amy g. Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 My youngest children are now 11 and almost 8. I’ve met some nice families that have girls the same age and I have invited the older kids over a few times for playdates. When I do this, one of the other moms invites my youngest over at the same time, but she never wants to go. I just laugh and say, “She is convinced that the older girls are going to play with her.†But the thing is that they do and everyone is happy here. When the moms come to pick up, one of the younger kids (who is 8, not 2) was banging on my piano, almost knocking my telescope over, tugging my quilt that under the needle of my machine and generally being a pest.) She started whining about why she never gets to come over and play. I thought my friend handled it well. She said, “L is a very special friend of K’s. K doesn’t go on play dates with your very special friends.†The other younger child just rubs me the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with her. She just isn’t my favorite kind of kid. Every time I see her, she asks, “When is it my time to come over on a play date?†I’m not crazy about her trying to pressure me. I just reply, “I’m not sure.†When my son was little I put up with inviting over some pretty poorly behaved kids, but I suffered through it because he really loved them. In this case, neither of my girls enjoy the younger girls. I’m not obligated to host them if I want to continue having their older siblings over. Am I? As far as special needs go, I have a kid with autism so I understand how challenging it is when you have a kid who has trouble meeting seemingly simple expectations. It irritates me so much that last time, we had people over, I just invited a girl from a different family so I wouldn’t have to have the younger kids asking for an invitation. I generally don’t allow excluding. It is kind of funny when my 19 year old has a friend over and they spend part of the time talking to stuffed animals and playing Barbies. So I think I might be feeling a little guilty. Maybe I’m just getting old and grouchy. I really like these moms a lot. I really like the big sisters, but if this means I have to entertain the younger ones, I feel like I would almost rather cool off the relationship entirely. The girls all do sports together so they see each other almost every day anyway, but it is special to have them over too. Hhhmmmmm....What to do? What to do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I always invited my kids' friends for play dates. Not their siblings. I don't see a need to do everything as an entire family. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 (edited) No you don't! The other mom doesn't even think you should invite the younger kids. The younger girls need their own friends, that's okay. Edited November 25, 2017 by Lecka 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowmama Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 If the mom is dropping off, it's okay to specify a certain kid. I do think for the first few playdates at that age, though, welcoming the whole family is ideal: I won't drop one of my kids off at someone's house unless I've spent a little time in the home and that generally means bringing my whole brood. It sounds like this is not a new family friend though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted November 25, 2017 Author Share Posted November 25, 2017 We all spend a good deal of time together as families because of our sports team so I think that is why it isn’t an issue when I ask to take the girls after Saturday morning practice and let them play all day. One of the things I like about these moms is that they are totally okay with what an overprotective freak I am. One of the moms said that she wanted to host next time. She said “I know you never let your kids out of your sight, but that is okay because You can come over too.†Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosika Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 I'm so relieved for you that the mom is totally on the same page. We've met families (also through sports, so they do sort of become like family to you) that were worried about younger kids feeling left out. For the record, I'm okay if younger kids feel left out. Side rant: Where I'm from there is less ... protection from feelings when it comes to kids. Kids feel what they feel and we process the feelings; we don't avoid uncomfortable situations and expect kids to wake up at 18 to be fully emotionally aware and functional adults. You could head off the younger daughter's request when you invite the older daughter. Something like, "Oh, not this time. Little Amy and I have plans while Big Amy and Big Sister are playing." Then make up something, like baking or sewing or reading or laundry if the girl presses. The girl's mom has your back, so it's all good. But maybe to appease her you can invite the entire family (or just all of the girls) for a short, firm time and task-based play date. The more boring or hands-on, the better (even though those sound like opposites LOL). Make it something that will kill the illusion she has of how much fun it is to play at your house (raking leaves) or something that will keep her too busy to get into trouble (decorating cookies). Then when she asks in the future to come over again, you can say we're not raking leaves yet but I'll let you know ... or well, remember last time you were running around the house instead of decorating with us? Maybe we'll try again some other time, I'll let you know next time I'm doing cookies. (She may say cookies are boring and never ask again. I had a friend's daughter who went from begging to play at my house to never wanting to come over at all because sitting and cookie decorating wasn't interesting to her.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 We have cooled relationships with a couple of our "all of my kids or none of my kids" acquaintances. The youngers were welcome but not welcome unaccompanied. It would have been fine if they played nicely together but the truth was the younger ones were very...demanding. It left the older playmates unable to enjoy their time together. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 No. Kids need a break from their siblings sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamamoose Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 You had me at “hate...a child.†Can’t NOT even comprehend that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted November 26, 2017 Author Share Posted November 26, 2017 You had me at “hate...a child.†Can’t NOT even comprehend that. I was definitely exaggerating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 I think this can be a bit of a homeschooling thing. My kids play together all the time and the younger ones do get disappointed when there's an invite just for the oldest. They are learning to deal with but they are getting the exposure to these situations later than a school kid who starts with class parties or even younger really when a toddler gets used to a sibling going to school. It doesn't mean they should get invited everywhere but it means they may seem a little less mature than other kids because they haven't had much experience with handling the situation yet. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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