DawnM Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Today is my dad's birthday. He is 82. My mom's birthday is in a few weeks. She turns 86. Dad could barely hear me. I realized after talking for 10 min. or so that he had not heard anything I was saying. He started asking questions that had nothing to do with what I said. He also said my aunt (his brother's wife), who used to be so on the ball, is losing her memory and can't carry on a conversation much. And my mom is completely homebound and if we go out there, he says to expect to visit for an hour at most per day, she just has no energy, sleeps 20 hours or so per day, and isn't doing well. My dad talked for about 15 min. and then said he needed to go. He has done that more and more, where he used to talk for an hour without any problem. Last week my mom called me and talked for 10 min. or so, and said she was tired and got off. She also can talk for hours, or used to. I am really wanting to move closer to them, even more now. My dad seemed stressed about our visit this summer (we will either go out and visit and come back OR will just visit on our way when moving). He kept saying, "Please let us know when." I think they think they need to book a place for us to stay, but they don't. And it isn't like they are going anywhere, so it shouldn't matter when. This is stressful to me. I am an only child. They are 2000 miles away. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Hugs. It's hard. Will you be significantly closer after the move? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 26, 2017 Author Share Posted February 26, 2017 Hugs. It's hard. Will you be significantly closer after the move? I really, really want to move THIS summer, and I hope that is possible. Yes, we will be roughly 5 hours away by car, which is great for a 3 day weekend or a "you need to come NOW" deal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 I really, really want to move THIS summer, and I hope that is possible. Yes, we will be roughly 5 hours away by car, which is great for a 3 day weekend or a "you need to come NOW" deal. Being closer helps, I think. When I went through this, my mom was the one keeping everything very short. Phone calls were short, visits were short. She'd say she knew we were busy and sort of hustle us out even if we had plenty of time. The kids were older and not disruptive, her ability to cope was just very limited. She slept a lot, too, but then was up all night. Just spend all the time there you can, even if the visits are only an hour or so. You'll know you are doing what you can, and they may relax as the visits become more frequent and predictable. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 So sorry. My parents just put their house up for sale.....praying it sells quickly and they move near me. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 I AM sorry. I am not in this exact situation but close. I feel awful about missing dh's mom's last time. In my case I am prevented by putting my house up for sale because it's also my business. I would be there for her (and her dh who has been kind to me) but I have to stay with my job and my home. Also, I love where I live and would miss the people around me awfully if I left...so I feel like I have no good options. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 26, 2017 Author Share Posted February 26, 2017 I AM sorry. I am not in this exact situation but close. I feel awful about missing dh's mom's last time. In my case I am prevented by putting my house up for sale because it's also my business. I would be there for her (and her dh who has been kind to me) but I have to stay with my job and my home. Also, I love where I live and would miss the people around me awfully if I left...so I feel like I have no good options. I will definitely miss some people here. However, the interesting thing is, most of my friends here have ties to my new location (they moved from there so they have relatives OR they have relatives who have moved recently.) So, some of them to out at least once per year anyway and I will see them. But I have friends there too, and it will be fun to be back. I KNOW it won't be the same, I have no unrealistic expectations. My church (and friends) had a major split. It was a long time coming, and it has splintered my social group to the point where some don't even talk to each other. It is a hard truth. And 80% of them have left out previous church. But talking to my dad last night, I realized that a "hop in the car and drive 5 hours" is much different than a, "You need to be here ASAP* and needing to find a flight, drive an hour to the airport, wait in security and for the flight an hour or longer, get a layover flight, rent a car or take Uber to their house, an hour from the airport on the other end......last time we did it, it was a good 9-10 hour day to get to them, and of course, expense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 :grouphug: I hope you can move this year. It's definitely a different dimension/feeling in our lives as our parents age. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.