What's a reasonable expectation for parents replying to emails?

[Daria]

46 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:

I think a website would be better.  I am so much more likely to see a text or go to a website.  Just for information, I have very bad brain fog at times.  Email becomes overwhelming and when I have a clearer mind, I just search for emails from a few people I expect may have sent me something - like my husband or my church.  

 

Any website would have to be individualized to each child and password protected, because of laws and ethics around confidentiality.  I can’t have a class website and post that A might or might not be allergic to bananas, B wet his pants and needs new ones C and D are working on learning to ride the bus home for their IEP (see permission slip for their home addresses) and E, F, and G are taking the special education support class for English II and need permission to watch . . . 

We already have a password protected webpage for each kid with homework, and we put other things on it, but the parents who don’t email don’t check that, even though the school provided device that goes home with each child has the password loaded in it.  

[Bluegoat]

8 hours ago, soror said:

But this is not an argument over people who don't have email but people who prefer not to use it, email addresses are free and public wifi is plentiful, anyone on this forum has an email address as you had to have one to sign up. Most schools around here communicate primarily online if you as a parent don't have access then it is incumbent upon you to let them know that. 

 

Yes, and like Daria said, she knows these people have email.  However, in principle in a public school, teachers and schools need to be prepared to communicate in a variety of ways.  Not all families will have the same resources, and it isn't always going to be the case that the teacher or school will know that.  

A principle that the leader/teacher gets to choose the method of communication just isn't appropriate in a public service setting.  They need to look at the people they are providing a service to, and figure out how they can communicate with all of them.

In my experience, the best way is a combination of something like email and notices sent home.

 

[Bluegoat]

7 hours ago, Daria said:

 

Absolutely agree, and I have no problem with finding ways to communicate with families who actually need a different way of communicating.  For example, I have a parent whose English is limited, and I will often leave her off an email and catch her at dismissal to go over something.  When we do email she always responds, but her response is often questions because of the English issue, so we talk in person, but that’s not an option for families that don’t pick up their kid themselves or at a predictable time.

 

But I am asking about parents that I know don’t have access issues.  I’ve been to their million dollar home, I’ve had mom interrupt meetings because her email alerted to her phone.  I have seen the latest models of iPhone that each of their kids have, and I’ve gotten many emails from their kids sent from home.  I’ve gotten plenty of emails from parents.  Lack of access isn’t the issue.

 

 

My guess is that some of them are flakey.  Which is to say, forgetful, or distracted.  You can probably improve responses by setting dates to return, and maybe also using in hand noises of some kind, but some people are just like that.

[Bluegoat]

1 hour ago, plansrme said:

I am shocked at the number of responses telling  you to make more of an effort.  These parents need to make more of an effort.  It is unfortunate that you do not have better options for levying consequences when parents do not do their part, because there is nothing like an adverse consequence to encourage compliance.  Responding to these things is part of being a parent, and it is definitely part of having a child in school/sports/clubs, etc.  If you loathe email so much that you are unwilling to read and respond  on behalf of your kid, keep your kid home.

 

There really isn't much other option though.  She can't do much to change what the parents do, so the option is to live with it, change something she does, or maybe change the rules.  The latter would probably be best but is unlikely in most cases.

[Daria]

9 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

 

There really isn't much other option though.  She can't do much to change what the parents do, so the option is to live with it, change something she does, or maybe change the rules.  The latter would probably be best but is unlikely in most cases.

 

I guess what I'm asking is at what point is it reasonable for me to exclude a child; or to ask a child to call their parent at work; or to get someone to cover my classroom in the a.m. or skip after school activities so I can stalk the carpool line?  How much of a pattern is enough for me to bring it up at an IEP meeting or to corner you at back to school night, and embarrass the parent by telling them things need to change?  

I usually give about a week's notice, and make about 3 attempts, before I take it to the next level, and if that worked I'd be OK with it, but the families I am most frustrated with are regularly not responsive within that time frame. 

[SKL]

I do know some people "in this day and age" who do not have internet access at home.  While there are usually some other options, it is not realistic that they will be accessed every day.

Just this week my kids' teacher told me that he himself was locked out of email for 3 days.  This is school sponsored email in a modern wired school.  And he has said the best way to communicate with him is email.  So yeah ... stuff happens and what's easy for us may not be easy for everyone.

[SKL]

30 minutes ago, Daria said:

 

I guess what I'm asking is at what point is it reasonable for me to exclude a child; or to ask a child to call their parent at work; or to get someone to cover my classroom in the a.m. or skip after school activities so I can stalk the carpool line?  How much of a pattern is enough for me to bring it up at an IEP meeting or to corner you at back to school night, and embarrass the parent by telling them things need to change?  

I usually give about a week's notice, and make about 3 attempts, before I take it to the next level, and if that worked I'd be OK with it, but the families I am most frustrated with are regularly not responsive within that time frame. 

I think that after the first time you had this trouble with a given parent, the best action would be to ask for a call or meeting to nail down what is the best way for you to communicate with them.  (I would not wait for the next crisis to address this.)  Also I think part of it is on you for not being more clear up-front as to what you need parents to do and within what time frame.  A week's notice is fine if that's all the time you have, but I would expect much more notice for something you've had on the calendar for months.  I don't understand why parents aren't informed as soon as a date is decided, and then reminded as the date gets close.

[Joker]

I've had to sign off on movies but it has always been at the beginning of the school year and included in the syllabus given to students with other things parents have to sign at that time. There was usually a list of possible movies and we could indicate if we had a problem with any so the teacher could plan. 

Again, I find it wrong they are not responding at all but I also think it's unrealistic to think they should reply in just a day or two. I checked my email today for the first time this week and dh hasn't checked his personal email in more than two weeks because he's been so busy with work.

[kiwik]

On 5/11/2018 at 11:17 PM, Momto5inIN said:

My dad was a school administrator, and in the 70's we got prank phone calls and angry parent diatribes and such all the time on our landline. I could see this getting real ugly if all parents had access to all teachers' cell phone numbers.

Mostly I do get reminders by text. 

[kiwik]

15 hours ago, poppy said:

No reply is a no. It's a dismissive and inconsiderate no--  IMO-- but it is what it is.  For most things I where I need an answer, I put "please reply by Tuesday or I'll assume the answer is OK".  But for taking kids out of school, you'd need more than that.

 

In general, it irritates me when grown adults refuse to use a form of communication.  You don't want to deal with email / Facebook / texting / whatever, fine, but then don't complain if you're out of the loop. Fine a workaround,ask a friend, or stop complaining.   There are always disadvantages to opting out. It is a choice. 

 

I disagree.  I got Facebook because the school used it along with a newsletter that was available by email and hard copy. Recently they switched to an app instead.  My phone cannot handle that app.  The people who have no internet access and were dependant on the hard copy now struggle to keep informed at all.

[poppy]

2 minutes ago, kiwik said:

I disagree.  I got Facebook because the school used it along with a newsletter that was available by email and hard copy. Recently they switched to an app instead.  My phone cannot handle that app.  The people who have no internet access and were dependant on the hard copy now struggle to keep informed at all.

Does it have to be an app? Can you look at a computer? There's usually more than one way. If not, I'd take it to the school committee.

I don't have much to say about people with no internet access at all except, the digital divide is terrible.  No one should have to go to the public library to complete school assignments.

[Innisfree]

I've already gone on record as hating email. That said, I think that once you have communicated clearly at the beginning of the year that you use it and the parent needs to check it, the onus is on them to do so. If you need to have the child call them at work, or have the nurse place a call to ask about an allergy, I would not hesitate to do so.

With that said, I think there are better ways. Our kids' elementary school gave each child a special folder at the beginning of the year. Notices came home every Monday, without fail. Homework and work done at school went in it, too. Maybe teachers found some parents didn't pay attention to that either, I don't know. But it seemed to work pretty well. 

Sometimes it seems to me that people who are in the working world, or have been recently, in jobs that use email, have different habits and expectations than those who aren't and rarely use it. Email requires intentional thought and action from parents. It's not unreasonable to expect them to check it regularly. But if they aren't in the habit of doing so, expecting them to form a new habit may not be the most realistic way to get a response. The folder I mentioned was a new habit, too, but because it was in daily use for homework, it seemed pretty easy.

While I would not hesitate to phone parents as needed, I would really hate to have them humiliated in a meeting or other public situation. You never really know the full story of what a person is dealing with. As a parent of a child with disabilities, I know my energy is limited. I know you know that, too. I try to do the right things, but sometimes I need to triage, and sometimes email does not meet the cut-off. A teacher may know my child has a disability, but does she also know if I'm looking after elderly parents, or the car broke down, or there are major family stresses that just defy description outside a therapist's office? Probably not. And the more stresses a parent is juggling, my guess is, the more likely they are to be a serial email offender. So I'd try to communicate, in a way which you can control, without judgement as much as possible. And, as a parent, I'd be really grateful for your patience and help.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I don't believe that the whole world needs a constant pass for executive function failure. I know, personally, that executive function issues and legitimate stress are very, very real. But you have to parent your child. If you are in the NICU with another child and you can hardly remember that you HAVE other children, then you have to set up for that. Let their teacher know that the home situation is this, and to text Grandma until further notice. If there is no Grandma, still tell the school - your child may need additional support. Leaving them without a parent on the ground should be the end of the line option. 

But most people are not in the NICU or attending funerals every day for an entire semester. They are just busy. These busy people are not being honest about whether or not they can pay attention to the humans who are tending and educating their children, regarding questions directly concerning their child's care. Looking at your email takes moments, morning and evening, so even if you are an email slob that never unsubscribes or blocks, you will see that note from Harriet's teacher. And then in another 3 seconds, you can send back

1. Harriet is NOT allergic to bananas.

2. Johnny has my permission to watch the movie.

You can't tell me that all the parents who are known to possess i-phones, laptops, and literacy, who are obviously communicating for purposes that they prioritize (or they couldn't keep a job, or pay their bills, or meet up with friends, or get texts from their spouse, or whatever)...you can't tell me that they are so all-fired important and busy that they have literally not picked up their phone for five days and never got the message. Nonsense! 

[poppy]

4 hours ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

I don't believe that the whole world needs a constant pass for executive function failure. I know, personally, that executive function issues and legitimate stress are very, very real. But you have to parent your child. If you are in the NICU with another child and you can hardly remember that you HAVE other children, then you have to set up for that. Let their teacher know that the home situation is this, and to text Grandma until further notice. If there is no Grandma, still tell the school - your child may need additional support. Leaving them without a parent on the ground should be the end of the line option. 

But most people are not in the NICU or attending funerals every day for an entire semester. They are just busy. These busy people are not being honest about whether or not they can pay attention to the humans who are tending and educating their children, regarding questions directly concerning their child's care. Looking at your email takes moments, morning and evening, so even if you are an email slob that never unsubscribes or blocks, you will see that note from Harriet's teacher. And then in another 3 seconds, you can send back

1. Harriet is NOT allergic to bananas.

2. Johnny has my permission to watch the movie.

You can't tell me that all the parents who are known to possess i-phones, laptops, and literacy, who are obviously communicating for purposes that they prioritize (or they couldn't keep a job, or pay their bills, or meet up with friends, or get texts from their spouse, or whatever)...you can't tell me that they are so all-fired important and busy that they have literally not picked up their phone for five days and never got the message. Nonsense! 

 

Yes, usually when I hear "I'm too busy" and I just mentally translate it to "this isn't important enough for me to prioritize".

[Daria]

8 hours ago, Innisfree said:

I've already gone on record as hating email. That said, I think that once you have communicated clearly at the beginning of the year that you use it and the parent needs to check it, the onus is on them to do so. If you need to have the child call them at work, or have the nurse place a call to ask about an allergy, I would not hesitate to do so.

With that said, I think there are better ways. Our kids' elementary school gave each child a special folder at the beginning of the year. Notices came home every Monday, without fail. Homework and work done at school went in it, too. Maybe teachers found some parents didn't pay attention to that either, I don't know. But it seemed to work pretty well. 

 

That's really an elementary school specific strategy.  I don't see all of my students every day, often times I'll find out about something that needs to go home (e.g. a test in their gen ed class) after kids have left the building, because that's when the gen ed teachers are replying to my email, or when I can go track them down.  If I wait until I have a child in my class again in two school days, to send something home on paper, then the family loses several days advanced notice.  

In addition, I don't see evidence that families who don't reply to emails check backpacks.   When I go to check a child's backpack for something, I often find paperwork that is many months old. 

8 hours ago, Innisfree said:

As a parent of a child with disabilities, I know my energy is limited. I know you know that, too. I try to do the right things, but sometimes I need to triage, and sometimes email does not meet the cut-off. A teacher may know my child has a disability, but does she also know if I'm looking after elderly parents, or the car broke down, or there are major family stresses that just defy description outside a therapist's office? Probably not. And the more stresses a parent is juggling, my guess is, the more likely they are to be a serial email offender. So I'd try to communicate, in a way which you can control, without judgement as much as possible. And, as a parent, I'd be really grateful for your patience and help.

 

I do know that thing come up.  How do I know?  Well, for one thing I'm also a single parent of a child with a disability who has had major medical issues over the past few years,  and the daughter of a mother who has had several major health issues over the past few years, not to mention my .  I also work a second job to make ends meet.  True, I haven't had a car break down, because I don't drive due to a vision issue, but I've had plenty of other stressors.  

Of course, I've had families in the past few years who have additional stressors, such as an ill grandparent or sibling.  Generally, the families that communicate well when there isn't a crisis find out a way to communicate when there is one.  They might miss something here or there, but they're clearly trying.

[SKL]

But again, sometimes teacher emails go into junk mail, and not everyone checks junk mail every day.

Too much of this discussion is assuming people doing this and thinking that.  That is really a waste of energy.  There needs to be direct communication between parent and teacher one way or another.  "Are you getting my emails?"  If the answer is "no" for whatever reason, then what can realistically be done about it?

[Innisfree]

14 minutes ago, Daria said:

 

That's really an elementary school specific strategy.  I don't see all of my students every day, often times I'll find out about something that needs to go home (e.g. a test in their gen ed class) after kids have left the building, because that's when the gen ed teachers are replying to my email, or when I can go track them down.  If I wait until I have a child in my class again in two school days, to send something home on paper, then the family loses several days advanced notice.  

In addition, I don't see evidence that families who don't reply to emails check backpacks.   When I go to check a child's backpack for something, I often find paperwork that is many months old. 

 

I do know that thing come up.  How do I know?  Well, for one thing I'm also a single parent of a child with a disability who has had major medical issues over the past few years,  and the daughter of a mother who has had several major health issues over the past few years, not to mention my .  I also work a second job to make ends meet.  True, I haven't had a car break down, because I don't drive due to a vision issue, but I've had plenty of other stressors.  

Of course, I've had families in the past few years who have additional stressors, such as an ill grandparent or sibling.  Generally, the families that communicate well when there isn't a crisis find out a way to communicate when there is one.  They might miss something here or there, but they're clearly trying.

Sure, I essentially agree with you. I did say the onus is on the parents to check the email. Expecting that on a daily basis is reasonable, as is calling g them at work or wherever if they haven't responded. The only reservation I had was about shaming them publicly in a meeting.

I guess I was trying to say that yes, you are right, but if that isn't working, maybe the folders or something else would. I can see that in your situation the folders would not be a solution 

[school17777]

My 4th grader has a once a week folder that we are supposed to look through and sign a paper that we did so.  

Our dd though, leaves papers in her desk that she doesn’t want us to see, so even though we check the weekly folder, we don’t necessarily get all the papers that we are supposed to.  The teacher gave it to dd, so as far as she knows, we got it.  I don’t know that we are missing anything unless I hear about it somehow else.  I wish the teacher would email us instead of sending papers home.

[Bluegoat]

On 5/12/2018 at 9:23 PM, Daria said:

 

I guess what I'm asking is at what point is it reasonable for me to exclude a child; or to ask a child to call their parent at work; or to get someone to cover my classroom in the a.m. or skip after school activities so I can stalk the carpool line?  How much of a pattern is enough for me to bring it up at an IEP meeting or to corner you at back to school night, and embarrass the parent by telling them things need to change?  

I usually give about a week's notice, and make about 3 attempts, before I take it to the next level, and if that worked I'd be OK with it, but the families I am most frustrated with are regularly not responsive within that time frame. 

 

I think if it's really disrupting your activities it's enough, and if it's a parent where you say to yourself "oh, it's x again!" rather than a one-off failure.  So, making a decision about a film because of one kid whose parents don't respond, or getting to trip day and not having permission.  I suppose one thing is, maybe you could in some way dress all the parents, and talk about communication issues and the effect on quality of the program.

I also wonder, with certain thing, if it would be possible to deal with them at the beginning of the year.  Just get blanket permission on films, for example.

[Bluegoat]

19 hours ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

I don't believe that the whole world needs a constant pass for executive function failure. I know, personally, that executive function issues and legitimate stress are very, very real. But you have to parent your child. If you are in the NICU with another child and you can hardly remember that you HAVE other children, then you have to set up for that. Let their teacher know that the home situation is this, and to text Grandma until further notice. If there is no Grandma, still tell the school - your child may need additional support. Leaving them without a parent on the ground should be the end of the line option. 

But most people are not in the NICU or attending funerals every day for an entire semester. They are just busy. These busy people are not being honest about whether or not they can pay attention to the humans who are tending and educating their children, regarding questions directly concerning their child's care. Looking at your email takes moments, morning and evening, so even if you are an email slob that never unsubscribes or blocks, you will see that note from Harriet's teacher. And then in another 3 seconds, you can send back

1. Harriet is NOT allergic to bananas.

2. Johnny has my permission to watch the movie.

You can't tell me that all the parents who are known to possess i-phones, laptops, and literacy, who are obviously communicating for purposes that they prioritize (or they couldn't keep a job, or pay their bills, or meet up with friends, or get texts from their spouse, or whatever)...you can't tell me that they are so all-fired important and busy that they have literally not picked up their phone for five days and never got the message. Nonsense! 

 

I just don't see how useful this line of thinking is.  To me it's like saying "people should just not speed" or "people should just exercise more and eat less" or even "people should just not have any kind of dating/romantic/sexual interaction in the workplace."  All well and good, except it's a population of people, and they won't always do, or not do, those things.  Speculating as to why is only useful in so far as it gives you insight into improving outcomes, or let's you have realistic expectations.  One possibility certainly is to come down on those who are not stepping up - and that can be totally legitimate.  Ticket all those speed demons.  But just saying people should do this or that doesn't solve anything.