Please help me transition my dc to ps. (long and somewhat emotional)

[Jackie in NE]

Dh and I are a casualty of this darned economy. Without going into ALL the details.... I will just say that my dh has worked (tele-commuting + a lot of travel) for a small manufacturing business for over 20 years. The product is linked to the housing industry. This work has kept us all fed and clothed while we tried to build the ranch to the point that IT could feed and clothe us.

 

After doing ALL they could to keep the plant running, they have finally decided to shut it down. Many long-time employees will lose their jobs. Many of them have no other skills. I pray they will land on their feet.

 

For us personally, this means that both of us will have to go to work off the ranch. The ranch is extremely remote, so dc and I have already moved to town. Once my dh finds work, then I will be able to decide what kind of job I can do. My dh might have to work in Denver, and only be home on week-ends, for example, so in that case, I would have to have a traditional job. My dh is an accountant, and computer guy. In my former life, I was a commercial banker. (yeah, right! Lots of jobs for THOSE out there).

 

Except for my 2 sons having tried P.S. once, for one semester (bad experience), my dc have always been homeschooled. This will be such a shock to them. First, moving off the ranch to town, then having to go to school.

 

The bad experience that my ds had was in a small country school. Now that we've moved to town, he would not be going to that school. He is African American.... the only one in the school. He is also a late bloomer. He didn't speak until he was 2 1/2. He had extensive testing done for potential hearing problems, etc. His birth mother had no prenatal care, so we don't know anything about that period of his life. Anyway, the diagnosis was that everything was fine. He's just a late bloomer. He is also so sensitive..... So when the PS teacher saw that he was behind in math and reading, she immediately wanted to place him in special ed. classes and do an IEP, and all that. I can still get furious just thinking about it. Ds also experienced some bullying there from (I'm sorry but this is just an apt description) the son of a red-neck rancher. He is such a sensitive child. This was VERY hard for him. Ds is doing much better now, but is still behind "grade level" in reading and math. How do I find a teacher who will accept him where he is? Who will appreciate him for who he is?

 

So, a smooth transition is all I can hope for.... There are 2 potential schools, one regular public, and one charter school. I have heard great things about the charter school, but there is often a waiting list.

 

My idea is that I would visit both of them next week, see what their kids are doing, and then come home and try to get my dc ready with respect to curriculum. Does that make sense? For example, we use MUS, so I know that my 3 youngers will be "behind" the other kids. I know the charter school uses Saxon Math.

 

My heart aches at the thought of all the changes my dc will have to endure. My heart REALLY aches at the thought of "turning them over" to the PS. Add to that the fact that dh might be gone constantly.....

 

If I had a couch, I'd cuddle on it all day with my dc...... but we left our only couch out in the ranch house.

 

Any words of wisdom out there? Any pointers for making this as easy as possible for all of us?

 

I keep telling myself... "There are worse things that could happen! It's just public school!" But, all of you know it is much more than that.... It is a life change. It will be a watershed for my dc.

 

I covet the prayers of those of you who are so inclined...

 

Jackie

[Renee in NC]

(((Jackie)))

 

I don't have any advice about transitioning them to school, but I just wanted you to know that I understand how rough things have gotten.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

:grouphug:Jackie

 

I'm sorry you are facing this. I will be praying that you find exactly the right teacher, school, and jobs for this time in your life. I will also be praying for a way out for you--a good job for your dh so that you all can continue homeschooling.:grouphug:

[JudoMom]

I don't have any advice, but know that I will be praying for you and your family.

[Melinda in VT]

:grouphug:

 

and more :grouphug:

 

I am so sorry that you are being forced into paths you don't want to take. I know as parents we often want to make things easy for our kids and grieve when we can't.

 

Would it be possible to put your late-blooming son back a year in school? He will be brand new, so there wouldn't be the stigma there might be if he repeated a grade. Would he be able to work at grade level if he's one grade younger?

[Kathleen in VA]

(((Jackie))) I am so sorry you are having to deal with this heartache. My only advice is to ask God to protect your children. God protected Daniel when the Babylonians took the Israelites captive. Daniel and his friends were thrust into a very ungodly atmosphere and were educated by the Babylonians. Through it all God protected them and provided for them on many occasions. Again, I'm sorry you are being hit so hard by the economic situation and will pray that God will work it all for good.

[Titus.Two.Five]

:grouphug:

[threetreasurs]

After a lifetime of homeschooling, my middle child started at the local high school lat year, full-time.

 

The experience has been far more positive than I imagined. The most difficult hurdle was placing my daughter in the correct classes. Personally, giving up the control of curriculum was the most difficult.:blushing:

 

Does your son have a particular interest? Joining a group at school - whether sports, plays, robotics club etc might help.

 

Also, holding your son back a year, as mentioned previously, might work well depending on his size/maturity.

[Doran]

The hurt and anxiety in your post feels very close to home for me. We have undergone somewhat similar changes in recent past, although not due to a job loss situation per se.

 

Without getting into too much detail about *my* situation (though you are welcome to PM me if you wish), I want to assure you that my worries over how it would all come together for us were much greater than my anxieties have been now that we are IN the new situation (which, like you, includes a move from a farm to "town")

 

My youngest is also a late bloomer and reading test scores showed her well below grade level a year and a half ago. After a year of tutoring, she tested again, and that time she was at grade level for everything but spelling, which was still lagging behind quite a bit. Although she *could* have entered public school as a 7th grader, we opted to put her in 6th (her birthday is at the very end of December, so she would have likely been the youngest in her 7th grade class). When the schools gave her their initial assessments, she tested in at a 3rd grade math level. I nearly died!! How could I put my precious, self-esteem challenged little girl into a class where people wouldn't understand her needs!? How would she ever manage?! I had no doubt that she is bright and able, but how would they know?

 

Okay -- here's the great part. She brought home her interim report card this past week and she's got one B and the rest A's. I realize p.s. grades aren't the end all, but my gracious, I thought this child might fail, and here she is. She has a A average in math. MATH!! Her teachers seem to appreciate her and -- they are good teachers -- are able to guide her in ways that I did not. She is adjusting better than I ever dreamed possible, and I believe it is BECAUSE she had those years of being home, of hearing me tell her over and over how much I love her, how capable I know she is. That she also heard me holler in frustration on many occasions, when she claimed for the 20th time in a day that she was stupid, or couldn't do something because it was 'too hard', must have done something useful too! :001_huh:

 

Now, had her teachers recommended I start her on an IEP, I actually would have jumped at the opportunity, because I thought it would help her. As it happened, she doesn't seem to need it after all. But, there would have been no shame, as far as I could tell, in her being given the extra help she needed. More difficult is the situation where a child sits in class and doesn't comprehend, *knows* she doesn't comprehend, but tries to fake it. Talk about killing self esteem! So, I'm not sure it's safe to assume that special classes would be a terrible thing for your son.

 

As for transitioning -- it won't be a breeze, but if you've managed a ranch, you can manage this. We started two weeks early, getting to bed earlier, getting up earlier, talking about school life, visiting the schools, meeting with guidance counselors and teachers, discussing the ups and downs of being in a classroom. We bought lunch boxes and back packs, a few "school clothes" and supplies. It all helped to get the kids prepped for what they would be experiencing. The night before a school day, there is thought given to what they'll wear (their choice), what they'll eat for breakfast and lunch. Homework is done as soon as they get home. Why just this morning, my oldest commented, "You know, I really can't believe how well I've adjusted to the whole new schedule and routine." It's been a little more than a month.

 

So, take heart. You can get through this. Your kids can get through this. It's okay to grieve -- I did too, for weeks and weeks (I'll PM you links to my wailing posts if you'd like ;)). Remember that many, many families are wearing similar shoes to yours, and while there's no denying that some of them aren't walking very gracefully, there are some who are stepping out with confidence and poise. I think you could be one of those families!

 

I'm so sorry that you're in this rough patch. Sending you peace and courage.

 

P.S. I'm also sorry this got so long...I really do understand your feelings and hope some of my ramblings will be useful to you, or at least comforting.

[Jackie in NE]

Doran,

 

How comforting it is to hear your story!

 

Right now, my dc have no idea that very soon there will be big changes in their lives. As I watch them doing their school work today, I realize that it's the closeness I will miss. I love being home with them, and having them around me.

 

I have to admit, though, that it will probably be easier for me to go to work each day, as opposed to teaching 4 very different dc, with four very different learning styles! :)

 

Guilt, guilt, guilt! But we have to make those ends meet somehow.

 

I also hope, as I watch my dd study her Latin, that it hasn't all been for naught. I am so encouraged by your dd's progress.

 

Thank you for taking the time to share some of the details of your transition with me! I feel like a bit of a baby, right now, so maybe your "wailing posts" would be helpful. Do PM me with those.

 

Thanks again, Jackie

[Jackie in NE]

Kathleen,

 

You are SO RIGHT!! God has walked with me through so much. He WILL use this for good.

 

Thank you so much for reminding me of this promise,

 

Jackie

[Remudamom]

I'm sorry, just so sorry. You'll all be in my prayers for a smooth transition (and continued transition for Doran) and peace.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:Prayers for a peaceful transition.:grouphug:

[LNC]

I enrolled my 10yo son in a special ed classroom last Jan. I still homeschool my other children though.

 

It has been a fabulous experience for us. Since our situations and classrooms will be so difference I only have one piece of advice. Stay on the same side as your children's teacher! We know how hard their jobs are! I thank her specifically for every special event and project she plans and prepares for. I constantly thank her for her care for my son - including his medical and developmental needs. I give her specific encouragement for things he likes about school and his classroom. Etc.

 

I'll be praying for you - that you will be surprised by what God does through this.

[Chris in VA]

Dd is in school now for the first time (3rd grade). One thing I'd caution you on is, don't let your ambivalence show. Put on a good face for your kids, emphasize the positive, and feign as much enthusiasm as you can. It will help them to know you are in control of the situation--they will feel more secure and less anxious if they don't have to "worry" about your emotions, too.

[Jackie in NE]

Dd is in school now for the first time (3rd grade). One thing I'd caution you on is, don't let your ambivalence show. Put on a good face for your kids, emphasize the positive, and feign as much enthusiasm as you can. It will help them to know you are in control of the situation--they will feel more secure and less anxious if they don't have to "worry" about your emotions, too.

 

Chris

 

Thanks for the excellent advice. You are so right about emphasizing the positive. I had not thought about that. I've been so wound up in my own little pitty party, that I haven't been thinking about how important my attitude is.

 

Thanks for the "wake up" call.

 

Jackie

[KidsHappen]

She is a special needs child and her dr. and I spent at least six months discussing whether she needed an IEP on not. We finally decided not. We weren't sure how she would do so we decided to put her in regular classes and see how she did. We also decided not to inform the school of her problems because we didn't want to prejudice their expectations of her. She has an end of October birthday and I started her a year late so she is one of the older ones in her class. She learned to read a little later than her sisters and was about a year behind in math. She had a natural interest in science but no formal study. The only history she ever had was me reading it to her. She did do Latin though which I think helped with the language arts skills. They did place her in a slower math class but she is earning straight A's in all subjects and math is her highest grade. :001_huh: She also does way more reading than required and is very diligent about her homework. Her writing skills are more advanced that I thought. She is adjusting well. She has stated that not a lot of people really talk to her :( and that she hasn't made any good friends yet but I really think that is because she is new. I think that school is actually helping with her social skills. :)

 

Of course, you know your son better than anybody but if you think that he could handle it, I would recommend starting him a year behind without an IEP and see how he does. You can always get an IEP at a later date if needed but it is really hard to get a child off that track if it turns out they don't need it. And it never hurts to be one of the older kids and do a little bit slower work than he can handle if you are concerned about that. So sorry that you are going through this. :grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

Boy, you've got your Big Girl Panties on! Advice like I gave you would've made me cry.

You, you are awesome, and I think you'll be just fine.

[Ria]

Jackie,

 

Bless your heart. I completely understand.

 

Last year, after 16 years of homeschooling, we put our four youngest children in school, in late Feb. There were multiple reasons for this, but a large part was our finances. We were stressed. Our eldest (twins) are in college, and let's face it, the economy hasn't been good for years. Dh works for an extremely small family-owned company. His job is good, and he's only 20 minutes away, but the raises...well...cost of living, if that. It's a trade-off thing....I'm sure you understand.

 

Anyway, in Feb. I enrolled the boys (at that time, grades 5, 6, 8, and 10) in school. The 10th grader wanted to be there, and he's thriving. The others...well...I wondered a bit about how they'd adjust, how they'd be treated, and how they'd like it. The results: they love it.

 

Education-wise, I'm more than satisfied. The school district is on top of things. My one concern is math, but I'm involved and am making sure the boys meet my standards. In the other subjects, however, I'm impressed.

 

Adjustment: they are very happy. Nothing new...they've always been pretty easy going and make friends easily. The workload is fine. Homework is something new, but nothing has made them come apart at the seams. They are learning and making great progress.

 

How they are treated: I met with staff/teachers at the schools and talked to all of them. Everyone, at all three schools last year (elementary, middle, high), was more than accepting of homeschooling and concerned about helping the boys fit in mid-year. I brought samples of work for the teachers to see (writing teachers wanted this, in particular). Teachers love my kids (shameless brag) because they are bright and enjoy learning (hmmm...think they were homeschoolers? LOL!). The other kids have been great. Kids in town/city districts are used to new kids. My guys are happy and have nice friends.

 

I hope you have a similar experience. For me, the switch has been a good one. My guys are happy at school, and I'm happy working. Finances are still tight (the economy ...gasp...I simply couldn't be unemployed now), but we are okay. For now.

 

And for those who are wondering....I cleaned out my attic and sold tons of stuff on Ebay in order to raise the money to purchase that kitten. We don't have money in the budget to buy that little creature. Nice to know that old train set went to good use, eh? LOL.

 

Ria

[littlefamily]

So sorry to hear about your situation. For various reasons, we also enrolled in PS this year. It was a difficult decision, but it ended up being very positive for us.

 

I agree with the advice to keep your attitude positive even though you don't want to go down this road. I like to think that not only did it make the transition easier, but my girls learned that even in difficult situations, focusing on the positives is more productive than focusing on the negatives - especially when you can't change the situation.

 

Also, if you have the opportunity, let the principal know in a casual way that you are wanting to stay involved in your children's education. I think that he specifically placed our dds with teachers that he knew would be receptive to my e-mails and other communication. I probably worried more about the transition than necessary, but the teachers always answered my questions/emails quickly and seemed to be concerned that the transition was positive as well.

 

Good luck.... We made it to the other side and survived. I do miss the way life used to be, but we still find time for that snuggle time every night!