lynn Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Thanks for the support and information. There is a lot of information to look into and trying to get my parents to consider all options for a good quality of life. Many conversations ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skirch Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 :grouphug: No advice, just hugs and understanding. I'm dealing with very similar circumstances with my parents and it's hard, especially being 2000 miles away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I'm sorry. It's hard to watch our parents age. Does your dad have any specific issues that concern you about the effect anesthesia would have on him? Some people seem to be more sensitive to it than others in how long it takes them to recover (i.e., a week to feel normal again versus a few hours or a day), but anesthesia nowadays is safer than ever. Unless he has a serious heart issue or something like that, I don't think it should be a huge concern or a hindrance to having needed surgery. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I'm sorry. It's hard to watch our parents age. Does your dad have any specific issues that concern you about the effect anesthesia would have on him? Some people seem to be more sensitive to it than others in how long it takes them to recover (i.e., a week to feel normal again versus a few hours or a day), but anesthesia nowadays is safer than ever. Unless he has a serious heart issue or something like that, I don't think it should be a huge concern or a hindrance to having needed surgery. :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm not sure if there is anything specific with Lynn's father, but I do know from experience that anesthesia can be very different for elderly people. A longer recovery time, cognitive impairments (temporary and permanent) and digestive system issues can all be present. Throw that on top of the problem that caused the need for surgery and it can be quite problematic. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Lynn, I am so sorry you are going through this. I can really relate! A couple of things stood out to me and I hope these ideas will be helpful. First, when your dad goes for his surgery, ask the doctor to send him to rehab so that they can work on regaining mobility. There he can get physical therapy and occupational therapy to build his strength and increase his range of motion. If this is not possible, ask for home health care so that he can have these therapies at home. Medicare covers both inpatient rehab and home health with the appropriate diagnosis. Of course, this is all dependent on availability - I know that can be an issue. Second, can you get your mom to go in for an evaluation with her primary care doctor? There may be treatment options open to her as well - outpatient physical therapy or home physical therapy. Occupational therapy can be of benefit as well. With the level of impairment she has, I think she would qualify as homebound and therefore be able to get the therapies at home. They can work on range of motion and strength with her as well. If you haven't done so already, start checking into what is provided in your area as far as senior services go. My parents have some things available to them even though they are in a rural area. Look for things like transportation services for the elderly - often counties will have cars and or vans that are just for the purpose of taking people to medical appointments, grocery store, pharmacy, etc.. There may be other things available as well - my mind is drawing a blank right now on what might specifically help your parents. The big thing is to make sure that you and your sister take care of yourselves as well. If you are involved in direct care, getting adequate rest and nutrition is a must. I indirectly care for may parents - I work on their financial matters primarily. They live several hours away from me and so I don't see them regularly. I have to make sure I set aside time on a regular basis to take care of things so they don't get away from me. Insurance can take a lot of time at different periods of the year. I also spend time on the phone with my parents and siblings answering questions about what is covered by Medicare, limits on prescriptions, etc.. Indirect care is an emotional toll as well, so don't let anyone tell you it isn't hard. It is hard, it's just a different kind of hard. Many :grouphug: :grouphug: for you - feel free to PM me with any specific questions and I'll try to help. My parents are in their 80's and we've been helping them out for a few years now. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I'm so sorry. I lost my father this year. And he was only 71. He had a heart condition but was otherwise healthy and active up to the day he died (which was unexpected). It's really hard having aging parents. Might your parents consider moving into a senior living place? I know people whose health improved AFTER moving into one because they had more regular activity and follow up. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I am there with you. My parents are further down this curve as they are both older and have more health issues. They basically live in a very cluttered farmhouse, far out in the middle of nowhere, my father has dementia, and they no longer drive. And mobility is a significant problem for both of them. I live 6 hours away. After they were in a near-fatal (for both of them) car accident 18 months ago, I spent a lot of time up there. Life here at home kind of fell apart while I was away. I was forced to recognize that I cannot be the frontal lobes, bank account and amateur psychologist for so many people. They are not willing to consider moving, and I cannot leave my life here for months at a time to care for them. I was very fortunate to connect with a county social services organization in their county, and there learned the NY state generously provides a home health aide for 8 hours a week for elderly people who are in danger of needing to go to nursing homes. Yay for the nanny state. This woman has (almost) singlehandedly kept them home. My brother is on site and deals with their daily needs like grocery shopping, when the HHA does not get to it. He drives them to appointments. From where I sit, it seems like what anyone does for elderly parents depends a lot on what they accept. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 "learned the NY state generously provides a home health aide for 8 hours a week for elderly people who are in danger of needing to go to nursing homes. Yay for the nanny state. This woman has (almost) singlehandedly kept them home. My brother is on site and deals with their daily needs like grocery shopping, when the HHA does not get to it. He drives them to appointments. From where I sit, it seems like what anyone does for elderly parents depends a lot on what they accept. " Tennessee has a similar program. It seems that ACA has helped make these programs more common. The point is to keep one partner's health needs from bankrupting the other and keeping them at home as long as possible. BTW, you need to get to a point where you can accept that their decisions are valid. And they have a right to make poor choices. Sometimes, allowing a person the ability to make poor choices and end up with the consequences of them helps them figure out what they really and truly need and can provide and where their true abilities are. My advice to you is to be honest and realistic about how much you can help and stick to what you say you can do. (and yes, in the long term those abilities may change) You have a family who needs you too. This sounds really depressing, but when older people refuse to move, refuse all services, and their family bends over backwards to help them, it's frustrating that your own family has to suffer long term. Sometimes the best thing you can do is allow them to come to their own conclusions about what they need to do (i.e. sell the house, move into assisted living, etc) and to get to that point they sometimes have to "suffer" a little. ETA: That sounded harsher than I intended. This is my own baggage that I desperately hope you don't have to deal with. I hope you and your parents can figure out the best way for them to enjoy their senior years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 So sorry Lynn. Are you near them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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