Help me brainstorm about school next fall - please be gentle

[PrincessMommy]

My youngest son is currently in a school specifically for kids with language based LD.  Next year he goes into high school and we looked to transfer into a more traditional private high school for next year.   However, that is not panning out. 

 

The most recent school we applied to (yes, I know it's late - I'm already beating myself up about that) is looking like they will not accept him.  I talked with the admissions guy yesterday after some test scores came in  and he made noises like "it's not your son, it's us... we want what's best for him." etc. etc.  I took it to mean that they will most likely deny because his scores were not good (he's terrible at test taking).  Also, because he goes to a special school I've talked over and over with the admissions officer about our expectations.  We don't expect a more traditional school to provide all those accommodations nor do we think our son needs them.   My son will be devastated if/when this happens.  He really liked this school and it looked like such a good fit for him. 

 

So after going through this emotional process this spring with 2 different schools I'm emotionally worn out, but I'm also concerned that the current LD school is ham-stringing my son.  They offer a lot of provisions and they have helped my son tremendously, but sometimes I feel like they hold him back due to the nature of the school.  I really feel that my son can step it up a notch.  He makes all A's in school and rarely stresses about homework (unlike last year)... but the schools we applied to don't look at potential, they look at data from the school and the SSAT test scores.  They see what kind of school he goes to and his writing samples (which were horrible) and I think they are rightfully concerned.   I don't know how to show them that my son can step up to the task and that we're willing to work with him to help make it happen (tutors, etc.). 

 

My dh wants me to continue looking at another couple private schools, but I am done.  I can't bring it to the table anymore.  I feel like a hamster running in the wheel.. we're clearly not getting anywhere with this route.  Besides my son is emotionally tired of the rejection.  I do not want to put him through the hoop jumping roller-coaster only to be rejected AGAIN.  It's not fair to him either.  However, ds doesn't' want to go back to the original school because most/all his friends are leaving.  The school is very small and he's lonely at home too. Besides, those two schools were really the best options considering my son's learning style (he's not Prep-school material).   There's a lot of prep-schools (or prep-school wanna-bees) in my county.

 

In talking with one of the moms in the carpool she has an older daughter with some similar issues who goes to the local public school.  She was just transferred in after years of being in private schools too.  Anyway, this particular public school has a good reputation for helping kids with accommodations and LD.

 

So my thought is to work with the public school and get my son into it for the fall.  Talk with my son about his goal of getting into the 1st choice private school and working towards that goal with tutoring (if necessary) for 10th grade.   It's a risk because I know that public schools can be a quagmire.  But, I worry that keeping him at the current LD school is another risk because will only hold him back even more.

 

Another piece of the puzzle is that my son has lots of anxiety associated with school and test taking.  The current school is a very gentle environment and they don't do standardized-styled testing.  Of course, the public school seems to be all about testing.  So, for the sake of his emotional health, I could keep him in the LD school but they won't necessarily push him and he may wind up having to stay all 4 years. 

 

 

[vonbon]

I'm sorry for what you're facing.  I don't have a reply to help, but wondering if you might receive more ideas from the Learning Challenges board or General Ed board vs. Chat?

[Guest]

I don't have any idea what to tell you.  It's so tough being in a damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't position.  

 

I am chiming in because I wanted to let you know that when we moved our son to a demanding private school in 11th grade, it was *great* for him intellecutally (he IS cut out for that) but the established processes that all the other kids were used to were a complete mystery to him, and I think that did him a great deal of harm.  He was just blown out of the water by it.  In addition, he started school immediately with the PSAT, then the SAT-prep course, then driver's ed, then the SAT and the ACT and the AP-level tests.  Oh, and actual school.  He IS a good test-taker, and did very well on all of them, but the sheer relentlessness of it all nearly drowned him.  

 

All that to say that I think you are wise to consider not only the intellectual content but the processes that are in place, and that the 10th and 11th grade years are test-intensive.  

 

ETA:  I also realize that to some degree, these tests are voluntary, so factor that in, as well.  

[PrincessMommy]

I'm sorry for what you're facing.  I don't have a reply to help, but wondering if you might receive more ideas from the Learning Challenges board or General Ed board vs. Chat?

 

Thank you... but is either place appropriate for non-homeschooling issues and concerns? 

[texasmama]

The LC board does have kids in school.

 

That is a hard decision but I would probably pursue the public school and ask for an IEP/accommodations. By how the school handles these things, you will get a sense for whether or not it can effectively work with your son.

[Guest]

Thank you... but is either place appropriate for non-homeschooling issues and concerns? 

 

Yes...because ultimately, what we are all doing is trying to find what works best for our individual kiddos.  :0)

[Innisfree]

The LC board is completely friendly to all sorts of educational choices. There's also a social group linked there for all sorts of non-standard learning issues for middle and high school which might be helpful.

[Reefgazer]

I'm sorry; it's tough being exhausted from advocating for your kid. 

 

Is it possible your DH can take the lead on applying to a few more schools?  Is it possible the school your DS likes would admit him provisionally and for a limited term so he could "prove himself"?

My youngest son is currently in a school specifically for kids with language based LD.  Next year he goes into high school and we looked to transfer into a more traditional private high school for next year.   However, that is not panning out. 

 

The most recent school we applied to (yes, I know it's late - I'm already beating myself up about that) is looking like they will not accept him.  I talked with the admissions guy yesterday after some test scores came in  and he made noises like "it's not your son, it's us... we want what's best for him." etc. etc.  I took it to mean that they will most likely deny because his scores were not good (he's terrible at test taking).  Also, because he goes to a special school I've talked over and over with the admissions officer about our expectations.  We don't expect a more traditional school to provide all those accommodations nor do we think our son needs them.   My son will be devastated if/when this happens.  He really liked this school and it looked like such a good fit for him. 

 

So after going through this emotional process this spring with 2 different schools I'm emotionally worn out, but I'm also concerned that the current LD school is ham-stringing my son.  They offer a lot of provisions and they have helped my son tremendously, but sometimes I feel like they hold him back due to the nature of the school.  I really feel that my son can step it up a notch.  He makes all A's in school and rarely stresses about homework (unlike last year)... but the schools we applied to don't look at potential, they look at data from the school and the SSAT test scores.  They see what kind of school he goes to and his writing samples (which were horrible) and I think they are rightfully concerned.   I don't know how to show them that my son can step up to the task and that we're willing to work with him to help make it happen (tutors, etc.). 

 

My dh wants me to continue looking at another couple private schools, but I am done.  I can't bring it to the table anymore.  I feel like a hamster running in the wheel.. we're clearly not getting anywhere with this route.  Besides my son is emotionally tired of the rejection.  I do not want to put him through the hoop jumping roller-coaster only to be rejected AGAIN.  It's not fair to him either.  However, ds doesn't' want to go back to the original school because most/all his friends are leaving.  The school is very small and he's lonely at home too. Besides, those two schools were really the best options considering my son's learning style (he's not Prep-school material).   There's a lot of prep-schools (or prep-school wanna-bees) in my county.

 

In talking with one of the moms in the carpool she has an older daughter with some similar issues who goes to the local public school.  She was just transferred in after years of being in private schools too.  Anyway, this particular public school has a good reputation for helping kids with accommodations and LD.

 

So my thought is to work with the public school and get my son into it for the fall.  Talk with my son about his goal of getting into the 1st choice private school and working towards that goal with tutoring (if necessary) for 10th grade.   It's a risk because I know that public schools can be a quagmire.  But, I worry that keeping him at the current LD school is another risk because will only hold him back even more.

 

Another piece of the puzzle is that my son has lots of anxiety associated with school and test taking.  The current school is a very gentle environment and they don't do standardized-styled testing.  Of course, the public school seems to be all about testing.  So, for the sake of his emotional health, I could keep him in the LD school but they won't necessarily push him and he may wind up having to stay all 4 years. 

 

[katilac]

To clarify, he would prefer not to return to the LD school because his friends are leaving? Would he get a standard diploma at that school? 

 

I think I would want to avoid switching schools in 10th-grade unless absolutely needed. He'll have a big transition to a regular public school one year, then a big transition to the private school the next year . . . I'd do my best to pick a school that will work for all four years. And I really find that private schools in general do not excel at supporting atypical students. 

 

If you haven't done so, can you take a look at typical tests and assignments for each school? Do you have friends at either one who would let you look at their kids' completed assignments and papers? You don't want to aim for a school that won't be a good fit. I find that looking at the nitty-gritty of completed assignments is more helpful than hearing about the school's philosophy, etc. 

 

And PJ has a good point about many 'expected' tests actually being voluntary. Some will not be, but you don't have to do the full gamut. 

[wapiti]

Is this student currently an 8th grader?  Did he take the SSAT with accommodations?  Do you have private IQ testing that might demonstrate abilities that go beyond what his SSAT scores show (e.g. 2e)?  Have you spoken with any professionals (e.g. testing psych or other provider) about the differences between high schools, what might be the better fit and whether there is anything that could help with admission if it's worthwhile?

 

Just thinking out loud.  I have similar thoughts about one of my kids and whether to apply to the same private school my dd attends.  I know they work with, and admit, kids with issues, though an acquaintance recently decided on the large public HS with the opinion that it would be better for her child's particular issues even though he was admitted to the competitive private.

 

Definitely check out the LC board - very friendly :)

 

ETA:  looking ahead to SAT, it is worth exploring whether accommodations might be available to him - you would want the paper trail to get started now.

Edited May 5, 2016 by wapiti

[PrincessMommy]

Is this student currently an 8th grader?  Did he take the SSAT with accommodations?  Do you have private IQ testing that might demonstrate abilities that go beyond what his SSAT scores show (e.g. 2e)?  Have you spoken with any professionals (e.g. testing psych or other provider) about the differences between high schools, what might be the better fit and whether there is anything that could help with admission if it's worthwhile?

 

Just thinking out loud.  I have similar thoughts about one of my kids and whether to apply to the same private school my dd attends.  I know they work with, and admit, kids with issues, though an acquaintance recently decided on the large public HS with the opinion that it would be better for her child's particular issues even though he was admitted to the competitive private.

 

Definitely check out the LC board - very friendly :)

 

ETA:  looking ahead to SAT, it is worth exploring whether accommodations might be available to him - you would want the paper trail to get started now.

 

yes, he took the SSAT with accomodations.  He's had a Psy-educational test done but it's 3yrs old... very out of date, but does show his IQ is fine. 

 

I'll xpost over at the LC boards, since it's seems like it would be okay.

 

Thanks for everyone's imput already.

[PrincessMommy]

To clarify, he would prefer not to return to the LD school because his friends are leaving? Would he get a standard diploma at that school? 

 

I think I would want to avoid switching schools in 10th-grade unless absolutely needed. He'll have a big transition to a regular public school one year, then a big transition to the private school the next year . . . I'd do my best to pick a school that will work for all four years. And I really find that private schools in general do not excel at supporting atypical students. 

 

If you haven't done so, can you take a look at typical tests and assignments for each school? Do you have friends at either one who would let you look at their kids' completed assignments and papers? You don't want to aim for a school that won't be a good fit. I find that looking at the nitty-gritty of completed assignments is more helpful than hearing about the school's philosophy, etc. 

 

And PJ has a good point about many 'expected' tests actually being voluntary. Some will not be, but you don't have to do the full gamut. 

 

The 2 schools we applied to were not a-typical schools.  One is Montessori based but goes through 12th.  The other is somewhat non-traditional.. .lots of hands-on and project based learning... very little textbook learning.  This is why we saw these two as good options for my son.  They also have a international population so I had hoped they were accustomed to working with kids from a variety of backgrounds.

 

okay.. now i'll go over the LC board :) 

[vonbon]

Thank you... but is either place appropriate for non-homeschooling issues and concerns? 

 

Oh, yes!  (I think!)  I'm actually a newbie here after lurking for a couple of years and I'm not too adept at online forums.  I just really felt for you and hoped to connect you with the best answers out there.  

 

I've noticed some posters write that they don't frequent the Chat board because they're focused on one of the other boards that's more specific to the info they're looking for (K-8, high school, learning issues, etc.)  Was hoping to connect you with more people who have experience with what you're facing and who've been-there-done-that.  Saw your question and didn't want it to be overlooked amidst the sea of Chat topics like recipes, travel, politics, life questions, etc., because it sounds like you could use camaraderie and specific help that I know is available here.  

 

It looks like you are getting some good input...Best to you in all you are doing for your child!  :grouphug:

[Starr]

Would the favorite choice accept him and have him repeat 8th grade. He would know the subject material and be able to work on skills and testing.

[PrincessMommy]

Would the favorite choice accept him and have him repeat 8th grade. He would know the subject material and be able to work on skills and testing.

 

That would be a great idea except that he was already kept back a grade when he was younger.  :(