Another Scheduling Thread

[MomOfABunch]

I've posted about this before...warning, rant ahead:

 

We have incomparable schedules at my house and it's making me crazy. Really, really crazy. Things I can't change:

- DD gets picked up for school at 7 am. I have to get up by 6 am to get her on the bus.

- DH works M, T 12-8, F 12-late, Sa 1-late and Sun 1-late (late varies anywhere from 9-midnight) Wed/Thurs he has classes at the university and studies.

- Until last week, I worked mornings. School year is over and now I'm home. Not going back in the fall. I will be looking for something else, not sure on the schedule yet.

 

Soooo... DH and the boys have gotten on the stay up until 11 pm, sleep past 10 am schedule. Uggggggggggggggggg..............................

 

I don't want to get up at 6am and still have kids awake at 11 pm. The past couple mornings I've made them get up by 9. It's been terrible.

 

I think I give up.

 

I thought about joining the gym down the street. I could put DD on the bus and then swim every morning all.by.myself and just let those boys sleep in. I said this to my oldest boy to which he replied "who are you and what have you done with my mother?"

 

While I was working, they got used to doing whatever in the morning and starting school after lunch.

[busymama7]

I am on mobile so I can't see if ages are posted. But I wouldn't permit that kind of a schedule. I would enforce a bedtime that is reasonable even if they like to wait up for dad. I just simply wouldn't allow it. I might be more flexible if they were over 16.

 

This isnt popular but I do not feel that allow kids/teens to sleep away their morning is building good habits or work ethic. I believe it fosters laziness. My kids get up at 5 during the school year and they have to be at breakfast by 8 in the summer. So they do sleep in(and I encourage short naps if they need a bit more sleep) but I believe that they will be better served in their life by having to get up and have responsibilities in the morning.

[KungFuPanda]

I'm going to completely disagree with the previous poster. Are they getting enough sleep? Are they putting in a decent number of school hours? Why is it lazy to keep different hours? You and your DH are doing it and it doesn't sound like you're lazy. It sounds like your DH and the boys have one schedule and you and your dd have another. It even sounds like it's working except you are annoyed by it. Unless your DH changes his work schedule, the whole family isn't going to be on a single schedule. That's normal as kids get older anyway and start going in different directions with activities, college classes, etc.

 

I won't even pretend to 'get' the reality of running a large family. I'm sure that changes things a bit. I'd make the most of the weekday meals you can eat all together and try to figure out what's best for each family member.

[MomOfABunch]

And those are the 2 points of my internal debate! I've never allowed this kind of schedule before and it's only been in the last few months that it has slid this far. Until this week, I would get home from work around 11:30 am and the rest of the day had pretty good structure. The 2 school aged kids got their work done and plenty of chores happened, etc, etc. sometimes DS1 had more schoolwork after dinner, sometimes not. Really what it seems to comes down to is when do I get peace and quiet? Before the boys get up or after they go to bed? On this schedule, it's blissfully quiet from 7-10 am. And I can leave the house if I want to because DH is here.

 

DH and I have talked about this at length and neither of us like it, but he's stuck for now with this crappy work schedule. When that changes, this problem will go away. He's working on it, it just won't happen right away. He got promoted about 6 months ago and with it came this sucky schedule.

 

ETA: boys are 13, 6, 4 and 1.5

[Joyofsixreboot]

I'd roll with it. And enjoy time to myself. My issue would be the 1.5 yo needing to be watched while I would want to sleep. If dh is watching him just go with it. At least for summer.

[Alice]

I think it's fine to keep things the way they are if it works for your family. 

 

However, I'd also say that if you want to change it I would do it slowly and by small increments. I'm not surprised that having them get up over an hour earlier for a couple of days is going to leave them grumpy. I usually suggest people try to adjust their sleep schedule by 15 minute increments every few days. And the big thing is that if you are changing a sleep schedule to not allow the sleeping in on weekends either, as it will just reset them back to where they were. 

[MomOfABunch]

I'd roll with it. And enjoy time to myself. My issue would be the 1.5 yo needing to be watched while I would want to sleep. If dh is watching him just go with it. At least for summer.

Most nights, I go to sleep by 10. The baby hangs out with DH and the boys and DS1 or DH puts him in bed when he gets sleepy. He's a pretty easy baby. If I'm super tired I can catch a nap with him in the afternoon.

[Ausmumof3]

I think it's fine to keep things the way they are if it works for your family.

 

However, I'd also say that if you want to change it I would do it slowly and by small increments. I'm not surprised that having them get up over an hour earlier for a couple of days is going to leave them grumpy. I usually suggest people try to adjust their sleep schedule by 15 minute increments every few days. And the big thing is that if you are changing a sleep schedule to not allow the sleeping in on weekends either, as it will just reset them back to where they were.

Sorry I don't want to hijack this thread but how does this work in practice? Do people have really consistent set sleep schedules that can be changed like that. Our house is kind of random. Whenever I've tried to gradually adjust sleep schedules something has thrown it out and I always end up starting again.

 

So I tend to end up going with drastic changes and grumpy kids which is less than ideal.

[Alice]

Sorry I don't want to hijack this thread but how does this work in practice? Do people have really consistent set sleep schedules that can be changed like that. Our house is kind of random. Whenever I've tried to gradually adjust sleep schedules something has thrown it out and I always end up starting again.

 

So I tend to end up going with drastic changes and grumpy kids which is less than ideal.

 

I should say I'm a pediatrician so usually I'm seeing people who are there to talk about problems with sleep or it comes up in a check-up. There is a lot of what we call "sleep hygiene" that I would say is fine not to do if you are sleeping well most of the time. For example, if someone is having a terrible time falling asleep we will advise them not to read in bed. I read in bed all the time, but I fall asleep quickly after turning out the light so it's ok for me. And in general, it's best to be really strict about sleep when you are having trouble and then gradually relax the rules. 

 

If someone has really random sleep schedules and the family seems to be functioning fine, I'd say that's ok. I think most people do best with fairly consistent sleep patterns, going to bed and getting up within about an hour of the same time each day. 

 

For gradually adjusting it would typically be something like this...let's say it's a teenager who is going to bed at 2 am and getting up at noon everyday in the summer but when school starts needs to get up at 7 am. I would tell them to start about 3 weeks before and try to go to bed at 1:45 and get up at 11:45 for a few days, then go to 1:30 and 11:30, etc. In that example, they might have to go faster or start earlier since I picked a big deficit but you get the idea. Then if something happens and they stay up really late one night, they should try and get back on the schedule the next night. So let's say they have gotten to the ideal of going to bed at 10 pm and getting up at 7 am. Then they go out and stay up until 1 am one night. The next morning I would let them sleep in a bit but would wake them by say 9 am, so they are a bit off their schedule but not dramatically. Then that night they should try and go to bed at 10 pm again. They might be a bit sleepy for a day or so while they readjust. 

 

I'll also say that drastic changes and grumpy kids for a day or so might be better for some people than working on a slow change for weeks. Usually by the time I'm seeing someone they are significantly fatigued and sleep has become a major issue in their life. 

[Debbi in Texas]

I say let them hang out with dad. If I understand the OP, her boys are with their dad staying up late. That is a good thing, right? Joining the gym for a swim would be a great opportunity for some You time.

 

I think sometimes we as parents stress over things that will not matter in the long run, when the kids are grown. Just roll with it is my vote.

[Mimm]

I'm going to completely disagree with the previous poster. Are they getting enough sleep? Are they putting in a decent number of school hours? Why is it lazy to keep different hours? You and your DH are doing it and it doesn't sound like you're lazy. It sounds like your DH and the boys have one schedule and you and your dd have another. It even sounds like it's working except you are annoyed by it. Unless your DH changes his work schedule, the whole family isn't going to be on a single schedule. That's normal as kids get older anyway and start going in different directions with activities, college classes, etc.

 

I won't even pretend to 'get' the reality of running a large family. I'm sure that changes things a bit. I'd make the most of the weekday meals you can eat all together and try to figure out what's best for each family member.

 

I agree with this. Sleeping in late doesn't "foster laziness". What does that even mean? Are ER doctors and nurses who work the night shift lazy? Or cops, or firemen or any number of people who have non-9-to-5 schedules?

 

If everyone is getting an appropriate amount of sleep, eating regular and healthy meals (not, hey, I skipped breakfast so I'll just grab some chips) and getting done with whatever chores and schoolwork they're required to do, then I don't see a problem. And I think it's good that you're evaluating if it's worth the fight and if you can make adjustments that make the different schedules work for you. :)

[MomOfABunch]

Thanks for the reality check. I joined the gym this morning. I'm going to try starting my days with the elliptical machine followed by a leisurely swim, come home, make breakfast for the boys and start them on their schoolwork.

 

Yes, they're getting enough sleep. Yes, they're eating regular meals and not crap. Yes, they're doing their schoolwork and chores. So, I guess for now, this is fine. We'll get through summer and re-evaluate for the fall.

[extendedforecast]

This is our (ideal) schedule:

Older kids (16, 15, 12) go to bed around 9pm because they attend school and need to be up early to attend.

I go to bed around 10:30pm so that I can have time alone with dh before I go to bed.

Younger kids (4 & 6) stay up with daddy and play with him or by themselves (in his office) if he has to get work done (he runs his own business and is more productive at night). They end up in bed around 11:30-12.

 

I wake up the kids around 6:30 and go back to bed. They come and get me when they're ready to be taken to the bus stop.

From there I have 'me' time until the younger kids and dh wake up, usually around 10am. this is also when I exercise.

 

The little kids wake up around 10-10:30. I get them ready, fed and then we start school, which for them lasts about an hour and a half max. Quiet time happens when the older kids get home.

[MomOfABunch]

This is our (ideal) schedule:

Older kids (16, 15, 12) go to bed around 9pm because they attend school and need to be up early to attend.

I go to bed around 10:30pm so that I can have time alone with dh before I go to bed.

Younger kids (4 & 6) stay up with daddy and play with him or by themselves (in his office) if he has to get work done (he runs his own business and is more productive at night). They end up in bed around 11:30-12.

 

I wake up the kids around 6:30 and go back to bed. They come and get me when they're ready to be taken to the bus stop.

From there I have 'me' time until the younger kids and dh wake up, usually around 10am. this is also when I exercise.

 

The little kids wake up around 10-10:30. I get them ready, fed and then we start school, which for them lasts about an hour and a half max. Quiet time happens when the older kids get home.

Thanks for sharing this.