foxbridgeacademy Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 (edited) I have 2 nephews (cousins not brothers) who were similar when they were young, other than dragging them with you screaming the entire way there's not much else to be done IME (staying calm is a given). My sister had to put locks up high on all the doors, both sides, to keep her son in the room while she got things done. She also would tie him with a crocheted harness to herself so she could do dishes, fold clothes etc... Destructive things these two had done.... cut an electrical cord while it was plugged in and on stuck a butter knife in an outlet climbed out on the carport roof through the bathroom window climbed to the top of the closet shelf and hid for hours dumped the entire contents of the fridge on the floor pour a bottle of soap over brother's head ripped a cabinet door off found scissors to cut an escape hatch in brother's playpen got a screwdriver to take off the side of the brother's crib used a small speaker to beat a hole in a wooden door threw toys at the fan broke the TV screen.... The list goes on and on. Both boys now at 15 and 17 are extremely well behaved responsible young men. From all the stories told I was worse as a child (until about 6 or so) then both of the nephews put together, I'm very well adjusted and well behaved now :hurray: . Edited July 2, 2016 by foxbridgeacademy 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kubiac Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 FWIW, my six-year-old sounds just like your five-year-old. I am almost certain he is completely neurotypical, but there's something in him where he really enjoys see what happens when he pours something out or mixes two unlike things. His preferred art form is what I call "assembly art." He wants nothing more than to staple together the toilet paper roll to the bedsheet to the cabbage and then see what results. I've given up trying to convey the financial cost of stuff, but I have found some success in "restorative justice" and "broken windows theory." Restorative justice: If he breaks it, he helps me fix it. This has involved painting walls, push-brooming the mud back into the hole, etc. He really enjoys the activities and the together time, and he responds better to "show" than to "tell." If I tell him he's wasting our time and our money destroying stuff, it kind of just washes over him. But if I show him how much time and expense and research is involved in Fixing the Thing, he internalizes it and we usually don't have THAT problem again (although he'll certainly make new ones!). Broken windows theory: I am nobody's idea of a good housekeeper, but I have noticed that the places in our house that are the most structured and clean stay the most structured and clean. If I let their room go an inch, they take a mile, as per that urban design theory that if unhappy citizens see a broken window, within a few weeks there will be 12 broken windows, so you have to get that repair done ASAP. Try to streamline and simplify and beautify as much as you can. It may inspire him as much as it inspires you. Last but not least, I just wanted to extend my sympathies. There's an old book about families called Please Don't Eat the Daisies and I always think of that when encountering a new catastrophe: How much stuff do I have to explicitly tell you not to do? I couldn't even imagine advising him not to do some of this stuff because I don't see the world the way he does. I really share your frustration. I can't tell you how many times I have walked into a room and just gaped, "How?! Why? I mean, where did you even get the idea to do that?!" I think we'll all survive this phase, but it is trying. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Oh boy, we had a mountain of sand in the yard and a network of "rivers" that ds12 would dig, then flood with water. We did this for several years. The back yard looked like a war zone with holes and trenches. There are so many buried hot wheels cars, legos, and green army men that I am surprised grass can grow. :) Before I got smart and tomato staked him, he would go out in the front yard and hack at my day lillies with a pool noodle or light saber. We got him a tool set, then went to thrift shops and got used Tonka trucks and other toys that he could take apart. Lots and lots of vigorous physical exercise has been very helpful. We walk, jog, or hike up to 3.5 miles at least three days per week and spend hours in the pool in the summer. He also plays club soccer. DS12 is not on the spectrum but was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago. Hang in there, momma! It does get better, I promise! :grouphug: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Babyman, now almost 4, is headed the same way as your son I think. He truly loves taking things apart. He currently has no light in his room because he has destroyed 4 lamps in the process of taking them apart, including one his older brother let him use because he was upset he had no light. We are looking at putting up a ceiling fan just so he will have a light he can't reach. To try to redirect his energies we get him a tool set for Christmas, which we at first thought had been a major mistake - but then we hit a thrift store and got him a couple old pieces of furniture that are his "project pieces" and now he'll happily spend hours hammering away at them. We'll probably have to get him some new pieces soon. It's not a perfect solution. My lawn looks like a junk yard, and he still does things like use an entire bottle of shampoo to "clean the bathtub" and of course the light thing, but it is better. He hasn't taken apart any more of my furniture at least. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I'm not sure what it says about my family that all this sounds normal to me. Things my kids have done include cutting their hair, cutting my hair, dumping flour, milk, beans, salt, baking soda, cereal, and anything else they can find in the fridge or pantry on the floor, breaking the rearview mirror in the van, cutting holes in their clothes, cutting holes in my sheets, cutting holes in my clothes, breaking piano keys, breaking cellos, breaking violins, breaking chairs, breaking couches, putting holes in walls, cutting up family pictures, cutting up journals, breaking the ceramic top to the toilet, breaking window screens and screen doors, breaking the dishwasher door, regularly destroying books, breaking mirrors... I tell the kids it's a good thing I like them :tongue_smilie: when the weather is tolerable, they can run wild outside. We have swings, trampolines, trees, monkey bars, and yep--shovels and room to dig. During the winter I keep them busy with dance and tumbling and gymnastics and such. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I have 2 nephews (cousins not brothers) who were similar when they were young, other than dragging them with you screaming the entire way there's not much else to be done IME (staying calm is a given). My sister had to put locks up high on all the doors, both sides, to keep her son in the room while she got things done. She also would tie him with a crocheted harness to herself so she could do dishes, fold clothes etc... Destructive things these two had done.... cut an electrical cord while it was plugged in and on stuck a butter knife in an outlet climbed out on the carport roof through the bathroom window climbed to the top of the closet shelf and hid for hours dumped the entire contents of the fridge on the floor pour a bottle of soap over brother's head ripped a cabinet door off found scissors to cut an escape hatch in brother's playpen got a screwdriver to take off the side of the brother's crib used a small speaker to beat a hole in a wooden door threw toys at the fan broke the TV screen.... The list goes on and on. Both boys now at 15 and 17 are extremely well behaved responsible young men. From all the stories told I was worse as a child (until about 6 or so) then both of the nephews put together, I'm very well adjusted and well behaved now :hurray: . The bolded: it's not that it's funny, but.... Wait. No, it's totally funny! That's brilliant. "But he wanted to come out..." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I think my kids are neirotypical but my oldest particularly was quite destructive. I still semi regularly find pens pulled apart so the springs can be used for some creative projects. I think kids are like puppies in a way. If you don't keep them busy they keep themselves busy and you might not like it! I personally can't supervise all the time without going insane so I have to look at other options. No 1 is heaps of walking and physical exercise. Wearing boys out seems to help. 2 is related - lots of outside time where they can swing jump and pull things without damaging something precious. Third is a maker box full of stuff they can pull apart and put together, tools screws etc maybe even a hot glue gun for the older one under supervision. One thing you mentioned is towel rails which we have had trouble with all our kids with. They are really set at a height designed for adults to pull the towels off. Kids are below so when they try to pull down on the towel it pulls on the towel rail. For kids that have a poor perception of how much force they are using its easy to break. My kid who does this most is also most likely to slam doors and hugs people to hard etc You may need to lift the towels on or off or look at another towel hanging option for now. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Towel racks are a house version of monkey bars. I remember hanging from one, it breaking, getting the wind knocked out of me, and a big bump on my head when I landed. Heck, the stuff my cousin and I did as kids, I should be dead or seriously disfigured.... it's not just boys. I was pretty much left to my own devices from early childhood :glare: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThursdayNext Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 Thanks for all the advice everyone! The exercise outside is the more the better, and I will try to make hiking a priority. We also saw small improvements in him when he played soccer. We have a small hole in the backyard, but he doesn't seem interested in digging a deep hole. He only digs to find bugs. The sand table also doesn't get much play, I don't know why. I will add more sensory stuff, and look at real tools and things he can take apart. We like to make monsters and other things out of Amazon boxes, and destroy them when we're done playing with them. I will look into more things like that that the boys can shred and smash. About sleep: The 5 yr old's sleep is fixed now. He always had sleep issues since he was a baby, and now gets nightly melatonin. The 6:30 to 10:00 is the range when a kid could be awake. Although the 3 year old has emptied every wet wipe container and turned a box of tissues into confetti at 5am before. I assume that boys are asleep, since there is silence, only to find a giant mess. The latest thing is opening the bedroom window and jumping through the screen in the early morning hours. We've gone through 4 screens this way. (Don't worry, no harm came to him. He just hung out in a boy sized hole in the thorn bushes, enjoying the outdoors.) Btw, in this scenario, would you nail the windows shut? I hesitate to, for fire safety etc, but maybe I should. About add/adhd: I have a nephew who has it, but this doesn't seem to be my son's problem. Instead he seems to be able to focus really well on things he is interested in. So puzzles, trains, building things, reading, he can tune out the world to focus on things like that. He doesn't seem high energy, or hyperactive, compared to other kids we've seen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopmom Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 (edited) They make Window guards or gates, don't nail then shut. Put a baby monitor in their room so you can hear them up in the morning. Focusing on things you are interested in can still be add/aDHD. Do you have a mini trampoline? Other ways to get lots of active gross motor play when at home? (Swings, big balls, etc) I highly suggest full developmental evals to investigate any areas where they could be getting help (OT, PT, etc) & constant supervision (yes, it's a hassle, btdt- but some kids need it to stay safe & it sounds like that's the case here) Edited July 6, 2016 by Hilltopmom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThursdayNext Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 (edited) They make Window guards or gates, don't nail then shut. Put a baby monitor in their room so you can hear them up in the morning. Focusing on things you are interested in can still be add/aDHD. Do you have a mini trampoline? Other ways to get lots of active gross motor play when at home? (Swings, big balls, etc) I highly suggest full developmental evals to investigate any areas where they could be getting help (OT, PT, etc) & constant supervision (yes, it's a hassle, btdt- but some kids need it to stay safe & it sounds like that's the case here) We had a mini trampoline, and baby monitors, but they were broken. We can't afford to keep buying them. :( We might be able to repair the spring cover on the mini trampoline, but it will continue to get ripped apart again. I just looked at window guards. They seems too easy to bypass for a kid who can read the emergency release instructions. Edited July 6, 2016 by ThursdayNext Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopmom Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 We had a mini trampoline, and baby monitors, but they were broken. We can't afford to keep buying them. :( We might be able to repair the spring cover on the mini trampoline, but it will continue to get ripped apart again. I just looked at window guards. They seems too easy to bypass for a kid who can read the emergency release instructions. Gotcha. Then your answer is "line of sight" supervision of the children at all times, when they are awake. It's not easy, but there are many families who have to do it, for a variety of reasons. If you are watching them, in the same room, do things get destroyed? Do you try to stop them? What happens then? Or is it when you're doing your thing (cooking, showering, etc) in another room & think they are playing appropriately that these things happen? Impulse control issues can be helped very much by aDHD meds. It's not just about focus for school work. Take this list of info to your dr & ask for a referal to a developmental pediatrician for evals. Your ped though, can trial aDHD meds to start. This may also mean they need to sleep on the floor of your room on their mattresses, if early morning when you are sleeping is a problem. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 (edited) We had Guardian Angel window guards. I don't think my industrious 5 yr old could have opened them. In any case, the stickers with instructions fell off. His room was 3rd floor, so even in the event of fire, he'd have needed help getting out - via emergency ladder. If they are easily opened by littles, that defeats their purpose. You need to get up before them, or have a reliable monitor. Don't leave it in their room all the time. Set it up when they go to sleep, and collect it for safe keeping when you get up in the am. Edited July 6, 2016 by Spryte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 The other option would be those strips that prevent the window being opened more than 3 inches or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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