In search of the right teaching/learning method

[Lilacs]

Hello!

I am new to the teaching side of homeschooling and looking for some tips or information regarding different teaching/learning methods I can try with my stepdaughter!  Here is a little info about us:

1. My stepdaughter will be turning 10 yrs old next month and is at about a 3rd grade education level in everything except reading.  She is an advanced reader and enjoys reading, especially fictional books.

2. My stepdaughter lives with my husband and I full time and has a history of trauma and abuse

3. My husband decided to take my stepdaughter out of public school last January - this was due mainly to an increase in behavioral issues both at school and in the home.  Since January her behaviors have plateaued for the most part.

4. I was homeschooled growing up and was a highly self-motivated student

Back in January my husband tried to design a curriculum that was mainly technology-based, lessons using videos and practice work done on electronic devices, etc.  After that I tried putting together paper worksheet packets using material that she had already been exposed to in public school but still needed some practice with.  I would give her the worksheet to complete and sit at the table with her to answer any questions she had as she worked. Both of these methods appeared somewhat "successful" in the beginning, meaning my stepdaughter was able to learn/review the material and complete practice activities with pretty good to great scores.  However, within about 2 weeks, when it seemed like the "novelty" of the new system/schedule had worn off, then my stepdaughter would stop doing lessons and worksheets entirely.  I do not believe the material was too easy or too difficult and she was doing fine initially, I used placement tests to figure out what material to use and I had seen the material she had been covering in public school.

This is actually exactly how everything we do with my stepdaughter goes (chores, self-care, etc.), initially she finds new systems and schedules doable and she has great success, then about 1-2 weeks later she just stops pretty much entirely unless we are walking her through every single step/minute/activity and basically forcing her to do it by standing over her the entire time.  She really seems to respond to novelty and is not particularly motivated by negative or positive "consequences."  I find the idea of needing to create "novel" systems and schedules every 2 weeks extremely impractical.  In public school she had average grades, but her interpersonal issues, which existed from the very beginning of her public education, were very quickly escalating and distracting her and her classmates from lessons and work.  I am not familiar with the routines/structure of the public school she attended, but obviously with homeschooling I don't have the ability to change rooms and teachers frequently, especially since bad weather will keep us at home through most of the fall/winter/spring.

I guess I am looking for ideas on how to present material to her so that she is at least somewhat motivated or interested in learning it and then how to help her complete practice work when necessary.  I have an almost 3 year old and an 8 month old as well so I do not know how I could possibly sit with her and work through every single question on every single worksheet etc.  I also do not know how to get enough work completed in a reasonable amount of time if we have to do all sorts of different and changing techniques all the time.

 

Thanks for reading!

[PeterPan]

Has she had trauma therapy with a licensed counselor who specializes in that? Until you do that, you're not going to get the breakthroughs you want. Trauma creates the disconnect and the behaviors you're seeing.

                                            The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma                                     

If you are a christian, try the Focus on the Family practitioner referral search engine and filter for trauma. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/counseling-services-and-referrals/

I had trauma in my childhood and I went in for things that I didn't realize were due to that and got major breakthroughs. I think you'll find that working on relationship and getting the trauma therapy will get you farther. If for whatever reason the only counseling she has had is with a church counselor, not a licensed professional counselor specializing in trauma, then please get her proper services. If you read that book I linked, you'll understand why. There are significant consequences to trauma and they have to be addressed.

Also, I think doing tech is counter-intuitive. Her issue is dissociation and the tech feeds that. You're also feeing the idea to be motivated by stuff rather than motivated by RELATIONSHIP. Your RELATIONSHIP is the ultimate motivator and the thing she most lacks due to her experiences.

I suggest rather than building novelty of things that you build variety with the PEOPLE she gets to experience. Does she have a granny or caring aunt? Send her to these people. Expand her world with caring people who talk with her and interact with her. Like every Thursday, send her to Granny. Every Friday she shops with Auntie. Every Monday she goes to a playdate with a small circle of friends you made through a co-op. That kind of thing. 

My ds is quite bright and craves novelty, and that's what we found with him, that it was better to motivate him through time with PEOPLE than it was stuff. You can't be novel enough to keep feeding him enough stuff. I mean, I've done it but you want to transition her to being motivated by relationships with people. So inventory or even pay for people to come in. I have paid in-home workers because my ds has autism.

Ok, I just read about the 3 yo and 8 month old. So that's why you want her independent. So I think you need to start with read-alouds. Bring in some novelty by having a *rotation* of things she's allowed to do during reading. With my ds' speech therapy, we used a 6 rotation for whatever games were played in his 2 hour weekly therapy sessions. So maybe have 5 things that she will highly prefer and *rotate* them during read-alouds. You can do read alouds with the tagalongs, so that will be fine and good for all of them. Littlest goes in a swing and the 3 yo can list. Use picture books. 

https://www.weareteachers.com/15-must-have-picture-books-for-teaching-social-emotional-skills/  Here's a list to get you started. 

https://hub.lexile.com/find-a-book/search  Here's a lexile search engine. Use this to find non-fiction books on science, art, history, etc. to read to her. Your library will have them and they'll be good. Don't try for some crazy connected curriculum like Sonlight right now, kwim? I'm literally just saying PICK UP BOOKS AND READ WITH HER. 

When the kids go down for naps, do math.

I think spelling on the computer could be good. Don't try too hard on LA right now, kwim? Talk about the books. Retell the stories, talk about what they were feeling. There's growing research on the effect of trauma on narrative language, so literally just narrating those books and talking abut them could be important for her. It might be why school wasn't going well, because she didn't have the language to explore what was going on. https://mindwingconcepts.com/pages/methodology  You can even call and talk with Moreau about her work in some of the public schools with trauma and narrative. She's being called in to train schools on it.

Write each day a small amount that is joyful to her. Like if she LIKES to write, do something like Draw Write Now or a journal prompt, whatever floats her boat. If she doesn't like to write, I think maybe just do a handwriting page from a workbook. Or hang handwriting and do doodling. Seriously, doodling is healthy and it's crazy good for her vmi=visual motor integration. My ds handwriting has improved RADICALLY since we started drawing together daily. 

Don't try so hard to do school. Do some joyful things together that hit her right where she is. She doesn't need school; she needs YOU.

Edited August 22, 2019 by PeterPan

[PeterPan]

Things to do during read-alouds. I'm thinking 

                                            Continuum Games Pajaggle Board Game                                     

                                            Readaeer Round Knitting Looms Set Craft Kit Tool with Hook Needle and Pompom Maker                                     

                                            Crayola Air-Dry Clay, White, 5 Pound Resealable Bucket Natural Clay for Kids, No Baking, Dries Hard, Easy to Paint, A Smoother, Simpler, Less-Sticky Alternative to Traditional Ceramics                                     

That's just a start. Puzzles, paint by number, Sculpey, whatever floats her boat. I had an art therapist (whom I couldn't afford to keep, broke my heart) who started with clay with my ds. Super good for sensory. She had posters for emotions on the wall and you could tell where she was going to was to vent, use it as a calming tool, sculpt what it feels like when you're (insert emotion), etc. And she can have little tools, wire and popsicle sticks, etc. to use with it.

 

[PeterPan]

When my dd was that age, I sent her to her grandma's weekly and they would sew. They worked through this book                                             The Simple Art of Napkin Folding: 94 Fancy Folds for Every Tabletop Occasion                                     

My ds has a blessed aunt who takes him shopping and out to lunch each week. Lots of life skills there, exceptionally valuable.

If you have a counselor, have you discussed with them behavior and consequences? I just don't know trauma enough to know about stuff backfiring. 

[Pen]

1. The majority of students are not highly self motivated, even though you were.  

2. I think dealing with the trauma/abuse needs to take precedence— and is likely closely related to her behavior problems and also probably increases her academic difficulties 

finding an excellent therapist if she hasn’t got one would be a priority in my mind

3. I would probably use her love of fiction as a starting point for academics...find fiction that ties to mythology, history, math, science... and explore from there   Try to have fun with it! 

4. Otherwise, I might only try to push some math so she doesn’t get too far behind in it.  Maybe look at Beast Academy 2nd or 3rd grade level  (it is a hard advanced program so she may need the 2nd grade level to start) which has a comics cartoons storyline, AND maybe also Critical Thinking Press Math program which has a bunch of different things to do—puzzles and balance math for example so it isn’t like one type of worksheet over and over.  Then two programs to alternate may help the boredom problem.  Plus there are some YouTube explanations of math, like KhanAcademy if that would help her.

****  I’d work on it together with her when other dc are napping or in bed mornings or evenings.  ****

And try to use real life to help support learning— like cook together with her and use measuring and counting that goes with cooking.  Consider cooking Time and Temperature as math related... plus science and nutrition science related to food and cooking.  

Maybe you can grow sprouts, make yoghurt etc

5. Find movement activities (maybe do something together and perhaps 3 yo can join in too? Yoga for children? T-Tapp? Dance?  Different things different days?

nerf ball play?   Jump rope? 

6. Try to get out in nature even if it’s cold when  you safely can

7. make sure nutrition is good — including vitamin D if you are in a non sunny climate

8. Sing together, read together, bond and nurture

[Heathermomster]

Wow! OP, listen to the ladies.

Does your DD have any diagnosed SLDs?  Does she struggle with handwriting or math?  If so, maybe dig deeper and consider getting her an educational and ADHD eval.  I’m assuming that your family is in some sort of counseling for the trauma.

I select materials that I can teach and my kids find Interesting.  My kids would not tolerate being taught using a computerized curriculum and sheet work.  Both my kids struggle with handwriting and have worked with OT/PT.  Their handwriting is accommodated.  We use a variety of curriculum that includes hands-on materials, living books, audio, documentaries, and plain old text books.  I sit with my 11yo at the kitchen table where I teach and monitor her work.  We keep a cube timer handy.  She types at the table using her iPad and keyboard.  We talk about history and science together and keep WTM style notebooks.  Writing is taught across the subjects, and we drink hot tea together.

Basically, I don’t expect my DD to be self-motivated in any subject except violin.  Good luck!

 

Edited August 22, 2019 by Heathermomster

[kbutton]

22 hours ago, Lilacs said:

This is actually exactly how everything we do with my stepdaughter goes (chores, self-care, etc.), initially she finds new systems and schedules doable and she has great success, then about 1-2 weeks later she just stops pretty much entirely unless we are walking her through every single step/minute/activity and basically forcing her to do it by standing over her the entire time.  She really seems to respond to novelty and is not particularly motivated by negative or positive "consequences."  I find the idea of needing to create "novel" systems and schedules every 2 weeks extremely impractical.  

I guess I am looking for ideas on how to present material to her so that she is at least somewhat motivated or interested in learning it and then how to help her complete practice work when necessary.  

I think that if you are more interactive, you might not need "novelty." 

If you need efficiency and consistency, you can create that through routines that involve the order of subjects, what days you have more or less time to spend on activities (like maybe pick one "longer" assignment to do each day, and rotate through subjects or projects). Others probably have even more suggestions about creating a predictable routine that keeps you from having to be super novel--we all agree that kids need structure. 

If you or your DH are trying to DIY curriculum, everything is going to feel novel and fiddly to some degree. That's why people like me look at curriculum to find the closest fit and go from there.

Have you looked at various homeschool curriculums that offer lesson plans? The options for homeschooling multiply every year. There are programs that are fully scripted that tell you when to do each thing and even what to say to the child, and there are very open-ended materials for exploring. Most options are someplace in between--they have guidelines for what the student should be doing and learning, and they have suggestions for how to present the material. They usually have a mix of independent work and work with a parent. 

Are you willing to present lessons at all? 

It sounds like you are teaching behaviors, but not concepts, and as others have pointed out, your idea of how she'd respond is not really in line with what most of us do when we homeschool. It also sounds like maybe you think any variation in the worksheet/video routine is novel. But, perspectives can change--if you are willing to branch out and look at other options, you might find something workable that seems appropriate and interests her.

If we're reading your expectations incorrectly, it's possible that she needs more skills and can eventually reach your expectations, but you'll have to bring her along. It's not something she'll figure out on her own more than likely.

Best wishes.

[Pen]

Are your parents who homeschooled you possibly available to help teach her?

Would a complete self contained program like Oak Meadow, perhaps enrolled with teacher support from them be a help?

https://www.oakmeadow.com/elementary-k-4/

[Storygirl]

https://www.mfwbooks.com/products/25/Workshops-on-CD/

I highly recommend buying this CD presentation. I've seen it in person twice (or maybe three times), and it is chock full of information and inspiration about how to occupy little ones while also homeschooling older students. I have four kids and homeschooled them through elementary (and oldest, until high school), and it can be HARD to juggle it all.

I agree with all that has been suggested so far. I think she sounds bored and needs your personal attention. When I was homeschooling, I sat with my kids the entire time. By the third grade, they were doing some independent pages for math and some independent reading time, but I taught all of their lessons to them, and as they did their independent work, I would cycle through working with each of them individually.

Use the baby's nap time for schoolwork. If the three year old is not still napping, start (or continue) quiet time in his/her room anyway. As the three year old gets a little older, incorporate him/her into the school time by having coloring pages or special toys and activities that serve as the little one's "school." My Father's World (the company I Iinked at the top) has great preschool packages that are all about learning through play. Sonlight also has a preschool curriculum; theirs is mostly books, with a few hands-on things included, along with a guide including enrichment activities.

This is not really about starting "preschool" with the little one but more about how to incorporate learning and homeschooling into your entire family.

Some states have scholarships for homeschooled students with disabilities. Make sure you know what is available where you are (sometimes you won't know until you research or ask). With the history of trauma and emotional/ behavioral difficulties, perhaps she would qualify for some assistance, which you could use for either therapy or to hire a tutor.

Look on Amazon for History Pockets and Literature Pockets -- we loved those when my kids were younger. These are not a full program but are guides for creating crafts alongside history lessons and/or literature lessons.

If she would like to read The Chronicles of Narnia, there is a program called Further Up and Further In that has the student read through the whole series and incorporates all lessons except for math, for an entire year. Doing something like that might really draw her in to the learning experience while also deepening her connection with you, as you would read the books together.

There is another like that called Prarie Primer, which is about the Little House series.

I am just thinking of what you could do to engage her love of reading, make schoolwork fun and novel, enhance your connection with her as she is learning. Since she loves reading, I am throwing out those suggestions (I did not use the Narnia or Little House programs myself).

Or you could do a unit study (that is what this kind of learning is called) on geography and use My Father's World's curriculum, which is appropriate for a third grade.

Or tag onto another of her interests and purchase a unit study about that topic. You could post on the General Ed board or the K-8 board for unit study ideas.

Like kbutton, I always found it easiest to pick a curricula and then revise or tweak it as needed, versus starting from scratch. Even though I am suggesting some of these pre-planned programs that you can buy, it's not so much that you would need to do them exactly as written, but that they would give you a roadmap for your goals. And I'm recommending unit studies specifically, because I think that kind of learning might draw your step-daughter in.

Make it fun for both of you. Let's face it -- being the homeschool teacher/parent is not always fun!! But you can pull in some creativity, and you don't have to create it all from scratch, if you buy a program.

Overall, I agree that working on therapy and relationships is more important than schoolwork for the next year. But for the schoolwork portion of your days, you can choose something creative and engaging. You can do as Peter Pan suggested and just read library books across a lot of subjects, but sometimes some people need more structure than that, and unit studies might work for that purpose.

 

 

Edited August 24, 2019 by Storygirl

[PeterPan]

9 hours ago, kbutton said:

If you need efficiency and consistency

Just as a warning, when you try to increase efficiency and consistency, you're increasing *demands* which can in turn increase *behaviors*. So I was suggesting routine and STRUCTURE while controlling the amount of demands to the amount that she can comply with. You want to stretch that, not whomp her and have constant stress. It's ok to decrease demands to a workable level while increasing structure, routine, predictability.

[PeterPan]

On August 21, 2019 at 3:35 PM, Lilacs said:

My stepdaughter will be turning 10 yrs old next month and is at about a 3rd grade education level in everything except reading.  She is an advanced reader and enjoys reading, especially fictional books.

At that age my dd really enjoyed the Beautiful Feet Geography curriculum. It was the year my ds was born, so I needed things that were independent. She also really enjoyed Snap Circuits.

[Kanin]

11 hours ago, PeterPan said:

So I was suggesting routine and STRUCTURE while controlling the amount of demands to the amount that she can comply with. You want to stretch that, not whomp her and have constant stress. It's ok to decrease demands to a workable level while increasing structure, routine, predictability.

Wow, I'm going to print this out and post it on my wall above my desk. I, too, struggle with decreasing demands to the right level. It can be hard to figure out just where the ideal level is. I suggest dropping demands WAY down, so she says it's too easy (or doesn't complain), and go from there. In my experience, when kids are able to do the work, they enjoy doing it - at least tolerate it with minimal fussing 🙂 

[Kanin]

For math, I think you should check out the Prodigy game online. It's free, unless you want to pay for a premium account. Kids at my school all have the free Prodigy accounts, and the game is seriously awesome. It's like a combo of a fantasy battle game and a math class. I'd guess it's about 75% math, and 25% game. It adjusts to a student's level, so if they get a certain number wrong, the game makes the questions easier.

I was against Prodigy for a long time because I thought it was too much game, but I've since changed my tune.

Maybe have her do 10-15 minutes of math with you (marching along on a curriculum), and then 30 minutes of Prodigy? If she's anything like my students, she'll want to play FOREVER. I have to boot them off each time. 🙂

[1shortmomto4]

Until your step-dd begins and receives treatment to address her trauma you are going to be spinning wheels.  The brain will remain in the cycle it is in because of the trauma.  Her maturity will slow - hence, she won't begin working towards that independence you are hoping to find - and most likely will just stall out.  I'm so sorry this young sweet girl is struggling so.  What she needs is a whole lot of patience, understanding but mostly love and security. 

I'm guessing that your approach to her schooling is similar to what you've experienced and that is what you have to work with, right?  Just like a parent who tries to replicate the school-at-home approach when they first begin because that was how they were educated.  I think it is important to keep that in mind as you allow yourself the freedom to approach this in a completely unfamiliar, different way.  What worked and was successful for you will most likely not be the way this young person achieves success.

So perhaps she is in therapy, getting treatment, etc.  Well, then, lots of ideas have been provided.  There is a common suggestion that kids who were in public school need a time to deprogram from that experience and to refrain from doing "school" as we know it.  It sounds like you have a strong reader on your hands - and that, in and of itself, is a great gift.  I think that is the biggest hurdle and one she doesn't appear to need to climb which opens so options.  You could consider a program like Sonlight - but choose a level that is just at to just below her strengths so she is learning but not struggling to learn.  You could look at Trail Guides - Paths to --- which includes everything but the kitchen sink and math.  Beautiful Feet guides or Five in a Row (but this definitely requires some planning on mom's part).  She reads and enjoys reading and that is her strength - use that but, important, don't overdo it.  The problem with picking a program is that you may struggle with the "I must do each box" part - which is helpful when you have little ones but you have to be flexible to either go half speed sometimes, skip a day, skip a lesson, etc.  Depending on your state's requirements you may, for now, pick a user-friendly math program and visit the library once a week letting her pick out books she'd like to read and you could pick some history ones (there are some great girl heroines out there!) (Truthquest History guide and eventually add in their notebooking pages - but, again, keep it simple for now) and some science ones, too.  There have been some new releases of girls and STEM that might be interesting.  Maybe get a journal and find a resource of journal prompts to have her write each day.  I'd be working towards pulling out her creative side - whether that is music or art or dance.  These are all activities that your 3 year old could participate in, too.  A relaxed day but some light structure which allows for creativity - that creativity is what helps heal that brain. 

I find there is a general push in our society towards a lot of online learning.  Each year mom's will come looking for some program that they can load in to their computer, set the child down, and call it done for the day.  Most of the time the results of this approach end badly and people return their kids to PS.  I think it is important to note that online learning in the younger years, fosters this answer this/reward with a game/activity behavior which for someone that has experienced trauma most likely triggers the brain in a negative way and produces responses that are not conducive to healing - which she so desperately needs.

The most important curriculum of all is love and relationship.  It may not seem like a 3 year old and a 10 year old have much in common but there is a relationship to be made there (and even with the baby).  Unfortunately her success is going to take time - more time than might seem normal or reasonable to you but with a whole lot of help from professionals and her family, she'll find success.