How should I word this to my DIL?

[solascriptura]

Text her and ask her to send it via PayPal or Venmo. As a very absent minded person this would work for me.

[coralloyd]

Ok, I am the forgetful one in here. I am sure she would not mind you reminding her. My mom has to do things like that with me all the time! Making it bigger than it needs to be is not a good idea (ie. calling ds, emailing if you normally call or text). I am sure it is not intentional on her part. Sometimes people like us just need a "'Hey _____, could you take a few minutes right now and mail me that check or Paypal it to me?" End of issue. And in the future make sure to get payment beforehand.

[Corraleno]

I'd send an email with your PayPal address and say that since you don't get to see her in person nearly as much as you'd like, and you know it can be a bit of a hassle to mail a check, you thought PayPal might be more convenient for her. I kind of disagree with those saying to just forget it, because if it were me, I would be absolutely mortified to realize, months from now, that I still owed my MIL money. I would much rather be politely reminded than to be written off as a forgetful flake who couldn't be expected to keep her word.

 

I'm not even ADD and I hate having to pay for things with a check. I do all my banking online, I have all my regular bills set up on autopay, and I pay for all other expenses with either cash or a CC (which is also paid automatically every month), so half the time I don't even know where my checkbook is. If I have to pay for something with a check, first I have to find the checkbook, then I have to find a stamp, then I have to make sure I have the right address, then I have to remember to mail it. That's a PITA even for me, and it's a lot of steps for someone with ADD, especially if they rarely write checks. It's so much easier to just open PayPal with the reminder email in front of me, and then it's totally taken care of in 60 seconds.

[frogger]

I'd send an email with your PayPal address and say that since you don't get to see her in person nearly as much as you'd like, and you know it can be a bit of a hassle to mail a check, you thought PayPal might be more convenient for her.

I like this. She is already at the computer and it makes things simple. It is about you making things easier on her rather than "get me my money already".

 

I say that as one who would take that well and only because you know it's just because she is forgetting and you have a good relationship with her. You know her better than us of course.

 

If it is going to become an issue then I would say drop it and take note for future reference.

 

Honestly, the making her birthday present the other half of the gift is the one advice I wouldn't take. It makes it seem like you are holding a grudge or going to get your money back one way or the other. Personally, I would stay away from that. I don't usually even get or give gifts for adults, parents or siblings, but it sounds like you are holding onto something and would make me nervous about future incidents. I'm not saying you endorsed this idea. Just throwing my 2 cents in about that.

 

 

Edited for missing words.

Edited January 2, 2018 by frogger

[foxbridgeacademy]

Maybe say you will stop by her house while you are out to pick up a check.  That way she will be home where she has the checkbook?

 

These kind of things are tricky.  

 

(Which reminds me...I owe a friend money for a theater ticket!).  :huh:

:iagree:  I'd call and say "I really need to get that check from you to balance my spending (or what ever), are you going to be home tomorrow afternoon? I'll swing by and pick it up before going to the bank."

[ebrindam]

Is it possible there is a financial issue of which you aren't aware?

[Tanaqui]

No, it's not a financial issue. But also, I've never reminded her at all, not even once. She has brought it up herself on several occasions.

 

Oh, I see. Then next time she brings it up, I'd just say "I know you forget things, and it's not your fault and I'm not mad. But since it's worrying you, why don't you go on paypal RIGHT NOW and send it to me? Then we can stop having this hanging over our heads. Or I can call you and remind you tonight to do it, if you prefer."

[AmandaVT]

Wow, QFT!

 

As a scatter brained daughter in law - leave it. She knows about it, let her work it out. Love her anyway. Bringing it up in writing would be embarrassing and younger-me would feel pressure and unconscious resentment.

 

If she brings it up again, then I would say something like - 'Dil, you know that you're more important to me than any money could be. If you really want to work on this, I'm happy to help you, but I will never let money come between us. What will be most helpful for you?'

She might suggest something like texting her your PayPal details the morning she gets paid.

 

This!

[kroe1]

No, it's not a financial issue. But also, I've never reminded her at all, not even once. She has brought it up herself on several occasions.

You are not her mother or her husband. It is not your job to change her. If you can afford it, let it go. A DIL-MIL relationship is too delicate to tamper with.