How to do high school with a student who is at a 5th grade level

[Kile529]

I'm at a loss right now. My son is 15 and special needs. His diagnosis is "significantly cognitively impaired" but nothing specific beyond that. He's been a medical mystery most of his life. In reality, he seems to understand a lot but it's more of a getting it from his brain and out in any way. However, he'll watch videos on war planes and be able to tell you all about them, years, details....it's quite impressive. If he's interested he'll learn a TON about a subject....and then kill you with all the details. lol

So, we're at a point where he's reading (still early readers - almost chapter books) but it takes a lot out of him. He's also completed 4th grade math. He's been doing Monarch the last couple of years and has been doing pretty well. We didn't anticipate him being able to make it this far, so it really is a testament to how far he's come.  That said, I'm an easy going homeschooler and not as scheduled as I wish....so maybe he could be farther if I had sent him to school? Should I send him to school? Something else to know about him is that he has NO idea he's special needs. We've homeschooled from the beginning...and have treated him as "normal"....just going at a pace he can handle. My fear is sending him to a school where he'll be told by some other student that something is wrong with him when he is amazing! I don't want to shatter his bubble!

Add on that we're currently going through dr visits again. He has tremors in his extremities - similar to Parkinson's - so I'm hoping to finally do some handwriting now that his tremors have lessened "some" with medicine. We're doing more testing, so who knows what is to come.....as of right now, it's not sounding good. :( 

That pretty much covers where we're at. How in the world do I homeschool high school? He's a freshman by age.....do I try to go faster through subjects, like math? How on earth do I write a transcript for him? Do the classes HAVE to be high school level? I thought I had this all figured out and now with his medical issues popping up to be more serious, I'm completely flustered. I'm hoping to do something else other than Monarch. That said, with work and our other kids it's hard for me to make sure to sit down with him every day and go over lessons....and I feel pretty guilty about that. Don't we all feel like we're not doing enough or screwing our kids up?

Please help me out....

[PeterPan]

So he has had psych evals. Has he been through the IEP process for the ps? My ds has an IEP through the ps because that's how you qualify for our state disability scholarship. I can tell you that when an dc has an IEP (which your ds assuredly would), you can stay in the system till 21. For my ds, who maybe is similar in some ways (autism, gifted, but with language issues to a degree where he functions significantly behind), they told me we would call it high school when he was doing high school work, not by age.

I think they also have paths for kids who aren't going to hit that level and they read the tea leaves and make a trajectory. I think the law is that around 14 the IEP process has to focus on transitions and transition services. I do NOT think you should change how you're working with him, not at this point. More you want to be thinking about where it's going and work backward. 

Has he had genetics through the children's hospital to see if they can figure out what is going on? And does he have enough areas of affect in his disability to qualify for services with the county board of developmental disabilities? If he qualifies with them, you DEFINITELY want to be pursuing that. 

I'm glad the medication is working. That must help his confidence! Does he need other things that would be in an IEP or 504 or access to services or help with transitioning to work at some point? And has he had thorough SLP evals? I agree he seems to have some abilities that aren't being captured in the psych evals, and language issues could explain that. Did they diagnose anything like attention? What's the larger picture of his medical mystery?

[Kile529]

Are you talking about psychiatric evals? Then no. Not to my understanding of what they've done with him. 

I feel like we're running out of time. Genetics are....interesting right now. I was hesitant to share last night because...well...I'm still trying to process. They've found a Parkinson's mutated gene and they've never seen it in a 15yr old before...they're hoping to rule that disease out, but they're not so sure they can. That said, the tremors started when he was 7, so I'm struggling to believe he possibly has Parkinson's. My husband and I have to be tested as well as further tests on our son. 

I would totally expect that he would/will qualify for disability....here's my hard part. He has NO clue that he's special needs or that he has any form of disability. I'm overwhelmed thinking how it would even be talked about in front of him - because he would say "no, I can do that" or "I don't have any disabilities".....I'm literally afraid of something being said in front of him that will make him feel less important, unintelligent, or that there's something wrong with him...because he's just amazing in every way! This world is cruel.....just trying to figure out the path to adulthood with help for him without destroying his confidence and how he sees himself, ya know?

Anyways, I have no idea what's available out there for him now or as an adult. What services are/will be available.... He had drop in therapy through the school for several years....but we pulled based on an attorney's advice with things he knew was going on regarding special ed in the school.

I hope that helps some....

[kbutton]

Psychological eval vs. pyschiatrist evaluation--a psychological evaluation would be to test IQ, academic progress, learning disability stuff. You'd also want language evaluations, particularly if you feel like he could be understanding more than is coming out. 

There is usually an intake for developmental or physical disabilities that includes assessments that you'd fill out. They are standardized. To get those evaluations though, he might have to have a school evaluation, a psychological evaluation, or an evaluation with a developmental ped--in our state, it would be hard to get past the board of DD gatekeepers without some prior documentation and diagnsis. However, with something like the Parkinson's possibility, that might get his foot in the door for additional testing. 

One test that a psychologist, neuropsychologist, developmental ped, etc. would run is an adaptive living test. It would test how he does in his activities of daily living--everything from motor stuff to household responsibilities to understanding money.

At some point, you are probably going to have to burst his bubble, but I assume you can find ways to tiptoe into that.

An IEP or 504 could open up a discussion with the board of DD folks. If the school is doing a good job, it should, and under Child Find, you have the right to request (in writing) an evaluation through the school. Your doctor/geneticist should be able to get the ball rolling for you with something private too. There are several possible paths to getting what you need for him. For him, I would bet a neuropsychologist is going to be the way to start because of the strange genetics that point to Parkinson's. 

I think he'd get some great accommodations in school for motor issues, and you should not be afraid to use them at home. You might google to see what you can come up with for neurological conditions and the motor/cognitive problems those conditions create. You'll probably have to use suggestions for conditions that are more likely to be found in school age kids, such as cerebral palsy since Parkinson's is just not that common in kids. In addition, your state's vocational rehabilitation people should be involved. They are kind of like the board of DD for physical stuff. Some things fall under their guidelines, and often you can get help from them as well as from the board of DD--it just depends on the condition and what each place helps with.

As for curriculum, consider ordering a catalog from this publisher...they have a lot of stuff available. https://www.rempub.com/

[PeterPan]

5 hours ago, Kile529 said:

Are you talking about psychiatric evals?

Like Kbutton says, for educational stuff we're saying psychological evals. Your children's hospital should be able to refer you to the right person. Frankly, given the level of what they're talking about, I think you should push hard for a neuropsych eval pronto as a baseline. That way you can monitor change. 

5 hours ago, Kile529 said:

I'm still trying to process.

I'm sorry it's hard. It sounds like you have a good team and are doing the right things. There are stages of grieving and it's ok to feel everything you're feeling and go through it. Have they offered you counseling or is someone you would trust available for counseling? 

5 hours ago, Kile529 said:

He has NO clue that he's special needs or that he has any form of disability.

I think this is pretty common. My ds is clueless. I watched a video years ago by the lady behind Signing Time and she talks about realizing her dd was profoundly deaf and how in the dd's world she was NORMAL. There's a sense in which it's good, healthy, protective. He may have disabilities, something going on, but he's still human, still loved and appreciated, still normal relative to himself. It's ok to view him that way.

5 hours ago, Kile529 said:

This world is cruel.....just trying to figure out the path to adulthood with help for him without destroying his confidence and how he sees himself, ya know?

Yes, it's true. I think we build a little world where, in our world, he's normal, everything is normal. And then everything is FINE. There's a lady (whose relative is here on the boards, but I heard this lady speak at a hs convention) and she's like you know, all these things went wrong, all the disabilities are there, and it's still ok. And there's a lot of grief between finding out something is going on and getting a picture where it's ok. But it will happen. He will be loved and you will work it out and wrap around it and it will be ok somehow.

With my ds, we know he might have semi-independence someday, probably won't marry. And we have just kind of gotten used to the new normal. We don't think about what's not but just work toward a good version of what is. 

You know, if I had two bits, just make life good now. It may get a lot harder, so go do some good things NOW, kwim? Make memories, share joy.

5 hours ago, Kile529 said:

I'm literally afraid of something being said in front of him that will make him feel less important, unintelligent, or that there's something wrong with him...because he's just amazing in every way!

I think your Mama Bear protectiveness is right.

5 hours ago, Kile529 said:

Anyways, I have no idea what's available out there for him now or as an adult.

So I don't know how to access *everything* but around here the starting point is the county board of developmental disabilities. If you've had some kind of psych eval, that can be helpful paper trail. But maybe just call them and start that conversation. It's who would handle it around here, and they would help you find the resources. There may be some job/transition services for him, respite care, whatever.

To get that in our state you usually have disabilities across several domains. I think they list 6-8 and you have to hit in at least 3. So SLDs, cognitive impairment, the physical disabilities, verbal deficits, everything adds up. ADLs, your ability to do tasks of daily living, count toward it. So if his tremors affect his ability to dress himself, learn to drive, make a snack, or do other basic tasks of living, that will count!

[PeterPan]

5 hours ago, Kile529 said:

I feel like we're running out of time.

So I'll just ask, do you think he's going to live independently? Then why are you running out of time? You are in the sense that he's not going to want to keep complying. His own maturation will move him on to the next stage. But graduating him at 18 is NOT necessary or even in his best interest. My ds is clueless enough that I'm hopeful we can continue till 20 pretty easily.

[Storygirl]

At our public school, for students who cannot do the typical classwork, they have adapted classes. So they will do a class that covers "aspects" of chemistry for their chemistry class, and a class that covers "aspects" of geometry for their geometry class, and so on. It's not at the high school level, but they touch on the same subject areas.

I know this is not your main question, but I do think that it's important for you to help your son understand more about himself, and that it is important for you to start on that sooner, rather than later. When he turns 18, he will have certain legal rights as an adult, unless you have a court-ordered guardianship for him. So, you will no longer have a say in his medical care, unless he chooses to allow you to, as an example. I think it's really essential that he knows about his own strengths and disabilities; he deserves to know as much about himself as others know about him.

At age 14, with a school IEP, students are invited and encouraged to attend their IEP meetings at the school, so that they can have a say in preparing for their future. So I think most kids with disabilities do know.

I understand the parental desire to protect and guide and nurture. And I understand having a child who isn't ready to accept or think through difficult things like this. But I think you can and should start taking some baby steps, and then take some more, so that by the time he is an adult (and hopefully before then), he will be able to understand his own needs and advocate for himself.

[Lecka]

On being different — there are two sides to it.

One side is having some explanation given.

The other side is noticing on your own.

A lot of times — people do want to explain until they see their child starting to notice.  

If your child is 15 and has siblings who read long books, and he is reading early chapter books, and he has never noticed that he is doing something different than them ————— then he isn’t noticing yet.  

Many kids might notice this when they were 7.  And if you have a later developing child who doesn’t notice — you can wait until they are noticing.  They might not really notice if they don’t think about things like this.

You know your child.  Does he think about things like “when I’m 18 I’m going to do what my siblings did when they turned 18 — move out, job, girlfriend, college, etc.”. Or does he not really think about those things. 

If he doesn’t think about these things — then he doesn’t think about them.  

There are developmental levels where kids think about these things and notice on their own, and to some extent kids hit them on their own timetable.

I do think if anything changes from the current routine — yes explain that.

Yes work on skills.  Yes work on advocacy.  

But I think also — it’s at the level that is appropriate.  

If he doesn’t notice some things you don’t have to go into it.  Other parents go into it because their kids do notice and have questions or things like that.  They compare to their siblings and want to know why they aren’t doing things their siblings are doing.  

I do think you need to see what services are available and do whatever for that.  You may not intend to use it now but it is good to do because you don’t know what the future holds or what waitlists will be.  

There might also be fun or cool opportunities.  

My son participated in Special Olympics one season (we moved the next year) and I never had a conversation with him about “you are in Special Olympics and all these people have some kind of special need, just like you.”  He did not notice.  He was not aware.  He had a great time.  

This summer he went to a free special needs camp and had a great time.  Again — I didn’t have a conversation about it because he doesn’t notice “everybody here has special needs.”  

There are other things he notices and he has asked why he doesn’t have the same electronics as siblings, and we don’t know what we are going to do when he turns 13 and — it’s the age his siblings have gotten/will get a smartphone.  I doubt he is going to drive but I’m sure he will notice that, I’m sure we will talk about that.

I think look for any support groups and see what other parents are doing.  And see what services might be and what to do to get them.

My son has gone through processes for these things and nobody has ever said to him “hey kid, you are disabled.”  I get a letter in the mail saying “he’s qualified for this program.”  Then nobody says anything.  I have been asked about skill levels in front of him but I could easily say not to discuss it on front of him, or I could easily let him play on a tablet and he wouldn’t pay attention.

I would not anticipate anybody being mean to him in any process you might have. 

He might have his own questions — but if he does — he has his own questions anyways about things he has noticed on his own just from noticing things his siblings or neighbors do, kids at church, tv, etc.  

 

[Lecka]

This is also just me — but with my 10-year-old who has autism and is in a special needs classroom... he rides the bus to school with his sister.  At school an aide meets him (and last year one other girl on his bus) at the bus and takes him inside to his classroom.  Every other kids gets off the bus and goes into the front entrance and into the cafeteria.  

He has never asked about this, it is normal to him.  

He is not thinking “oh no, I’m 10, an aide gets me, I’m so embarrassed.”  Or — anything like that.

If he was thinking things like that — this would not be appropriate for him!  

Ime — people want to do what is appropriate.

I have talked to people who say things like “well my child would be so embarrassed or upset to have something be different.”  But really — it that is the case, things are adjusted!  Not everything is done just one way!  There are a lot of options!  So — if it would be an issue, it’s not even going to be what anyone would recommend to do.  Everybody would agree — that’s not appropriate.  

I think people go out of their way to be supportive and not make kids feel bad.  

But if a child does notice — then it is coming up and it’s good to talk about it.

I can see talking about things ahead of time — but I think if it doesn’t click it’s pretty abstract to try to talk about ahead of time. I could be trying to bring up more but it is hard to explain things I think.  

But I expect to be explaining more over time, too, and when he’s 15 to have had conversations about — basically we plan on him living at home — and have an idea if that sounds good to him or not.  

 

[Pen]

It seems like from what you are saying he is not going to be ready to manage his own affairs at the age of 18, at which point if he has an understanding of age 18 as being an “adult” he is going to realize that he is different in some way.

 I think that I would thus be inclined to drop being afraid of  him knowing that he is “different”  and pursue what might help.  Though perhaps tell evaluators etc your concern so that perhaps they can avoid saying too much around him.  

It’s also possible that he already knows, but has a sunny personality and is okay with himself as he is.  

Friends of mine with ID children have ended up utilizing public school services.  And the emphasis has been on life skills and transition to adulthood.  Even if unable to live independently I know several ID young adults who have jobs and get a lot out of having a regular activity to do that they are good at.  One man I know had a physical illness on top of ID which made regular work stop being possible, but he helps out at home and does volunteer work in his community (before getting too sick he was also able to work long enough to qualify for some improved benefits—insurance etc.). 

In addition to schools and government developmental disability departments, there may be relevant private programs such as through Good Will, something called ARC in some places...

 

[Storygirl]

I'm going to add a little picture of what some things are like for my 15 year old son, who does not have intellectual disability but does have autism, learning disabilities, and other things that cause us concern for his transition to adult life and employability, as well as his current educational needs.

DS15 is enrolled in public high school with an IEP. He is is in general education classes, but at a level that offers a lot of additional support, with intervention teachers co-teaching the classes and offering extra assistance. They cover the same material as the other classes, but at a slower pace, with more review. In his English class, they read all of the books aloud and do extra work to support comprehension.

There are lower level classes for those who need a more modified curriculum, as well -- the ones that I said covered "aspects" of subjects.

DS15 has also qualified for disability services through our county and the state, based on his diagnoses and IEP. We just got hooked up with them this year. On my own, I would not have known what to do, but our school's special education case manager helped connect us. Check with your county board of developmental disabilities, if you have not already. Your son should qualify, I would believe. Each county is different in what they have to offer, but they should be able to offer you some help and guidance.

Through the state, DS qualified for vocational rehabilitation, even as a teenager. This summer, he took a job skills training program. Next summer, he will be given an actual job that pays minimum wage; he will be in a small group, doing the same work, with a job coach overseeing them. The summer after that, they will help him get his first independent job. So it is in stages.

Through the county, DS has an allotment of funding, and we can choose a variety of things that might help him. He could have a personal care worker work with him on life skills. He could have something like speech therapy or OT paid for. Or summer camp. Or adapted driver's ed training. Or help with transportation to a job. Or lots of things; I don't even know all of it, because we are new to it.

So, every state and county will offer something different, but there will be things that you can get connected with for your son, to offer him and your family support and assistance as you navigate the teen years in preparation for adulthood. A good place to start would be to just call the county board of developmental disabilities and ask them to explain what they might be able to do to help.

Also, there are some states that have scholarships that will help those who homeschool kids with disabilities, and it's possible to live in such a state and be unaware. I did not know this until my kids were about 10. Your county people or your local school should be able to tell you if there are state programs like that that would be available for your son.

Have you worked with your local public school at all? In some areas, the public school can be a good resource for homeschoolers, while in others, they are not. If you are not sure which is the case in your area, you can find out just by calling the special education department (sometimes called pupil or student services) and talking with them. Tell them you have a homeschooled student with disability and are wondering what the school offers as part of their Child Find program. You should be able to discern how open and helpful your school is, just by having a conversation, but also know that a conversation is not enough -- if you choose to get help from the school, there will be a process to go through. The conversation should show you the attitude of the school toward homeschoolers, though, and whether they are open and willing to help, or whether they are difficult.

"Child Find" is a specific phrase to bring up with the school. Google it first, if you don't know about it already. It is a federal mandate for ALL public schools to identify any students with disability in their area, whether they are enrolled in the public school, or not. So they are required to do some things for homeschoolers (testing, etc.). The question is what your school district does, and whether it would be helpful to you.

Some public schools can be really helpful, and some cannot. We've experienced both, in multiple places that we've lived. If you have a helpful one, it's worth capitalizing on that resource.

At the very least, they can tell you what they would do for your student if he were enrolled in the public high school. Even if you had zero intent on enrolling him there, you could still tell them you wanted to see what they had to offer and ask to meet with them and have a tour. It could give you some ideas about how you could approach homeschooling high school for your son and what alternative classwork might look like.

[DawnM]

Given what you have said, I would not send him to PS if you didn't have to.  However, I might find out an interest he has and find a way to cultivate it.  Does your local CC offer programs for high schoolers in a trade or interest for him?   Our local CC has programs for homeschool dual enrollment that aren't the traditional Gen Ed AA programs.  They have things like Electician training, plumber training, carpentry, and then some tech programs like IT, Game Program Design, Web Design, etc......there might be something of interest to him that allows him to feel he is "going to college" (and technically he is!) once he is 16 or 17.   

You have already gotten a lot of advice, but I will say that I would not (and did not) get any evals from the school.   Our insurance covered 65% of his $1600 testing and we were willing to pay the rest.  The PS does not do the same testing or as comprehensive of a test as a private facility will do.  

As far as a disability, it would be helpful to know what you are dealing with.  Then you can approach the subject with your son, or allow a counselor/therapist to explain it to him in such a way that he won't feel "less than."

When my son was about 13 we started looking at getting him tested.  We knew from the time he was 3 he had Aspgerger's but had never gotten the formal diagnosis.   I found a little book, written by a 12 year old, called "Let Me Tell You About Asperger's".   I left it sitting out on the kitchen counter.  He asked about it and I explained a little bit of what Aspeger's was.  He said, "Oh, good thing I don't have that!"  I then picked up the book and read just the titles of the chapters and showed him the pictures on the pages with the titles.  His eye got really wide and he said, "Mom, I thing I DO have that!"  😋  We then segued into discussing testing with him.

[BlueTaelon]

Its nearly a year later and I find myself with similar questions. Did you come up with answers?