Kids time management

[amyc78]

I get so tired of nagging my kids- get back to work, have you finished, back in your seat, check your list, etc. They are almost 8 and almost 11, and I have a 9 month old that keeps me from being able to sit with them and hand-hold (he's also pretty cute and distracting).

 

We do plenty of work together but they have seatwork and chores they are responsible for. I am getting to the point where, other than a gentle reminder, I'm done nagging and if there work is not done then... what is a reasonable consequence? Are they old enough to efficiently manage their own time? Should I require they sit in their seats for a block of time?

 

Their chores and school work for the day are always listed out in their composition books. I put an asterisk by anything they might need my help on or that we are to do together. I allow for breaks and time to draw, think, etc. Maybe I allow too much freedom but that's part of why we homeschool, yes?

 

Any thoughts or suggestions on how I can teach them to be self-motivated to get their work done?

Edited March 31, 2017 by amyc78

[dirty ethel rackham]

I wish I had a magic answer for you.  But, I'd have to say that my kids struggled with this until college (or maybe they still struggled with it, but were away from home and dealt with the consequences of having to sacrifice sleep and fun to finish stuff.) 

 

Punishments rarely worked in my home.  I had already taken away most things that would have caused distractions during school hours and the stuff they did outside of school was healthy for them.  I had to let go of the "perfect, independent homeschooled child" in my head and accept that my kids still needed me to help them focus.  Timers were our friend.  I broke assignments down in very small increments (no more than 15 minutes at a time.)  I also played what I called "homeschool pinball."  If I was working one-on-one with one child, the other child was doing an activity with the toddler.  Then I would move onto the next child and the other child would either do something independently while the toddler was safely barricaded or do an activity with the babe.  Then, I would take my turn to spend some time with the little one.  If their attention flagged, I would have them get up and do jumping jacks or push-ups to get the blood flowing.  I also had to be very structured about making sure they got healthy snacks at regular intervals.  My kids tended to have some hypoglecemia issues that impeded their ability to focus. 

[Arcadia]

Are they old enough to efficiently manage their own time? Should I require they sit in their seats for a block of time?

Some kids might be able to but I don't think most could even at college level.

 

My DS11 can sit at most 1 hr at a time without fidgeting. I have to keep my eye on him for seatwork and chores because he gets distracted easily or he daydreams. My DS12 is so sedentary he can sit for hours and I am the one who has to make sure he gets up and move around even if it is to the kitchen to get a snack/drink.

 

My DS12 is a better at time management since young. Even then he is still a child and these are what I did to facilitate since 2nd grade:

- Checklist

- Post-it on the pages he needs to read and do for English literature, German, Chinese, Math, Science (takes me at most 15mins at night to do that)

- I used to stack the pile of textbooks, workbooks and whatever else needed at his study/work area before bedtime. When he wakes up and if I am busy, he just clear the stack. Whatever is completed goes to the floor. So he sees his pile going down.

[HomeAgain]

Most tweens still need extra help learning time management.  We used to use morning meetings.  I made a sheet that had blank blocks on it along with "time to start", "time I think I'll be done", and "actually finished at" blocks next to each.  I slipped it in a page protector and every morning, we'd discuss what he needed to do while he wrote it down in whatever order he wanted, then filled in the "time to start" and "time I think I'll be done".  It helped him figure out that spending 2 hours on 5 grammar problems probably wasn't the best use of his time.  :lol:

[MerryAtHope]

I found that workboxes helped mine a lot--they work like a 3-d schedule with all of the materials organized. They really cut down on lost materials, transition times, focus, and staying on task. Then if I needed to get them back on track I'd say, "Where are you on your workboxes?" It's the workboxes telling them how much is left, not me--which might seem like a weird thing to say but it actually felt less like me "nagging" and more just--here's what needs to be done. I also found that too many breaks disrupted the process rather than helped. 

 

Neither of mine were ready at age 7-8 for a lot of independent work though. They still needed a lot of one on one time with mom. At that age, "independent" looked like them doing math while I folded laundry in the same room, "racing" to see who could get done first (they liked to try to beat me and that helped them focus through the subject). By 11 they were ready for more independence and self-direction but they did still need help staying on track. I would plan on checking in regularly--set a watch timer if you need to. Let them know they have 20 or 30 minutes to do math (or whatever subject) and that you'll check back with them. Eventually they might be able to do more subjects back to back between you checking in.

[Porridge]

We have a workbox system and it has worked well for us. We use a rolling cart with 12 drawers kind of like this. A print a weekly schedule for each child with a list of daily work. My older works through her list on her own. My younger still needs me by his side for everything.  Honestly, I think a lot of whether they are ready for independent time-management depends on their temperment. My older can definitely run her own show. My younger - I think he will need a lot of side-by-side or reminders for many years to come. I

[Targhee]

I don't think your average 7 and 10 year old can manage their own time well. It is, however a great time to start to train them up to it.

 

 

If your 9 mo old is taking too much of your time, which is not unusual and likely will be the case for the next 9 months at least, you can't expect your 7 and 10 year old to pick up the slack. I think you can try several things (my suggestions are below) to help, but in the end it may just be a season where you do less in your homeschool. And that's OK.

 

To help my kids learn time management in homeschool while young we created a simple checklist and rotation schedule:

 

On the checklist were three large boxes (red, yellow, and green), in which I wrote tasks for the day. Green tasks were things to do independently, yellow tasks were done with me, and red tasks were the things we were looking forward to (library, music lesson, PE, Swimming, TV time, etc). Red task could only happen if all yellow and green were done.

 

Our schedule went like this - work with Mom, work independently, or play with/read to baby. We started with 20 min time slots. I had one additional kid in my rotation so it was slightly different, but yours could be:

11 yo Play with baby/7 yo work with mom

7 yo Play with baby/11 yo work with mom

11 yo independent/7 yo independent

Repeat

 

During independent work time I was often entertaining baby, doing laundry, or paying the bills CLOSE BY the independent worker. I was there on retainer for help. The independent work was short and sweet stuff like copywork, reading a book, math practice problems, music practice, etc. As additional incentive, during independent time if they'd finished their tasks they could move on to read from a book they liked or play with certain toys until the time slot was up. If they didn't finish green and yellow things, we didn't do red things. So it was framed as "earn this" rather than "if you don't do your work there's a punishment."

 

After doing this system for a year and a half we moved to weekly checklists, and we had a meeting at the beginning of the week to plan which day to do which thing, keeping the rotating schedule. We did this for a couple years, me still lingering about with younger ones for help.

 

We then switched to a family routine - everyone did morning chores, morning basket over breakfast, then math, then I rotated through kids for language arts, everyone did lunch, and after lunch was all self-directed.

 

Now my kids work off a OneNote checklist, and manage their own time. It took several years of training for this to happen though! And I still need to check in each day. With OneNote I see what's checked or not without bugging them, and only ask when I see there's a problem.

 

Our homeschool has definitely gone through seasons. Some of them seemingly more productive than others. But life is like that I general, and only factories and clocks run at full tilt all the time.

[Peaceseeker]

My 11 year old son still needs hovering and reminders to stay on task. I think that is normal for those ages and I don't expect much independence yet. I have learned to grab him and do the things he needs to do with me ASAP and then stay close with reminders until his list is finished. I would be setting him up to fail if I just let him read and draw and dawdle and let him figure out when to get his school done for the day. He would have a giant meltdown that his sister was already done and he still had ALL THIS SCHOOl left.

 

Now I might do it when he was a teenager because they have to figure out time management skills eventually. But my 5th grader is not ready. I thought when they were young that by 5th-6th grade they would be much more independent, but sometimes I think they need me more at these ages. And there is more to do altogether.

[purduemeche]

Our views on this can seem fairly Draconian, but yes, punishment generally is necessary for behavior that is out of line with expectations.  This is just a normal part of you training them to be adults.  Without elaborating on details, let's just say we greatly admire how the nuns administered punishment at the Catholic school of my youth....its certainly worked.

 

This minor punishment is absolutely worth the sanity it provides to the teachers.

[fralala]

Gosh, this is one of the things I hated about spending any amount of time in a classroom. The nagging and cajoling and reprimanding times 25 or 30. Bad times.

 

I do think that the more you tell them what to do, the less likely kids are to do something independently, the easier it is for you to tune them out, and so forth...or is this just my kids?

 

I was having a bit of trouble with complaining whenever I said it was time for certain subjects, and dragging through them, so I got some simple sticker charts and started out for giving a sticker for coming to the table when I said it was time, and another sticker for each 5 minutes spent at the table, and another sticker for having a good attitude (hey, fake it 'til you make it!). They could choose from a prize after filling out a sticker chart, which I made ridiculously easy to do. This was kind of magical, honestly. We did this for about three weeks, and now they just are automatically more compliant and agreeable surrounding school, and they didn't even notice when I got rid of the sticker rewards. It worked so well that I seriously am considering creating a sticker chart for myself, for every 5 minutes I can get off the Internet and do MY work. (Ack! I must go! I'm doing terribly. I think I need to put my reward chocolate out of reach so I don't cheat.)

[Targhee]

Our views on this can seem fairly Draconian, but yes, punishment generally is necessary for behavior that is out of line with expectations. This is just a normal part of you training them to be adults. Without elaborating on details, let's just say we greatly admire how the nuns administered punishment at the Catholic school of my youth....its certainly worked.

 

This minor punishment is absolutely worth the sanity it provides to the teachers.

 

But punishing a child for not accomplishing a task for which they do not have reasonable skill/capacity to do yet does not miraculously teach the child that skill or capacity. Punishing a child for not performing what you KNOW they can reasonably do does make sense. Train the child first.

[SebastianCat]

Neither of my kids was completely independent at 8 or 11.    I would expect slightly more out of an 11 year old; HOWEVER, 11 was by far the most difficult age for both of my kids in terms of "brain fog" from puberty.  I was unprepared for it when it hit my DS, since I thought boys would start puberty at a later age.   He needed more breaks, snacks, and exercise at 11 than he did at 9 or 10.   By the time he was 12-13 (and the same goes for my DD, who is about to turn 13), he was able to self-manage the episodes of "brain fog" and I'd say he was working completely independently by 12-13.   

 

We reached a point when my kids were 13 and 11 that we separated them so they weren't working in the same room all day long.  I think that helped them each focus a bit better.   

 

I think it's reasonable to expect an 11 year old to work independently for chunks of time, or to work with a timer.   Once the timer goes off for a certain subject, that subject gets set aside and s/he moves on to something else.   If there is still work left at the end of your day, s/he finishes the "homework" before getting free time, TV, play time, etc.   I think an 8 year old will need more guidance, but should be able to finish reasonable tasks without you sitting there the entire time.   It's definitely a process of training that takes time.

 

As for chores, my kids know what is expected each day and when it's expected to be finished.   They lose XBox, TV, or other screen time for the day if chores aren't done when they're supposed to be done.    

[vonbon]

Punishments rarely worked in my home.  I had already taken away most things that would have caused distractions during school hours and the stuff they did outside of school was healthy for them. 

 

Totally agree with this.  Have thought on it many times and come to this same conclusion.  We are already (mostly) screen-free (no TV, no video games)...I minimize distractions already...they do chores/work as part of what makes a family function in a healthy way...

 

And I very rarely hold outside activities over their heads as punishment for behavioral issues with schoolwork because they really need those activities to be healthy and balanced.  When I have taken these opportunities away (i.e., "You won't get to go to X event this afternoon because you couldn't finish Y on time."), it has never been a positive or effective way to turn morale or behavior around.  Not saying a parent doesn't have the right--  Just saying it hasn't resulted in a better outcome.  I have cancelled activities based on flat-out bratty behavior, but not for failing to meet the pace I've set for completion of schoolwork.

 

Usually I re-assess and discover that I've been expecting too much for my children's ages/stages.