Peer pressure to home school

[Xahm]

Have any of you seem home schooling be contagious or people feel peer-pressured to home school? I know many have seen the opposite, but the threads complaining about new homeschoolers and some of my own observations make me wonder how widespread this is. I've seen it be good. For example, one young relative will be homeschooled starting in January because when her Kindergarten class was clearly not meeting her needs, despite her parents working with the teacher, her parents felt good about making the switch and so weren't stuck just complaining about the situation. On the other hand, I've seen a few families who are surrounded by home schoolers bounce their kids in and out of school, feeling guilty when they enroll their kids somewhere but not ever getting around to much education at home.

How do we harness this peer pressure for good, encouraging other families to all do our best by our families? Everyone's homeschool will look different depending on differing needs and priorities, so is there any standard at all we can hold up as a general goal? I know some here are very "eyes on your own plate," but I'm at least a little "no man is an island" on this subject, especially as it relates to close friends and family. 

I'm interested in hearing thoughts and experiences on this to help me develop my own thinking.

[Jean in Newcastle]

No. If both parents don’t want to homeschool and especially if the primary home educator doesn’t want to homeschool then it’s a bad idea. So I would never ever try to pressure anyone to do it even subtly. 

[school17777]

Yes, I have.  The family I’m thinking of in particular at least kept on homeschooling, even though the dc needed special ed teaching that was beyond the mother’s capability for various reasons.  She and her now exdh say she kept going because everyone in her friend group homeschooled.

I understand how she felt. I educated my various dc through cyber school, traditional homeschooling, hybrid schooling, and public b&m school.  Once I was no longer had anyone home, I was dropped by my homeschooling friends.

Edited November 16, 2019 by school17777

[Xahm]

1 minute ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

No. If both parents don’t want to homeschool and especially if the primary home educator doesn’t want to homeschool then it’s a bad idea. So I would never ever try to pressure anyone to do it even subtly. 

Sorry, I didn't mean pressuring someone into homeschooling. Absolutely not! I mean, just the fact of so many people homeschooling, especially in circles where it is popular, creates some pressure, and that's something I haven't seen discussed here. Should we try to counteract that? If someone sees that homeschooling is working for us and others and so starts, but it isn't working for them but they seem to be continuing because they feel they should, is there anything we should or even could do without violating every boundary there is?

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 minute ago, xahm said:

Sorry, I didn't mean pressuring someone into homeschooling. Absolutely not! I mean, just the fact of so many people homeschooling, especially in circles where it is popular, creates some pressure, and that's something I haven't seen discussed here. Should we try to counteract that? If someone sees that homeschooling is working for us and others and so starts, but it isn't working for them but they seem to be continuing because they feel they should, is there anything we should or even could do without violating every boundary there is?

Ah. I’m sorry. I misunderstood your post. I have always homeschooled mostly without other homeschoolers around me (other than this board) so I will leave this to others to answer. 

[Xahm]

3 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Our posts crossed. So do you mean where it seems like someone is failing at homeschooling, if we should step in and say something to suggest another schooling option? 

Basically, yeah, that's part of it. If someone seems unhappy in it, or like it isn't working, what can we say or do? Right now I'm thinking that steering the conversation towards "what are your goals, and what steps do you need to take to meet them" is a good way if it can be done naturally and non judgementally, but I'm trying to get more perspective. 

[Tap]

I am a huge proponent of reevaluating year-by-year of each child's individual needs AND the family's needs.  My own kids explored many options for education.  I can find flaw with... and extol the virtues of just about any method of teaching/learning!  Sometimes, what it best for the student, isn't best for the teacher and visa-versa. I have seen some parents who really shouldn't home school for academic reasons, but I can't say that their kids weren't still benefiting in some other way.  One thing that is hard, is when those same kids want to go to college and they really, really struggle.  They may be amazing people and have valuable skills, but the transition to traditional college-style-learning (large classes with independent work and deadlines) was too foreign to them.  Many still succeeded in their goals, but it was a lot harder than it was for more traditionally taught students. Others, did not succeed and found other careers/paths in life. But, I think that is true across all populations of students! LOL

[Farrar]

I've seen it become a support thing. More like, we're homeschooling, oh you are, then may we can too... oh, you're both doing it? There's going to be a real community of us? Oh, then... yeah, maybe I *can* do it. Sort of like a positive peer pressure.

I've heard of it being a peer pressure thing - especially in some churches and in super out there attachment parenting circles where it's more of a negative. A "you SHOULD do this" in order to be a good parent sort of thing. Bah.

I think any time you see people struggling, it's okay to just give them permission to quit. I'm the biggest booster of homeschooling, but many times I've said to people, "It's okay to quit. The schools are fine. It doesn't make it a failure that you tried it and it wasn't right."

[Shoeless]

I know of one family that has flipped back and from from homeschool to B&M, depending on the influence of mom's friend-group. Mom basically follows the lead of whomever has the strongest personality.  I have no idea how it's working out for the kids. 

I've seen a similar thing with purely B&M school families, however.  My sister and BIL considered sending their 5 year old to tutoring at Kumon because everyone around them was doing it to "give the kids a leg up", which made it seem normal. They know some strong personalities who believe in holding very young children to high academic standards, (and these folks work as public school administrators, which I find discouraging). 

Sister had a lot of hesitation about it, but kept trying to justify that it would be fine.  They eventually decided not to send him to Kumon, but I think it had more to do with the vibe of their friend-group, rather than "This is a poor choice for our child". 

Edited November 16, 2019 by MissLemon

[Carrie12345]

I don’t think I’ve seen any intentional peer pressure with my own eyes, at least not in person. I do think it’s easy for it to come across that way, especially if someone is having doubts about their choices already.

I know I try to choose my words carefully, and it can be very difficult. I have a close friend who’s young child is having bullying issues to the point of asking to be homeschooled. Another friend (related to the first, lol) is worried about what to do with her toddler in the future. I’m *desperate* to not be That Person when I happen to be a person who thinks homeschooling is absolutely the greatest thing. But it’s also one of the hardest things.  I try to keep an “I’m happy to talk about it” air about me, but I never, ever, ever want to come across as “Duh, you should be doing this”... in case they don’t.

[May]

Can’t say I’ve seen that but I do see kids who probably could benefit by homeschooling. 

[ktgrok]

In those kinds of cases it may be helpful to just mention all the options. For example, if kid has special needs, "Wow. So, I guess you have some options to consider - learning to help him with that yourself, outsourcing it via _______ while you homeschool, enrolling him in a special school for _______________, or I've heard the local public school has some special programs for _________________. "

[medawyn]

One member of my extended family definitely homeschooled because of peer pressure.  Their (small, very conservative) church strongly advocated homeschooling  and several other family members (in other states and unaffiliated with that church) also homeschooled.  The church also strongly pushed radical unschooling.  Neither homeschooling nor that educational philosophy was a fit for this particular family.  Their kids eventually ended up in b&m school, but the first few years were a real adjustment for their older kids.