PPD following miscarriage

[Rachel]

If you have experienced postpartum depression following a miscarriage or infant loss? What helped? When did you start to feel normal again?

Feel free to PM if you aren’t comfortable sharing on this thread.

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

Mine weren't miscarriages or infants, which has extra messy hormones in the mix, but time. Grieving for a long time is perfectly normal. Grieving for segments of forever is normal. I am not sure one can return to the same normal as before. One is now older.

[scholastica]

It mostly mostly took time. Also, we had a lab report that let us know the cause of death, which I found comforting. It is a loss. Not many people recognize it as such. If someone is suffering they can look for this support group in their area: Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support. 

[Rachel]

Logically I know time helps. I think I need to know the difference between normal grief and hormones being out of whack. I don’t know how one figures that out though.

It’s been 3 months and in some ways I’m doing much better. The due date is approaching though and in some ways I feel like I’m going backwards in the healing process. 

[scholastica]

Just now, Rachel said:

Logically I know time helps. I think I need to know the difference between normal grief and hormones being out of whack. I don’t know how one figures that out though.

It’s been 3 months and in some ways I’m doing much better. The due date is approaching though and in some ways I feel like I’m going backwards in the healing process. 

I don’t think that’s abnormal. Grief isn’t linear. I remember being sad around the due date even though I was already pregnant again.

 

[Rosie_0801]

18 minutes ago, Rachel said:

Logically I know time helps. I think I need to know the difference between normal grief and hormones being out of whack. I don’t know how one figures that out though.

It’s been 3 months and in some ways I’m doing much better. The due date is approaching though and in some ways I feel like I’m going backwards in the healing process. 

 

If you're approaching the due date, the difference between normal grief and hormones being out of whack is probably not important. 

 

My son has been dead for four years as of three weeks ago, and I had to skip out of class and spend half an hour crying under a tree. This week I had a dream that he's planning to reincarnate and even though there's nothing rational about dreams, I'm still feeling pain because I feel like I'm losing him a second time. And, what's worst, he's going to be someone else's! Good luck to him, of course. I was always his more than he was mine.

[happypamama]

34 minutes ago, Rachel said:

Logically I know time helps. I think I need to know the difference between normal grief and hormones being out of whack. I don’t know how one figures that out though.

It’s been 3 months and in some ways I’m doing much better. The due date is approaching though and in some ways I feel like I’m going backwards in the healing process. 

Time helps. Due dates approaching are hard. I am so very sorry for your loss. Please talk to your doctor. Even if the grief is complicated by hormones, it still hurts a lot. Your doctor can provide meds that help take the edge off and can also hopefully help you find a therapist to help too. 

 

Losing a child is truly horrible. I am so so sorry. 

[wintermom]

26 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Mine weren't miscarriages or infants, which has extra messy hormones in the mix, but time. Grieving for a long time is perfectly normal. Grieving for segments of forever is normal. I am not sure one can return to the same normal as before. One is now older.

I think something as traumatic as losing a baby/ child causes a permanent change and a "new normal" in a parent. There is no going back to who we were before the loss, but  new normal can be eventually accepted. 

My little one would have been 9 now, and I still feel a loss and a feeling of what might have been. My mother had a miscarriage and I feel the loss of a sibling I never knew.  Time provides perspective and healing, but memories and thoughts don't fade.

So sorry for your loss.

[Rosie_0801]

1 minute ago, wintermom said:

My little one would have been 9 now.

 

Mine too. And I'm sure they would have been the cutest things ever. You know, just like all the kids who did stick around. ❤️

I find it hard because mine was on the disability side of quirky, so I can't even imagine what he would be like. Would he have learned to swim three summers ago? Would he have bothered to learn to talk some more? Would he have got the hang of jigsaw puzzles and learned to play piano? Surely he would have toilet trained. ? 

[Rachel]

Thanks you all. I do have a good doctor and ob who are taking care of me medically. Maybe I do need to go in again and see if my medicines are right. My husband has been fantastic and I have four good friends who keep checking on me. 

The what ifs are hard. They are so hard and they pop up expectedly. 

((((Rosie)))) I cant believe your son has been gone 4 years already.  I remember hearing the news and crying for you and your daughter. 

 

[RootAnn]

I certainly wondered if my grief was (is?) PPD. So hard to differentiate when you are the one experiencing it. Due dates and later, both birthdates and the anniversary of the m/c cause a swell of emotions. DH was probably pretty worried about me and definitely had/has his own grief. In the thick of things, though, easy to get bogged down and drown.

More power to you if you ask for help and a medicine check. I never brought it up with my ob even though it was on my list to ask. Too many other upsetting medical stuff to discuss for me to bring something else up, I guess. 

Rosie, I can't believe how much time has passed. In some ways, it feels like it just happened. In others, it was ages ago. So sorry.