Alzheimers "What to do" question again.

[creekland]

Sigh... I was not cut out for this job.

 

Suffice it to say MIL is not happy FIL isn't home tonight, and once again we're answering questions over and over again (since she can't remember and doesn't understand) and her brain is bringing up many (bad) things from the past as well as thinking he's been gone for a week, etc.

 

Those of you who are regular caretakers - you have my utmost admiration.

 

Alzheimers sucks.

[itsheresomewhere]

I don't know if this might work for a few but one thing that helps my neighbor during uneasy times (when her DH is running to the doc, store, etc) is America's Funniest Home videos.  No plot and for some reason it helps.  Might be worth a try.

 

 

[eternalsummer]

I don't know if this might work for a few but one thing that helps my neighbor during uneasy times (when her DH is running to the doc, store, etc) is America's Funniest Home videos.  No plot and for some reason it helps.  Might be worth a try.

 

I was just trying to think of what TV 2-3 year olds like to watch that is not animated.  When DD11 was 2, we lived in NZ and had no computer or cable, just a TV that got 4 channels.  In the evenings we watched Burt (the Australian version of Family Feud), American Idol, and America's Funniest Home Videos.

 

She was content to watch all of those; I think the non-plot nature of them helps.

[creekland]

The good news this morning is she's forgotten the whole thing (so far).  She's not even asking where FIL is (yet).  He's supposed to be home by lunch time, so barring unexpected problems, the light is at the end of the tunnel.

 

Of course, that doesn't "fix" the Azheimers... She still wants "to go home" today (we ARE home for her, but she doesn't recognize it). That's probably the new normal.

 

She also slept well last night (from 10:30pm to about 6am).  My guess is the stress of yesterday evening left her more tired than normal.  At least that was helpful.

 

Thanks again everyone.  I feel for y'all that you've had the experiences you've had :grouphug: , but am thankful you're willing to share so we can get ideas that are helpful.

[ktgrok]

Yes, wanting to go home is normal. Often the best thing to do is say, "Okay! We'll leave in a little while." and just keep repeating that. She probably is picturing her childhood home. Sounds like she's gotten quite a bit worse this year. I'm so sorry. 

[creekland]

Yes, wanting to go home is normal. Often the best thing to do is say, "Okay! We'll leave in a little while." and just keep repeating that. She probably is picturing her childhood home. Sounds like she's gotten quite a bit worse this year. I'm so sorry. 

 

I hadn't even thought of picturing a childhood home.  I bet you're right.  She's also mentioning dogs and cats of her past more often than she used to.  She mixes up the dogs/cats (names and sounds), but one can still understand the gist.

 

This morning she has totally forgotten everything.  She's content here watching Golden Girls with me and has only asked where FIL is once.  "Outside" worked.  She hasn't wanted to go check.  I had hubby sneak out to go to the hospital and she never noticed.

 

It's a nice relief TBH.

 

Meanwhile, I've been reading Reader's Digest (Sept) which coincidentally deals with our brains... it's been an interesting read.  I'm pretty sure I'll continue tweaking our diet (at home), and keep up the exercise, and continue meeting with family/friends playing games...  all things that were also mentioned as common denominators in The Blue Zones book I read earlier this year.

[TravelingChris]

Creekland, you are doing such a good but hard job.  Although my dh and I never had any such problems with our parents (mine died from heart attack at my age 13 and ALS at age 63) and (dh's died from heart attack and cancer) so all had their facculties till the end even if their bodies were failing.  But I think these discussions really help people learn.  So you are learning helpful tips and many of us are learning more about dementia that will end up affecting people we know, if not our parents.  Thank you for the discussion.

[creekland]

Creekland, you are doing such a good but hard job.  Although my dh and I never had any such problems with our parents (mine died from heart attack at my age 13 and ALS at age 63) and (dh's died from heart attack and cancer) so all had their facculties till the end even if their bodies were failing.  But I think these discussions really help people learn.  So you are learning helpful tips and many of us are learning more about dementia that will end up affecting people we know, if not our parents.  Thank you for the discussion.

 

:grouphug:  It can't be easy to lose your parents at a young(er) age either.

 

MIL never remembered FIL being gone this morning, though at one point she did think both he and hubby were dead and it was just the two of us left - mentioning over and over again that we need to stick together.  I assured her she wouldn't be alone.  I wish I could ensure that in reality too.  She's super fearful alone - even if I leave to use the bathroom.

 

Today for the first time she also confided to me that she feels confused and asked if we can stay together so I can help her out (this was with lunch).

 

TV-wise, what works are fast comedies with one-liners and NOT much loud conflict (fighting).  Conflict brings fear.  She can't tell it's not real and it brings back her memories (many false) of everything bad that has happened to her.  Since sit-coms vary by episode, what will work also varies.  Golden Girls has been consistently good.  Maude was good.  Brady Bunch was not.  Father Knows Best was not.  I've stuck with older shows on MeTV, Hallmark, and a couple other stations I don't recall the name of (and don't have the remote right now to identify).

 

Music works for short periods of time, but it's very song specific to what she remembers.  Buttons and Bows has remained the best one I've found so far.  Oh wait, Happy Birthday works too - and several commercial jingles.  She has them memorized.  She often likes commercials as much as shows.

 

With meals, someone else has to be eating the same type of food she is.  If she has a sandwich, someone else needs to have a sandwich too.  That's the only way she knows how to eat it.  She mimics.  I think she may actually be mimicking us with watching TV too TBH.

 

Then it helps to remind her about things - using the bathroom (coupled with where the bathroom is), washing hands (right after I do), etc.  And don't offer choices, at least, not at her stage.  She can't process any choices - not in food, not in activities, not in anything I've discovered.

 

And for the rest of us reading... if we're not in the eating healthy (MIND diet) or exercise and keep social relationships going camp now, we might want to rethink...  Folks talk about preventing heart disease, cancer, or diabetes, but having relatives with all three of those and MIL with this - this is the worst IME.  If it's possibly preventable... it sure seems to be worthy of a lifestyle change to me.

 

A quick google search brought up this summary of the MIND diet:

 

http://health.usnews.com/best-diet/mind-diet

 

I'm sure there are others.  

[creekland]

ps  FIL also needed someone home today, so don't believe older folks who think they will snap back quickly after a "minor" procedure.  He's spent most of his day here today catching up on much needed sleep!  There's no way he'd have been all that able to babysit MIL effectively.

[prairiewindmomma]

I'm glad that he is home and that you've been able to be there.

 

Caring for a person with moderate or severe dementia is, in many ways, like caring for a toddler. We are exhausted enough doing this day in and day out when we are in our 20s/30s/40s......your FIL is in his late 80s.  Of course he's exhausted.  It's hard enough just being in your late 80s, even when you're active and in relatively good health.  I really, really hope that this will be an opening for him to let others help carry that heavy load.

[creekland]

I'm glad that he is home and that you've been able to be there.

 

Caring for a person with moderate or severe dementia is, in many ways, like caring for a toddler. We are exhausted enough doing this day in and day out when we are in our 20s/30s/40s......your FIL is in his late 80s.  Of course he's exhausted.  It's hard enough just being in your late 80s, even when you're active and in relatively good health.  I really, really hope that this will be an opening for him to let others help carry that heavy load.

 

Me too.  It would be good for both of them IMO.

[Laurie4b]

 

 

And for the rest of us reading... if we're not in the eating healthy (MIND diet) or exercise and keep social relationships going camp now, we might want to rethink...  Folks talk about preventing heart disease, cancer, or diabetes, but having relatives with all three of those and MIL with this - this is the worst IME.  If it's possibly preventable... it sure seems to be worthy of a lifestyle change to me.

 

A quick google search brought up this summary of the MIND diet:

 

http://health.usnews.com/best-diet/mind-diet

 

I'm sure there are others.  

 

I agree. It's one of the things that has propelled me into pursuing a career change as a health coach. 

 

Exercise is the very best thing a person can do to delay the onset of dementia. Physical exercise. If you are middle aged and doing it, it is helping your brain for later. If you are older, start now. Exercise (not just daily activities, but 3-=45 min of heart-rate raised exercise) can reverse some of the effects early on in the disease, slowing down the progression. It is better than any meds out there. So it's never too late to start. The kind of exercise that has shown an impact in humans is moderate to vigorous aerobic on a sustained basis (like 30-45 min at a time) Not that strength training isn't important for other reasons but it hasn't yet been shown to delay dementia. (Plug for strength training: #1 reason why people need assisted living: they can no longer get on and off the toilet by themselves. Squats, people!) 

 

The Mediterranean diet has the most research base, but people aren't as compliant with it as they need to be and the MIND diet helps because it doesn't require such close compliance to have *some* effect. A serving of greens at least once a day is an important aspect of the MIND diet. 

 

An engaged mind is important as well. The verdict is still out on computer games tailored to pumping up the cognitive abilities, but there is no dispute that greater levels of education keep it at bay longer as do people who have more complex jobs.  It appears that the more languages you know, the later the onset. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2011/feb/18/bilingual-alzheimers-brain-power-multitasking  Bilingual speakers have delayed onset of 4-5 years than speakers of one language. One study showed the delay was about 5 years for 2 languages, 6 1/2 years for 3 languages and 9 1/2 for four languages. (And you can actually do something with foreign languages you learn!)  

 

Social connections as mentioned above. Connections with family are more important than connections with friends, but social isolation has a negative impact on several health parameters. 

 

ETA: And stay off of drugs with anticholinergic effects if at all possible. Many are OTC and can actually cause cognitive decline, and can accelerate it if you already have dementia. Many OTC drugs like antihistamines, Benadryl, & stomach antacids have this effect as do some classes of anti-depressants. http://www.americangeriatrics.org/files/documents/beers/2012AGSBeersCriteriaCitations.pdf

 

Edited September 14, 2016 by Laurie4b

[Joules]

Dealing with dementia in a parent, I am doing everything I can to save my ds from that. I recommend the book The Secret Life of the Grown-up Brain: The Surprising Talents of the Middle-Aged Mind by Barbara Strauch for inspiration.

 

(For comparison, I cared for my mother in in-home hospice through renal cell carcinoma, moving to the bones and paralyzing her from the chest down.  That is an enormous amount of 24/7 care, physically, mentally and emotionally draining.  But it was still easier than caring for a patient with dementia...)

[creekland]

(For comparison, I cared for my mother in in-home hospice through renal cell carcinoma, moving to the bones and paralyzing her from the chest down.  That is an enormous amount of 24/7 care, physically, mentally and emotionally draining.  But it was still easier than caring for a patient with dementia...)

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[creekland]

FIL sent us home today insisting "He's ok with everything."  Hubby doesn't think he's going to get other help either.

 

FWIW, neither of us feel he's ready (or even really "able" at his age) and he doesn't feel any "better" after the surgery (than before), so who knows, but we're home at this point.  FIL knows he's supposed to call if he needs/wants anything. Hubby reminded him that he can work remotely, so isn't losing much by spending time there.  Otherwise, BIL will be going there this weekend.

 

We did get a bit cleaned at their house prior to leaving, but this ends another chapter of our saga.  I have no idea when the next one (aka question) will be.

 

Thanks again for all your (collective) assistance.  It's been very helpful.

[Joules]

You are a great DIL, creekland.  I know how hard it is to see what needs to be done and not be able to just do it.  I hope he comes around to reality soon.  :grouphug: