own food as he is not home much (between school, pt job, and hanging out with gf/friends). He used to get himself up and going to PS the first 3 years as I worked in the morning but he's come to rely on dd to help wake him up since she started riding with him this year(I just talked to him about that because it is not fair for her and something he needs to do on his own). Talking about that actually makes me feel better- I've always encouraged independence and my kids have more than most kids I know.

He did great in academics the first couple of years. Last year was a dumpster fire. He got behind and had a hard time keeping up when things were at the worst. This year he's done better but still not to the level of before. I'd feel better about him going off if he makes it back up to that level. And a big part of my worry is that he's my kid that doesn't talk much, so it is hard to gauge where he is at. I have residual worry that things will go bad again (even though he's continued to do better and better). I have no indication that things are going to go bad but it is hard to get over that worry. 

He is making his own choices but is asking us what we think and asking for input, he's generally not wanted us in anything at all. I'm trying to show him the options out there as he don't know what he doesn't know. I too can see that plenty out there with Bachelor's end up in low paying job and the stats for the tech jobs are better but of course a 4 yr degree in the same field would do even better. I'm trying very hard to keep my biases to myself and present him the pros and cons and talk to him about things to consider.

[prairiewindmomma]

He may be a kid who needs to learn lessons by living them. My oldest was complaining about the grind of school a year ago and then he got a job that requires hard physical labor that he does on weekends and during the summer. His interest in continuing his studies to earn 10x his current salary for much much less physical work increased dramatically. 
 

As a mom I tend to catastrophize my anxiety—that if they don’t get xyz right that they will be messed up forever. Aside from having a kid or losing a limb, most decisions aren’t forever life changing.

[kbutton]

I have one with ADHD that will graduate next year. He's a senior this year, but he's attending a vocational high school part time, and we delayed a year due to Covid. He's taking construction, and he's loving it. He will leave there with internationally recognized industry credentials. He's learning leadership skills (demonstrating them is probably more like it, but they create the opportunity), and he's become responsible for things that are outside the scope of his training just by showing interest (he's ordered parts for and fixed power tools, built storage, organized and taken inventory, etc.). 

There are many programs at our local school that feed into college degrees (carpentry can lead into construction management, though I don't know if my son will be interested in that)--they have things like cybersecurity, robotics, etc. They offer some medical stuff like phlebotomy. Everyone tries to steer my son that way (he's also profoundly gifted), but it's not his thing. He loves to work with his hands. Hard work makes him feel good (he was my child that would drag objects across the floor that weighed more than him from the moment he could crawl, lol!). And yes, we've addressed sensory issues (he has ASD also), but he still likes hard, heavy work. He's only lightly affected by his autism at this point--it comes as a surprise to people if it comes up.

Has he thought about things that combine brains and movement, such as veterinary tech or veterinarian? 

Has he done career surveys and even skill tests for careers? Our local vocational school offers testing that is a combination of skill and interest. It includes a hands-on component. 

Is he a good trouble-shooter? That makes a really big difference in what he could go into at a vocational school. 

My son considered automotive work before carpentry, but when he found out it's all moving toward dealership work as cars become more computerized, he was totally turned off. However, he is an excellent trouble-shooter (and super efficient worker most of the time), and dealership work tends to pay per thing you fix vs. solely by hour, so if he had been interested, he could've made the tippy top of the salary range and maybe have worked into a niche job with fancy, expensive cars.

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

My oldest was complaining about the grind of school a year ago and then he got a job that requires hard physical labor that he does on weekends and during the summer. His interest in continuing his studies to earn 10x his current salary for much much less physical work increased dramatically. 

I hear a lot of parents say this, and it makes me wince (some people are not interested in desk jobs, and we absolutely need smart people in the trades), but it is probably a great way to see if it's what someone really wants to do.

I would be careful about having him try a grunt job thought that is meant to turn him off if he will not also be exposed to a range of options in that field--if he's working for a plumbing excavator, for instance, and he's a grunt laborer doing the hand shoveling around sensitive areas, then is he seeing what the heavy equipment operators are doing? Is he seeing what the boss is doing? Is he learning about how/why/where/when they lay pipe (or dig it up, repair it, etc.)? If not, then that's just...punitive. If he does see it and gets to interact with these guys in their work, it's educational and kind of a "weed out" opportunity if he doesn't like it, assuming he can be exposed to the skilled jobs. 

My son had a lot of exposure to these things via watching people work in our home, working in our home (when he was about 10, he and I demolished a bathroom in our old house to save paying someone to do it, and we added experiences from there), working with his grandpa, watching This Old House from the time he was 2, and once even being hired by the work crew that was excavating our yard. The owner of the company is a firm believer in hiring kids of clients whenever possible if they are interested--they handed him a shovel and paid him on the spot. 

Edited March 1, 2022 by kbutton

[prairiewindmomma]

My oldest is planning on being an electrical engineer. There is a wide range of work opportunities in that field and for him, learning he wanted to be indoors, not in a bunny suit, and not carrying 50 lb boxes of supplies everywhere all day long is in no way saying he didn’t want to be hands-on. 😉

His experience isn’t aimed at being punitive—he just hadn’t had enough life experience to really know what he was getting into until he tried it iykwim. Learning, for himself, that he valued a niche area with higher compensation isn’t a dig at anybody. (I grew up on a ranch in a solidly rural/blue collar area.) Going out and being hands on just has helped shape his career path in a different direction.

My younger son is wired differently. Hell for him would be an office, iykwim.

 

[kbutton]

Also consider if any of these training programs would give him a good wage for summer work if he went to college later, or even be something where they pay tuition if he works in that field full time and wants to go into something different. I would guess some of the more medical-related jobs (phlebotomy, lab tech stuff, etc.) might offer a tuition program if you work full-time.

[kbutton]

4 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

My oldest is planning on being an electrical engineer. There is a wide range of work opportunities in that field and for him, learning he wanted to be indoors, not in a bunny suit, and not carrying 50 lb boxes of supplies everywhere all day long is in no way saying he didn’t want to be hands-on. 😉

His experience isn’t aimed at being punitive—he just hadn’t had enough life experience to really know what he was getting into until he tried it iykwim. Learning, for himself, that he valued a niche area with higher compensation isn’t a dig at anybody. (I grew up on a ranch in a solidly rural/blue collar area.) Going out and being hands on just has helped shape his career path in a different direction.

My younger son is wired differently. Hell for him would be an office, iykwim.

I figured as much, and I was trying to be careful about how I phrased it. I hope I didn't offend. I just have heard enough people say things about getting summer jobs solving the "problem" of having a kid that wants to be blue collar.

I've also heard gifted educators talk about how we need gifted kids in trades too, but when you talk to them about what is a good fit and how to do that, they hem and haw and betray that they really mean that other people's kids should be the ones doing that. IOW, never their kid or the kid you're asking about. It can be very condescending. 

My extended family is full of really smart people who tend to be bookish and go to college or totally not bookish and then (usually) find niche positions in the trades. It's like a big line right down the middle, with a few artsy people and a few people that straddle the divide (nursing--hands-on and bookish). It's not unusual for them to work their way into areas they've not been trained to do and do it better than the people who are trained (both for the college people and the blue collar people). Our education system doesn't really have a path for that, lol! 

[Soror]

4 hours ago, Katy said:

Do you live in a state where the tech college credits would transfer to a university or are they basically worthless towards higher education there?

I was just looking at articulation agreements last night but haven't parsed out how much will transfer. I told ds we need to find out more information about it. That is my biggest concern. Of course, he might decide he don't care but he can't make a good decision without all the info.

57 minutes ago, kbutton said:

Also consider if any of these training programs would give him a good wage for summer work if he went to college later, or even be something where they pay tuition if he works in that field full time and wants to go into something different. I would guess some of the more medical-related jobs (phlebotomy, lab tech stuff, etc.) might offer a tuition program if you work full-time.

That's something to consider, although not ideal if it doesn't connect or give an avenue to go further.Ds is in a tech program now 1/2 days at highschool (it is a 2 yr program). He'll end with some certifications he can use when he finishes. He is working in computers. He wants to continue working in this field so far- preferring more of the hardware side over the software side. So, when I say hands-on - hands-on with tech. 

Ds has a sucky PT job at McDonald's. He has certain things he pays for so that is good for him to see that he needs more money to get by than he thought he did. 

[Katy]

DH switched to industrial engineering when he got diagnosed with ADHD in college. It's perfect for someone with ADHD, it involves getting up, talking to people, and solving problems so factories will be both safer and more efficient. If you have a kid who isn't afraid of the math but doesn't want to sit still, you might want to have him look into that. It's analytical but involves a lot of creative problem solving, which is usually right up the alley of an ADHD kid.  I also know a woman who went into it, though she got promoted into management at the cosmetic company factory she worked at before she finished her MBA. She's a friend of a relative and I haven't seen her since the pandemic, but last I knew she still loved her job.

Now DH has switched again into data, but that's definitely more seat time.

[lulubelle]

My ds19 is in his first year of college close to home. He managed A’s and B’s first semester. He struggles to spread out his energy to 4 classes. He is always taking 1 step forward and 2 back. His focus in science is laser and he thinks he’s putting so much into that there is no time for the others. I start to think he needs to take less classes but then that would take more time and money. His ability to regulate time is terrible. His ability to get himself up is terrible. I’m on top of him as much as possible. His social life is thriving more than ever. He has a great roommate and couldn’t have found a better one. He’s growing a lot. It’s great to have him out of the house. His negative energy hurt all of us. I can only hope and pray he will figure it out more and more each year.

Edited March 1, 2022 by lulubelle

[kbutton]

3 hours ago, Soror said:

That's something to consider, although not ideal if it doesn't connect or give an avenue to go further.Ds is in a tech program now 1/2 days at highschool (it is a 2 yr program). He'll end with some certifications he can use when he finishes. He is working in computers. He wants to continue working in this field so far- preferring more of the hardware side over the software side. So, when I say hands-on - hands-on with tech. 

That sounds like, at worst, moving on will be circuitous vs. impossible. 🙂 Even if he were to choose to go to college right away, he might want to work summers in this job, and it could be that he'd get a campus job doing something like this. 

Regarding the bolded, a lot of routes are less than ideal but still work, give experience, etc. Someone who does phlebotomy and then moves into nursing...I doubt the phlebotomy classes are going to do much toward a nursing degree, but they do help with patient experience, messing with blood, inserting needles, and they aren't flipping burgers, KWIM? Some programs for some medical stuff requires you to have some paid patient experience before applying (PA school, for instance, usually does). I am just using medical stuff as an example because it's not unusual for people to zig and zag and use tuition reimbursement, at least locally, and others following might have students going that route. I assume some other courses of study will be similar.

[Starr]

Mine lived at home, graduated with honors, taught an adjunct university class, took a break, is doing well in grad school. With that came not much free time as an undergrad, especially the first couple of years.  He needed  organizational help transitioning out of home education. And well executive function as a whole. Keeping up with everything exhausts him. It just depends on the student and how much they are able to deal with executive function and academics as a whole. As with all of us finding a major they really like is helpful.

[Soror]

12 hours ago, kbutton said:

That sounds like, at worst, moving on will be circuitous vs. impossible. 🙂 Even if he were to choose to go to college right away, he might want to work summers in this job, and it could be that he'd get a campus job doing something like this. 

Regarding the bolded, a lot of routes are less than ideal but still work, give experience, etc. Someone who does phlebotomy and then moves into nursing...I doubt the phlebotomy classes are going to do much toward a nursing degree, but they do help with patient experience, messing with blood, inserting needles, and they aren't flipping burgers, KWIM? Some programs for some medical stuff requires you to have some paid patient experience before applying (PA school, for instance, usually does). I am just using medical stuff as an example because it's not unusual for people to zig and zag and use tuition reimbursement, at least locally, and others following might have students going that route. I assume some other courses of study will be similar.

Ya, looking for not impossible (even if ideal doesn't work out)! Dh is dealing with the very not ideal right now-- he's 4 yrs into a Bachelor's in Engineering which will take him at least 6 years (as he's working full time+). It has been extremely hard on dh and hard on our family. If there is anything we can do to help him succeed now, instead of coming at it years later I want to do it. In the end, he is the one that has to do the work but I'm looking for as much info as possible to give him so he can make an informed decision and hopefully not have to do it the hard way (or at least not as hard as dh). 

15 hours ago, Katy said:

DH switched to industrial engineering when he got diagnosed with ADHD in college. It's perfect for someone with ADHD, it involves getting up, talking to people, and solving problems so factories will be both safer and more efficient. If you have a kid who isn't afraid of the math but doesn't want to sit still, you might want to have him look into that. It's analytical but involves a lot of creative problem solving, which is usually right up the alley of an ADHD kid.  I also know a woman who went into it, though she got promoted into management at the cosmetic company factory she worked at before she finished her MBA. She's a friend of a relative and I haven't seen her since the pandemic, but last I knew she still loved her job.

Now DH has switched again into data, but that's definitely more seat time.

I have mentioned Engineering to him as I think certain branches could be a good fit. He done career quizzes previously (and I honeslty don't remember what they brought up) now that he's older and has a bit more experience he needs to redo them. Personally, it looks like Electrical, Computer, or Industrial Engineering could be a good fit. His classes are about computers but he also likes to take apart lots of different electronics. He likes to figure out how things work.

14 hours ago, lulubelle said:

My ds19 is in his first year of college close to home. He managed A’s and B’s first semester. He struggles to spread out his energy to 4 classes. He is always taking 1 step forward and 2 back. His focus in science is laser and he thinks he’s putting so much into that there is no time for the others. I start to think he needs to take less classes but then that would take more time and money. His ability to regulate time is terrible. His ability to get himself up is terrible. I’m on top of him as much as possible. His social life is thriving more than ever. He has a great roommate and couldn’t have found a better one. He’s growing a lot. It’s great to have him out of the house. His negative energy hurt all of us. I can only hope and pray he will figure it out more and more each year.

It is wonderful to have some positives. It is hard to see them struggle with other things. 

[Katy]

40 minutes ago, Soror said:

 

I have mentioned Engineering to him as I think certain branches could be a good fit. He done career quizzes previously (and I honeslty don't remember what they brought up) now that he's older and has a bit more experience he needs to redo them. Personally, it looks like Electrical, Computer, or Industrial Engineering could be a good fit. His classes are about computers but he also likes to take apart lots of different electronics. He likes to figure out how things work.

The other positive about IE is that in this political climate, where it’s a matter of national security to bring factories back to the USA, there aren’t enough of them.